424: "Manos" The Hands of Fate
(with the short Hired! Part 2)

What can possibly be said about this episode that hasn't been said a hundred thousand times already? It's a classic. One of the worst films ever riffed.

Although I still say Hobgoblins is still worse...

• Prologue - The Bots love Joel
• Host Segment 1 - The Chocolate Bunny Guillotine and the Cartuner
• Movie Act 1
• Host Segment 2 - The Bots crack
• Movie Act 2
• Host Segment 3 - Monster body parts
• Movie Act 3
• Host Segment 4 - "Pedos" the Feet of Fate
• Movie Act 4
• Epilogue - Torgo's Pizza

Prologue - The Bots love Joel

• "Roger Penrose on his best day isn't half as brilliant, or as charming, as you..." - English mathemetician Sir Roger Penrose (1931- ), alongside fellow super-genuis Stephen Hawking studied black hole and big bang theory and popularized recreational math (yes, math for fun - it does exist). His books include The Emperor's New Mind (1989) and Shadows of the Mind (1994).
• "You see this butt? Kick this butt." - Crow is paraphrasing a line from the 1984 mock documentary This is Spinal Tap. After a particularly disastrous public event, Artie Fufkin (Paul Shaffer), one of Spinal Tap's public relations men and the world's biggest sychophant, bends over and begs the members of the band to "Do me a favor. Just kick my ass, okay? [...] Kick my ass! Enjoy! Come on! I'm not asking, I'm telling with this! Kick my ass!"

Host Segment 1 - The Chocolate Bunny Guillotine and the Cartuner

• "Crate & Barrel are calling." - Founded in 1962 by Gordon and Carole Segal, Crate & Barrel is a chain of houseware retailers. When the Segals opened their first store in Chicago, they couldn't afford much in the way of fixtures, support staff or a nice site. They ended up renovating space in an old elevator factory, nailing crating lumber on the walls and having their merchandise just spilling out of their packing crates and barrels, giving the store its name. It is now a chain of 75 stores across the US.
• Dr. Forrester's invention exchange has a distinct French Revolution slant to it.
  • First of all, Dr. F is singing "La Marseillaise," the national anthem of France. The anthem was composed in 1792, at the height of the Revolution, by Joseph Rouget do Lisle and became the its unofficial anthem. Later, in 1795, it was adopted as France's official anthem, although it has had a couple of periods over the years where it was disallowed.
  • Then, Steve gives us a variation on the famous quote "Let them eat cake", incorrectly attributed to Marie Antoinette, then Queen of France. She is supposed to have said it when told that the people of France had no bread to eat. Not surprisingly, the story is untrue. The phrase ("Qu'ils mangent de brioche" in the original French) first appeared in author Jean-Jacques Rousseau's Confessions, wherein he attributed them to an unnamed "princess" during a 1740 event.
  • The guillotine, probably the most infamous symbol of the French Revolution, was named for physician Joseph Ignace Guillotin. Guillotin addressed the French Constituent Assembly in 1789, delivering a speech pleading for a quicker, painless method of execution. In 1791, the Assembly took his advice and began to use the beheading device designed by Dr. Antoine Louis for all state executions. Although the invention was sometimes called the louisette or the louison after Dr. Louis, Guillotin's name became more associated with it, giving it the guillotine name.
• "What about the pardon from Fanny Farmer?!" - In 1919 Rochester, New York, Frank O'Connor opened Fanny Farmer Candies, a candy manufacturer dedicated to producing quality treats (later, a sister company, Fannie May, came to be). O'Connor named his store after the late 19th/early 20th century home economist Fannie Farmer (yes, he misspelt her name the first time). Farmer's 1896 Boston Cooking School Cook Book (still available today under the title Fannie Farmer's) was the first cookbook ever to use exact measurments.
• "Mark Trail" meets "Blondie"
  • The "Mark Trail" comic strip was created in 1946 by Ed Dodd. In the strip, veteran outdoorsman Mark Trail has a series of adventures during which he would teach the readers about nature and wildlife.
  • The classic strip "Blondie" was created by Chic Young in 1930. The strip started off featuring Blondie a 1930s flapper-girl (and a bit of a gold-digger) and her quest to bag wealthy young playboy Dagwood Bumstead. In a suprise twist, the two really fell in love and Dagwood gave up his inheritance to marrie Blondie. Since then, the strip has centered on Dagwood as much as its titular character and the couple's daily lives (including dealing with their eventual children, a boy and a girl). The characters have remained very popular, spawning a series of almost thirty live-action films (released between 1938 and 1950) and two short-lived live-action TV series (in 1968 and 1957). Dagwood has a voracious appetite, often consuming huge sandwiches; in fact, large, multi-layered sandwiches are now commonly called "dagwoods."
• "The Lockhorns" meets "Cathy"
  • "The Lockhorns" was created in 1968 by the husband and wife team of Bill and Bunny Hoest. The strip feature married couple Leroy and Loretta Lockhorn, who are, I guess, supposed to be humourously sparring with each other, but I think they just come across as bitter. The humour often relies on gender sterotypes. For example, he's lazy and never helps around the house and she's a lousy cook and a bad driver.
  • "Cathy" is a semi-autobiographical comic strip created in 1976 by Cathy Guisewite. "Cathy" usually deals with "women" problems; you know... losing weight, finding love, buying shoes, trying on bathing suits that don't fit...
• "The Family Circus" meets "The Far Side"
  • Created by Bil Keane in 1960, "The Family Circus" is one of America's most popular comic strips... well, comic panels. The weekday gags always consist of a single panel in a large circle, although the Sunday edition varies in form. Its humour is more of the "cute" variety than the belly-laugh kind, telling little jokes involving the featured family. One recurring gag involves son Billy, who will take the long way around to his destination, with a dotted line indicating his wandering route.
  • "The Far Side," created by Gary Larson in 1980, is also a panel comic but otherwise bears no resemblance to "Family Circus." Larson's rather twisted imagination gave his readers a wealth of bizarre characters in even more bizarre situations. Scientists being eaten by experiments, domestic scenes gone horribly wrong, and, mostly importantly to the Cartuner gag, bunches of anthropomorphic animals, often getting the better of humans in some way. Larson retired the comic in 1994.
• "Ziggy had Garfield neutered?!"
  • The titular character of the comic strip "Ziggy" was originally created by Tom Wilson in 1968 as a greeting card character for American Greeting Cards. Ziggy was a gentle, funny-looking little guy who shared a heartfelt sentiment. Eventually, the character became so popular that, in 1971, Wilson was able to spin Ziggy off into his own daily cartoon panel. Ziggy does own a cat, Sid, as well as several other pets, but doesn't really seem the type to have his pets neutered.
  • Garfield is, of course, the title character of the incredibly popular comic strip started in 1978 by Jim Davis. Garfield is a lazy, sarcastic, food-loving cat, who lives simply to eat, sleep and torture his owner, Jon, both physically and mentally.

