506: Eegah

My, what an unsavoury film. All kinds of creepy things. The dessicated corpses, the whole "shaving Eegah" scene, any scene with Arch Hall, Jr., especially when he's singing. (Shudder.) On to the references. Oh, and, watch out for snakes...

• Prologue - Freezing Crow
• Host Segment 1 - The Porkarina and replacing Frank's blood
• Movie Act 1
• Host Segment 2 - Things from Hell
• Movie Act 2
• Host Segment 3 - Becoming Arch Hall, Jr.
• Movie Act 3
• Host Segment 4 - TV sitcom widowers
• Movie Act 4
• Epilogue - Cleaning off the movie

• Zero Kelvin/Absolute zero - The lowest (theoretical) possible temperature. 0 degrees in the Kelvin temperature system, -273 Celsius or -460 Fahrenheit. It has yet to be achieved in labs; scientists can only get to within a millionth of a degree of it.
• "I'm shattered!" - From the 1978 Rolling Stones hit, "Shattered," on their 1978 album Some Girls.

• Dr. F appears to be eating some sort of weight-gain powder, called Gainer's Fuel 1000. This is often consumed by athletes who are trying to bulk up. Although they usually dissolve it in water first...
• The Paul Henning Hooterville trilogy - Paul Henning (1911- ) was producer on "The Beverly Hillbillies" (1962-71), "Petticoat Junction" (1963-70) and "Green Acres" (1965-71) (as mentioned, "Hillbillies" was made into a movie in 1993). "Hillbillies" featured the Clampett family from the Hooterville area striking it rich and moving to Beverly Hills. "Junction" and "Acres" both took in and around Hooterville. All three featured a number of backwoods hick-type characters (in fact, characters would sometimes cross-over between shows). The incidental music is pretty much as the guys describe, although "Junction" also used a lot of harmonica music.
• Porkarina - This, um, instrument is named after the ocarina, a small wind instrument. It sort of looks like a sweet potato and is often nicknamed that.
• More Hooterville stuff:
  • "Here comes Mr. Haney, pulling another hilarious flim-flam." "Well, Mr. Douglas..." - Characters from "Green Acres." Oliver Wendell Douglas (Eddie Albert) was a Manhattan lawyer who, to follow his life-long dream of owning and running a farm, moved to the Green Acres spread with his reluctant wife, Lisa (Eva Gabor). Eustace Haney (Pat Buttram) was the local salesman/con-man, who sold Green Acres to Mr. Douglas and was always trying to pull a fast one.
  • "...there's the efficient Miss Hathaway." "Oh, Jethro!" - Miss Jane Hathaway (Nancy Kulp) was a "Beverly Hillbillies" character. She was secretary/assistant to banker Milburn Drysdale (Raymond Bailey), the man who tried desperately to help the Clampetts manage their money. Miss Hathaway had a major crush on big, dumb Jethro Bodine (Max Bear Jr.). She was played by Lily Tomlin in the 1993 motion picture.
  • "And there's Uncle Joe and he movin' kinda slow..." "...at the Junction." - These are lyrics from the opening theme to "Petticoat Junction." Crow impression of Uncle Joe (Edgar Buchanan) is exaggerated, but only just. Joe "worked" for Kate Bradley (Bea Benaderet), owner of the Shady Rest Hotel. Joe would do an absolute minimum of work in his role of "manager," often faking an attack of lumbago when work was to be done.
• "...your movie this week, Eegah, has got Richard Kiel... and not much else." - Kiel (1939- ), the star of this experiment, is a huge 7'2'' and gets stereotyped in big, frightening roles, like this one. He is best know as "Jaws," the metal-toothed giant from a number of James Bond films.
• "Holiday for Pigs." - The guys are playing their (pretty darn close to the original) version of "Holiday for Strings" composed by David Rose which was performed by David Rose's Orchestra. It reached #2 on the charts on February 19, 1944. This is considered the first of the great instrumentals that made use of the sounds of the string section of the orchestra, but is mostly considered a novelty tune today. It's been used a lot in cartoons.

• "I'm Charles Kuralt and we're going to leave you with this shot of a flower." - Kuralt (1934-97) was a respected radio/television correspondent and winner of 13 Emmys. Born in Wilmington, N.C., a newspaper writer in North Carolina, he joined CBS News in 1957, becoming a foreign correspondent in 1959. After 10 years abroad, he began exploring America in his "On the Road" series, a segment on CBS' "Who's Who." In this segment, Kuralt travelled the US interviewing the "common man" who had accomplished something special. He also anchored the CBS Sunday morning news from 1979 to 1994 and appeared as himself in a 1993 episode of "Murphy Brown." He published his memoirs, "A Life on the Road," in 1990. "CBS Sunday Morning" (1979), which Kuralt hosted for many years, always ended with long, silent nature shots.
• "Cactus Flower with Goldie Hawn." - 1969 film, based on the 1965 Broadway hit by Abe Burrows, about a man who pretends to be married to avoid commitment to his "mistress," but falls in love with her. Goldie Hawn (1945- ), known for many films, including Private Benjamin (1980), Overboard (1987) and The First Wives Club (1996), as well as her regular appearances on "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In" (1968-73), won the 1969 Academy Award and the 1970 Golden Globe Award for Best Supporting Actress for her role in this film.
• Scattergories. - A popular party game by Milton-Bradley. Each player is given a list of 12 categories. An alphabetic 20-sided die is thrown to chose a random letter. Then players have two and a half minutes to come up with example of each category beginning with the letter (without duplicating the answers of others). Also exists in a Junior and a Bible Edition.
• "...Art Clokey's first study of Gumby." - Art Clokey (1921- ) is the creator of Gumby, introduced in the 1953 short film Gumbasia. Gumby was a friendly, happy, adventurous "Claymation" character. He was green and had a distinctive sloped head, inspired by Clokey's father's haircut. After his first appearance, Gumby had a regular segment on "Howdy Doody" before getting his own show, "The Gumby Show" (1957). Gumby has remained a favourite with kids and adults ever since and got a new show in 1988 ("The All-New Gumby") and appeared in Gumby: The Movie in 1995.
• The Grunge look. - The Grunge look accompanied the Grunge sound. This genre of music grew out of the indie-music scene of the 1980s and came into its own during the early 1990s, especially in the Seattle, Washington area, with such bands as Nirvana and Soundgarden. The Grunge "look" was essentially sloppy and... well, grungy. Torn jeans and the like.
• "Is that a real poncho or a Sears poncho?" - Line from the Frank Zappa song "Cosmik Debris" on his 1974 album, Apostrophe ('). (Sears is a large North American department store chain.)
• "Richard Kiel is Eegah Templar, the Saint." - Simon Templar, sometimes called "the Saint," is one of fiction's most enduring characters. First introduced in Leslie Charteris' 1928 novel Meet - The Tiger!, Templar was a gentleman adventurer who would seek out injustice and make things right again. He has appeared in more than 50 novels, as well as in comic strips, on the radio, and in film and television. The best known version is the television series "The Saint" (1962-9) starring Roger Moore of James Bond fame. To find out more, visit www.saint.org. The reason Joel mentions the Saint is because of the little stick figure seen with Richard Kiel's credit; it is reminiscent of the Saint's symbol (a little stick figure man with a halo).
• "I'm dead, don't smoke." - Acclaimed actor Yul Brynner (1915-1985) (The King and I (1956), Westworld (1973)), got lung cancer in the mid-1980s. Wishing to keep this from the public, he secretly recorded a public service announcement, denouncing smoking as the cause of his cancer, to be broadcast after his death. One of Brynner's statements was, "I'm dead now; don't smoke."
• Otis Nixon. - (1959- ) Outfielder for the Atlanta Braves baseball team. He has a rather peculiar face, with a funny shape. He really does look a lot like the shrunken head here; brown, leathery and wrinkled. Yeesh.
• "... a thin William Hickey." - Character actor (1928-97). Hickey was a veteran of the Broadway stage when he made his film debut in 1957's A Hatful of Rain. He is best remember for his portrayal of an ancient Mafia don in Prizzi's Honor (1985), for which he received an Oscar nomination. Towards the end of his life, Hickey was extremely thin. Made Kate Moss look voluptuous. This often helped him to portray characters that seemed older than he actually was.
• "Shakin' the bush, boss." - The trembling shrub brings to mind a scene in 1967's Cool Hand Luke, about a Lucas "Cool Hand Luke" Jackson (Paul Newman) who repeatedly escapes from a chain-gang and is recaptured. When the men on the chain gang have to take a pee, they go behind a bush. To let the guard know they are still behind the bush, they have to shake the limbs, sometimes saying "Shakin' the bush, boss." As one of Luke's getaway schemes, he ties a string to the bush so he can shake it from a distance.
• "Actually, it seems to be exhibiting sort of an ineluctable defenestration..." - I think Tom is doing William F. Buckley (the... corpse, or whatever it is, at this point, looks sort of like an undead Buckley), conservative journalist, founder of National Review magazine and host of the weekly PBS discussion program "Firing Line" from 1966. You can read his newspaper column here. Known for his abundant use of large words. "Defenestration," one of my favourite words, means "an act of throwing someone or something out of a window" and "ineluctable" means "inevitable."
• "Welcome to the Crypt! We've 'dug' something up for you! Why not stick around and watch 'Dream On'? It's the 'breast' show on TV!"
  • Crow is doing an impression of the Crypt Keeper (voiced by Jon Kassir), host of HBO's "Tales from the Crypt" (1989-1995), a horror anthology series based on the old EC comic books of the same name. The Crypt Keeper was more or less and animated skeleton and, when introducing each story, would use a lot of bad puns based on death, corpses, graveyards and so on. He was really annoying. The Keeper also appeared in two "Crypt" movies, Demon Knight (1995) and Bordello of Blood (1996), as well as the animated series "Tales from the Cryptkeeper" (1993-5).
  • "Dream On" (1990-6) was another HBO series, an "adult comedy" about Martin Tupper (Brian Benben), a man constantly looking for dates, but without the slightest clue how to relate to women. Most gags revolved around sexual situations. Featured frequent female nudity.
• "Circle Pines after dark." - Circle Pines, Minnesota is the hometown of MST's own Mary Jo Pehl and is something of an Everytown, USA.
• "Frederick's of Maplewood."
  • Frederick's of Hollywood, founded in 1946 by Frederick Mellinger, is a lingerie company. To see some examples, first of all, make sure you're allowed to at your age, then visit their web site.
  • There are three Maplewoods in America, but Minnesota's is probably the one being referred to (the others are in New Jersey and Missouri). Maplewood, MN, is not the kind of place one associates with sexy lingerie. Probably much like Circle Pines...
• "The Loretta Young Show!" - "The Loretta Young Show" (1953-61), also known as "Letter to Loretta," was a dramatic anthology show, featuring a different "play" starring Loretta Young each week. Young would make a dramatic entrance at the beginning of each episode; she would come sweeping through the doorway with her dress swirling around her before introducing the week's story. This entrance was often lampooned by comedians of the time.
• "I'm young and free and feeling fresh!" - This is the kind of statement young women tend to say in typical American sanitary napkin commercials, while grinning like idiots.
• "It's the Flying Sub." "I think it's a Bug-Eyed Sprite."
  • The Flying Sub was a vehicle used on the Irwin Allen series "Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea" (1964-8). It was a small submarine which could actually fly short distances. Here's a few pictures.
  • The Sprite, nicknamed "Bug-Eyed" or "Bug-Eye" due to the appearance of its headlights, was an automobile produced by Austin Healy from 1958 to 1961. For more information, take a look here.
• "Honk if you love Eegah!" - A common bumper sticker in North America is "Honk if you love..." whatever it is you love.
• "Sex appeal!" - From an ad campaign for Ultra Brite toothpast. The jingle claimed, "Ultra Brite gives your mouth... sex appeal!" Listen here if you really want.
