One of my favourite Mike episodes. This movie is so bad (and sooooo Eighties) it could be enjoyed and laughed at even without the riffs. Truly hideous acting, special effects (including audio) stolen lock, stock and barrel from "Battlestar Galactica" (the boys don't even bother mentioning it), lousy "futuristic" lingo ("Surrender or be blasted to space-dust!")... This one's got it all. The best thing to come out of South Africa since Apartheid.

• Prologue - Bitching about old encyclopedias
• Host Segment 1 - Bitching about new encyclopedias and Pearl in irons
• Movie Act 1
• Host Segment 2 - Deep space dogfight
• Movie Act 2
• Host Segment 3 - Crow's a Bellerion
• Movie Act 3
• Host Segment 4 - "Safety" railings
• Movie Act 4
• Epilogue - The Bots bulk up

Prologue - Bitching about old encyclopedias

• "This encyclopedia is useless for my biography of Roland Gift." - Roland Gift (1962- ), lead singer for the UK pop group, the Fine Young Cannibals. Gift first got into the music business as a saxophonist for a group called Blue Kitchen. He didn't like their style and left to join the Acrylic Victims (good God, all the good band names have been taken). After they folded, Gift finally joined the Cannibals upon their formation in 1985. They had a string of hits, most notably "She Drives Me Crazy" from the 1988 album, The Raw and the Cooked. Gift has also done some acting, including a recurring character on the TV series "Highlander" (1992-7).
• "It lists Hitler as a fairly stable veteran of the Great War." - Adolph Hitler (1899-1945), psychopathic madman and driving force behind the Nazi party and the Holocaust during World War II, was indeed a veteran of the Great War, as World War I was referred to before the next one came up. Although rejected from the Austrian army in 1914 when the Great War broke out, he was accepted into the German army. He served throughout the war (although was injured and in hospital when the War came to a close) and for bravery in action received the Iron Cross, First Class.
• "Congress is spelt with an 'f'." - In older written English, the sibilant "s" sound, like the double "s" in "congress," used to be written in what looks to modern readers to be an elongated lower-case "f".
• "There's a mailing address for Machu Picchu." - An Incan archaeological site in Peru, Machu Picchu was probably used as a home for members of the Inca royal family when away from the Incan capital of Cusco. Built sometime after 1438, it was probably abandoned around 1523, as the Spanish began the conquest of the Incan people. Its historical importance was first recognized in 1911 by a visiting American explorer and today is Peru's chief tourist attraction. For more, try www.machupicchu.com.
• "It refers to Stonehenge...under construction?" - The ancient monument on the Salisbury Plain in Wiltshire in England. Stonehenge, made up of huge, rough-cut stones standing in a circle, is believed to have been used by ancient peoples for tribal gatherings and as a religious center. When in their original positions, the stones could be used to time certain important astronomical events. Stonehenge was built in three main phases, between 2800 and 1500 BC and is one of England's major tourists attractions, with over 1 million visitors a year.

Host Segment 1 - Bitching about new encyclopedias and Pearl in irons

• "Wow! Twenty-seven pages on Gwen Stefani alone!" - (1969- ) Lead singer for the rock group No Doubt. The band was formed in 1987 by Stefani's brother Eric and his friend John Spence, with Gwen joining at a later date. Their first, self-titled album was released in 1992, but they really hit it big with their third effort, 1995's Tragic Kingdom.
• "You guys should probably call Amnesty... International... House of Pancakes, or whatever."
  • Amnesty International: In 1961, London lawyer Peter Benenson read about a group of students in Portugal who were arrested and jailed for raising a toast to "Freedom!" in a public restaurant. Appalled, Benenson started a year long campaign called "Appeal for Amnesty 1961" in a local paper to raise awareness for what he dubbed "prisoners of conscience," people imprisoned for their belief, politics, race, religion or colour. By the end of a year of enormous and rapidly growing support, Amnesty International was formed. AI is now a worldwide movement working to promote human rights. They run campaigns to free prisoners of conscience, ensure fair and prompt trails for political prisoners and abolish to the death penalty and torture, among others. They have more than a million members in more than 160 countries, including many celebrities, who often appear at massive benefit concerts for AI. To learn more about their history and work, visit their web site.
  • International House of Pancakes: Founded in 1958, the International House of Pancakes, or just IHOP, has become on of America's most popular restaurant chains. They are mostly known for their breakfast fare, such as pancakes, waffles and omelettes, but also serve lunch, dinner and snack items. One of their big selling points is the fact they serve breakfast all day, as their spokesman, "Cliff from IHOP," reminds us in most of their ads. There are over 900 IHOP restaurants in the U.S, Canada and Japan.
• "The emperor's about to begin his violin recital." - This and the fire in the epilogue segment refer to the myth of the Roman Emperor Nero fiddling while Rome burned. Emperor Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus (37-68 AD) ruled the Roman Empire from 54 AD until his death. In the year 64 AD, a huge fire swept through Rome for nine days, destroying two-thirds of the city. When Nero started the rebuilding process, suspicion grew that Nero had planned the fire in order to make room for a new city built in his honour. Nero blamed the Christians, who weren't well liked anyway. Over the centuries, the tale has been altered so that now Nero supposedly stood watching the city burn while calmly playing his violin or fiddle. In truth, Nero was away at Antium when it happened and the violin wouldn't be invented for another 1500 years anyway.
• "Pearl, tell me about the rabbits again." - From John Steinbeck's 1937 novel, Of Mice and Men and its 1939 and 1992 film adaptations. It tells the tragic story of the relationship between two migrant workers, the huge and powerful but simple-minded Lennie Small and his friend George Milton. The ranch hands dream of one day owning their own farm, and Lennie keeps asking for a description of their fantasy. "Tell me about the rabbits, George!"
• "I was just at a 401(K) meeting." - American retirement plan. The 401(k) plan (named for section 401(k) of the Internal Revenue Code) offered by some employers basically allows an employee to have a certain percentage of their paycheck to be put aside and saved up for their retirement.