Movie Act 1

• "Hired 2: Electric Boogaloo." - The 1984 film Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo was a follow-up to the original Breakin', also, strangely, a 1984 film. This cheese-fest attempted to cash in on the breakdancing craze that was sweeping the world at that point, and starred people with names like Boogaloo Shrimp and Shabba-Doo as character living in a world where breakdancing solved all problems. As pointed out on the IMDb, "The phrase 'Electric Boogaloo' has passed into common usage as the sub-title for any facetious sequel." The big 1996 official MST3K convention was called "ConventionCon Expo-Fest-A-Rama 2: Electric Boogaloo."
• "Jam Handy to the rescue!" - "Jim Dandy to the rescue" is a lyric from the song "Jim Dandy," first performed by R&B singer LaVerne Baker on her 1957 self-titled album. The song was a hit again in 1973 with the rock band Black Oak Arkansas.
• "I may be wonderful, but I think you're wrong." - Quote from the Marx Brothers' 1930 comedy Animal Crackers, spoken by Groucho Marx as Captain Spaulding to Chico Marx as Ravelli.
• "Give 'em hell, Harry!" - Rally cry of supporters of Harry S. Truman, 33rd President of the United States. During the 1948 Presidential campaign, Truman public appearances attracted enthusiastic crowd, who often cried out, "Give 'em hell, Harry!"
• "Take his prospects for example." "Please!" - Comedian Henny Youngman was the original king of the one-liners. While many of his jokes are now overused, when Youngman did them for the first time, they were fresh and hysterical. One of his most popular gags, now used by uncountable would-be funny guys, is the classic, "For example, take my wife. Please!"
• "I wonder." "I wa-wa-wa-wa-wonder!" - Singer Del Shannon's 1961 debut single, "Runaway," features this combination of lines.
• "Meanwhile, Eliot Ness and his Untouchables head for a speak-easy in Burwin [or possibly Berwyn]!" - This shot, with a group of men in period clothing in the old-fashioned car, looks like it could be right out of "The Untouchables" television series (1959-63). The show was vaguely based on the adventures of real-life federal agent Eliot Ness (played by Robert Stack) and his men, dubbed the Untouchables, as they fight crime (especially the mob) in 1930s Chicago. The line delivered by Tom is typical of the program's narration, supplied by Walter Winchell.
• "Meeting with Floyd the Barber." "Ooo, the car is so wonderful... ooo..." - The customer here does resemble Floyd Lawson (played by Howard McNear), the town barber on "The Andy Griffith Show" (1960-8). Floyd was an enthusiastic fellow, speaking in pretty much the voice Crow uses, going "Oooo..." a lot.
• "Do you know that Chevrolet has a wonderful plan for your life?" - "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life." That's the first of Bill Bright's Four Spiritual Laws, as laid out in his 1956 booklet, The Four Spiritual Laws (bet you didn't see that title coming). These Laws are used by a number of religions and are often heard from door-to-door religious types. (Chevrolet, of course, is one of the world's largest automoblie manufacturers, founded in 1911 by Louis Chevrolet and now owned by General Motors.)
• "Are you now or have you ever been a Ford owner?" - In the United States during the height of the 1950s "Red Scare," the House Un-American Activities Committee, led by Senator Joseph McCarthy, went on something of a witch-hunt, attempting to root out Communists, whom McCarthy believed had infiltrated the government and the entertainment industry. Each witness called during the HUAC's investigations had to start by answering the question "Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist party?" (And Ford, as you probaby know, is another of the world's largest car manufacturers, founded in 1903 by industry pioneer Henry Ford).
• "Adlai Stevenson buys a car." - Adlai Stevenson (1900-65) was one of America's great "lost causes" as a national political leader. Stevenson ran for President twice, but, despite being well liked, especially by liberals, was beat both times by Dwight Eisenhower. While Governor of Illinois (1949-53), he doubled funding for public education, ended political appointment to the state police department and vetoed a state "antisubversive" squad. During his second bid for the Presidency, he championed the suspension of nuclear testing and focused on race relations and conservation issues. He also served as President Kennedy's UN ambassador. Stevenson was basically a nice guy who just didn't have the "oomph" to be a leader.
• "Inka dinka doo!" - With his big nose, the character here resembles comedian Jimmy Durante (nicknamed the Schnoz). The song "Inka Dinka Doo" became one of Durante's trademarks after he performed it in the 1934 film Palooka.
• "It's Doctor Giggles!" - Up close like this, sales manager Warren looks a little like Larry Drake as Dr. Evan Rendell, a medical psycho-killer who does nasty things to people in the 1992 horror film Dr. Giggles.
• "Like father, like son. Think about it, won't you?" - From an anti-smoking public service announcement of the 1960s. The ad showed sons imitating their fathers (playing sports, etc.), and ended with the sons smoking, just like their dads.
• "Cousin Itt!" - Cousin Itt is a recurring guest character from the various incarnations of "The Addams Family." Itt was nothing more that a giant walking mound of hair, with no visible face. He also had a high squeaky voice the audience could never understand and sometimes wore a hat. In the original series (1964-6), Itt was played by Felix Silla (body) and Tony Magro (voice); in the 1991 and 1993 motion pictures, by John Franklin; and in "The New Addams Family" (1998-9) by David Mylrea (body) and Paul Dobson (voice).
• "Let's sing something from Pearl Jam!" - Formed in 1990 (built on the remains of a few other bands), Pearl Jam became one of the leading bands of the grunge movement. Their debut album was titled Ten (1991) and featured their first big hit, "Jeremy." Other albums include Vs. (1993), Yield (1998) and Binaural (2000).
• "Row, row, row your boat. Sing, dammit, sing!" - Late in the classic Clint Eastwood cop film Dirty Harry (1971), psycho-killer Scorpio (Andrew Robinson) kidnaps a busload of children, holding them at gunpoint. At one point , he demands that the children keep singing songs like "Old MacDonald" and "Row, Row, Row Your Boat," shrieking out "Sing, dammit, sing!"
• "'Our Man from U.N.C.L.E.' will return..." - Tom has combined the titles of a couple of spy stories, made around the same period as "Manos".
  • Our Man Flint (1966) starred James Coburn as Derek Flint. The film was a spoof of the James Bond films, which were just taking off at the time. It spawned a follow-up film the following year, In Like Flint.
  • The television series "The Man from U.N.C.L.E." (1964-8) was also a bit of a spoof of the spy genre, although not as overtly as the Flint films. Robert Vaughn and David McCallum starred as Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuryakin, a pair of secret agents working for U.N.C.L.E. (the United Network Command for Law Enforcement).
• "What is this, Jeffrey Szabo?" - I haven't seen able to find out a heck of a lot about Jeffrey Szabo, but he seems to be a pretty prolific cello player. So, this is probably a reference to the score at this point.
• "Pigs, lies and videotape." - The 1989 film Sex, Lies, and Videotape starred Andie MacDowell and Peter Gallagher as a married couple, Laura San Giacoma as the woman Gallagher has an affair with and James Spader as the man who enters their lives, turning those lives on their head. Spader likes to videotape people and things become complicated. I figure this gets mentioned here because pigs appear in the field and the whole of the film comes across as someone's very poorly filmed home movies.
• "Let's just pretend we're watching Trip to Bountiful." - The Trip to Bountiful told the story of Carrie Watts, a woman in her twilight years, who just wants to escape the clutches of her controlling off-spring and make one more visit to Bountiful, Texas, the town she grew up in. It was first made as a 1953 TV movie, with Lillian Gish in the lead role, then a 1985 theatrical film starring Geraldine Page.
• "...they picked up Shirley Bassey hitch-hiking." - Welsh singing artist Shirley Bassey (1937- ) has had many hits on the United Kingdom charts over the years, but it best known to North American audiences for her performances of three James Bond film theme songs: Goldfinger (1964), Diamonds Are Forever (1971), Moonraker (1979). Like the woman on the "Manos" score, Shirley could really belt out a tune. Only Shirley could do it well.
• "It's Robin Stone, the Love Machine." - John Phillip Law (yep, Diabolik himself) starred in a mostly forgotten 1971 film called The Love Machine, based on the Jacqueline Susann novel of the same name. Law played Robin Stone ("the Love Machine"), an ambitious TV newscaster who has an affair with the wife (Dyan Cannon) of a network executive (Robert Ryan) to get a promotion. I'm not entirely certain why the film is mentioned here, but I suspect it's a reference to its theme song, "The Love Machine," sung by Dionne Warwick; it probably sounds like our awful score.
• "Mr. Unser, we're ready for you..." - Could refer to either of two Al Unsers, both race-car drivers. (See, the guy in the film is in a car... Race-car drivers... See the connection?) Al Unser, Sr. (1939- ) won the Indianapolis 500 motorcar race four times during his career (in 1970, 1971, 1978 and 1987). He retired in 1994. His son, Al Unser, Jr. (1962- ) has to date won the Indy twice (in 1992 and 1994).
• "Go, Speed Racer!" - The line "Go, Speed Racer!" is repeated over and over in the theme song of the animated series "Speed Racer." Originally a 1966 Japanese cartoon series called "Mach go go go," and later dubbed for English-speaking audiences, "Speed Racer" followed the adventures of James "Speed" Racer (Go Mifune in the Japanese version) as he participated in numerous automobile races in his state of the art Mach 5.
• "Yes, it's Hawaiian Tropic, for that savage buzz." - Hawaiian Tropic suntan lotion (which comes in bottles that look like the one the girl drinks out of here) has been around since 1969. Some of its ads referred to the "savage tan" you can get using it.
• "Yuk, it sounds like Jerry Reed." - Jerry Reed (1937- ; born Jerry Reed Hubbard) has earned the nickname "The Guitar Man" due to his guitar work over the years. He has played for such performers as Johnny Cash, Chet Atkins and Elvis Presely. His hits include "When You're Hot, You're Hot" (1971), "Lord, Mr. Ford" (1973) and "She Got the Goldmine (I Got the Shaft)" (1982). He was a regular performer on "The Glen Campbell Good Time Hour" (1969-72), had his own short-lived music program, "The Jerry Reed When You're Hot You're Hot Hour" (1972) and has done some acting, appearing in films like the Smokey and the Bandit series (1977, 1980, 1983) and The Waterboy (1998).
• "Tastes like cherry Robitussin!" - Robitussin brand cough syrup, made by Wyeth Consumer Heathcare, comes in many varieties and flavours, including cherry.
• "Can we drop off Tim Weisberg now?" - Flutist Tim Weisberg (1943- ) recorded a couple of albums with Dan Fogelberg (Twin Sons of Different Mothers (1978) and No Resemblance Whatsoever (1995)), as well as a few albums of his own, including Naked Eyes (1996) and Undercover (1997).