• "77 Sunset Strip!" - "77 Sunset Strip" (1958-64) was a popular private detective series starring Efram Zimbalist, Jr. (as Stuart Bailey) and Roger Smith (as Jeff Spencer). The title referred to the address of their office. Presumably, the show featured shots of the heroes driving around Hollywood, similar to the one shown here.
• "How will you make it on your own?" - Lyric from "Love is All Around," the opening theme to "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" (1970-7). The intro showed Mary Richards (Mary Tyler Moore), just split with a man she had been dating for four years, playfully running and driving around the streets of her new home, Minneapolis, Minnesota, while the theme concedes that she "might just make it after all..."
• "...she's chasing down Emmett Kelly!" - Emmett Kelly (1898-1979) was a famous clown for the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus from 1942 to 1956. His character, "Wearie Willie," would wander around the rings in a tattered clown suit and try to sweep away a spotlight (which the car headlights look like in this scene). He appeared in a few films, including The Greatest Show on Earth (1952) as himself.
• "I'm with Allstate." - A major American insurance company. Well known for their ad slogan, "You're in good hands with Allstate." Here's their official site.
• "Ach, mien Gott, his schwienschtucker!" Your spelling may vary :-) - In Mel Brooks' comic take on the Frankenstein story, Young Frankenstein (1974), Dr. Frederick Frankenstein (Gene Wilder) realizes that to make his monster, "...all of the body parts must be enlarged." His assistant, Inga (Teri Garr), notes that, "He would have an enormous schwienschtucker... Voof!" In this shot, our heroine looks very much like Frederick's wife, Elizabeth (Madeline Kahn), when she first discovers the monster and his schwienschtucker.
• "Which way to Bly workshop?" - Robert Bly (1926- ) is a poet, translator, story teller and lecturer. His 1997 book Iron John: A Book About Men, a New York Times bestseller for 62 weeks, said that men need to rediscover the warrior side of their natures; this became the start of the "men's movement." His works deal large with masculinity and femininity stereotypes, and he holds workshops on this subject.
• Stephen Jay Gould. - (1941- ) Noted paleontologist and Professor of Geology at Harvard. Gould has advanced the theory of "punctuated equilibrium," that evolution moves in fit and starts, rather than gradually, as proposed by Charles Darwin. He has written many books on natural history, including Bully for Brontosaurus (1992), Hen's Teeth and Horse's Toes (1994) and The Mismeasure of Man (1996).
• "Jim Morrison, the Paris years." - Morrison (1943-71) was the lead singer for The Doors, who had such hits as "Light My Fire" from their 1967 self-titled album and "People Are Strange" from Strange Days (also 1967). Morrison left the group in 1971 and moved to Paris to concentrate on his poetry. While living there, he gave up his usual clean-shaven appearance and grew a full mustache and beard. He eventually died in Paris later that year, aged 27. So, I guess it should really be, the Paris months...
• "He's doing Tai Chi on her." - A Chinese exercise program which has gained much popularity over the last several years. It consists of a series of positions which are strung together into one continuous movement called a "form." A form can include up to 100 movements and take up to 20 minutes to perform.
• "There was a Poco song on the radio!" - The country-rock band Poco was formed in 1968 by several members of the recently disbanded Buffalo Springfield. Top 40 hits include "Crazy Love," and "Heart of the Night," both from their 1979 album, Legend. They broke up in 1984 and re-formed in 1989.
• "Crate & Barrel?" - Founded in 1962 by Gordon and Carole Segal, Crate & Barrel is a chain of houseware retailers. When the Segals opened their first store in Chicago, they couldn't afford much in the way of fixtures, support staff or a nice site. They ended up renovating space in an old elevator factory, nailing crating lumber on the walls and having their merchandise just spilling out of their packing crates and barrels, giving the store its name. It is now a chain of 75 stores across the US. They even have an official web site.
• "Wiiliam Faulkner!" - William Cuthbert Faulkner (born Falkner) (1897-1962), American author. Born in Mississippi, Faulkner started writing in his adolescence. His first book published, The Marble Faun (1924), was a collection of his poems (he added the "u" to his name at this time). His first novel, Soldier's Pay followed in 1926. He became known for a stream-of-consciousness style of writing in novels such as The Sound and the Fury (1929). One of his major themes was the toll taken by white Southerners' treatment of African-Americans. He won the 1949 Nobel Prize for Literature and the 1954 Pulitzer for his novel, A Fable.
• "Glenn was 50 feet tall!" - Refers to MST episode 319's experiment, War of the Colossal Beast (1958). When a giant footprint is discovered, which could only have been caused by a man 50 feet tall, Glenn Manning's (Duncan "Dean" Parkin) sister Joyce (Sally Fraser) points out, "Glenn was 50 feet tall!" Just in case anyone forgot, I guess...
• "Everyone remember where we parked Supercar." - This was the title vehicle of "Supercar" (1961-2), Gerry Anderson's first "Supermarionation" TV series. Supercar, designed by Professor Popkiss (voiced by George Murcell) and his assistant Dr. Beaker (voice: David Graham), was meant to be a prototype for an all-terrain vehicle that could navigate on land, on the sea, in the air, and even in space. Mike Mercury (voice: Graydon Gould) piloted the craft with help from Jimmy Gibson (voiced by Anderson's wife, Sylvia) and his monkey, Mitch. The nefarious Masterspy (also George Murcell) spent every episode trying to steal Supercar for his own evil uses.
• "Oh, to live on Shadow Mountain..." - Joel is singing Neil Young's "Sugar Mountain" from the album Decade (1977). The lyric should be "Oh, to live on Sugar Mountain..."
• "Whirlybirds! Blue Thunder! MASH! Apocalypse Now! Dispatches!" - These are all movies, television series or books to prominently feature helicopters.
  • "Whirlybirds" (1957-8) was about a helicopter company hired to perform all types of jobs.
  • Blue Thunder (1983), later the series "Blue Thunder" (1984) featured a souped-up police helicopter.
  • The film MASH (1970) and its television follow-up, "MASH" (1972-83), both took place at an army medical unit during the Korean war; casualties were usually flown in by helicopter.
  • Apocalypse Now (1979) took place during the Vietnam war and featured helicopters in numerous combat scene.
  • Dispatches, first published in 1977, is a collection of essays by Michael Herr about his time reporting from the front lines during the Vietnam War for Esquire magazine. I'm sure helicopter references abound. Staney Kubrick drew in it heavily for his 1987 film Full Metal Jacket.
• "Richard Nixon leaving the White House." - Richard M. Nixon (1913-94), 37th president of the United States (1969-74). After the Watergate scandal, Nixon was perilously close to being impeached. Rather than face this, Nixon resigned. There is a famous shot of Nixon, as he left the White House (the Presidential residence) for the last time, with him grinning like an idiot and waving his arms in the air as he makes the "peace" sign with his hands.
• While the 'copter is in the air, the Bots are singing "Suicide is Painless," a song that was performed in the original MASH film and was later used as the theme to the television series (see above).
• "There should be a Ram Charger up there." - The Ram Charger is a Sport Utility Vehicle produced by the Dodge Motor Company. In one ad for it, the Charger was shown driving up and up a rocky road until, when it stopped and the driver got out, there was an aerial shot showing the Charger on top of a mountain like the one seen here.
• "Oh, you mean a Stinger." - Sure enough, in the 1970s, there was a shoulder-fired anti-aircraft gun called the Stinger. Here's one.
• "Surprise! I am José Greco!" - (1918- ) Spanish-American dancer and choreographer, noted for his flamenco. His first professional appearance was in 1937 New York in Carmen. He appeared in a handful of movies, usually as a dancer, including Around the World in Eighty Days (1956). In 1948, Greco organized his own dancing troupe, Ballets y Bailes de España, with which three of his children now perform.
• "Is that a Bell Huey? Whoa! Flashbacks kickin' in! Danang!" - Reference to US involvement in the Vietnam War. Many veterans of that conflict suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder; an event can sometimes set off "flashbacks" in which the victim remembers events so clearly, they can believe that they're really back in Vietnam. Danang (or Da Nang) is where US troops first arrived in Vietnam, on 8 August, 1965. The Bell Huey (properly, the Bell AH-1G HueyCobra), the first modern combat helicopter, was used in Vietnam.
• "The Old Indiana Jones Chronicles." - The character of archaeologist/adventurer Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) originally appeared in a series of motion pictures beginning with the classic Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981). "The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles" (1992-3, followed by four TV movies between 1994 and 1996) told of his adventures when he was a boy (Sean Patrick Flanery playing age 16 and Corey Carrier playing age 10). There actually was an "old Indy" (George Hall) in the series, aged 93, who usually narrated.
• "Lawrence of Pasadena." - Refers to T.E. (Thomas Edward) Lawrence (1888-1935), called "Lawrence of Arabia," soldier, adventurer, and writer. During World War I, he worked for army intelligence in the North Africa, and in 1916 joined the Arab revolt against the Turks. As a result, he spent a large part of his adult life living in deserts. He was a delegate to the 1919 Paris Peace Conference, but was unsuccessful in his attempt to gain Arab independence. He wrote a number of books on his time with the Arabs, including Seven Pillars of Wisdom (1926), considered a literary classic. His story was the basis for Lawrence of Arabia (1962), starring Peter O'Toole. Pasadena is a suburb of Los Angeles, California.
• "This is a Kodak moment." - Eastman Kodak is a large American photographic film company, founded in 1881. One of their major commercial campaigns involves people taking pictures of their everyday family lives, making them special, or "Kodak moments."
• "They took the whole Cherokee nation..." - Lyric from "Indian Reservation (Lament of the Cherokee Reservation Indian)," a 1971 #1 hit for Paul Revere and the Raiders, from their album Indian Reservation (actually put together after the single's release to cash in on its success). The song lamented the dismantling of the Cherokee nation when its people were forced to live on reservations and had a beat very similar to the one heard here.
• The Royal Geographic Society. - The RGS was founded in Britain in 1830 to further "the advancement of geographical science," through lectures, publications (such as The Geographical Journal), its library and public map room and the support or exploration and research. Over the years, it has promoted or supported many expeditions to unexplored lands in Australia, Africa, and both the Arctic and the Antarctic.
• Howard Hughes. - (1905-76) American millionaire businessman, film producer, film director, and aviator. He studied at the California Institute of Technology, inheriting his father's machine tool company in 1923. In 1926, he ventured into films, producing Hell's Angels (1930), Scarface (1932), and The Outlaw (1941). He also founded his own aircraft company, designing, building, and flying aircraft, and broke several world air speed records. His most famous aircraft, the "Spruce Goose," was an oversized wooden sea-plane designed to carry 750 passengers, which was completed in 1947, but flew only once over a distance of one mile. Throughout his life, he shunned publicity, eventually becoming a recluse while still controlling his vast business interests from sealed-off hotel suites, and giving rise to endless rumour and speculation. One rumour was that he never shaved or cut his hair or fingernails throughout this period.
• "It's a Tampax commercial." - Many Tampax commercials show young women enjoying activities traditionally shunned by women during their period before the popularity of the tampon, such as playing tennis in a short, white skirt or going to the pool.
• Brian Jones. - Jones (1942-69; full name, Lewis Brian Hopkin-Jones) was a founding member of and guitarist for the Rolling Stones. He left the band less than a month before he drowned in a swimming pool at his home in England.
• Johnny Winter - American blues artist (1944- ). Johnny was a child prodigy prior to forging a career as a blues guitarist. He made his recording debut in 1960, fronting Johnny and the Jammers, eventually leading a trio called Winter.
• "Cabbage Patch Elvis."
  • When Cabbage Patch Kids were first introduced in 1983, they immediately became the hottest must-have toy of that holiday season. People went completely nuts over these funny-looking dolls created by Xavier Robert, coming to blows in the toy aisles of department stores. Each Kid was completely unique and came with a "birth certificate" and "adoption papers," making it as close to a having a real child as possible. Without having to spend a fortune in food, clothing and education and with no real maintenance, that is. Mattel's official CBK site is really insipid but has some samples.