Movie Act 1

• "A Jonathan Winters/Billie Holiday production."
  • Comedian Jonathan Winters (1925- ), like so many others, got his start in stand-up. His talent for mimicry and invention of a wide range of characters led him to his first TV appearances in 1954, where he became a regular guest on evening talk-shows of the time. He had his own show twice ("The Jonathan Winters Show"; 1956-7; 1967-9), and starred in the last season of "Mork & Mindy" (1978-82) as Mork (Robin Williams) and Mindy's (Pam Dawber) son Mearth (from Earth... Mork from Ork, Mearth from Earth, get it?... never mind...). Over the years he has also made many film appearances, beginning with It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963) and done a lot of voice work for cartoons.
  • Born Eleanor Harris, Billie Holiday (1915-59) is considered one of the outstanding jazz singers of the 20th century. Her childhood was an unhappy one, living surrounded by poverty; she was working scrubbing floors in a brothel when she first heard jazz music. She made her singing debut in obscure Harlem nightclubs, then toured with big band leaders Count Basie and Artie Shaw before going solo. She recorded hundreds of songs in studio over the 1930s and 40s (beginning with the 1933 album Your Mother's Son In Law) but never got any royalties for any of them. Unfortunately, her last years were also unhappy ones, as she descended more and more into heroin use and alcohol abuse before her death.
• "Sounds like someone owns himself a DX7 keyboard, huh?" - Keyboard synthesizer produced by Yamaha in the 1980s. Apparently the best-selling synth of all time, with 160 000 units sold, it was used as the basis for a later Yamaha keyboard, the PLG100DX, in the late 1990s.
• "With music normally found at the Days Inn Lounge in Columbia Heights." - The Days Inn chain of hotels is owned by the American-based Days Inn of America, Inc. It is a large franchise with more than 1900 hotels in many countries, including the US, Canada, China, the Philippines, South Africa and Uruguay (Uruguay?). The Days Inn in Columbian Heights, MN, is properly called the Days Inn Treehouse Lounge and is at 200 Oakwood Dr., in nearby Monticello, MN (you can find out almost anything on the 'net).
• "There's gonna be seven levels of Hell in this movie, too." - The credits at this point tell us that the movie was written by Maria Dante, so Crow makes a reference to Alighieri Dante's (1265-1321) epic The Divine Comedy (written beginning in 1308). In it, Dante himself is visited by the spirit of the Greek poet Virgil and taken on a tour of Hell, Purgatory and Heaven. In the first volume, Inferno, the tour of Hell, Dante discovered that there are several levels or "circles" to Hell, arranged like a giant inverted hollow cone, each for a different type of sinner or sin. Crow is mistaken about the number, however; there are actually nine circles. In descending order: 1. Virtuous Heathens (folks who aren't actually evil but made the mistake of not being baptized), 2. Gluttony, 3. Avarice, 4. Wrath, 5. Sullenness or Sloth 6. Heretics, 7. the Violent, 8. Frauds and 9. Treachery.
• "Like Pat Reily, here." - Reily (1945- ) is a basketball coach who has worked with such teams as the Los Angeles Lakers, the New York Knicks and the Miami Heat. He is also a motivational speaker and wrote The Winner Within: A Life Plan for Team Players (1993).
• "He's like an Armand Assanta wanna-be." - American-born Irish-Italian actor (1949- ). His appearances include Private Benjamin (1980), The Mambo Kings (1992), Striptease (1996), as Odysseus in "The Odyssey" (1997 TV mini-series) and voice work in The Road to El Dorado (2000), among many others.
• "He made a bomb out of soap and Paco Rabane." - Expensive line of colognes and perfumes, named for the Spanish fashion designer.
• "Melissa Manchester!" - Middle-of-the-road singer and songwriter (1951- ). Manchester took songwriting classes from Paul Simon and performed back-up vocals for Bette Midler and Barry Manilow before embarking on her own relatively successful career. Her hits include "Midnight Blue" (1975), "Don't Cry Out Loud" (1979) and "You Should Hear How She Talks About You" (1982) for which she won a Best Female Vocal Performance Grammy. She also performed the song "Let Me Be Good To You" for Disney's The Great Mouse Detective (1986) and had a recurring role as Blossom's mother on the sit-com "Blossom" (1991-5). She has an official web site.
• "Da-da-da-da-lame! Bum-bum, lame-bum..." - Crow and, later on, Tom (with "Da-da-da-da-crap!") are singing a... variation of Johann Strauss' waltz, "The Blue Danube" (1867). The "Danube" was used as music for the earlier spaceship scenes in Stanley Kubrick's classic film 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968).
• "Oi!" - Captain Devers, with his short blonde hair, looks a lot like former Australian Rules star footballer Mark "Jacko" Jackson. In the late 1980s, Jocko appeared in a series of American ads for Energizer batteries. In these ads, he'd stomp around in a set of tights, being loud and shouting out in his strong Aussie accent: "New Energiza! It'll surprise ya!" He'd conclude every ad with a close-up of his mug while he shouted out "OI!" Jacko's only other exposure in North America was a co-starring role on the strange short-lived series, "The Highwayman" (1988). Another reference in the film relating to Jacko is "Too right!", another Aussie-type expression.
• "Sting, Debbie Reynolds and God."
  • Sting: Singer/songwriter/actor (1951- ; real name Gordon Sumner; got his new name from a fellow musician when Sumner wore a yellow and black striped sweater which made him look like a bee). Sting was a founding member and lead vocalist for the rock group the Police (formed in 1977) and left in 1985 to begin a successful solo career. His hits include "If You Love Someone Set Them Free" (1985), "If I Ever Lose My Faith in You" (1993), "All For Love" (1993, with Bryan Adams and Rod Stewart for that year's film version of The Three Musketeers) and "Brand New Day" (1999). Sting has also done a lot of acting, beginning with 1979's Quadrophenia, and including the ill-fated Dune (1984).
  • Debbie Reynolds: Singer/dancer/actress (1932- ). Reynolds began her career in beauty pageants before being discovered by a film scout, leading to her movie debut in The Daughter of Rosie O'Grady (1950). Since then, she has appeared in many films, notably Singin' in the Rain (1952), The Affairs of Dobie Gillis (1953), The Unsinkable Molly Brown (1964) and as the voice of Charlotte the spider in 1973's Charlotte's Web. She also had her own short-lived television series, "The Debbie Reynolds Show" (1969-70). Her daughter is Carrie Fisher of Star Wars fame.
  • God: Um, God.