Host Segment 2 - The Bots crack

• "Why, there's the Corn Palace over there..." - The Corn Palace must almost certainly be one of the modern wonders of the world. ...Okay, maybe not, but it's certainly one of the wonders of the American midwest. The Palace stands in Mitchell, South Dakota, and is not, contrary to popular belief, completely made of corn. However, the outside of this large reinforced concrete building is entirely covered in huge murals made from thousands of bushels of corn, grain, wild oats, rye, straw and wheat. The murals always have a unifying theme and are replaced every year. The original Palace was built in 1892; the current building finished construction in 1921.
• "This is a bughunt, man, a bughunt!" "Game over, man, game over!" - Tom and Crow are freaking out in much the same way the character of Private Hudson (Bill Paxton) in the SF action film Aliens (1986). The space marine, realizing how truly and hopelessly he and his companions are outnumbered by the vicious, killer aliens, cries out in a panic, "That's it, man, game over man, game over, man! Game over!"
• "We survived Monster A-Go-Go, we can survive this!" - Joel and the Bots suffered through the 1965 film Monster A-Go-Go in episode 421. I haven't seen it myself yet, but apparently it's quite, quite bad. The movie stars Henry Hite as an astronaut who returns from space and turns into a monster... or maybe not. It's a little vague.
• When Frank encourages the guys to continue with their skit, he seems to fall into an impression of actor Jimmy Stewart (It's a Wonderful World (1939), Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939), Vertigo (1958) and many, many other films). Stewart sometimes had a bit of a stammer; in fact, it was a part of his charm.

Movie Act 2

• "Maybe it's Brigadoon." - Brigadoon is a magical village in Scotland which appears for only one day every hundred years. It is the creation of Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe for their 1947 Broadway musical, Brigadoon. The play was made into a 1954 motion picture of the same name.
• "Shot on location in Spooner, Wisconsin." - The town of Spooner sits in northwest Wisconsin, about 100 miles northeast of the St. Paul, Minnesota area. Its motto is: "A Wonderful Town to Visit." However, I find that claim to be dubious, seeing as how downtown Spooner really does look like the scenery in "Manos", as you can see through the town's webcam.
• "Tom Cruise is Dr. John!" - Torgo vaguely resemble a combination of these two entertainers.
  • Tom Cruise (1962- ; born Thomas Cruise Mapother IV... no, seriously) made his motion picture debut with a small part in Endless Love (1981). Since then, he has gone on to become one of Hollywood's most popular and well-respected actors. Well, usually well-respected; he's made a few questionable script choices over the years. His films include Top Gun (1986; quality debatable), Cocktail (1988; extremely bad), Rain Man (1988; good), Days of Thunder (1990; bad), Jerry Maguire (1996; good), the Mission: Impossible films (1996, 2000, 2005; debatable), Minority Report (2002; good) and The Last Samurai (2003; haven't seen it, but probably good).
  • New Orleans-born boogie/blues pianist Dr. John (1940- ; born Malcolm John Rebennack Jr.) released his first album, Gris-Gris, in 1968. In the following years, he has released a number of albums and become an acclaimed musical artist, attracting such performers as Eric Clapton and the Rolling Stones' Mick Jagger to appear on his albums.
• "I'm gonna go find a Ramada." - Ramada is a chain of relatively inexpensive motels spread across North America. Not the fanciest place to stay, but you could do worse.
• "The Master? Bobby Fischer?" - In 1958, Bobby Fischer (1943- ) of Chicago, Illinois, became the youngest chess grandmaster in history, at the tender age of 15. In 1972, he earned the title of World Champ and is considered by many to be the best chess player of all time.
• "The Master doesn't like children." "Oh, he's W.C. Fields." - Comic actor W.C. Fields (1879-1946; born William Claude Dukenfield) started as a vaudeville juggler. Over the years, his comedy overshadowed his juggling, and his stage persona (described by biography.com as "a bulbous-nosed, child-hating, habitually tipsy misanthrope") was eventually born and Fields moved into motion pictures. Notable films include My Little Chickadee (1940), The Bank Dick (1941) and Never Give a Sucker an Even Break (1941). He was once quoted as saying, "Anyone who hates children and dogs can't be all bad."
• "What is this, Final Jeopardy?" - The game show "Jeopardy!" has appeared in a number of incarnations since 1964. The general (and not-so general) knowledge game consists of three rounds: Jeopardy, Double Jeopardy and Final Jeopardy. During Final Jeopardy, the contestants have one minute to secretly write down their response to the final poser. Sometimes, a contestant gets down their answer very quickly and ends up standing there, just staring straight ahead, waiting for the minute to end.
• "He's a guy you used to know, who works at a Kinney's Shoes and won't leave you alone." - Kinney Shoes was founded in 1894 by George Romanta Kinney. Over the next century, Kinney stores popped up all over the United States and Kinney proclaimed itself "The Great American Show Store." However, in September 1998, Kinney closed its doors for the last time and is no more.
• "You can vacation with Torgo, but don't bring your American Express card." - A series of television ads for Visa credit cards, trying to impress upon the viewers that their card is accepted more places than rival American Express, featured some vacation spot or other and pointed out that "You can vacation at [that ad's spot], but don't bring your American Express card."
• "Been hittin' the ThighMaster, Torgo?" - The ThighMaster is a work-out product that is supposed to help buff up your thighs... just your thighs. This spring-like device is infamous for its late-night infomercials, hosted by actress Suzanne Sommers.
• "It's like having Joe Cocker as your bellhop." - Gravelly-voice rock/soul singer Joe Cocker's (1944- ) hits include his 1968 cover of the Beatles' song "A Little Help From My Friends," "Delta Lady" (1969), "The Letter" (1970) and his 1982 duet with Jennifer Warnes, "Up Where We Belong." Cocker tends to tremble and sway a bit when performing, although not as badly as Torgo here.
• "Oh, look, honey, Torgo has a little altar to Baal." - Spelled with a small "b," "baal" refers to any one of numerous fertility and nature deities worshipped by ancient Semetics. These were probably the source of "Baal" with a capital "B," who was the supreme male god of the Phoenician and Canaanitish nations. With a name translating as "lord" or "owner," the Hebrews considered Baal to be a false god. There you go. Some education. Use it wisely.
• "It's a Frank Frazetta of Frank Zappa."
  • Artist Frank Frazetta (1928- ; born Frank Frazzetta) began drawing at a very early age. He went on to draw a ton of comic art, including work on the "Buck Rogers" strip in the comic magazine Famous Funnies and a long stint as ghost artist on the "L'il Abner" comic strip. Frazetta went on to become the world's leading science fiction and fantasy paperback cover artist, specializing in pulp style stories, in the Tarzan or Conan vein. The painting sort of resembles his style... except crappy.
  • In the painting, the Master resembles musician Frank Zappa (1940-93). Zappa, both as a solo artists and leading his 1960s underground band The Mothers of Invention, released more than 60 albums during his career. Known for his avant-garde and iconoclastic music, Zappa was not especially successful commerically (with his few top 10 hits including "Dancin' Fool" (1979) and "Valley Girl" (1982)), but he had a extremely loyal fan base. Zappa liked to buck tradition, as evidenced when he saddled his unfortunate children with names like Moon Unit, Dweezil and Ahmet Rodan.
• "Tonight on 'Night Gallery'..." - "Night Gallery" (1970-3) was writer Rod Serling's follow-up to his very successful series, "The Twilight Zone" (1959-95). Like "Zone," "Gallery" was an anthology series, hosted by Serling, featuring tales of fantasy and horror. This series' gimmick was the painting that Serling showed before each story, representing some aspect of the tale.
• "It's Howlin' Wolf!" - Rowdy blues performer Howlin' Wolf (1910-76; born Chester Arthur Burnett) was a fearsome figure on stage. The All Music Guide describes him as "the primal force of the music spun out to its ultimate conclusion," going on to say that "no one could match him for the singular ability to rock the house down to the foundation while simultaneously scaring its patrons out of its wits." Eeep. Wolf was a popular musician and his songs were covered by the likes of the Rolling Stones, Led Zepplin, the Doors and Cream. His songs include "Smokestack Lightnin'" (1956), "The Red Rooster" (1961) and "Wang-Dang-Doodle" (1960), which Tom performs a bit of. Wolf was posthumously inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1991.
• "Someone left a cake out in the rain!" - A line (well, almost) from the 1968 song "MacArthur Park," one of the most painful number one songs ever recorded. Composed by Jimmy Webb, it was first a hit, in its overblown orchestral version, for actor Richard Harris, then again in 1978 by Donna Summers, who recorded a disco version (as if it weren't bad enough). This song has an annoyingly long instrumental bridge and some of the dopiest lyrics every written. For example:

  Someone left the cake out in the rain
  I don't think that I can make it
  Cause it took too long to bake it
  And I'll never have that recipe again

  Complete gibberish. "MacArthur Park" apologists will try to tell you that it's a metaphor (apparently for an ending love affair). Okay. Fine. But you know what? It's a bad metaphor... This song was voted by humour columnist Dave Barry's readers as the worst song ever for Barry's Bad Song Survey of 1992. It was also parodied by "Weird Al" Yankovic in 1993 as "Jurassic Park" ("Someone shut the fence off in the rain").
• "Sounds like Gene Krupa's out here." - Gene Krupa (1909-73) was the first drummer superstar in music history. He was an important part of Benny Goodman's orchestra during the 1930s big band era, and later had a band of his own. Before Krupa, drum solos were a rare occurrence; one of Krupa's most famous solos can be heard in the 1937 big band classic, "Sing, Sing, Sing."
• "...what could have done it?" "Ozzy Osbourne?" - Singer John "Ozzy" Osbourne (1948- ) has had many hits, both as frontman for heavy metal group Black Sabbath, and on his own. (Solo hits include "Crazy Trail" (1980), "Diary of a Madman" (1981), "Bark at the Moon" (1983) and "Mama, I'm Coming Home" (1991)). Later in his life, Osbourne has undergone an image change, appearing as a rather befuddled but caring father in the reality series about his family, "The Osbournes" (2002- ). This line is specifically referring to an alleged incident during a live concert, where an audience member threw a live bat onto the stage; Osbourne, believing it to be a fake bat, picked it up and bit its head off. He was then rushed off to hospital to be treated for any potential rabies. (Assuming, of course, that the whole tale is not a big, fat urban myth.)
• "What is he expecting? A big on/off switch?" - Refers to a bit from comedian Jerry Seinfeld's stand-up act (apparently going back to his first performance on "The Tonight Show" (1954- )). Jerry went on about people who are having car trouble and pop open the hood to examine the engine, despite the fact that they haven't got the first clue about how cars work. "What are you looking for? Whatever's wrong, you can't fix it. You stand there looking for something incredibly, obviously wrong... something so simple even you can handle it... a giant on/off switch."
• "Van Gogh's self-portrait..." - With the beard and the hat, Torgo looks disturbingly like one of several self-portraits of 19th Dutch painter Vincent van Gogh (1853-90). (Several examples can be seen at the on-line Van Gogh Gallery.) Van Gogh was the classic "tortured artist," not selling any of his own paintings during his lifetime. He cut his ear off in 1888 after he quarrelled with follow artist Paul Gaugin and shot himself. Tortured, indeed. Notable paintings include Potato Eaters (1885), Montmartre (1886), Night Café (1888) and, probably his most famous piece, Starry Night (1889).
• "A want a lover with a slow hand..." - Lyric from the song "Slow Hand," a big hit and eventual signature song for the Pointer Sisters, from their 1981 album Black & White.
• "Turn it off! Turn it off!" - Not entirely certain why this is here, but... In the 1979 film Hardcore, Jake Van Dorn (George C. Scott) hires a private detective (Peter Boyle) to track down his runaway daughter (Ilah Davis). The detective discovers her making pornographic movies. When viewing a sample of his daughter's movies, Van Dorn watches in horror before finally yelling, "Turn it off! Turn it off!!"
• "God, I look like Jack Klugman." - Yes, you do. Quite a bit, here. Actor Jack Klugman (1922- ) has had a long, successful career, but it best known for two roles: Oscar Madison (the messy one) on the popular sit-com "The Odd Couple" (1970-5) and as the titular Medical Examiner on the drama "Quincy" (1976-83).
• "Oh, it's Senator Packwood!" - Bob "Bonehead" Packwood (1932- ), U.S. Senator for Oregon 1969-95. Late in his career, several women came forward accusing Packwood of sexual harassment over the years. In the course of the investigation, the Select Committee on Ethics demanded that Packwood reveal the contents of his diaries. Turns out he describes a lot of his indiscretions in those diaries. See? Bonehead. The Committee recommended his expulsion for sexual misconduct and attempting to obstruct the investigation. He retired in disgrace and in 1996 formed a Washington-based lobbying and consulting firm. Bonehead.
• "She's a Breck girl." - Breck shampoo had a long-running series of print ads, featuring a "Breck girl," an attractive young woman or girl posing in such a was as to show off the lovely hair that Breck has given them. A few examples can be found at the Smithsonian Magazine website. Breck girls who went on to bigger things include Brooke Shield, Cheryl Tiegs and Cybill Sheperd.
• "I must go cut off my left ear now." - Van Gogh ref. See above.
• Help! I can't make out the song that Joel sings under his breath as Mr. and Mrs. Loser are reunited.
• "THe nEAreSt pHoNe iS At tHE cROssrOaDS." - After Torgo mentions a crossroads, Tom starts singing the guitar part of the song "Crossroads." Originally a song by 1930s blues artist Robert Johnson, it later became a bit hit for Cream when they covered it in 1968. It became a signature piece for Cream lead guitarist Eric Clapton.
• "It won't help to get mad!" "Get Glad!" - "Don't get mad. Get Glad." That's the slogan used by Glad, manufacturer of household plastic products from cling wrap to garbage bags.
• "Torgo wobbles but he won't fall down." - Hasbro used to carry a line of toys called Weebles, little egg-shaped figures with heavy bottom halves. The heavy bottom meant that, no matter how hard to tried to push them over, the Weebles always rolled back into an upright position. The TV ads for the toys featured the slogan (and, I think, an accompanying jingle), "Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down!"
• "I'll always have Torgo." - During a late scene in the classic 1942 film Casablanca, the character of Ilsa Laszlo (Ingrid Bergman) must leave behind Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart), the love of her life. Rick tells her she must leave, but she asks, "What about us?" Rick answers that "We'll always have Paris," referring to their earlier romance in that city.

Host Segment 3 - Monster body parts

• No cultural references during this segment. In fact, I'd rather not think about some of the images brought up during this skit. Let's move on.