  • Elvis, of course, refers to rock and roll legend Elvis Presley (1935-77)
• While Roxy is swimming, the guys sing the main theme, composed by John Williams, to Jaws, Steven Spielberg's classic 1975 film about a Great White Shark on a killing spree along the beaches of a small summer resort town. The theme was also used in numerous sequels to the film.

• "Sky Chief super service turned into the Tank'n'Tummy." - Sky Chief was a logo used by the Texaco oil company at their service stations during the 1950s, when small armies of gas station attendants would rush out and service your vehicle from top to bottom, smiling happily to whole time. The Tank'n'Tummy line of stations are owned by Norco Fuels and are, presumably, much like the rest of the self-service gas station that litter the North American landscape. I haven't found out much specific about Sky Chief and Tank'n'Tummy themselves, though. More information (or help!) would be appreciated.
• "What about the bubonic plague, world war, Stalin?"
  • The bubonic plague: One form of the deadly disease called, simply, "the plague," sometimes called the Black Death. It's mostly a rodent disease, but can be transmitted to humans through fleas. During the 14th century, it killed a quarter of Europe's population, about 25 million people.
  • Stalin: Refers to Joseph Stalin (1879-1953), virtual dictator of the Soviet Union from 1928 until this death. Between 1934-38, he orchestrated a massive purge of the Communist party, the Soviet government, the armed forces and the intelligentsia. As a result, millions of "enemies of the state" were imprisoned, exiled or shot. Stalin was posthumously denounced by Soviet leader Nikita Krushchev in 1956 for "crimes against the party."
• "What do you think of Adolph Hitler?" "Well, I hate him naturally." - Do I really need to explain Hitler?
• "Now, what do you think of the band Styx?" - Art-rock band founded in 1970. One of the biggest album-rock bands of the 1970s. They were big on power ballads and concept albums and managed to cross over into the pop charts frequently, with songs like "Babe," "Too Much Time on My Hands," and "Mr. Roboto" (which everybody thought was really cool at the time). Their music was often rather long and over-arranged, with several sections to a song and huge guitar solos. Styx broke up in the early 1980s but later reunited, having another hit with "Show Me the Way," which became a popular Gulf War anthem.
• "I'm not sure when Hell started for me, but I think it had something to do with Christopher Cross." - Easy listening music artist, born Christopher Geppert (1951- ). He more or less came out of nowhere with his 1980 self-titled album, and the following year, cleaned up at the Grammies by winning 5 awards, including Song of the Year, for his #1 hit, "Sailing." His best known song is probably "Arthur's Theme (The Best That You Can Do)" from the soundtrack of the film Arthur (1981). He sank from sight soon after, but still releases the occasional album. He has an official web site.
• "Remember the time that Charlie Weaver died and it wasn't even in the papers?" - "Charlie Weaver" was not a real person, but rather a persona used by comedian Cliff Arquette (1905-74), grandfather of actors Rosanna, Patricia and David Arquette. Charlie was a funny, little walrus-mustached man with spectacles, porkpie hat and loose fitting-tie, who hailed from Mount Ida, Arkansas. Arquette performed this character on a regular basis on both "The Jack Paar Show" and "The Tonight Show" between 1958-62. There was a short-lived "Charlie Weaver Show" in 1962 and the character was a regular feature on "The Hollywood Squares" from 1966-74. In the real Mount Ida, AR, there is even an Annual Charlie Weaver Day (June 10).
• "Or when they 86ed jarts?" - Jarts is short for javelin darts, a game also called lawn darts. Jarts were produced between 1978-87 and consisted of plastic rings you spread around your lawn and the "jarts." The jarts were essentially large darts with heavy metal tips you tried to toss into the rings. Jarts have been illegal in the U.S. since 1988 due to high numbers of injuries caused by the game; emergency rooms reported 6700 jarts-related cases over the years, more than three quarters of those to children. Still, there are groups who steadfastly refuse to give up their beloved game, and continue to play it secretly. You rebels, you.
• "I think the first time Flo said 'Kiss my grits,' something inside all of us withered and died." - Polly Holliday played Florence "Flo" Castleberry for the first four seasons of the sit-com "Alice" (1976-85). Flo was one of a number of waitresses who worked at Mel's Diner in Pheonix, Arizona. She was pure American South and her favourite exclamation was, indeed, "Kiss my grits!" She'd use it at least once every episode. Flo eventually got her own short-lived spin-off, "Flo" (1980-81), where she managed a roadhouse in her hometown of Cowtown, Texas.
• "Using Joe Camel to sell cigarettes to kids seems like a pretty ripe slice of Hell." - Joe Camel, or "Smoking Joe" was introduced as a symbol for Camel cigarettes in 1988 and Camel sales surged. Joe was basically a cartoon camel, dressed and acting like a human, who seemed to really enjoy smoking. He became something of a cultural icon for years afterwards, until someone realized that, being a cartoon, Joe might be encouraging kids to take up smoking. Debate has raged for years about this, but R.J. Reynolds, owner of Camels, finally pulled Joe from their advertising campaigns. Although gone, people still argue for his return. One website claims that Joe represents "freedom of expression, personal liberty [and] the pursuit of the American dream." Yeah, right. We're talking about a cartoon camel here. Even Joe's creator, Mike Salisbury has said "...how I feel about being known for this piece of crap that people think is great advertising? It's a pretty sh*tty piece of art."
• "And then there was the time Denis Leary released 'No Cure for Cancer' as an album." - Comedian Denis Leary (1957- ) developed a one-man stand-up act called "No Cure For Cancer" in the early 1990s. Full of his typical fouled-mouthed style, it did spawn an album of the same name. This opened up Leary's movie career, leading to films like Demolition Man (1993) and A Bug's Life (1998), voicing Francis the lady-bug. You can read the "lyrics" to "Cancer" here.
• "And then the time Vicki Lawrence won a Grammy for 'The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia.'" - Vicki Lawrence (1949- ) is best know for her skit-comedy work on various incarnations of "The Carol Burnett Show" (beginning in 1967), eventually moving on to "Mama's Family" (1983-90; based on a "Carol Burnett" skit) and a number of game show and talk show hosting gigs. In 1973, she recorded "The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia," a strange little song about marital betrayal and a corrupt judicial system, written by her then husband Bobby Russell. It sat at Billboard's #1 for 2 weeks and eventually went gold. Joel is mistaken, however; it did not win a Grammy.
• "...the day 'Blansky's Beauties' got canceled." - That would be May 21, 1977, less than four months after its premiere on ABC. This sit-com starred Nancy Walker as Nancy Blansky, den mother to a bevy of beautiful Las Vegas show girls with names like Bambi and Sunshine. It also featured Scott Baio (of "Happy Days" and "Charles in Charge" fame) as the 12-year old choreographer's son who lusted after the girls.
• "Sinbad's pretty icky." - Stand-up comedian and actor (real name, David Adkins; 1956- ). Sinbad started stand-up in 1983. His big break came on repeated appearances on "Star Search." This lead to a role on the short-lived "The Redd Foxx Show" (1986). He has become increasingly popular over the years, with many TV specials of his own and getting roles in a number of films, including several for Disney. Lots of folks find his loud, boisterous style annoying. He does, however, pride himself on being a "family" act, never cursing during stand-up.
• "What about the Charlene Tilton workout video." - Actress Tilton's (1958- ) biggest role was as Lucy Ewing, part of the massive Ewing family on "Dallas" (1978-91). She stills pops up occasionally in minor roles in movies (especially TV movies). I haven't found any info on her workout video, but it's probably just as bad as the rest of them. Tilton is currently a gossip columnist for "The Globe" tabloid newspaper.
• "...like the time we as a nation said 'No' to Yahoo Serious." - Real name Greg Pead. Australian writer, producer, director and star of Young Einstein (1988) and Reckless Kelly (1993). Serious has a very... unique style about him and his films are rather surreal. Einstein, for example, is about young Tasmanian Albert Einstein, who discovers how to split the beer atom, thus producing beer foam. On his way to share the discovery with the world, he meets and falls in love with a young Marie Curie and has many adventures. Many people find him irritating, but I like him. I actually paid to see Einstein again after attending a free screening. I am, however, in the minority on this.
• "...rescued in the nick of time, like Moses and the Israelites." - In the Old Testament book of Exodus, the Israeli people were being kept as a slave race by the Pharaoh of Egypt. Moses, sent by God, delivered the Israelites from their slavery, parting the entire Red Sea. This allowed them to pass but crashed down on the following Egyptian army. The rest of the exodus was rather less successful, taking 40 years to basically travel a few hundred miles. Still, it made a good movie (The Prince of Egypt (1998)).
• "Gee, Davey, do you think it could be... God?" - Crow is doing an impression of Goliath, Davey Hansen's dog on the Saturday morning series "Davey and Goliath." The stop-action "claymation" show was developed by Art Clokey, creator of Gumby (see above), on behalf of the Lutheran Church of America. Davey and his talking dog Goliath shared adventures together and each episode taught some sort of lesson relating to civic duties, moral and/or God. Sometimes, however, they'd toss in a really heavy subject like racism or near-death experience. 65 15-minutes episodes were produced between 1962-77.

• "She's dressed for a Benny Hill audition." - Benny Hill (Alfred Hawthorne Hill; 1925-92) was a popular British comedian. His "The Benny Hill Show" (1957-66) was rather raunchy (for the time, anyway), featuring a lot of chasing after sexy women wearing very little, often in bikinis or their underwear.
• "Harry Connick Jr.?" - The bellboy resembles this musician (1967- ), largely responsible for the revival of swing and big band music. Often compared to Frank Sinatra, he won the Best Jazz Vocal Performance Grammy for his work on the soundtrack of 1989's When Harry Met Sally. He began a successful acting career with Memphis Belle (1990).
• "Jonny Quest." - Popular Hanna-Barbera cartoon character, with blonde hair in a style similar to Arch Hall, Jr's. First appeared in "The Adventures of Jonny Quest" (1964-5). It was an adventure series about pre-teen Jonny Quest, who, along with mystical Indian friend Hadji, pet dog Bandit, Jonny’s super-scientist father Dr. Benton Quest, and the doctor's pilot, the adventurous Race Bannon, investigated strange goings-on all over the world. Jonny also became quite a heart-throb to young girls, especially considering he was a cartoon. Since his original series, Jonny and company have had a couple more series and some TV movies.
• "Can I have some money for some Chuckles?" - A chewy, jelly candy produced by Hershey's.
• "I pledge allegiance..." - When Americans recite their Pledge of Allegiance, it is customary to hold a hand over their heart. The original Pledge was written in 1892 by Baptist minister Francie Bellamy.
• "He looks like the bat from Ferngully." - The 1992 animated film Ferngully: The Last Rain Forest featured a goofy-looking, mentally unbalanced bat called Batty Koda, voiced by Robin Williams. He looked like this. The film was followed up by Ferngully 2: The Magical Rescue (1997), where Batty was voiced by Matt K. Miller.
• "'Rat Patrol,' in three or four colours." - "The Rat Patrol" (1966-68) followed the adventures of a group of commandos in World War II North Africa. They would drive around the desert in their jeeps and cause trouble for Rommel's Afrika Korps. As for the colours, in the early days of colour television, when a lot of people still had black-and-white sets, it was common for the pronouncement "In Colour!" to follow the name of a show, to let people know what they were missing and encourage them to buy new, colour TVs.
• "Hey, it's Schlep Car!" - "Wonderbug," a segment on Saturday mornings' "The Krofft Supershow" (1976-78), was about three teenagers and their run-down dune buggy, Schlep Car. When a magic horn was attached to Schlep Car, it would turn into Wonderbug, a talking, flying, super version of the buggy. Wonderbug and the teens would travel around and stop crime.
• "Looks like Sheltering Sky meets 'The Archies.'"