• "Graphics by Kenner." - Popular toy and game manufacturer, originally part of Tonka, bought by Hasbro Toys in 1991. Over the years their products have included the Easy-Bake Oven, Spirograph and action figure lines of DC Super-Heroes and Star Wars.
• "Special effects by Industrial Light and Morons." - Special effects company Industrial Light & Magic, or ILM, was founded by Star Wars creator George Lucas in 1975. Over the years, ILM has become the leading special effects company in Hollywood. Since its creation, it has been involved with the effects for nearly 200 films.
• "I told you we should've landed at LaGuardia." - New York City's LaGuardia airport was named for then-Mayor Fiorelle LaGuardia. Its official web page is here.
• "Kalgan/Calgon, blow me away!" - Although the villain's name in the film is spelt "Kalgan," the reference is to "Calgon." Calgon is a manufacturer of numerous body, bath and home products. Their motto, used often in advertising, is "Calgon, take me away!"
• "Too right!" - See "Oi!" above.
• "So, really, how does this help the Basque Separatists?" - Living in the Pyrenees Mountains, on both sides of the border between France and Spain, are the Basques, an ethnic group that lived in the area long before other early cultures moved in to populate the two countries. These people have never lived under their own government, being ruled instead by the French or (mostly) the Spanish, sometimes with their rights so severely curtailed that they weren't allowed to speak their own language. As a result, in 1959 the ETA (Euskadi Ta Askatasuna or Basque Homeland and Liberty) was formed. Over the years, the ETA were behind a number of violent acts against the Spanish in an effort to gain independence. In 1980, the Basques were granted a limited self-rule, but a hardline minority of the ETA felt this was not enough and they continue their terrorist activities to this day.
• "My 'Buns of Steel' videos are in there!" - Popular line of exercise videos. They're up to a couple dozen by now, including several yoga work-outs, a pregnancy work-out and some for other parts of the body, like "Abs of Steel."
• "John Waters!" - Bizarre, "gonzo" movie director John Waters (1946- ) was a strange child, obsessed by violence and gore (both real and on screen). He began making silent 8mm and 16mm films in the mid 1960s with some friends. A following grew around him and his works and he began making features in the 1970s, many of them starring hugely overweight transvestite Divine. His first big success was 1972's Pink Flamingos (which has been called a deliberate exercise in ultra-bad taste and features a scene where Divine eats actual dog manure). Waters eventually achieved Hollywood success with Hairspray (1988) with Divine and a young Ricki Lake. Other successes included Cry-Baby (1990) with Johnny Depp and ex-porn star Traci Lords and Serial Mom (1994) starring Kathleen Turner as a psychotic housewife serial killer. Weird, often disturbing stuff.
• "The office newsletter says I look like Susan Powter." - Susan Powter (1957- ), popular author, workout guru, motivational speaker and possibly the world's angriest woman. Powter managed to lose a large amount of weight when her first husband left her and became a celebrity when she published a book about it, Stop the Insanity! (1993). She is a regular fixture on shopping channels and gives talks to help other women lose weight. Her delivery, as one newspaper article puts it, is "a cross between Joan Rivers ('Am I right?') and Sam Kinnison ('AAAAAAAAHHHH!')." She screams more than talks. Her usual attire consists of work-out tights, stiletto heels and a bleached-blonde buzz-cut.
• "Santa's playing Freecell over here."
  • Santa is, of course, a reference to Santa Claus, the North American version of the magical being who gives gifts to well-behaved children on Christmas Eve. Santa is based on Saint Nicholas, who legend has it secretly gave gifts to three daughters of a poor man to save them from a life of "sin," i.e. prostitution. The current image of Santa Claus as a fat, jolly man with a big white beard comes mainly from two sources: Clement Moore's classic 1822 poem, "A Visit From Saint Nicholas" (AKA "Twas the Night Before Christmas") and Coca-Cola ads.
  • Freecell is a solitaire card game that comes standard with all versions of Microsoft Windows from 3.1 on.
• "Should I spend 20 bucks for Griffey?" - A reference to baseball player Ken Griffey, Jr. (1969- ). Griffey, whose father was also a successful baseball player, plays for the Seattle Mariners team. This ref probably just demonstrates how little the guys actually care about what's happening in the film. Instead of watching the film, they seem to be discussing some kind of Fantasy Baseball League, where you can purchase "players" for a team and then use their stats to determine how well your team does.
• "So, we got some Benedictine Monks in the floorboards..." - Benedictine monks (men who live according to the guidelines for monastic living written by St. Benedict in the 500s) chant as part of their daily worship. Much of this chanting sounds like a long hum, changing in intensity and pitch, sort of like the noise heard in the movie. It's really kinda cool. This chanting (called "Gregorian") became quite popular in the 1990s when the Benedictine Monks of Santo Domingo De Silos released an album of their singing called Chant (1994). It was a huge hit and even reached the top 5 in the pop charts. The resulting "chantmania" lasted for quite several years, with more albums following, as well as a number of parodies, like Grunt (1996), a day in the life of a farm, chant-style.
• "Whoa! I drank too much Surge!" - Caffeine-heavy, sugar-laden citrus drink from Coca-Cola, only available in the U.S. It seems you can get quite a buzz from it, as it contains 35 milligrams of caffeine in an 8 oz can (although this is still not as much as Pepsi's Mountain Dew, which contains 37 mg in the States). Concerned about students being wired from the stuff, it was once banned from a high school in Little Rock, Arkansas.
• "It's Robbie Robertson!" - Half-Mohawk/half-Jewish Canadian Robbie Robertson (1943- ) was part of the Hawks, rockabilly star Ronnie Hawkins' back-up band. The Hawks eventually split off on their own and, in affiliation with Bob Dylan, renamed themselves simply "the Band," with Robertson as their chief songwriter and lead guitarist. After a successful run together, the Band dissolved in 1976. Their last, all-star concert was filmed by director Martin Scorsese and released as The Last Waltz in 1978. Robertson went on to his own successful career, beginning with his self-titled album in 1987, followed by Storyville (1991) and Music for the Native Americans (1994). He was also responsible for a number of movie soundtracks and scores, including Raging Bull (1980), The Color of Money (1986) and Any Given Sunday (1999).