Movie Act 3

• "Debbie knows it's Prince spaghetti night." - TV ads for Prince brand pasta featured children, no matter where they were, running home in gleee because they knew that "Wednesday is Prince spaghetti night." Poor kids obviously needed a little more excitement in their lives.
• "His name's Mephisto. Can we keep him?" - Mephisto is a variation on the name Mephistopheles, the devil to which Dr. Faust sells his soul in the Faust legend.
• "Kids worship the darndest things!" - One of the best loved segments on "House Party" (1952-69), a popular daytime variety program hosted by Art Linkletter, involved Linkletter just chatting with a handful of children, who, inevitably, said something precocious and/or funny and/or darling. Linkletter successfully converted this material into a best-selling book, Kids Say the Darndest Things! (1957), with several also best-selling follow-ups. The orignal concept also got its own show called, of course, "Kids Say the Darndest Things" (1998-2000), hosted by Bill Cosby, with the occasional appearance by Linkletter.
• "The Northwest Territories..." - Canada's Northwest Territories (which I lived in for five years, incidentally) are pretty darned big at 3 426 320 square kilometers in area. ... Oh, all right, for those metrically challenged of you, that's about 1,322,909 square miles. At that's after almost 2 000 000 square kilometers of it was made in its own territory, Nunavut, in 1999. A big place indeed. Yet it still has a population of less than 40 000.
• "...tonight, at the Copacabana, Jules Podell proudly presents... Pat Benatar and Trish Nixon!"
  • In 1940 Monte Prossner opened the Copacabana nightclub in New York City; it became one of the nightclubs to visit during its lifetime. With its art-deco Brazilian theme, it became a second home to uncounted movies stars, sports figures, writers, oil barons and gangsters. Co-managed by Jules Podell (possibly with the help of his mob ties), all the big names performed at the Copa: Tony Bennett, Buddy Hackett, Sammy Davis, Jr., Tom Jones, the Temptations, Diana Ross and the Supremes... everyone who was anyone. In 1978, two years after the club closed its doors for the last time, Barry Manilow helped everyone remember its hey-day with his über-schmaltzy hit "Copacabana (At the Copa)."
  • The wife on the left resembles pop/rock singer Pat Benatar (1953- ; born Pat Andrzejewski). Her hits include "Heartbreaker" (1979), "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" (1980), "Shadows of the Night" (1982) and "Love is a Battlefield" (1983).
  • The other wife looks like Patricia "Tricia" Nixon (1946- ), daughter of former United States President Richard Nixon.
• "I'm Tom Bodett. We'll leave a pyre on for you." - "We'll leave the light on for you" is the advertising catch-phrase for the Motel 6 chain of motels. The radio and TV ads featuring the phrase were spoken by Tom Bodett (1955- ), who, it seems, also did some narration for episodes of "Animaniacs" (1993-8). Neat!
• "And in a moment, the results of that trail." - From the closing narration of the television police series "Dragnet" (1951-9, 1967-70). Each episode would conclude with the apprehended criminal standing and having their mugshot taken (the wife just standing there is reminiscent of this part), while the narrator (George Fenneman) announced, "On [whatever date], a trial was held in Superior Court, in and for the county of Los Angeles. In a moment, the results of that trial." After a short commercial break, the trial's outcome was revealed.
• "He's doing Macbeth!" - The Master's rather overly dramatic dialogue is reminding the guys of the works of William Shakespeare, with Macbeth getting special mention. Written in 1605-6, the Scottish play, as it is called, concerns Scottish general Macbeth and his attempts to seize the throne from King Duncan.
• "It was Callahan, the big one! He did this to me!" - From the 1971 film Dirty Harry. The killer in the movie (Andrew Robinson) hires a man to beat the day-lights out of him; this allows him to, in front of the media, accuse tough guy cop Harry Callahan of police abuse.
• "THe iTSy-bITsY spiDEr wEnT uP thE..." - Part of a classic "finger rhyme," where a child is encouraged to imitate a spider's climbing movement with their fingers.
• "Torgo... I just met a fella named Torgo..." - In the 1957 stage musical (and later 1961 motion picture) West Side Story, the character of Tony, having encountered the girl of his dreams, sings the song "Maria": "Maria!/I've just met a girl named Maria/And suddenly that name/Will never be the same/To me."
• "Marilyn Quayle in Baby Doll."
  • From behind, our, ahem, heroine looks a little like Marilyn Quayle (1949- ; born Marilyn Tucker), wife of former U.S. Vice President and world renowned misspeller Dan Quayle. It's mostly the hair.
  • The 1956 film Baby Doll is not the sort of thing the conservative Ms. Quayle would appear in. A rather unsavoury story, its themes, according to filmsite.org include "moral decay, lust, sexual repression, seduction, infantile eroticism and the corruption of the humal soul". Wow. All in just 114 minutes. Tennessee Williams' first original screenplay, the story concerns the young woman called only "Baby Doll" (played by Carroll Baker), just a couple of days shy of her 20th birthday; she sleeps in a crib and still acts almost like a child. When she turns 20, her sexually frustrated husband, Archie Lee Meighan (Karl Malden) will be able to consummate their marriage. Before this moment arrives however, Archie Lee burns down rival cotton-gin owner Silva Vacarro's (Eli Wallach) operation. Things go pretty much downhill from there. At the time of its release, the risqué subject matter caused a furor; so many Catholics boycotted and protested the film that more than 3/4 of theatres showing Baby Doll cancelled it.
• "It's the latest episode of the Taster's Choice saga." - Taster's Choice coffee had a series of TV ads with a couple who meet each other due to their common love of Taster's Choice. Their relationship grew slowly over a number of spots. Featured Anthony Stewart Head, later of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (1997-2003) fame.
• "Where is Seigfried?" "Hello Roy!" "Hello Seigfried!" "Hello Roy!" - The flamboyant German-born magician duo of Seigfried Fischbacher (1939- ) and Roy Uwe Ludwig (1944- ) first met in 1959, forming a partnership that would lead them to be voted "Magicians of the Century" in 2000 (presumably by other magicians). Their extravagant magic shows, featuring their beloved pet white tigers, went on in Las Vegas for 39, count 'em, 39 years. Unfortunately, during a performance in 2003, an audience member spooked one of the tigers, causing him to maul Roy. Although Roy survived, he was badly injured, pretty much putting an end to the duo's ongoing show. I gather that Torgo's sudden disappearance reminds the fellas of a magic act.
• "Who was lookin' at Maggie the Cat?" - The character of Maggie "The Cat" Pollitt comes from the 1955 Tennessee Williams play about the lives of a dysfunctional Southern family, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, later made into three films of the same name: 1955 (with Elizabeth Taylor as Maggie), 1976 (TV movie with Natalie Wood) and 1985 (again for TV, starring Jessica Lange). Maggie spends a lot of time in the story lounging around in her slip, hence the ref here.
• "Looks like a really cheap Robert Bly workshop." - Poet and writer Robert Bly (1926- ) found himself an overnight sensation when he wrote the 1990 book Iron John: A Book About Men, in which Bly expressed his belief for the need for modern men to "rediscover their essential maleness." The book's popularity led to the existence of workshops during which men would gather together, often out in the woods, and share their feelings with each other and, I suppose, try to find that essential maleness. I thought essential maleness involved beer and the game on the TV, but I've never been really good at the whole "guy" thing.
• "That was Manos the Hands of Fate... on 'Music Through the Night'..." - The "Music Through the Night" radio program has run on Minnesota Public Radio since 1983. Running seven days a week, from 11 PM to 5AM, this program, hosted by Jeff Esworthy, plays a wide range of classical music and is very popular with people who are up at that hour: night-shift nurses, security guards, insomniacs...
• "So kiss a little longer..." - Old TV ads for Wrigley's Big Red gum, which promised to give your breath "long-lasting freshness," featured scenes of couples holding kisses for a very long time, while the jingle ran, "So, kiss a little longer/Stay close a little longer..."
• "Some delicious A1, my pet?" - A1 brand steak sauce has actually been around since the 1820s, when Henderson William Brand, chef to King George IV, created a sauce which the King proclaimed to be "A1" in quality. Brand eventually left the King's service and began selling his sauce under the name A1 in 1873.
• "Hey, this is Polo!" - Polo is a men's cologne sold by the Ralph Lauren company.
• "It's the Makeout County Line." - Variation on the title of the 1974 film Macon County Line, in which a couple of brothers (played by real-life brothers Alan and Jesse Vint) are hassled by a sheriff (Max Baer) who believes them responsible for an assult on his wife. (They were innocent of this, but did so much other bad stuff to people that it's probably okay.) The movie was very popular on the drive-in circuit and spawned a 1975 sequel, Return to Macon County.
• "It's a Moody Blues song!" - Formed in 1964, British band The Moody Blues started out as a less than successful R&B band before finding their prog-rock niche. Their hits include "Go Now" (1964), "Nights in White Satin" (1967), "Tuesday Afternoon" (1967) and "In Your Wildest Dreams" (1986). Their lyrics were often notoriously bombastic and overblown (or deeply profound, depending who you talk to).
• "Bill Buckner!" - Baseball player Bill Bucker (1949- ), whom the Master resembles, has played for teams including the Los Angeles Dodgers, the Chicago Cubs and the Kansas City Royals. He is generally considered a good player, but may never live down a goof he made during the 1986 World Series, when he was playing for the Boston Red Sox. In a crucial game against the New York Mets, Bucker allowed a ball to bounce through his legs, costing his team the game and, eventually, the series. (Of course, the game was tied at that point, so he obviously wasn't the only one who responsible now, was he?)