  • The Sheltering Sky (1990) was about an American artist couple (Debra Winger and John Malkovitch) travelling aimlessly through Africa, in search of experiences that might give their relationship new meaning. Instead, their wandering just leads them deeper into despair.
  • Clean-cut youngster Archie Andrews and his friends, characters from the long-running Archie line of comic books, have starred in a variety of cartoons over the years. "The Archies" was a segment on "The Archie Comedy Hour" (1969-70). The Archies was the name of Archie's band (how modest) and they drove around in a buggy.
• "On their way to Thunderdome." - In the 1985 film Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome, Mad Max (Mel Gibson) wanders through a post-apocalyptic desert wastleland, until he comes across Shantytown, where disputes are settled in a fight to the death in a huge cage called "Thunderdome."
• "Welcome to the jungle!" - The score (composed by Arch Hall Jr.) at this point sounds a lot like the guitar riff from the Guns'N'Roses song "Welcome to the Jungle" from their 1987 debut album Appetite for Destruction.
• "Oh, this is a real Lucy and Viv situation, right here." - Refers to Lucille Ball and Vivian Vance, who played Lucy Ricardo and her friend Ethyl Mertz on "I Love Lucy" (1951-7). Lucy and Ethyl would often get themselves into situations which can only be described as "wacky."
• "Got a groovy thing goin' baby!" - The score also sound a bit like the Simon & Garfunkel song "We've Got a Groovy Thing Goin'" off their 1966 album Sounds of Silence (1966).
• "If this was a Mountain Dew ad, wouldn't they be water-skiing on roller-skates, being pulled by horses off of cliffs?" - In many ads for Mountain Dew, Pepsi's citrus flavoured soft drink, people would be shown involved in more "extreme" (i.e. "stupid") sports and activities, and apparently enjoying it.
• "Welcome to 'Death Valley Days.'" - Originally a radio series beginning in 1930 before moving onto television, "Death Valley Days" (1952-75) was a western anthology based on historical western incidents or settings. Shows ranged from drama and action to light comedy and human interest. Crow is doing his impression of actor and future President Ronald Reagan, who hosted the show during the 1965-6 season.
• "The Endless Bummer." - Take on the film title The Endless Summer, a 1966 documentary film about surfing. It was followed by a sequel in 1994.
• "To be with the hu-man; to live with the hu-man." - Refers to the classically bad film Robot Monster (1953), which was used in MST experiment #107. The Robot Monster, Ro-Man (George Barrows), spoke haltingly, referring to people as "hu-mans" (sort of like "Star Trek"'s Ferengi) and at one point expressed his desire to "be like the hu-man!" The desert scenes that took place around Ro-Man's headquarters were filmed in Bronson Canyon, the same desert used here. Eegah's cavern is Ro-Man's headquarters seen from a different angle.
• "When Edward Albee dabbles in beach movies." - Playwright Edward Albee (1928- ); best known for his 1962 play Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (made into the 1966 film of the same name). His plays are generally emotionally brutalizing. Woolf? in particular features an unhappy, spiteful couple.
• "He borrowed that top from Audrey Hepburn." - Popular American actress (1929-93). Very feminine and child-like, almost fragile in appearance. Tommy's shirt looks like something she might have worn in Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961). Other films include Roman Holiday (1953) and My Fair Lady (1964).
• "At least he remembered to bring the Isley Brothers." - Blues/soul/R&B trio made up of three brothers, the Isleys: O'Kelly (1937- ), Rudolph (1939- ) and Ronald (1941- ). Hits include "Shout" (1959) and "Twist and Shout" (1962). They sang rather high on their slow songs, sort of like the mysterious back-up singers here.
• "Sort of a mini-Silvertone working there." - Silvertone was a house brand of electric guitar sold by Sears and Roebuck. Although produced by a number of different manufacturers, they were all sold under the name Silvertone.
• "He went on to do music for Sergio Leone." - Italian film writer and director Sergio Leone (1929-89) is famous for his "spaghetti westerns," westerns filmed in Italy and made with a mostly Italian cast and crew. Many of them feature Clint Eastwood. Titles include Fistful of Dollars, For a Few Dollars More and The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (all with 1967 North American releases). The music for most of these films was composed by Ennio Morricone, and had a very distinctive style, which included a lot of high-pitched whistling.
• "In the Museum of Modern Art..." - The Museum of Modern Art, or MOMA, was established in New York City in 1929 and specializes in art produced from the late 19th century onwards. You know, a lot of the weird stuff. Its collection of Cubist, Surrealist and Abstract Expressionism paintings are especially extensive. They have an official website, which includes some pretty neat e-cards.
• "He makes Debby Boone sound like 'Hound Dog' Taylor."
  • Debby Boone (1956- ) is the third of four daughters of pop singer Pat Boone and his wife Shirley. All four sisters followed in their father's footsteps by getting into music, with Debby being the most successful. She is the one responsible for 1977's lame and insipid mega-hit "You Light Up My Life," from the movie of the same name. She also sang "When You're Loved" for The Magic of Lassie (1978).
  • "Hound Dog" Taylor: Blues guitarist and singer (real name Theodore Roosevelt Taylor; 1915-1975), front man for the HouseRockers. Taylor took up guitar at age 20 and had a number of singles before his first album in 1971. Bruce Iglauer, an employee for Delmark Records in Chicago, was unable to convince his boss of Taylor's potential, so Iglauer formed his own record company, Alligator Records, for the sole purpose of releasing Taylor's first album, Hound Dog Taylor and the Houserockers. His style is best described as wild and raucous.
• "Is that Billie Jo, Betty Jo or Bobbie Jo?" - These were the three sisters who helped run the Shady Rest Motel in Hooterville on "Petticoat Junction" (see above). Their mother Kate Bradley owned the Motel. Billie Jo was played by Jeannine Riley, Gunilla Hutton and Meredith MacRae over the years, Betty Jo by Linda Henning and Bobbie Jo by Pat Woodell and Lori Saunders.
• "Bonk, bonk, on the head!" - Line from "Miri," a 1st season episode of the original "Star Trek" (1966-9). The Enterprise crew encounters an Earth-like planet devastated by a disease which has killed all adults and slowed aging in children, producing a planet of 300-year old children who have lacked adult supervision. As a result, things are pretty chaotic with gangs of children running around terrorizing each other. When the time comes to kill someone by clubbing, they chant "Bonk, bonk, on the head!" while making clubbing motions in the air.
• "Archies's here!" - Opening line to the theme from "The Archies" (see above).
• "Serpentine! Serpentine!" - From the very funny 1979 comedy The In-Laws, about dentist Sheldon Kornpett (Alan Arkin) and his soon-to-be in-law, CIA agent Vince Ricardo (Peter Falk). In one scene, as they run from snipers, Vince urges Sheldon to zig-zag back and forth like a snake. "Serpentine, Shelly! Serpentine!"
• "Stay alive! Whatever may occur, I will find you!" - Line from the 1992 film adaptation of The Last of the Mohicans, the 1826 novel by James Fenimore Cooper. At one point, as title character Hawkeye (Daniel Day-Lewis) is separated from his love Cora Munro (Madeline Stowe), he delivers this line to her. The line does not appear in the original novel.
• "You're here and he's got the traveller's cheques there." - From a series of ads for American Express Traveller's Cheques. Time was when traveller's cheques could only be cashed by one person. When American Express came out with cheques that could be used by more than one person, this was promoted by showing a woman in one place, on vacation, considering buying something. "You're here..." Switch to the man, obviously miles away, doing something different. "...and he's got the cheques there." What's the solution? Why, American Express multi-user cheques, that's what!
• "Archie's in the Gaza Strip!" - The Gaza Strip is a densely populated and impoverished coastal region in the Middle East, mostly inhabited by Palestinian refugees and a minority of settlers from Israel. It was created through an armistice agreement between Israel and Egypt after the 1st Arab-Israeli War (1948-9). From 1967-94, it was occupied by Israel, leading to violent conflict between Israelis and Palestinians, desiring independence. Since 1994, it has been a largely self-governed area, lessening, but not completely eliminating violence between the two peoples living there.
• "This is my country!" - Title of a 1968 song by the Impressions from the album of the same name, written by group member Curtis Mayfield. The song deals with race relations between blacks and whites, with lyrics like "I've paid 300 years or more/Of slave driving, sweat and welts on my back/This is my country." Its use here is probably a bit of irony, as Arch Hall, Jr. is extremely white.
• "Born free!" - The 1966 movie Born Free, about a couple raising a lion cub to maturity, featured a title song sung by Roger William. The chorus is preceded by music quickly building to a crescendo, much like the score at this point in the film.
• "Roxy!" "Music!" "Roxy!" "And elsewhere!"
  • Roxy Music was a British music group formed in 1971, releasing their first, self-titled album the next year. Their music was generally innovative and experimental and they had a #1 hit in the States with "Love is the Drug" (1975).
  • Roxy & Elsewhere is the title of Frank Zappa's live 1974 album.
• "He is this close to being Dom DeLuise." - Rotund actor (1933- ). DeLuise has appeared in dozens of films, beginning with 1964's Fail Safe, almost always as comic relief. Appearances include a number of Mel Brooks films, the "Cannonball Run" films (as [dun-dun-DAH!] Captain Chaos) and a lot of voice work, including the roles of Itchy in the various incarnations of "All Dogs Go To Heaven" and Tiger in the "American Tail" series of movies. He had two short-lived "The Dom DeLuise Show"s (1968; 1987-8) and wrote two Italian cookbooks, Eat This... It'll Make You Feel Better (1988) and Eat This Too!: It'll Also Make You Feel Better (1997).
• "Visit Cave of the Mounds, Dodgeville." - Large cave formation and tourist attraction in Wisconsin. The Cave was accidentally discovered on Aug. 4, 1939, when limestone was being removed by blasting from a quarry in the Blue Mounds area (the Blue Mounds are a pair of hills named for their colour). The face of the quarry was torn off in the blast, revealing a limestone cavern more than 20 feet high, leading off into many other rooms and galleries, all with numerous mineral formations. It was official opened to the public the following year and has had millions of visitors since. You can see views of the Cave yourself at www.caveofthemounds.com.
• "Boopy!" - As of this writing, I haven't seen the episode which this refers to, so I'll turn it over to Helper Heather Holder: "In experiment #417, Crash of the Moons [(1954)], Rocky [Jones, played by Richard Crane] and gang stop to visit an old friend on one of the doomed planets. He enthusiastically greets each one of them in his outrageous accent, pronouncing Bobby's [Robert Lyden] name as Boopy (which was also used as the stinger for that episode). Oh, the wackiness! Since Roxy and her dad are greeting each other here, Joel threw in a greeting for Bobby as well."
• "The doggone girl is mine..." - Line from the Paul McCartney/Michael Jackson duet "The Girl is Mine," on Jackson's 1982 record-breaking Thriller album. In the song, they argue over a woman (although what kind of woman these two would fight over is beyond me). The two teamed-up again (dear God, Paul, why?) the following year with "Say, Say, Say" on McCartney's Pipes of Peace album.
• "Shimmy, shimmy, ko-ko-bop?" - 1960 nonsense rock-and-roll top 40 hit by Little Anthony and the Imperials. The song's narrator is "Sittin' in a native hut/All alone and blue" when a native girl comes along and does a native dance, a dance which goes "Shimmy, shimmy, ko-ko-bop/Shimmy, shimmy bop." Boy, they don't write 'em like that anymore...
• "This guy went to the Torgo school of fondling." - Refers to MST experiment #424, the infamous Manos, the Hands of Fate (1966). In it, the creepy, creepy Torgo (John Reynolds) paws the unfortunate woman (Diane Mahree) in his presence. It's really disgusting to watch.
• "Smell Love's Baby Soft." - Not sure if this is the exact line, but it seems Crow is referring to Love's Baby Soft, a perfume marketed towards adolescent girls. Introduced in 1974 by Mem Company Inc., it was the only perfume a lot of parents would let their teen-age daughters buy. It smelled a lot like baby powder (oh, boy) and is still available today.