Host Segment 2 - Deep space dogfight

• "What the Hell, Michigan is goin' on?" - Yes, there really is a Hell, Michigan. Theories abound as to the origin of the town's name, but nothing definitive. My favourite is the story of two German visitors to the area. One turned to the other and said "So schoene hell." Hell in German means "bright and beautiful." Some locals overheard this and got a kick out of it, so they decided to use the name Hell.
• "Enjoy a nice serving of brown betty... with death!" - Pudding-like dessert made with apples and cinnamon.

Movie Act 2

• "Do you know where I can get some Zubas, man?" - Early 1990s clothing fad. Weightlifting-gym owners Dan Stock and Bob Truax wanted to create a functional pair of shorts that would expand and stretch to accommodate the bulging muscle of bodybuilders. They named the result Zubaz. Usually very bright and flashy, their caught on extremely well upon their introduction in 1991. With orders from J.C. Penny and the National Football League, a number of factories were eventually opened to deal with the demand and Zubaz expanded into a whole line of clothing, including caps, shirts, diapers and long pants.
• "We now switch live to Spencer's Gifts." - Actually Spencer Gifts. One of those chains of stores that sells weird stuff like singing fish you hang on the wall, purple inflatable chairs, the "lightning ball" seen here and, of course, the ever popular flatulence line of products. Take a gander.
• "Hey, Macarena..." - One of the great evils of the 20th century. The song "Macarena" was first released in Spain in 1993 by Spanish "flamenco-pop" duo Los Del Rio. It was a modest hit in that country and was then remixed for North American release by the Bayside Boys and became the best selling single of 1996 and the biggest dance craze since breakdancing. The accompanying dance involves flailing your arms about in an epileptic fit (here's how).
• "Aaaaaay..." - The Bellerions look like they're making a "thumbs-up" sign at this point. On the popular TV sit-com "Happy Days" (1974-84), the leather jacket-clad, ultra-cool 1950s greaser "Fonzie" (Henry Winkler) would often express his approval of something by giving the thumbs-up and saying "Aaaaaay!"
• "It's a Wicca Tupperware party."
  • Wicca: The modern term for what was once called "witchcraft," with witches now being "Wiccans." The term is used so as to distance followers of this religion from the negative stereotype of witches and their craft. They are still stereotyped, however, as all female and gathering in small groups to perform strange rituals, much like those who attend--
  • --Tupperware parties: In the 1930s, American inventor Earl Tupper found a way to turn the by-product of oil refining into a plastic material that was durable, flexible, odourless, on-toxic and lightweight. He turned this into Tupperware, a line of air-tight plastic food containers that protected food from the drying air of fridges. When the line was introduced to department and hardware stores in 1946, it didn't quite catch on; people were unsure how to use it. Then, in the late 1940s, a number of direct sellers with Stanley Home Products began demonstrating Tupperware at home parties and sales took off. Today, Tupperware is a multinational company worth over a billion dollars and a Tupperware party is held somewhere in the world every 2.2 seconds. Here is Tupperware's official site.
• "Damn Swedish ergonomic chairs..." - Ergonomics is the science of equipment design, especially for the office, intended to reduce worker fatigue and discomfort. Office furniture, like desk, chairs and computers are designed so as to not cause too much strain on a person using them. The Swedish remark may refer to the Ikea furniture company; it is Swedish and they do make a lot of funky furniture.
• "Mother Angelica aerobics." - Mother Angelica (1923- ) was born Rita Rizzo to parents John and Mae. Rita had a rough childhood (her father left home, leaving her mother and her in poverty). After a number of events (including a miraculous recovery from painful intestinal difficulties) she found God and became a nun. She eventually founded her own monastery, Our Lady of the Angels, and, in 1981, created EWTV, the Eternal World Television Network, the world's biggest all-religious programming TV station. Eventually becoming CEO of EWTV, Mother Angelica had her own popular phone-in show on the network.
• "Hey! One of the New Monkees!" - In 1987, trying to repeat the success of the original Monkees series (1966-8), "The New Monkees" appeared on the air, lasting only one season (1987). As with the original, the show featured four young musicians (Jared Chandler, Dino Kovas, Marty Ross and Larry Saltis) hanging out and having goofy adventures. It was a rather surreal show, with the New Monkees living in a huge mansion with thousands of doors and rooms, leading to places both real and imaginary, such as right in front of a charging train, Frankenstein's lab and an "evil parallel universe!" The New Monkees released one unsuccessful self-titled album.
• "Oh, Gopher, are you lost?" - Burl "Gopher" Smith was Yeoman-Purser of the Pacific Princess on the original "Love Boat" television series (1977-86), about passengers finding romance while on said cruise ship. Gopher, as well as the rest of the crew, wore white uniforms similar to the one seen here. Fred Grandy, who played Gopher, went on to become a member of U.S. Congress for Iowa and the President of Goodwill Industries.
• "Excuse me, Al Lewis." - Former circus performer, teacher and children's author Al Lewis (1910- ) got into acting in 1949. He performed in burlesque and vaudeville houses across America, moving on the Broadway and, eventually, television in the 1950s. His most famous roles were Officer Leo Schnauser on "Car 54, Where Are You?" (1961-3) and on the original "The Munsters" (1964-6) as the vampiric Grandpa Munster. Once these shows ended, Lewis opened his own restaurant in New York's Greenwich Village, Grandpa's. He continued to appear in small TV and movie roles in later years.