• "Michael Franks!" - The Master also looks a little (guess he's just got one of those faces) like vocalist Michael Franks (1944- ). Along with a handful of hits in the late 1970s and early '80s, Franks composed scores for a few films, including Cry for Me, Billy (1972) and Zandy's Bride (1974).
• "Yul Brenner!" - Famed Russian-born actor Yul Brenner (1915-85; born Yul Bryner, not Taidje Khan, as Brenner often told people) appreared in many popular movies during his career. Notable films include The King and I (1956), The Ten Commandments (1956), The Magnificent Seven (1960) and Westworld (1960). He was almost as well known for his bald head (like the statuette has) as for his acting abilities.
• "Mammy!" - The statuette also looks the tiniest bit like actor/singer Al Jolsen when in blackface. Jolsen starred (mostly in blackface) in 1927's The Jazz Singer, the first motion picture to feature audible dialogue (although not much at that point). In the film, Jolsen sings "My Mammy," which, naturally, has him often calling out "Mammy!" The song and phrase became something of a catch-phrase for Jolsen.
• "The black and red Moses of soul." - Singer/composer Isaac Hayes and his band, The Movement, were filmed at an Atlanta, Georgia concert in 1973. The performance was released the same year as a film titled Isaac Hayes - The Black Moses of Soul.
• "I mean, who can afford Lancôme make-up, huh?" - The Lancôme make-up company was founded in 1935 by Frenchman Armand Petitjean. They, um, sell make-up. About sums it up. Their celebrity spokewomen have included the likes of the heavenly Uma Thurman.
• "One of these days, Alice!" - From the classic sit-com "The Honeymooners" (1955-6). Whenever house wife Alice Kramden (Audrey Meadows) managed to show her husband, bus-driver Ralph Kramden (Jackie Gleason), Ralph would threaten, "One of these day, Alice! Pow! Right in the kisser!" Of course, these threats were all talk; it was clear that Ralph did love Alice and would never really hurt her. Ralph was just always a big talker, blustering his way through life.
• "Women who lunch..." "...and the men who loved them. On the next 'Donahue.'" - Before Ophrah Winfrey, Sally Jesse Raphael or even Jerry Springer, there was "The Phil Donahue Show" (1970-96). Originally much like other talk-shows, with celebrity guests and musical acts, host Phil Donahue changed the show's format, talking about health and social issues that were considered taboo for television of the time. Soon, other day-time talk shows of a similar format (although often a lot more lurid) began popping up all over the airwaves. The guys gag here is typical of the kind of subject covered: "Women (or men) who strip (or have narcolepsy or whatever) and the men (or women) who love them!"
• "...this scene is strong enough for a Manos but made for a Womanos." - The advertising slogan for Secret brand anti-perspirant, made especially for women, was, once upon a time, "Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman." Nowadays, it has been tweaked to, simply, "Strong enough for a woman."
• "But first, funny-man Morty Gunty!" - Comic actor Morty Gunty's (1929-84) biggest claim to fame as probably the fact the he was the original Buddy Sorrell in the 1959 pilot for "The Dick Van Dyke Show" (1961-66), back when it was going to be called "Head of the Family." The role of Buddy eventually went to funny-man Morey Amsterdam. It seems the "funny-man" business is kind of cut-throat.
• "Next on ESPN: full-contact nightgown wrestling." - ESPN (the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network) was the United States' first all-sports network, debuting in September of 1979. Over the years, it has grown enough to spawn more channels, including ESPNEWS and ESPN2 (which features less mainstream sports and it probably better suited to nightgown wrestling).
• "'Designing Women: The Lost Episodes.'" - The sit-com "Designing Women" (1986-93) followed the work and personal lives of four women running their own design firm in Atlanta, Georgia. There was some tension on the set over the years, largely due to the diva-like antics of star Delta Burke, who was eventually ousted from the series in 1991.
• "And now the Manos Women's League will re-enact the Battle of Pearl Harbor." - Refers to a sketch on a first season episode of "Monty Python's Flying Circus" (1969-74), in which the Batley Townswomen's Guild re-enacts the Battle of Pearl Harbor, mostly by hitting each other with their purses in a muddy field. You can read the sketch here.
• "This is the alternate ending to Beaches." - Beaches (1988) is probably one of the ultimate "chick flicks." It follows life-long friends CC Bloom (Bette Midler) and Hillary Essex (Barbara Hershey) at various points throughout their lives. I'm pretty sure it doesn't include any wrestling.
• "This isn't Lysistrata. I like it, but it isn't Lysistrata." - Okay, folks, this one's a little homework-y. The Ancient Greek play Lysistrata was written in 410 BC by Arisophanes as the third in his satirical trilogy opposing the Peloponnesian War. In the play, a group of women from Athens, led by Lysistrata, are determined to make their men stop the War. To do so, they seize control of the Treasury and, even worse, deny them sex. Needless to say, the men cave and the War is ended.
• "It's the Wilson Phillips break-up." - The trio Wilson Phillips formed in 1989, consisting of Carnie and Wendy Wilson (daughter's of the Beach Boys Brian Wilson) and Chynna Phillips (daughter of John and Michelle Phillips of the Mamas & the Papas). They had a modicum of success with their two albums, but broke up in 1993.
• "Sometimes it's hard to be a woman..." - Opening line of the 1968 hit by country singer Tammy Wynette, "Stand By Your Man." It's really an awful song about how you should forgive your fella for being a jerk, cause "after all he's just a man."
• "You know what this movie really needs? [...] Marc Singer." - Actor Marc Singer (1948- ) has done quite a bit over his career but will probably always best be remembered for his role on the TV mini-series "V" (1983) (as well as the follow-up mini-series "V: The Final Battle" (1984) and regular series (1984-5)) and his appearances as the loin-cloth clad Dar in the Beastmaster films (1982, 1991, 1996).
• "POW! BOFF! SMACK!" - During fight scenes on the camp super-hero TV series "Batman," (1966-8) overlays appeared on screen representing typical comic book sound effects. Everything from BAM! to KAPOW! My favourite was YEEOUCH!
• "Torgo, you're the laziest man on Mars." - Variation on a line from the awful, awful 1964 film Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, seen in episode 321. The Martian Dropo (Bill McCutcheon) is found sleeping by fellow Martian Kimar (Leonard Hicks). Kimar scolds him with, "Dropo, you are the laziest man on Mars."
• "I just remembered, 'Family Circus' was really funny today." - We've already covered this above.
• "Never steal anything wet..." - The soundtrack begins to sound a little like "Never Steal Anything Wet," the theme song to the unfunny 1967 comedy Catalina Caper (originally called Never Steal Anything Wet, which only marginally helps explain the theme). Joel, Tom and Crow suffered through Caper in episode 204.
• "I hope she doesn't make like Jenny Fields." - The character of Jenny Fields appears in John Irving's 1978 novel The World According to Garp. Jenny is an over-the-top extremist feminist who refuses to allow a man to be part of her life. But, she still wants a child, so Jenny, a nurse, secretly has sex with a comatose solider in hospital and conceives her son Garp without any possibility of the father wanting to be a part of their lives. Creepy. In the 1982 film adaptation of the story, Jenny Fields was played by Glenn Close.
• "I don't know how to love him..." - The song "I Don't Know How to Love Him" was written by the team of Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber for their 1971 stage musical Jesus Christ Superstar, chronicling the last week of Jesus Christ's life. The song is performed by Mary Magdalene about Jesus. The woman's robes here are vaguely reminiscent of what Mary might wear in the play.
• "We return to 'Girl Talk' with Virginia Graham." - Virginia Graham (1912-88; born Virginia Komiss) began her broadcasting career hosting radio's "Weekday" during the 1930s. She later switched over to television and from the '50s to the '70s hosted a number of talk shows considered the forerunners of today's daytime programmes. These included "Girl Talk" (1963-70) and "The Virginia Graham Show" (1970-2).
• "She's my sister, she's my daughter, she's my sister!" - Near the end of the 1974 movie Chinatown, hard-boiled private detective Jake Gittes (Jack Nicholson) slaps around Evelyn Mulwray (Faye Dunaway), demanding that she tell him the truth about her relationship with young Katherine Cross (Belinda Palmer). He slaps her each time her story seems to change. "She's my sister." SLAP! "She's my daughter." SLAP! "My sister, my daughter." SLAP! SLAP! Finally, she cracks, yelling out, "She's my sister and my daughter!" It turns out that Evelyn was raped by her own father, Noah Cross (John Huston), and she bore him a daughter, who is also her sister. 'Scuse me, I need to take a shower. I feel dirty...
• "This film has sort of a Ken Russell feel to it." - Director Ken Russell (1927- ) orginially made documentary shorts before moving on to his first feature film, French Dressing (1964). His subsequent films earned him a reputation for having, as movie critic Leonard Maltin puts is, "a penchant for the bizarre and excessive." These films include Women in Love (1969), Liztomania (1975), the Who's rock-opera Tommy (1975), Altered States (1980), The Lair of the White Worm (1988) and Whore (1991).
• "Carol Brady?!" - One of the Master's wives has hair just like Carol Brady, the mother on the popular sit-com "The Brady Bunch" (1969-74). She was played by Florence Henderson on the series and, later, spookily well by Shelley Long in the 1995 motion picture re-make and its 1996 sequel.
• "The Maidenform woman. You never know where she'll turn up." - A series of TV ads for Maidenform bras showed a series of women, presumably very comfortable in their Maiderforms, engaging in everyday activities wearing nothing from the waist up but their bras. Maybe a hat. Or somethin'.