• "Scent of a Woman." - 1992 movie (remake of the Italian 1974 film Profuma di donna) about a young man (Chris O'Donnell) who takes on the job of companion and helper to a crusty, blind, hard-drinking ex-Army Colonel (Al Pacino).
• "Tish, that's French!" - In the various television and movie versions of "The Addams Family," whenever Morticia Addams would speak French (even if just to say something like "deja vu"), it would drive her husband Gomez Addams insane with lust, whereupon he would utter the above line and passionately kiss her up and down her arm.
• "How do you do?" - 1972 #8 hit by Mouth & MacNeal. Mouth & MacNeal were a Dutch Duo (real names Willem Duyn and Sjoukje Van't Spijker) who had a modicum of success in their homeland, but, except for "How Do You Do?", the four singles and two albums released in North America just didn't catch on. In an frightening coincidence, my wife Lynn actually still has a copy of the original "How Do You Do?" single. Don't know if Eegah looks like a band member, or it's just being used as a greeting. If anyone could supply me with a little more help!
• "I am William Burroughs." ... "I'm Rose Kennedy."
  • William Burroughs: Author (1914-97). Heir to a business machine fortune, Burroughs eventually began writing and became associated with the New York City "Beat" crowd and its authors. He lived most of his life in Paris and Tangier, Morocco and became a heroin addict (giving him the thin, emaciated look referred to by the guys). He wrote at least 2 dozen book, many blending homosexuality, science fiction and underworld seaminess. His later works experimented heavily with language. His best known work is 1959's Naked Lunch, made into a 1991 film. Weird stuff.
  • Rose Kennedy: Rose Elizabeth Fitzgerald Kennedy (1890-1995), matriarch of the Kennedy family. Rose married multi-millionaire Joseph P. Kennedy in 1914 and they had 9 children together, including US President John F. Kennedy, Robert Kennedy and Senator Edward (Ted) Kennedy. Rose helped Ted to run his campaign and win re-election after a scandal. After her daughter Rosemary was institutionalized after undergoing a lobotomy, Rose also became involved in charity work for the mentally ill. When she died in 1995 (at the age of 104!), she boasted 28 grandchildren and 41great-grandchildren, many of them in politics.
• "Dinner's a Duraflame log." - Duraflame logs are "manufactured firelogs." Essentially, they are fake "logs," to be used in fireplaces, that are easier to start and burn longer than regular firewood. To find out all about the wonderful uses for a Duraflame log, visit www.duraflame.com.
• "Norman? Who's the girl, Norman?" - In Alfred Hitchcock's classic 1960 thriller Psycho, Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins) is revealed to be keeping his mother's stuffed, dessicated remains in her bedroom. All the arguments heard in the film between Norman and his mother (including the above line) are, in fact, Norman fighting with himself. The film was remade in 1998 with Vince Vaughn in the role of Norman.
• "It's Wilfrid Hyde-White." - British actor (1903-91). Hyde-White appeared in over 100 movies and TV shows during his career, beginning in 1935 with Smith's Wives. Notable appearances include My Fair Lady (1964), as a regular on TV's "Peyton Place" (1964-9) and an embarrassing run as Doctor Goodfellow on the last season of "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century" (1979-81). Towards the end of his career, Hyde-White tended to be cast as the lovable, doddering old man.
• "My Three Skulls!" - Take on the title of "My Three Sons" (1960-72), a sit-com about a widower (Fred MacMurray) trying to raise his sons (yep, three of them) on his own.

• "Who's Arch Hall Jr?" - Arch (1945- ) appeared in a total of six films, most in association with his father, Arch Hall, Sr., who hoped his son would become the next Elvis. Arch Jr. co-write some of these films and is responsible for the songs in this experiment. His last film was in 1965 and, as of 1997, he was a pilot for Flying Tiger Airlines.
• "He needs that inhuman Play-Doh-coloured skin." - Play-Doh, distributed by Hasbro, is the original reusable modeling clay. It's non-toxic (which means you can eat it) and comes in a veritable rainbow of colours. It was first designed as a wallpaper cleaning compound at a Cincinnati-based company making soap and cleaning solutions. But they realized the toy potential of the product and Play-Doh was born. More than 2 billion cans have been sold since 1956.
• "Alas, Babylon!" - Alas Babylon was a 1959 science-fiction novel written by Pat Frank. It told the story of a group of survivors trying to live their lives in Fort Repose, Florida, after a nuclear war. It's rather a romanticized view of post-apocalyptic survival, as they don't have too much trouble getting by; still, it's considered a classic. It was made into a play and adapted for television in 1960.

• "Well, about that time, old Coyote had a hankerin' for some grubs." - Reminiscent of the narration for a lot of old Disney nature films. These often featured animals going about their business in the wild, or getting into trouble in the city, while someone described the animal's thought processes.
• "I'm talking' like Loretta Lynn." - Popular country music singer (1935- ). Born in Kentucky, Lynn had 4 children by the age of 18 and loved to sing to them. This love of singing eventually led to a music career, beginning with her first hit, "I'm a Honky Tonk Girl" in 1960. By the mid-1960s, she had become the most popular female country singer in the US. Her signature song was "Coal Miner's Daughter" (1970), also the title of her autobiography and its Oscar-winning 1980 film adaptation, with Sissy Spacek as Lynn. She was inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame in 1988.
• "Have you tried Crystal Pepsi? Some people will drink anything!" - In 1992, in response to the growing popularity of "new age" drinks (think Zima) and clear-coloured products, PepsiCo introduced Crystal Pepsi. It was clear Pepsi! It was caffeine-free! It was low in sodium and had no preservatives! It was an "uncola" drink... that tasted like cola... This completely defeated the purpose of the drink and it bombed, even after Pepsi spent over $100 million developing and marketing it.
• "Put lime in coconut, drink all up." - Grammatically mangled paraphrase of a line from the 1971 Harry Nilsson hit song "Coconut." "You put the lime coconut, you drank them both up..."
• "C'mon! Soup good food!" - One campaign for Campbell's Soup urged people to "Bring on the Campbell's" because "Soup is good food."
• "Sarah T.: Portrait of a Teenage Alcoholic." - 1975 TV "movie-of-the-week" about teenaged Sarah Travis (Linda Blair), a young woman struggling with alcoholism to cope with her feelings of insecurity and the usual problems of adolescence.
• "I need some ReNu, my contacts are killing me." - Bauch & Lomb produce eye-care products, including a line of soft contact-lens cleaners named ReNu.
• "This Cubist... Heavy Braque influence." - The artistic movement called Cubism was mainly developed by painters Pable Picasso and Georges Braque in Paris between 1907-14. Cubism emphasizes the flat 2-D surface of the picture frame, rejecting traditional perspective, often producing geometrical planes. It gets its name from one critic describing Braque's 1908 painting "Houses at L'Estaque" as composed of cubes.
• "It's me!" "That's what she thinks. It's actually Sandra Dee." - Actress (real name, Alexandria Zuck; 1944- ). A successful model by age 12, Dee began her acting career in 1957 with Until They Sail. She is best known as the sweet, innocent young girl Gidget in the series of movies named after the character. In the 1978 musical Grease (based on the stage musical), naive, virginal Sandy (Olivia Newton-John) is mocked by the girl gang, the Pink Ladies, with the song "Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee" ("Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee/Lousy with virginity!").
• "At the Keith Haring exhibit." - American artist (1958-90). Haring's art, which he would put on a number of surfaces, not just canvas, featured simplified, almost stick-like figures. Some examples can be seen at www.haring.com. Towards the end of his life, a lot of his art was used in support of victims of AIDS, a disease he himself contracted and eventually died of.
• "Same Bat-Channel!" - Most episodes of the camp series "Batman" (1966-8), featuring the adventures of the classic comic book character, were two-parters, with the first part ending in a cliff-hanger. To see if Batman (Adam West) and Robin (Burt Ward) got out of their predicament, the announcer (series executive producer William Dozier) would tell viewers to tune in next episode, "Same bat-time, same bat-channel!" This made fun of the Dynamic Duo's tendency to put "Bat" in front of the names of all their equipment. Bat-poles, Batarangs, Bat Shark Repellent, Bat Alphabet Soup Container... Hey, I'm serious! I can't make this stuff up!
• "How come this clown knows more than Richard Leakey?" - Noted anthropologist (1944- ). He made a number of significant discoveries, including a nearly complete skull of Homo Erectus in a geological strata one and a half million years old, making it the oldest known specimen. Also a major figure in African wildlife management.
• "Eegah with the laughing face." - Should be "Nancy (With the Laughing Face), a 1945 Frank Sinatra hit.
• "'CrimeTime after Primetime' is on." - In 1991, CBS, apparently trying to grab that elusive insomniacs/hospital workers/nightwatchmen demographic, created "CrimeTime after Primetime," a group of late night crime/adventure shows, shown weekdays, after the 11:00 PM news. This lasted until early 1995. Shows included "Sweating Bullets" (1991-3), "Johnny Bago" (1993), "Scene of the Crime" (1991) and "Forever Knight" (1992-6) and "Silk Stalkings" (1991-9), both of which went on to greater popularity on other networks after "CrimeTime" folded.
• "Uh, The Big Sleep! Six Pack! Long Day's Journey..." - Bad Charades guesses, all three are movies:
  • The Big Sleep. - Classic 1946 film noir based on Raymond Chandler's 1939 novel of the same name. Private eye Philip Marlow (Humphrey Bogart) is hired to watch over a young woman (Martha Vickers), but ends up falling for her sister (Lauren Bacall). It was remade in 1978 with Robert Mitchum as Marlow.
  • Six Pack. - 1982 movie about a stock car driver (Kenny Rogers) who more or less inherits six orphans whose idea of good clean fun is stripping down someone else's auto.
  • Long Day's Journey is certainly meant to be Long Day's Journey Into Night, Eugene O'Neill's Pulitzer-prize winning autobiographical play. A young man attempts to deal with his miserable homelife, including a drug-addict mother, an alcoholic father and an emotionally unstable brother. The play was made into films in 1962 and 1996, and into TV movies in 1973 and 1987.
• "Do I have to put on my Marvin Gaye album, or what?" - Marvin Gaye (1939-84) was a soul singer and songwriter. He performed in his father's church before joining a doo-wop group at 15. He had his first chart hit in 1962 with "Stubborn Kind of Fellow"; his biggest hit was 1968's "I Heard It Through the Grapevine." Gaye mostly sang romantic ballads until 1971 when his style of songwriting became more socially conscious. This was followed by a period of financial, mental and drug problems, culminating in his shooting death by his father.
• "Basic-H from Shaklee, for all your liquid needs." - Shaklee was founded in 1956 by Dr. Forrest C. Shaklee. They produce nutritional, personal care, household and home water products, all without preservatives or harsh chemicals (in keeping with their philosophy of living In Harmony With Nature). Basic-H is one of their all-purpose cleaners, alongside Basic-G and Basic-I.
• "Good morning, good morning, we've talked the whole night through..." - Lyric from the song "Good Morning." The song first appeared in the seminal "Let's put on a show!" movie Babes in Arms (1939), in which Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney (who perform the song) gather together a group of vaudeville artists' children to raise money for their parents in financial straights. The song, with a different lyrical arrangement, also appeared in 1952's Singin' in the Rain, sung by Gene Kelly, Donald O'Connor and Debbie Reynolds.
• "This movie isn't healthy for children and other living things." - A popular poster slogan during the 1960s was "War is not healthy for children and other living things."
• "They're in a soggy cave that leaks." - One ad campaign for Pampers disposable diapers pointed out the woes of "a saggy diaper that leaks."
• "Hollywood Hot Tubs III." "With Kelly Monteith."