• "Herbie, the misfit elf." - In the classic Rankin/Bass stop-animation Christmas TV special "Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (1964), the famous reindeer makes friends with Hermey (which viewers seem to have always heard and repeated as "Herbie"), the Misfit Elf (voiced by Paul Soles). Seems Hermey doesn't like making toys; he'd rather be a dentist. At the show's conclusion, Hermey gets his wish, and becomes official dentist to Santa Claus and his elves.
• "He looks like Billie Jean King." - Famed tennis player (1943- ). King won the women's double title at Wimbledon in 1961 on her first attempt, and went on to win a record 20 titles between 1961 and 1979. She also won 13 US, 4 French and 2 Australian titles over her career and became the Women's Tennis Association's first president in 1974. There was a whole lot of pointless fuss when it was discovered that she was (gasp!) gay.
• "The death of Rick Springfield." "I just wish I had Jesse's girl!" - Rick Springfield (1949- ) was a popular 1980s pop-rock singer and actor. Getting his start with a number of bands when younger, Springfield had a number of solo hits during the 1980s, most notably the song referred to here, the #1 "Jessie's Girl," from his 1981 album Working Class Dog. On the acting front, he was best known for his recurring role between 1981 and 1983 on the long-running soap opera "General Hospital" (1963- ). He also played Nick Knight in the original 1989 pilot for "Forever Knight" (1992-6) (a role which mercifully went to Geraint Wyn Davies for the series) and the title role in the short-lived "Human Target" (1992). Springfield has also appeared in several movies, including a starring role in 1984's Hard to Hold.
• "He had a mouthful of Starburst." - Chewy fruit-flavoured candy produced by the Mars company. It's really yummy and is even available in jelly bean format. There is an official site.
• "Now married to an entertainment lawyer in Sherman Oaks." - A wealthy suburb of Los Angeles, California, the entertainment capital of the world. The kind of place inhabited by entertainment lawyers and plastic surgeons.
• "Shake it, Ralph Macchio!" - Actor (1961- ), mostly known for his younger roles. His best known roles are a recurring character during the last season of the TV sitcom "Eight is Enough" (1977-81) and as the title character in all three Karate Kid movies (1984, 1986, 1989). More recently, he has moved onto stage work.
• "Hey, Mike, I bet you were really into the Thompson Twins, right? You were Wang Chung-ing all over the place."
  • The Thompson Twins: Popular 1980s synth-pop band, founded in England 1977. None of the members were actually twins or named Thompson; they took their name from the bungling detective from the Tintin series of books. Their hits included "Lies" and "Hold Me Now" (both 1983), "Doctor! Doctor!" (1984) and "King for a Day" (1985).
  • Wang Chung: London-based "new wave" band, also quite popular during the 1980s. Their biggest hits were "Dance Hall Days" (1984) and "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" (1986) which featured the lyrics, "Everybody have fun tonight/Everybody Wang Chung tonight," thus turning their name into a verb. The video for "Everybody" consisted of very fast cuts between two or three similar performances of the song by the band; a number of people claimed that the video gave them epileptic fits.
• "Shari Lewis has got it goin' on." - Ventriloquist and actress (1933-98), born Shari Hurwitz. With several acting credits to her name, Lewis was best known for her work in children's entertainment. She created numerous puppet character for which she did the voices, including Hush Puppy and Charlie Horse, with her best known creation being the very popular Lamb Chop. Lewis charmed children of all ages on several TV series over her 40 year career.
• "You know, without Metracal this would not be possible." - Metracal, introduced in the 1950s, was the first commercially available diet supplement drink, along the lines of today's Boost and Slim-Fast.
• "I'd rather get a table dance from Trent Lott." - Lott (1941- ), a former attorney, is currently the Senator (Republican) for the state of Mississippi, having first been elected to that post in 1988; he was also for a time the Majority Leader (chief spokesman for his party) of the Senate, but reluctantly stepped down after making some borderline racist remarks. He has been accused of having ties to a number of racist political groups, but consistently denies any involvement with them.
• "This is less subtle than an Annie Sprinkle performance piece." - Performing name of prostitute and porn star Ellen Steinberg (1954- ). Steinberg picked her alias because she enjoyed "wetness" during sex (this is probably something that should not be dwelled upon too much). She was something of a porn "activist," promoting safe sex in the adult movie industry. As Mike mentions, she had a number of "performance pieces" that she would perform live for audiences and at parties. They were probably about what you'd expect.
• "She's presenting like a mandrill." - The mandrill (Papio sphinx or Mandrillus sphinx) is the largest of all monkeys. As well as having brightly coloured faces, the male of the species has colouration on his behind, a light purple fading into reddish purple. As part of the mating ritual, the male will often present its coloured behind to the female.
• "Ah, it's like Nick and Nora Charles." - Nick and Nora Charles first appeared in Dashiell Hammett's classic 1932 mystery novel, The Thin Man, which led to a successful series of "Thin Man" films, beginning in 1934, where Nick and Nora were beautifully played by William Powell and Myrna Loy. Nick Charles was an ex-private detective who married wealthy Nora. Somehow they always managed to stumble onto mysteries and solved them more for fun than anything else. They were a lovable, incredibly witty couple, always sniping good-naturedly at each other (a typical exchange: Nick: "How'd you like Grant's tomb?" Nora: "It's lovely. I'm having a copy made for you."). They also drank like fish, usually having a screwdriver or two or some champagne first thing in the morning.