Host segment 4 - "Pedos" the Feet of Fate

• Note that throughout this sketch, Tom, for some reason, is reading "Modern Bride" magazine, a Conde Nast publication. It's a magazine. For brides. Modern ones. Not much else to say about it.
• "Well, you look like Maude." - The character of Maude Findlay, played by actress Bea Arthur, first appeared on several episodes of the seminal TV sitcom "All in the Family" (1971-9); she was Edith Bunker's (Jean Stapleton) wildly independant feminist cousin, who frequently butted heads with right-winger Archie Bunker (Carroll O'Connor). She proved popular enough to rate her own own spin-off series, "Maude" (1972-8), in which we saw her daily life with her fourth husband, Walter (Bill Macy). Maude often wore huge billowing robe-like dresses, just like Joel here. Except without the giant feet on them.
• "Well, you just look like Maude with a hellbeast." "You mean Estelle Getty?" - As well as playing Maude, Bea Arthur starred in the sitcom "The Golden Girls" (1985-92) as the character of Dorothy. The series also starred actress Estelly Getty (1923- ; born Estelle Scher) as Dorothy's mother Sophia. Sophia had suffered a stroke some years earlier and she became an often rude woman who always spoke her mind, much to Dorothy's distress. Getty also appeared in the "Girls" spin-off "The Golden Palace" (1992-3) and movies like Mask (1985), Mannequin (1987), Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992) and Stuart Little (1999).
• "I got a little special one for my Mentos." - Mentos candies were created in 1932 by Netherlands natives and brothers Michael and Pierre van Melle. These little mints are very popular around the world... and, beginning in 1990, ended up being responsible for some of the most annoying TV commercials ever made. With the candy being touted as "The Freshmaker," the ads featured "hip" young people flouting convention or fixing a small dilemma in "humourous" ways. Then, they'd pop a Mentos and smile artificially, while everyone else around laughed at how clever the kids were.
• "Do you want it in your Little Mermaid bowl?" - The 1989 animated feature film The Little Mermaid helped to usher in a new Golden Age of animation at Disney Studios. Based on the original tale told by 19th century Danish story-teller Hans Christian Andersen, the movie featured the voice of Jodi Benson as Ariel, a young mermaid who falls in love with a surface dweller and wishes to walk on land. The film, like many other Disney films, inspired a ton of merchandising, which probably did include cereal or snack bowls. It also inspired a television series, "The Little Mermaid" (1992-4) and a sequel The Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea (2000 video), still featuring Jodi Benson's voice.

Movie Act 4

• "Freddie Mercury!" - The Master also looks like singer/songwriter Freddie Mercury (1946-91; born Frederick Bulsara). With a flamboyant stage persona, Mercury came to be considered one of rock's leading frontmen, as the lead singer for the band Queen.
• "Jimmy Hoffa, the last known photo." - Jimmy Hoffa (1913-1975) was one of the United States' most powerful labour movements figures, becoming president of the Teamsters Union in 1959. His downfall was sought by both business, because of his labour ties, and the governement, for his ties with the Mafia (which he never really hid). Hoffa vanished mysteriously after a luncheon meeting on July 20, 1975. Although it's very likely he was killed at that time, Hoffa was not declared legally dead until 1983.
• "OH, mY BaGS aRe PaCKeD, i'M rEAdY to gO..." - Line from the song "Leaving on a Jet Plane," recorded in 1967 by Peter, Paul and Mary and 1969 by the song's composed, John Denver.
• "I used to go out with all these women and now they're all here, Kodachrome." - Joel is referring to the 1973 Paul Simon song, "Kodachrome," in which Simon reminisces about his past. The lyrics do mention getting old girlfriends together:

  If you took all the girls I knew
  When I was single
  And brought them all together for one night
  I know they'd never match
  My sweet imagination
  And everything looks worse in black and white