  • There was no third film, but there was Hollywood Hot Tubs (1984) and Hollywood Hot Tubs 2: Educating Crystal (1990). These were standard 80s teen sex farces, in which a group of teens, rather than go to jail, agree to work for the "Hollywood Hot Tubs" hot tub installation company. There follows a number of misadventures, usually involving busty young women taking off their tops. HHT's owner's daughter, Crystal, featured in both films, but never disrobed. Apparently, Jewel Shepherd, who played Crystal, convinced the director that it would be sexier if she kept her clothing on. Comedian Kelly Monteith did not appear in either film.
  • Comedian Kelly Monteith got his start at age 16 doing stand-up. He later did some work for the BBC in England, pieces that were a combination of observational humour and sit-com style plots. He then hosted a couple of variety/comedy series back in America. He did a couple of minor films (Screwball Hotel (1988), Hollywood Boulevard II (1989)), but not much else.
• "Patience my ass, I'm gonna kill something!" - Refers to a popular panel cartoon gag in which two buzzards are sitting out on a limb. One looks over at the other and says, "Patience, my ass, I'm gonna go kill something."
• "Mad dog!" - In the 1985 film Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, while brushing his teeth, Pee-Wee Herman (Paul Reubens) sees his toothpaste-foam-covered mouth in the mirror and gleefully shouts "Mad dog! Mad dog!"
• "Please become Sweeney Todd... Please become the Demon Barber of Fleet Street..." - The Broadway hit musical Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street (based on an earlier non-musical play, based in turn on real events), tells the story of 19th century London barber Sweeny Todd. Todd would slit the throats of his customers and, using a special barber chair, would send their bodies to Mrs. Lovett's pie shop downstairs, where the corpses would be used to make "the best pies in London." The musical, written by Hugh Wheeler and Stephen Sondheim and first performed in 1979, was enormously popular and won 8 Tony awards, including Best Musical.
• "Have you seen Andalusian Dog?" - An Andalusian Dog is the English name for the 1929 film Un chien andalou, a short (17-24 minutes depending on the release) film co-written by surrealist artist Salvador Dali. It was composed of a series of bizarre, surrealistic, disturbing images, such as a man pushing a grand piano with a dead donkey in it, a man poking a severed hand in the street with his cane and a woman getting her eye slit open with a shaving razor.
• "I have often walked down this street before..." - Opening line of the song "On the Street Where You Live" from the film My Fair Lady (1964). Young Freddie Eynsford-Hill (Jeremy Brett), smitten with Eliza Doolittle (Audrey Hepburn), has brought her a bouquet of yellow flowers and stands outside her residence, singing of his love for her.
• "Red roses for a blue lady..." - 1948 song, first popularized by Guy Lombardo, later a hit for numerous artists, including Mr. Las Vegas, Wayne Newton, in 1965.
• "Eegahchuga! Eegah! Eegah! Eegahchuga!" "I can't fight this feelin'!" - Variation of the song "Hooked on a Feeling," first a #5 hit for BJ Thomas in 1969. It reached #1 when it was re-released in 1974 by the Swedish group Blue Swede, who added an "Oogachuga" chant in the background, borrowed from the 1971 Jonathan King hit of the same name.
• "Papa, don't preach!" - Title of the 1986 #1 hit by Madonna, from her album True Blue. In it, a young woman argues with her father about keeping her illegitimate child.
• "The warden threw a party at the county jail!" - First line of Elvis Presley's 1957 #1 hit "Jailhouse Rock," which was featured in a movie of the same name that year starring Elvis. The chord heard on the soundtrack here sounds just like the opening of "Jailhouse."
• "A poem... by Henry Gibson." - Comic actor Henry Gibson (1935- ) appeared in many motion pictures, including The Nutty Professor (1963), The Blues Brothers (1980, as the head Nazi), Innerspace (1987) and the critically acclaimed Magnolia (1999). He also did a lot of voice work, including the role of Wilbur the pig in Charlotte's Web (1973). He is best known for his regular appearances on "Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In" (1968-73). His character on the show was a timid little man who would come out and recite a poem, in a quiet voice, which he would introduce as above. The poem was usually about something cute like a sunflower which he would hold while speaking the poem.
• "Strauss?" - Roxy is, um, singing a waltz, so this is likely a reference to composer Johann Strauss (1825-99), often called the Waltz King. During his life, he wrote over 400 waltzes, including "The Blue Danube" (1867) and "Tales from the Vienna Woods" (1868). He also wrote many polkas, marches and operettas.
• "First blade left hair; second one cut clean." - In ads for razors with twin blades, it is often pointed out that just one blade will leave hair behind, but having a second blade helps cut more cleanly. (And they just keep adding blades to make it better, too; one razor by Schick has seven blades!)
• "Try these." "They're toasted." - Ads for Lucky Strike cigarettes proclaimed, "They're toasted!" Apparently, this made them a wee bit less deadly.
• "I've got a Flo-Bee in there, too." - The Flo-Bee was an attachment for your vacuum-cleaner that would theoretically suck your hair straight up, making it easier to cut yourself at home. The end result was that you looked like you cut your hair with a vacuum-cleaner.
• "Ooh, baby, yes, you know what I like..." - Is Tom maybe doing Barry White? Help!
• "It's a Giant Gila Monster!" - The guys suffered through The Giant Gila Monster (1959) in episode 402. The monster in the movie, a giant Gila monster (duh!), was really just a regular Gila monster filmed with toy props.
• "He's starting to look like Markie Post." - Actress Markie Post (1950- ) got her start as a model on the first incarnation of the game show "Card Sharks" (1978-81). After a few seasons on "The Fall Guy" (1981-5), she moved onto her best known role, as Public Defender Christine Sullivan on the popular sit-com "Night Court" (1984-92). After this, she acted in a lot of TV movies and also appeared as Mary's mother in the 1998 hit There's Something About Mary.
• "Oh, he's calling all the animals to help him." - Refers to the ability of some incarnations of Edgar Rice Burroughs' creation, Tarzan the ape-man, to communicate with the jungle animals, and often call them to help him.
• "Eegah like so much, he buy company." - In 1979, businessman Victor Kiam bought Remington, makers of razors and other grooming products. Kiam appeared in a series of commercials for the Remington shaver, saying that after he tried it, "I liked it so much, I bought the company."
• "Roxy!" "You don't have to wear that dress tonight." - Almost-line from the 1978 Police hit, "Roxanne," from their album Outlandos d'Amour. The singer urges Roxanne to give up a life of prostitution, saying, "Roxanne, you don't have to wear that dress tonight."
• "I like Ike." - In 1952, as part of his bid for the Presidency of the United States, Dwight D. Eisenhower's (nicknamed "Ike") campaign people developed the slogan "I like Ike," which was printed on thousands of buttons (which Roxy's compact sort of looks like). The slogan was a huge success and Eisenhower won by a landslide and became the 34th President, serving 1953-61.
• "Me look like Anthony Michael Hall." - Actor Hall (1968- ) was the youngest cast member on "Saturday Night Live" (1975- ), although he only lasted the 1985-6 season before leaving to enter drug rehab. He was mostly known for his roles in many John Hughes "Brat Pack" films (usually as the "loser" character), including Sixteen Candles (1984), The Breakfast Club (1985) and Weird Science (1985). More recently, he has started acting under just the name Michael Hall (his actual name), including the 1999 TV movie Pirates of Silicon Valley as Microsoft mogul Bill Gates.
• "No, more like Sandra Bernhard." - Comedienne, actress and author (1955- ). Bernhard started off as a stand-up comedienne, whose style was very caustic and "in your face." She moved onto acting, appearing in a variety of roles, including the villainous Minerva Mayflower in Hudson Hawk (1991), a very funny cameo as a Grouch restaurant waitress in Sesame Street Presents Follow That Bird (1985) and Without You I'm Nothing (1990), based on her 1988 one-woman show of the same name. Her most famous role was as a lesbian on the sit-com "Rosanne" (1988-97). In one infamous episode, Bernhard's character kissed the show's star, Rosanne Barr. She also wrote a book, Confession of a Pretty Lady (1988), and was rumoured to be lovers with Madonna, although these rumours have never been confirmed.
• "Foam side, Edge side." - In ads for Edge shaving gel, a man would put regular lather on one side of face, and lather from the Edge gel on the other. After shaving, the man would feel both sides to compare, while the voice-over said, "Foam side... Edge side..."
• "It's probably Giorgio." - Perfume first produced by Giorgio Beverly Hills (a division of Proctor & Gamble) in 1981. It has a fruity, floral smell, and a number of variations have been produced, including Giorgio for Men, beginning in 1984.
• "What a femme." - "Femme," french for "woman," is modern slang for either a lesbian who takes a passive role in a sexual relationship or, as is used here, an effeminate homosexual male.
• "Between love and Fred Flintstone lies... Obsession."
  • Obsession is a perfume from Calvin Klein, first sold in 1985 (followed the next year by Obsession for Men). In some TV ads for the product, a number of surreal black and white images would cross the screen before a voice-over would whisper, "Between love and madness lies... Obsession."
  • Fred Flintstone was one of the title characters of the cartoon series "The Flintstones" (1960-66), voiced by Alan Reed. Fred, like all other characters on the show, was a cave-man living in the prehistoric town of Bedrock. Based on the character of Ralph Kramden (Jackie Gleason) from "The Honeymooners" (1955-6), Fred was loud, obnoxious and often self-centered and selfish, but deep down was an old softie. He was portrayed by John Goodman in the live-action motion picture based on the cartoon in 1994, and by Mark Addy in the "prequel" film, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas (2000).
• "I didn't know Senator Packwood was so tall." - Bob "Bonehead" Packwood (1932- ), U.S. Senator for Oregon 1969-95. Late in his career, several women came forward accusing Packwood of sexual harassment over the years. In the course of the investigation, the Select Committee on Ethics demanded that Packwood reveal the contents of his diaries. Turns out he describes a lot of his indiscretions in those diaries. See? Bonehead. The Committee recommended his expulsion for sexual misconduct and attempting to obstruct the investigation. He retired in disgrace and in 1996 formed a Washington-based lobbying and consulting firm. He is currently trying to make a political comeback. Bonehead.
• "Except for some cheese-filled Combos." - Snack food; it consists of little round, hollow bits of pretzel filled with cheese.
• "Turn it off!" - In the 1979 film Hardcore, Jake Van Dorn (George C. Scott) hires a private detective (Peter Boyle) to track down his runaway daughter (Ilah Davis). The detective discovers her making pornographic movies. When viewing a sample of his daughter's movies, Van Dorn watches in horror before finally yelling, "Turn it off! Turn it off!!"
• "I hate to think what Camille Paglia would say about this." - Feminist (or anti-feminist, depending on who you talk to) author Camille Paglia (1947- ) gained prominence with her 1990 book, Sexual Personae: Art and Decadence from Nefertiti to Emily Dickinson, an examination of sexual themes in art. She describes herself as an "equity feminist," believing that, while women should be equals, they shouldn't get special protections from the law, as she see as the current state of affairs. This tends to anger a lot of feminists. She further ticks off feminists be saying there's no such thing as "date rape," and, if there is, the women probably dress provocatively to cause it. Paglia considers nature to be dark, nasty and sexual and sees "civilization" as man's response/defence to this.
• "Help me, Spock!" - Spock (Leonard Nimony) was science officer and first officer to Capt. James T. Kirk (William Shatner) on "Star Trek" (1966-9) and the subsequent feature films. This particular quote is from the episode "The Savage Curtain." A group of aliens take on different forms to learn about good and evil. The "good" side includes Abraham Lincoln (Lee Bergere), who is kidnapped by the "evil" side. An alien in the form of Klingon leader Kahless (Robert Herron) imitates Lincoln (rather woodenly), calling out, "Help me, Spock! Help me!" The scenery at this point in the film looks a lot like the standard deserted, rocky planet set on "Trek."
• "Chianti is gone." - Type of wine named for the area in Tuscany, Italy were it has been produced since at least 1389. Wine bottles are sometimes presented sitting in little wicker baskets which look sort of like Roxy's bag here.