• "Bennigan's, 1985." - The American restaurant chain Bennigan's was apparently founded by D. Bennigan, an Irishman who emigrated to the United States in the early 1900s with the dream of someday owning his own tavern. He eventually founded Bennigan's Irish American Grill & Tavern and there are now a number of franchises across the States.
• "She's walking with two Mexican wrestlers." - Wrestling is huge in Mexico, possibly even more so than in the rest of North America. Wrestlers in Mexico, who always wear full head masks, are idolized by young and old alike. They star in movies (for example, experiment 624, Sampson Vs. the Vampire Women (1961)) and even sometimes get involved in politics, speaking out on a number of issues.
• "Herve Villechaize's death car!" - Diminutive actor Herve Villechaize (1943-93) was best known for his role as Tattoo, assistant to the mysterious Mister Rourke (Ricardo Montalban) on the original "Fantasy Island" (1978-84). Villechaize, who only reached a height of 3'11", also appeared in a dozen or so motion pictures, including the James Bond film The Man with the Golden Gun (1974) as Nick Nack. Married three times, he committed suicide in 1993, apparently to escape continuing health problems.
• "Let's see what this Lark can do!" - Wisconsin-based Lark of America is a manufacturer of scooters for use by the elderly, including the extravagantly named Lark 6000XL.
• "De do do do, de da da da, is all I want to say to you..." - Reference to Captain Devers resemblance to Sting (see above. These lyrics come from the Police song "De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da" from their 1980 album Zenyatta Mondatta.
• "It's Kevorkian!" - Doctor Jack Kevorkian (1928- ) began his medical career with controversy, which continued throughout his life. He was dismissed from the University of Michigan Hospital in 1953 for proposing that death-row inmates, rather than be executed, be only rendered unconscious so they could be used in certain medical experiments. His radical views made it difficult for him keep a hospital post, but by 1989 had developed his first "suicide machine," an instrument to assist terminal patients in euthanising themselves. His use of this machine over the following years earned Kevorkian the nickname "Dr. Death." Despite laws in some states specifically prohibiting his use of the machine, he was not convicted of any death-related crime until 1999, when a jury found him guilty of second-degree murder.
• "I was just about to do the Monster Mash." - Halloween novelty song performed by Bobby "Boris" Pickett and the Crypt-Kickers. The song tells the story of a group of monsters getting together and having a party, at which they all do a dance called "the Monster Mash." The song is mostly narrated by Pickett, doing a bang-on impression of horror film great Boris Karloff. It has been a top 100 hit three times since its initial release: in 1962 (#1), 1970 (#91) and 1972 (#30). It was followed up by "Monsters' Holiday" in 1962, which reached #30. To find out more, and to see and hear clips of the song and video, visit themonstermash.com.
• "Oh, here comes Lord of the Dance." - The "Lord of the Dance" is American dancer Michael Flatley. When Flatley's ego got too big for the hit Irish dance revue Riverdance, he was ousted from the show in 1995 and replaced by someone ten times more talented. Flathead... oops, Flatley then went on to create his own popular dance show, Lord of the Dance, in which he completely misses the entire point to Irish dance and culture. The show uses a lot of whizz-bang effects and smoke, while Flatley prances about, sucking in his gut and leering at all the pretty young women who dance with him. Apparently, there's a gnome in there, too. The show's official and plug-in heavy site is here, but a much more entertaining site is Bored of the Dance. Of particular note is the very funny LOTD Drinking Game.
• "Oh, going to the deep freeze, I must say." - One of Kalgan's henchmen has a bit of hair that stands straight up in the front, similar to Ed Grimley, a character created by comedian Martin Short. Ed first appeared on the 1982-3 version of the sketch comedy series "SCTV." He was a manic individual, always truly excited about every little thing and wore pants that came up to his chest. He spoke in the voice that Mike is doing here and had several catch phrases including, "I must say," "most excellent," and "mental," as in, "I'm going totally mental, I must say." Ed also appeared on "Saturday Night Live" (1975-), during Short's 1984-5 stint (during which Ed developed an obsession for "Wheel of Fortune" host Pat Sajak) and on his own very funny Saturday morning cartoon, "The Completely Mental Misadventures of Ed Grimley" (1988-9).
• "I'm late for Roddy McDowall practice." - Popular British actor Roddy McDowall (1928-98) had a very long and (mostly) distinguished career. He began acting as a child, with his first significant part at the age of ten in the 1938 film Murder in the Family. McDowall went on to appear in more than 150 movies and television programs. Notable child appearance include How Green Was My Valley (1941), My Friend Flicka (1943) and Lassie Come Home (1943). His best remembered roles are as various highly-evolved chimpanzees in all but one of the Planet of the Apes films (1968-1973) and the TV series based on them (1974). Later in life, he did much voice work, including the evil hamster Snowball on "Pinky and the Brain" (1995-8), the Mad Hatter on various incarnations of "Batman: The Animated Series" (beginning 1992) and Mr. Soil in 1998's A Bug's Life.