  However, that's as close as the song gets to what Joel quotes here.
• "There's been enough trouble." "Right here in River City." - In the 1957 Broadway musical The Music Man (later made into a 1963 motion picture and a 2003 TV movie), con-man Harold Hill (Robert Preston on Broadway and film, Matthew Broderick on TV) attempts to trick the inhabitants of River City to buy into his "town band" scheme. To help this along, Hill frightens the locals into thinking that their children may become hoodlums due to the influence of the town's new pool table. He gets his point across in the memorable song, "Ya Got Trouble." "Ya got trouble!/Right here in River City!"
• "The Amazing Technicolor Poncho!" - Take on the title of the Andrew Lloyd Webber/Tim Rice musical Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, based on the Biblical story of Joseph and the coat of many colours from the book of Genesis. It was originally a 15 minute cantata by Andrew and Tim performed at their school in England in 1968, and was later expanded into the stage phenomenon that premiere on Broadway in 1981.
• "He's got Earl Campbell thighs." - Former football running back Earl Campbell (1955- ) does indeed have big thighs. Not suprising in a professional NFL-er. Campbell played for the Houston Oilers and the New Orleans Saints.
• "Yes, dear. I'm doing it, dear." - This line, uttered with that clenched-teeth feeling, is typical of dialogue spoken by inept hotelier Basil Fawlty (John Cleese) on the British comedy series "Fawlty Towers" (1975, 1979). Basil hated most people, but had a special loathing for his wife Sybil (Prunella Scales) and he would usually refer to as "dear" with utter contempt in his voice.
• "They're rolfing him to death." - "Rolfing" is the commonly used name for "structural integration," a heath technique developed by Ira P. Rolf. It's some kind of chiropractic technique, described as "a holistic system of soft tissue manipulation and movement education that organizes the whole body in gravity." I hope that clears things up.
• "Does this make you cry, baby? Huh?" - From A Christmas Story (1983), one of the best Christmas films ever made. Bully Scut Farkus (Zack Ward) picks on little Ralphie Parker (Peter Billingsley), taunting him, "Are you gonna cry, baby? Huh? Cry, baby, cry!" Although, Helper Cheyne thinks this could have another source: "While the 'You gonna cry?' line does appear in A Christmas Story, I originally thought it to be a reference to The Great Santini, a 1980 film with Robert Duvall. He's a tough marine who is something of a jerk with his son, and in one scene they play basketball. Duvall's character taunts his son by hitting him with the ball while shouting insults such as 'You gonna cry?' This scene is very well parodied in Austin Powers 2 [(1999)], by the way."
• "...I love my Craftmatic pole." - Craftmatic is a maker of adjustable beds. Press the button, the bed props you up. Press it again, the bed goes back down.
• "Dear Eveready, I was tied to a pole all night and left my flashlight on, but the batteries..." - Eveready is a popular manufacturer of batteries, mostly Energizer. I don't think they've ever done a "testimonial" style ad campaign. Maybe they should consider it.
• "Smoke on the weirdo!" - The song "Smoke on the Water" was recorded by the band Deep Purple in 1972.
• "Come here..." - Crow speaks these word in the style of actor Bela Lugosi, star of 1931's Dracula, and known to MiSTies through his appearances in the 1939 movie serial The Phantom Creeps (seen in episodes 203, 205 and 206) and the films The Corpse Vanishes (1942; episode 105) and Bride of the Monster (1955; episode 423). The Master's is curled in a funny position here, much like Lugosi would do whenever his character was attempting to hypnotise someone.
• "The new Pope has not been chosen." - When a Pope passes on and it's time to choose a new leader for the Catholic Church, the world's Cardinals gather together at Vatican City, where they decide which of them will be Pope in a cage match to the death!!! ... No, not really. They do, however, stay locked up in the Vatican, voting four times a day on who the new Pope will be. To let the outside world know how the process is going, the votes are burned and the resulting smoke is piped through a chimney. If a decision has not been reached, a chemical substance is added to the paper to turn its smoke black; if a new Pope is chosen, the paper is allowed to burn white.
• "This is gonna be just like in The Grifters." - Dunno. Haven't seen the film or read the book. Help!
• "Charred finger!!" - Sung in the style of the theme song for the 1964 James Bond film Goldfinger. Originally performed by Shirley Bassey (see above).
• "A most dangerous game." - The 1924 short story "The Most Dangerous Game" by Richard Connell features a man who finds himself on a remote island where he is hunted for sport by the island's wealthy owner. It was made into a 1932 film of the same name. You can read the whole story here.
• "It's Mary Kay... K... K..."
  • The wrasslin' wives of the Master could pass for saleswomen for cosmetics company Mary Kay Inc., founded in 1963 by Mary Kay Ash. The company has since grown to huge proportions, usually taking in more than a billion dollars a year. Conventions for its more than 400 000 saleswomen are frequent. Mary Kay came under fire in the late 1980s when it became known that they were testing their products on animals.
  • However, their robes look more like the all-white robes the members of the racist white-supremacist group, the KKK (for Ku Klux Klan), use to hide their identities from sane folks during their meetings.
• "Julia Roberts?" - This wife does, for a moment, resemble popular actress Julia Roberts (1967- ; born Julie Fiona Roberts). Her first credited film role was in the 1988 film Satisfaction (which was kinda bad). She moved on to a very successful career, appearing in many movies, including Mystic Pizza (1988), Steel Magnolias (1989), Pretty Woman (1990) (her big break-out role), The Pelican Brief (1993), My Best Friend's Wedding (1997) and Ocean's Eleven (2001). She won a best actress Oscar for her performance in 2000's Erin Brokovich.
• "He tampered in God's domain." - Line spoken near the end of the 1955 Ed Wood film Bride of the Monster, seen in the previous episode. Captain Tom Robbins (Harvey B. Dunn) looks down at the dead body of the evil Dr. Eric Vornoff (Bela Lugosi) and mutters the immortal words.
• "Creamsicle?" - The, um, flashlight (I think) used here looks like nothing more than a Creamsicle, a yummy ice cream treat from the folks at Good Humor. Vanilla ice cream is surrounded by a harder orange sherbert shell.
• "It's like they're walking into a John Waters film." - Screewriter/director John Waters (1946- ) is a queer duck. With nicknames like "the Pope of Trash" and "the Prince of Puke," Waters is the king of ultra-bad taste in films. He often cast hugely overweight transvestite Divine in his films, including 1972's Pink Flamingos, in which Divine eats actually dog feces. (You just wanna rush right out and rent it, don't you?) Water achieved some mainstream success thanks to his 1988 effort, Hairspray. Other films include Polyester (1981), Cry-Baby (1990) and Serial Mom (1994).
• "Surprise, surprise, surprise!" - Along with "Shazam!", this was a catch phrase used by the character of bumbling marine Pvt. Gomer Pyle (Jim Nabors), who first appeared for a season of "The Andy Griffith Show" (1960-8), before moving on to his own series, "Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C." (1964-70).
• "Rudd Weatherwax really topped himself with this dog." - Rudd Weatherwax (1907-85) was the owner and trainer of Pal, the original Lassie, who appeared in films beginning with 1943's Lassie Come Home. He also bred the next six generation of Lassies and he and/or his family have been involved with training some of Hollywood's most famous dogs, including Asta from The Thin Man series of films (beginning 1934), Toto from The Wizard of Oz (1939), and the dogs in Old Yeller (1957).
• "At Beneficial..." - From an old TV ad for Beneficial insurance. It originally went, "At Beneficial... [honk-honk from a car horn] you're good for more..." Note the double gunshot, rather than a double car honk.
• "Riders on the storm..." - "Riders on the Storm" is the final track on The Doors' 1971 album L.A. Woman. It features thunderstorm sound effects.
• "Do you like Barry Manilow songs?" - Don't we all? Barry Manilow (1946- ; born Barry Alan Pincus) is one of music's most successful adult contemporary singer/songwriters. He dominated the charts during the 1970s with songs like "Mandy" (1974), "Copacabana" (1978), "I Write the Songs" (1976; which, ironically, is one of the few of his hits that he didn't pen himself) and "Can't Smile Without You" (1978). He also wrote "Bandstand Boogie," which was used as the theme for "American Bandstand" (1952-89) for years, and bunches of commerical jingles, for products/services including McDonalds ("You deserve a break today..."), State Farm, Band-Aid ("I am stuck on Band-Aid...") and Dr. Pepper ("Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?"). So, how many of those are stuck in your head now?
• "...McNuggets, you know, they make me so gassy..." - Chicken McNuggets are, of course, chicken, um, nuggets, sold through fast-food giant McDonald's.
• "...my uncle wanted to sing 'Sunrise, Sunset'..." - The song "Sunrise, Sunset" comes from the 1964 broadway musical Fiddler on the Roof, later made into a hit 1971 film. It is sung by the characters Tevye and Golde as one of their daughters marries. The song is full of wistfulness as they remember their little girl and realise that she has grown up and they must let her go. Over the years, it's become a very popular wedding song.
• "Joan Kennedy?" - There is a resemblance to Joan Kennedy (1936- ; born Virginian Joan Bennett). She is the ex-wife of United States Senator Ted Kennedy. 'Sbout it. Not much else of note.
• "I ain't gonna play Sun City." - Back in the good old days of full-blown racism, when South Africa was still under Apartheid rule, "homelands" were set up here and there across the country for black South Africans to live in. In the "homeland" known as Bophuthatswana, the government put a nice, big, Vegas-style resort called Sun City right in the middle of things. And quite a few well-known performers appeared there, for big bucks, despite a United Nations sponsored boycott. In response to this, music artist Little Steven organised a slew of other performers, bringing them together as Artists United Against Apartheid. Together, these artists, including Miles Davis, Bob Dylan, Peter Gabriel, Bono, Bruce Springsteeen and Lou Reed, released an album in 1985 called Sun City, to increase awareness of the whole sordid state of affairs. The title single, "Sun City," featured the repeated line "I ain't gonna play Sun City" in its chorus.
• "Titles by Keith Haring." - American artist (1958-90). Haring's art, which he would put on a number of surfaces, not just canvas, featured simplified, almost stick-like figures. Some examples can be seen at www.haring.com. Towards the end of his life, a lot of his art was used in support of victims of AIDS, a disease he himself contracted and eventually died of. I gather the on screen titles for "Manos" are reminiscent of some of Haring's work.
• "Faded photographs..." - First line of the 1969 song by the group Classics IV, which the score presumably sounds like at this point.
• "He went on to do Torgo at Disney World." - Disney World, or, more properly, the Walt Disney World Resort, was the second Disney theme park, opening in Orlando, Florida, in 1971. It is much like the original Disney park, Disneyland in Anaheim, California, complete with staff members dressed up as various characters. However, Disney World is somewhat bigger, having gained EPCOT Center in 1982 and the Disney-MGM Studio in 1989.
• "Ben Vereen?" - It does sound like the singer just said "Ben Vereen," doesn't it? Tony award-winning actor/dancer Ben Vereen (1946- ) can be seen in such films as Gas-s-s-s (1971) (hold on, lemme sound the ses there... okay, that's right) and All That Jazz (1977) and on TV in the "Roots" mini-series (1977) and a season of "Oz" (1997-2003).
• "They all wanted to be Dean Martin's Golddiggers." - During the summers of 1968-79, singer and professional lush Dean Martin hosted a variety program that went by a number of titles: "Dean Martin Presents the Golddiggers," "The Golddiggers" and "Dean Martin Presents the Golddiggers in London" (although not neccesarily in that order). The show featured a group of pretty, scantily-clad women, usually the butt of some sexual innuedo humour, called the Golddiggers.
• "These two; like Allen and Rossi, they stole the show." - The comic team of Marty Allen (1922- ) and Steve Rossi (1932- ) first teamed up in 1959; three years later, they were frequent guest on "The Ed Sullivan Show" (1948-71) and their first album was a best-seller. They had a mild but pleasant style of comedy, mostly relying on fake interviews in which Allen would play a number of characters, from a punch-drunk boxer to a Playboy bunny.

Epilogue - Torgo's Pizza

• "...did you see 'Andy Capp' today?" - The British comic strip "Andy Capp" was created by Reg Smythe, first appearing in August 1957 and making its North American debut in 1963. The strip celebrates the lighter side of dysfunctional marriages and alcoholism. The title character is a worthless layabout of a husband who drinks, takes his wife Flo for granted, and is usually unemployed, spending all of his free time hanging out and playing pool with friends at the pub. Flo does all the work, both in and out of the house, and frequently has to drag Andy home. I don't think Andy ever really cheats on Flo, but that's more due to the ladies all turning him down than anything else.
• "LeT mE jUsT gEt YoUr cOMpLiMeNTaRy CraZy BrEaD." - If he's really giving out Crazy Bread, Torgo may find himself in trouble for copyright infringement. Crazy Bread is what Little Caesars Pizza calls its side of bread sticks that come with most pizza orders. They are topped with "the flavor of" butter and garlic (so, not real butter and garlic, then, just some gunk they made up with the flavour or butter and garlic... yum) and sprinkled with Parmesan cheese.

Return to Season 4.

Return to Too Much Information.