• "Rag Doll, daddy's little cutie!" - Line from the 1987 Aerosmith hit, "Rag Doll," from their album Permanent Vacation.
• "Those dingoes took my baby!" - In 1980, while camping with her family in the Australian outback, 9-week-old Azaria Chamberlain was killed. Her mother, Lindy, was accused of the crime. In her defense, she claimed that she saw a dingo (an Australian wild dog) take her baby away to kill her. Lindy was found guilty of murder, but only served three years in jail before she was granted a pardon following a royal commission investigation. The story was made into a 1983 Australian TV movie, Who Killed Baby Azaria?, and a 1988 film, A Cry in the Dark, starring Meryl Streep as Lindy Chamberlain. These events also seem to have inspired the name of the band Oz (Seth Green) played with in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (1997- ), called Dingoes Ate My Baby.
• "C'mon you stupid zinj!" - Zinj is short for Zinjanthropus. In 1959, a skull was found in Tanzania, which anthropologist Louis S.B. Leakey (father of Richard Leakey, mentioned above) designated Zinjanthropus boisei. This was later decided to be an incorrect designation and it was renamed Australopithecus boisei.
• "Carrie!" - The bloody hand is reminiscent of the 1976 film Carrie (based on the 1974 Stephen King novel of the same name), during which Carrie (Sissy Spacek) spends all lot of the last part of the film drenched in pig's blood.
• "If you prick Eegah, do he not bleed?" - Paraphrase of a line from William Shakespeare's 1596 play The Merchant of Venice. In Act III, Scene I, the character of Shylock, the Jewish moneylender, gives a speech in which he argues that Jews are really no different that Christians. "If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die?"
• "Bill Clinton legs." - William Jefferson Clinton (1946- ), 42nd president of the United States. Clinton was an avid jogger for a while, and comedians liked poking fun at his pasty white legs.
• "Top of the dune, Ma!" - From the 1949 film White Heat. James Cagney played Cody Jarrett, the volatile and violent leader of a gang of thieves. He was afflicted with terrible headaches and fiercely devoted to his mother. In the film's climax, Cody stands atop a huge fuel tank and screams out "Made it, Ma! Top of the world!" as he is gunned down by the police.
• "Oh, you, pretty Chitty Bang Bang, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, we love you!" - In the 1968 musical Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (based on the 1964 Ian Fleming novel), inventor Caractacus Potter (Dick Van Dyke) builds an old-fashioned car with a number of built-in gadgets. He and his friends dub the vehicle "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang," named for the sounds it makes. A song is eventually sung in the car's honour, containing the above line.
• "What's this? Eegah ogling our allies? Callous Cro-Magnon conniptions?" - Typical of lines spoken by the narrator in the TV show "Batman" (see above). The narrator would often use bad alliteration like this.
• "On your right... the Robot Monster set." - See above.
• "Dead end!" "Dead end, dead end... dead end..." - The boys are singing a variation on the main instrumental theme composed by Henry Mancini for the "Pink Panther" movies (beginning with 1964's The Pink Panther). This theme was used for all the "Panther" films, as well as for the subsequent cartoons starring the Panther. This riff reminds me of the old joke we told as kids. "What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on the ant-hill?" "Dead ant, dead ant... dead ant..." For some reason, we all thought it was hysterical.
• "Run Von Ryan!" - Refers to the 1965 war movie Von Ryan's Express. Having never seen the film, I'll turn it over to Helper John Keat: "The shot is like the end of the film [...] when Ryan [Frank Sinatra] is chasing the departing train across a bridge only to be shot by the Germans just before he can get onboard (hence the machine gun noises from Crow)."
• "Here, have some Irish soda bread!" - An Irish bread (duh).
• "Torn between two lovers, feelin' like a fool..." - Line from the 1976 Mary MacGregor #1 hit, "Torn Between Two Lovers," co-written by Paul Yarrow of Peter, Paul and Mary. It was featured in the 1979 movie of the same name, named for the song.
• "And as we left the clam flowage, somehow, we knew we would return, hunting for the Mighty Jacks..."
  • The clam flowage thing: From The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Amazing Colossal Episode Guide: "This is not actually from anything, but rather suggestive of those achingly depressing fishing shows that pullulate on Sunday morning television."
  • Mighty Jack was seen in episode 314. It's an incoherent assemblage of several episodes of a Japanese spy TV series.

• "You know, it's as much fun to make as it is to eat." - Joel is heating up (well, thinks he's heating up) a serving of International Home Foods' Jiffy Pop popcorn, whose ads did indeed feature the line, "It's as much fun to make as it is to eat." Considering it's only popcorn, you can imagine how much fun that really is.
• "'Andy Griffith Show,' 'Mayberry R.F.D.,' 'Courtship of Eddie's Father,' 'My Three Sons,' 'Flipper,' even 'The Beverly Hillbillies'!" - As noted, all these sit-coms featured single parent (all widowers) homes.
  • "The Andy Griffith Show" (1960-8) featured Sheriff Andy Taylor (Andy Griffith) and his son Opie (a young Ron Howard).
  • "Mayberry R.F.D." (1969-72), a follow-up to "Andy Griffith," had gentleman farmer and town council member Sam Jones (Ken Berry) and his son Mike (Buddy Foster).
  • "The Courtship of Eddie's Father" centered on Tom Corbett (Bill Bixby) and his boy Eddie (Brandon Cruz), who spent a lot of episodes trying to fix his dad up with a new wife.
  • In "My Three Sons" (see above), consulting aviation engineer Steve Douglas looked after, um, his three sons, Mike (Tim Considine), Robbie (Don Grady) and Chip (Stanley Livington).
  • In "Flipper" (1964-8), Park Ranger Porter "Po" Ricks (Brian Kelly) took care of his boys Sandy (Luke Halpin) and Bud (Tommy Norden) with the help of Flipper the dolphin.
  • And on "The Beverly Hillbillies" (see above), Jed Clampett looked after his daughter, Elly May (Donna Douglas) without a spouse. In fact, a major plot point in the 1993 movie adaptation was a search for a new wife for Jed.
• "The only normal family back then was 'The Munsters.'" - "The Munsters" (1964-6) was a sit-com based around the lives of the Munster family, a group of "movie monsters" living in the everyday world. Head of the household was Herman Munster (Fred Gwynne), a Frankenstein monster. The other Munsters was Herman's wife, Lily (Yvonne De Carlo), a vampire with some "bride of Frankenstein" qualities, their son Eddie (Butch Patrick), a werewolf and Grandpa Munster, a vampire. There was also perfectly normal Marilyn (Beverly Owen, later Pat Priest), whom the rest considered unfortunately disfigured. The Munsters featured in a 1966 movie, Munster, Go Home, and a 1981 TV movie and were briefly revived as "The New Munsters" (1988-91) with a different cast.
• "On 'My Three Sons,' Steven Douglas' wife's untimely death had something to do with secret project X-15." - The X-15 was a precursor to today's space shuttles. This half-plane, half-rocket was once NASA's primary aeronautical project and took pilots to the edge of Earth's atmosphere. It got its name from being the 15th "x-perimental" rocket of its type and was essentially a rocket with wings and room for a pilot.
• "So, how about Uncle Charlie, did he have a wife?" "Well, he was secretly married to Bub..." - More characters from "My Three Sons." "Bub" O'Casey (William Frawley) was widower Steven Douglas' father-in-law and helped him raise his kids. Later in the series, he was replaced by Bub's brother, retired sailor "Uncle Charlie" O'Casey (William Demerest).
• "So, what about Mr. Eddie's father's wife? Whahappa?" "Oh, you mean Mrs. Livingston? She died leaving the atmosphere running away with My Favorite Martian..." - Mrs. Livingston (Miyoshi Unaeki) was the Corbett's Japanese housekeeper on "The Courtship of Eddie's Father," not Tom Corbett's wife. Tom seems to be doing a bad Japanese accent that Mrs. L presumably spoke with. The sit-com "My Favorite Martian" (1963-6) dealt with a Martian, "Uncle Martin" (Ray Walston), stranded on Earth and living with the constantly put-upon Tim O'Hara (Bill Bixby). The reason Mrs. L would run away with Uncle Martin is, of course, that Bill Bixby starred in both show.
• "... the ABC movie of the week with Herschel Bernardi, But I Don't Want to Get Married!." - 1970 comedy TV movie (produced by Aaron Spelling) starring Herschel Bernardi as an accountant widowed after 18 years of marriage, who suddenly has scads of marriage-minded women descend upon him. Bernardi (1923-86) was a regular on "Peter Gunn" (1958-61), and appeared in a couple dozen movies, but is best remembered as the voice of Charlie the Tuna in ads for Star-Kist Tuna, from 1961 until his death in 1986.

• "A prehistoric Endless Love?" - 1981 film starring Brooke Shields and Martin Hewitt as a couple of youngsters obsessively in love with each other. Generally regarded as one of the worst films of its time. Based on a 1979 novel of the same name by Scott Spencer.
• "Why do they have a statue of Pat Nixon in there?" - Pat Nixon (born Thelma Catherine Ryan; 1912-93), first lady and wife of President Richard Nixon. After a difficult childhood, she taught in a California high school before marrying Nixon in 1940. She was not a very active first lady and very much felt the strain of being a political wife.
• "Econo Lodge? But why?" - Econo Lodge is part of the Choice Hotels International group of hotels. C.H.I. has more than 5000 hotels in 36 countries, more than 700 of which are Econo Lodges. They are known for their clean, affordable accommodations.
• "Why it's lovely!" "Jerry Garcia designed it." - Jerry Garcia (1942-95) dropped out of school at age 17 and served briefly in the US Army (he was kicked out for poor conduct) before taking up music. Some fellow musicians and he formed the Warlocks in 1965, but, after discovering another group with this name, changed it to the Grateful Dead 1966. The Dead was one of the first bands to play "psychedelic" music, and was involved in the San Francisco hippie movement and the use of LSD. The Dead broke up for a couple of years beginning 1974, and Garcia made a few solo appearances and albums before becoming heavily addicted to drugs in the early 1980s, leading to him falling into a diabetic coma. Finally recovering, Garcia turned his life around and went on to renewed fame with the Grateful Dead. It turns out that Garcia did design a line of ties.
• "Looks like Stockard Channing. - American actress (1944- ); real name, Susan Williams Antonia Stockard. Notable roles include Rizzo (leader of the Pink Ladies gang) in Grease (1978), disguised bug Jane Applegate in Meet the Applegates and Ouisa Kitteredge in Six Degrees of Separation (1993).
• "You're funny Mr. Miller. Real funny." "I'm gonna kill you last." - In the 1985 action film Commando, Col. John Matrix (Arnold Schwarzenegger) tell one of the bad guys, Sully (David Patrick Kelly), "You're a funny man, Sully, I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last." Of course, later in the movie, Matrix says, "Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last? ... I lied."
• "Looks like Gregg Toland photographed this." - Cinematographer (1904-48). Toland is known for his dramatic, low-angle shots of scenes as, often showing off ceilings, as seen in such films as Wuthering Heights (1939), The Grapes of Wrath (1940) and the classic Citizen Kane (1941). He also worked on the live-action sequences of Disney's Song of the South (1946), although I can't imagine any especially dramatic scenes in that.
• "Here's Johnny!" - In the 1980 film adaptation of Stephen King's 1977 classic horror novel, The Shining, an insane Jack Torrance (Jack Nicholson) tries to get at his family, who have locked themselves in a bathroom. He hacks at the door with an axe until he has enough room to show his face to them and calls out, "Here's Johnny!" This is the line that second banana Ed McMahon would use on every episode of "The Tonight Show" (Carson's era 1962-92) to introduce host Johnny Carson.
• "Oh, it's a U.S. Homes home." - I'm not sure what this is a reference to. Perhaps some Americans out there would know better. There is a US Homes web site, but it is, perhaps appropriately, "under construction" at this this. Any more help! would be appreciated.