Host Segment 3 - Crow's a Bellerion

• Mike spends the whole segment reading The Pelican Brief (1992) by the insanely popular John Grisham. Grisham's novels all deal with lawyers fighting against the system in some way, and Pelican is no exception. In it, law student Darby Shaw stumbles onto a conspiracy to assassinate two Supreme Court judges and tries to expose the plot with the help of newspaper reporter Gray Grantham. The novel was made into a 1993 film of the same name starring Julia Roberts and Denzel Washington.

Movie Act 3

• "He killed Mitch Gaylord!" - Athlete Mitch Gaylord (1961- ) led the US Olympic gymnastics team to a Gold Medal victory at the 1984 Los Angeles Olympic Games. He also became the first American gymnast to score a perfect 10 and earned several other medals. After the games, President Ronald Reagan appointed Gaylord to the President's Council for Physical Fitness. He has appeared in a handful of films beginning with American Anthem (1986), leading to some film stunt work, including standing in for Chris O'Donnell as Robin in 1995's Batman Forever.
• "Open a file on..." "...Blitzen." - Blitzen is one of Santa Claus' (see above) magical flying reindeer who fly him around the world on Christmas Eve. They were given their names in Clement Moore's "A Visit from Saint Nicholas." They are: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donder (or Donner) and Blitzen.
• "The Stevie Nicks workout." - Stevie Nicks (1948- ) was a key member of the rock group Fleetwood Mac. The singer/songwriter recorded her first album, Buckingham-Nicks in 1973 with her friend and sometimes lover Lindsey Buckingham. The album flopped but got the attention of Mick Fleetwood who asked them to join his band, Fleetwood Mac in 1974. Nicks quickly became the focus of the group and started her own successful solo career, beginning with the 1981 album Bella Donna. The stress of both careers led to her retirement while recovering from substance abuse. Nicks returned to music with Fleetwood Mac's 1997 reunion and continued to write and perform. Nicks' "mystical chanteuse" image, with her blonde, shoulder-length frizzy hair and gauzy clothing and scarves, was very distinctive.
• At this point, we get a bunch of Santa Claus (see above) references in a row:
  • "Mrs. Kringle and I have an understanding." - Santa is traditionally considered to be a married man (although his wife has never been given an official name) and Kris Kringle is one of the many other names used for Saint Nicholas.
  • "Want to see me shake like a bowlful of jelly?" - Again from Clement Moore's "A Visit from Saint Nicholas": "He had a broad face and a round little belly,/That shook, when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly."
  • "Someone did leave a cookie out for me!" - In North America (and elsewhere?), children often leave out milk and cookies for Santa to help him keep his strength up during his long voyage.
  • "I am a right jolly old elf." - And, again, from Moore's poem: "He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,/And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself..."
  • "Let me just check you twice, here." - Refers to the database Santa must have to keep track of everyone he has to deliver gifts to. In the Christmas song "Santa Claus is Coming to Town," we discover that, "He's making a list and checking it twice/Gonna find out who's naughty and nice..."
• "It's real fruit flavour." - At first I thought this might be from a particular ad campaign, but it's probably just a reference to the many products that go on about their "real fruit flavour." You know, Kool-Aid, Froot Loops, Starburst, and so on.
• "Woo-hoo! We got ISO-9001 certified!" - ISO (from the Greek word "isos" meaning "equal") is a system of international standards for products and processes overseen by the International Organization for Standardization. Basically, ISO makes sure that everything of one type of product adheres to the same criteria. For example, it ensures that all credit cards are the same size so they are compatible with all credit card readers, which themselves have to meet certain standards. All in all, it seems pretty boring. The ISO-9000 standards, of which ISO-9001 is a part, deals with management systems; many office based businesses have an ISO expert come in to rate their systems in order to gain certification. This kind of thing gets mentioned a lot in the "Dilbert" comic strip...
• "She makes Shelley Duvall look like Shirley Hemphill." - A skinny woman and a large woman, respectively:
  • Actress Shelley Duvall (1949- ) started her career in the 1970 Robert Altman film Brewster McCloud and went on to appear in many memorable movie and TV roles. Her movie appearances include Annie Hall (1977), The Shining (1980) and Popeye (1980), in which she played comic strip character Olive Oyl, for which her thin frame was ideal. In the 1980s she executive produced and hosted a number of children's shows (including "Faerie Tale Theater" (1982) and "Tall Tales and Legends" (1985-8)) which adapted popular fairy tales using a lot of big-name actors. She continues to have an active acting career.