• "Ray Bolger? No!" - Ray Bolger (born Raymond Wallace Bulcao; 1904-87) began his career as a comedian and "song & dance" man in Vaudeville as half of "Sandford and Bolger"; he also did some early work on Broadway. He later moved on to films, beginning with an appearance as himself in The Great Ziegfeld (1936). His movie career eventually led to his most famous role as the Scarecrow in the 1939 classic The Wizard of Oz. He made a number of other films and did more Broadway work before moving on to television with his own show "Where's Raymond?" (later "The Ray Bolger Show"; 1953-5). After this, he continued to make many more film and television appearances before dying of cancer in 1987.
• "...you've got Caveman-a-Go-Go!" - A lot of films used the phrase "a-Go-Go" in their titles during the 1960s, apparently in an attempt to cash in on the Go-Go dance fad (although they all used different spellings of "a-Go-Go"). These include Roadrunner A Go-Go (1962), Acapulco a go-go (1966), and Monster a-Go Go, Psycho a Go-Go, and Winter a Go Go (all three 1965).
• "Adlai Stevenson!" "Dah-dun-dah-dah!" - Adlai Stevenson (1900-65) was one of America's great "lost causes" as a national political leader. Stevenson ran for President twice, but, despite being well liked, especially by liberals, was beat both times by Eisenhower. While Governor of Illinois (1949-53), he doubled funding for public education, ended political appointment to the state police department and vetoed a state "antisubversive" squad. During his second bid for the Presidency, he championed the suspension of nuclear testing and focused on race relations and conservation issues. He also served as President Kennedy's UN ambassador. Stevenson was basically a nice guy who just didn't have the "oomph" to be a leader. Hardy the "man of action" the guys are making him out to be here. The musical riff comes from the opening theme of the private eye drama "Mannix" (1967-75), a very action-packed program.
• "The dumb blue line." - Should be the "thin blue line," a common name for the police force. The phrase is a variation on the "thin red line," meant to describe a small group of courageous people that defend an area or principle and refuse to yield to any attack. The phrase was first used by writer Walter Russell to describe British troops (who wore red uniforms) in the Crimean War.
• "Ready, steady, bite me!" - Probably a reference to the British ITV pop music program "Ready Steady Go!" (1963-8). It was an "American Bandstand" type show, featuring live artist performances while youngsters danced. Many well known artists, both British and American, appeared on the show, including the Beatles, the Righteous Brothers, Jimi Hendrix, the Who, and the Rolling Stones (in their first TV appearance). Two "best of" volumes were released on video in 1983 and 1985.
• "Is this The Third Man all of a sudden?" - Classic 1949 film noir/spy thriller about novelist Holly Martins (Joseph Cotton) investigating the apparent death of his friend Harry Lime (Orson Welles) in post-war Vienna. At every turn, Martins becomes more deeply involved in mystery and intrigue in a world where nothing and no-one is what they seem. In the film's climax, there is a long chase in the underground tunnels that make up Vienna sewer system. The film spawned a TV series of the same name (1959-65) with Michael Rennie in the role of Harry Lime.
• "Richard Speck is there." - Lord, I hope not! On July 14, 1966, Richard Speck (1942-91), with the tattoo "Born to raise hell" on his arm, walked into a Chicago nurses' dormitory and proceeded to brutally murder six student nurses. He hog-tied the women with bed-sheets and took them away one at a time to stab them to death, raping one of them. Another student nurse survived by hiding under her bed through the whole thing. When police were closing in on him, he tried to kill himself by slashing his wrist. He ended up in hospital, where he was recognized from his tattoo, and was finally arrested. He died in prison from a heart attack at age 49, while serving a 400 year sentence.
• "Looks like The Grifters meets Quest for Fire."
  • The 1990 movie The Grifters, based on Jim Thompson's 1985 novel, was about the relationship between three con-artists (or "grifters"): Lilly Dillon (Angelica Huston), her estranged son Roy (John Cusak) and his girlfriend Myra Langtry (Annette Benning), who is actually very much like Lilly. The story is set in the early 1960s, as is Eegah, so a lot of the styles are similar.
  • Quest for Fire is the English title for the 1981 French film La Guerre du feu. In it, three cavemen (Everett McGill, Ron Perlman and Nameer El-Kadi) search for a source of fire after their tribe loses theirs. Along the way, they encounter sabre-tooth tigers, mammoths and cannibalistic tribes. The only dialogue in the film is a series of grunts and other noises, an imaginary language developed for the movie by British author Anthony Burgess.
• "Snoop Sisters. Me hate 'em." - Ernesta Snoop (Helen Hayes) and Gwendolyn Snoop Nicholson (Mildred Natwick) were a pair of elderly ladies, sisters and mystery writers. First appearing in a 1972 TV movie, and then getting their own show (1973-4), the Snoop Sisters would use their mystery writing expertise to solve crimes they stumbled onto.
• "And hate George Gobel." - George Gobel (1919-91) was barely of voting/drinking age when he became a musician/comic on WLS radio's "Barn Dance" in his native Chicago. His fame began to grow when he got his own variety show on NBC, "The George Gobel Show" (1954-60). His low-key, self-effacing comedy style has drawn comparisons to Johnny Carson. He is probably best know for his regular appearance on the original "Hollywood Squares" (1966-81), beginning in 1974 until the show's end, and for his role at Mayor Otis Harper, Jr. on the short-lived "Harper Valley P.T.A." (1981-2).
• "It's Wilma Flintstone's mom!" - Wilma Flintstone was Fred Flintstone's (see above) long-suffering wife on "The Flintstones." She was voiced by Jean Vander Pyl and played by Elizabeth Perkins in the 1994 film and Kristen Johnston in the prequel The Flintstones: Viva Rock Vegas. The woman seen in the film here bears a surprising resemblance to the cartoon version of Wilma's mother, Pearl Slaghoople (voiced by Verna Felton). She and her son-in-law, Fred, never got along; Pearl felt that Fred was a loser and that Wilma could have done better. Mrs. Slaghoople was played by Elizabeth Taylor and Joan Collins in the 1994 and 2000 movies, respectively.
• "I'm sorry, Gary, I had the wrong page of the Hudson Street map." - I don't know if this is really from anything. Anyone know (help!)?
• "Abner, I saw a giant!" "Go to bed, Gladys." - The sit-com "Bewitched" (1964-72) was about housewife and witch Samantha Stevens (Elizabeth Montgomery) trying to lead a "normal" life. Of course, somehow, every episode she'd end up using her magic powers in some way. A frequent witness to the magic was nosy neighbour Gladys Kravitz (Alice Pearce, later Sandra Gould). She'd run to her husband Abner (George Tobias) and tell him what she saw. "Abner, I saw Samantha Stevens flying!" "Abner, I saw a Martian!" "Abner, I saw Santa Claus!" You get the idea. Of course, by the time she'd return with Abner, whatever it was was gone or returned to normal. Everybody just thought she was harmlessly nuts, including her husband.
• "Tequila." - The song "Tequila," written by Chuck Rio, was first recorded in 1958 by the Champs, when it became a number one hit. Mostly an instrumental, it has a peppy Mexican/Latin feel to it and, every once in a while, the music pauses while the band yells out "Tequila!" Since its first appearance, it has been a perennial favourite; a search of All-Music reveals more than 200 recordings. One of the most memorable performances of "Tequila" is in the 1985 comedy Pee-Wee's Big Adventure, when Pee-Wee Herman (Paul Reubens) must perform for his life in a bar full of angry patrons.
• "This band has more personnel changes than Menudo." - In 1977, Eduardo Diaz had a vision; that vision became Menudo. Diaz gathered together five young Puerto Rican lads and formed the singing group Menudo. However, whenever a member reached the age of 16 he would be replaced by another young Puerto Rican lad, thus keeping the band eternally juvenile and appealing to a young audience. Since its formation, the group has had more than 35 members, including Ricky "La Vida Loca" Martin. The band was eventually renamed MDO (with their own website) and none of its current members are either native Puerto Ricans or under 16. So much for the vision.
• "Quit bogarting that joint, Floyd."
  • "Don't bogart that joint, my friend" is a line from the song "Don't Bogart That Joint," originally performed by the Fraternity of Man on the soundtrack for Easy Rider (1969). It was re-recorded in 1988 by Little Feet on their album The Last Record Album. From the context, I assume "bogarting" a joint means hogging it to yourself.
  • The "Floyd" could refer to this character's passing resemblance to the character of Floyd Lawson (Howard McNear), the slightly creepy barber in "The Andy Griffith Show" (1960-68).
• "Together forever and ever..." - The kid in this shot looks a lot like singer Rick Astley. Astley was a little, white man with a big, black man's voice. One of his biggest hits, sung here, was "Together Forever," from his 1987 album Whenever You Need Somebody.
• "It's lookin' like Altamont all over again." - In 1969,the Rolling Stones held a free concert at the Altamont Motor Speedway in Livermore, California. Security was supplied by a group of Hell's Angel bikers. Not surprisingly, the Angels got out of control and ran riot. Four people were killed, including 18 year old Meredith Hunter, who was stabbed to death by an Angel right in front of the stage.
• "At your Lincoln Mercury dealer!" - Lincoln and Mercury are both styles of automobiles manufactured by the Ford Motor Company. In some old ads for the Cougar (another auto made by Ford), while the voice-over talked about the car, a real cougar would be shown wandering around a car lot before roaring at the very end of the ad, at which point the voice would remind us we could find the Cougar, "At your Lincoln Mercury Dealer!"
• "We've run out of Chex Mix." - Chex cereal, produced by General Mills, is often made into a popular party snack called Chex Mix. Recipes are included on the box. There's a whole bunch of variations at the Chex Mix site, including Barbeque, Caramel Corn, Marguarita Chex Fiesta Mix and Pink Powder Puff Crunch(!).
• "He tampered in God's domain." - Line from the Ed Wood 1956 "classic," Bride of the Monster, seen in MST #423. At the end of the film, after Dr. Eric Vornoff (Bela Lugosi) has been killed by his own giant octopus (this would be "irony"), chubby, old cop Tom Robbins (Harvey B. Dunn) utters this immortal line.
• "In the book of Genesis." "By Phil Collins?" - Although the movie is referring to "Genesis," the first book of the Old Testament, by mentioning Phil Collins, this becomes a reference to the British rock group of the same name.
  • Genesis, one of music's most successful groups, was founded in 1967 by five young men, including vocalist Peter Gabriel. After an unsuccessful debut album, From Genesis to Revelation, drummer Phil Collins joined the group. Their next couple of albums were also failures, but after this, they began to consistently reach the UK Top 20. Peter Gabriel left the band in 1975 to embark on his own very successful solo career and Collins took over as main vocalist. Although band members often go off on their own solo projects (Collins being the most successful), the group always comes back together to records more hits.
  • Musician Phil Collins (1951- ) first entered the spotlight as drummer for the British group Genesis, which he joined in 1970. When vocalist Peter Gabriel left the group five years later, Collins took over as lead singer. After many successful years with Genesis, Collins began to record a series of solo albums, beginning with 1981's Face Value and its #2 hit, "In the Air Tonight." He went on to have a string of hits over the following years. He also tried his hand at acting, playing the title role in the 1988 film Buster. He continues his association with Genesis, despite his continued solo success (including doing the songs for Disney's version of Tarzan (1999)).

• "Pass me the Fel's-Naptha, will ya?" - Brand of soap produced by the Dial Corporation. It's an industrial strength soap and is not recommended for frequent use on the skin. The occasional use to get rid of something nasty like poison ivy is supposed to be okay, though.
• The Day the Earth Froze and a "Sampo!" - Joel and the bots did see this 1959 film in MST #422 (although I've never seen it myself). The "Sampo" being referred to is apparently a magical device in Scandinavian folklore that creates salt, grain, and gold (the film was a Finnish co-production).

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