  • Comedic actress Shirley Hemphill (1947-99) began as a stand-up comedian (helping Rosie O'Donnell get her start) before becoming an actress on the popular 1970s sit-com "What's Happening!!" (1976-9) and its follow-up, "What's Happening Now!" (1985-8). She played Shirley, the large, sassy waitress in a diner. She only appeared in two movies (CB4 (1993), Shoot the Moon (1996)) before passing away from kidney failure.
• "Pantene Pro-V." - Pro-V Essentials is a line of hair care products sold by Pantene, a division of Proctor & Gamble. Their ads often show beautiful women throwing their heads back in slow-motion so you can appreciate their freshly Pro-V-ed hair.
• "Glenda Jackson is Kate Moss as Isadora Duncan."
  • Glenda Jackson (1936- ), Oscar-winning British actress. Originally a Shakespearean stage actress, she moved onto movie and TV in 1967, winning Oscars for Women in Love (1969) and A Touch of Class (1973). Also acclaimed for her portrayal of Queen Elizabeth I in the 1971 TV mini-series "Elizabeth R."
  • Kate Moss (1974- ), stick-thin supermodel. Discovered in an airport in 1988, Moss modeled for several big name companies like Calvin Klein and set the standard for the "waif" look, also known as the "too damn thin" look.
  • Isadora Duncan, celebrated late 19th/early 20th century dancer. Having always shown an affinity for dance, Duncan began performing publicly in 1896, when she joined a New York theatre company. Disliking traditional dance, she began to perform more free-style beginning in 1898. Although not well received in the U.S., her style was a hit in Europe. She usually performed barefoot, dressed in revealing Greek-style tunics with flowing scarves. She died in Paris when her scarf was caught in the spokes of a car wheel, breaking her neck.
• "Red rover, red rover, let Jimmy come over." - Chant from the old schoolyard game "Red Rover." To play, two teams of equal sizes stand on opposite sides of the playing field and join hands in a long line. One side calls out for a player on the other side with, for example, "Red rover, red rover, let Mike come over!" Mike then lets go of his teammates and charges at the other team, trying to break their link. If he fails, he joins their team. If he makes it through, he picks an opposing team member to join his team. This continues back and forth between teams until all the kids are on one team.
• "They rocked us like a hurricane, sir." - Take on the title of and repeated lyric in "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by German heavy-metal band, the Scorpions. From their 1984 album Love at First Sting.
• "C'mon Metamusil, work your magic!" - Metamusil is the brand name for psyllium, a natural laxative. It comes in powder form and is orange flavoured, or so they claim...
• "So, Lance Kerwin is their thug." - Actor Lance Kerwin's (1960- ) main claim to fame is playing the title character in the 1977 TV movie James at 15 and the series of the same name which followed (1977-8). After many years of drug abuse, Kerwin turned his life around, joined the U-Turn for Christ group in California, and began helping out at a drug rehab clinic. He continues to make bit part appearances in film.
• "Quiet, Mitch Miller's on!" - Oboist, conductor and record producer Mitch Miller (1911- ) was a popular free-lance oboist, playing for a variety of symphony orchestras, before moving on to a career in the record industry, both recording and producing. His biggest hit was 1955's "Yellow Rose of Texas," and he produced records for such stars as Doris Day and Johnny Mathis. Miller had his own show on NBC, "Sing Along with Mitch Miller" (1961-6), which spawned a short-lived trend of singing along to traditional songs. "Good, wholesome" entertainment.
• "On Vanilla Ice..." - Vanilla Ice (born Robert Van Winkle; 1968- ) burst suddenly onto the rap scene in 1990 with his smash hit "Ice Ice Baby," from the album To the Extreme. Ice was a "faux" rapper, passing himself off as a "kid from the streets," despite his nice suburban upbringing. His career quickly ground to a halt. He attempted a couple of comebacks in 1994 and 1998 changing his image, but people didn't buy it then either. He appeared in a few movies, including Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze (1991) as himself and the lead role in Cool as Ice (1991).
• "Death! Death! Death!" - During the opening sequence of the comedy anthology series "Love, American Style" (1969-74), fireworks exploded while a group sang, "Love! Love! Love!"
• "The Honeymooners!" - The classic black-and-white sitcom (1955-6) about Ralph and Alice Kramden (Jackie Gleason and Audrey Meadows) and their friends Ed and Trixie Norton (Art Carney and Joyce Randolph). Like in "Love, American Style," the opening sequence features fireworks.
• "God, I love Pac-Man." - First introduced in arcade form by Midway in 1980, Pac-Man is one of the most successful video games in history. In this maze/chase game, Pac-Man, a little yellow face, runs around gobbling up "power pellets" while trying to avoid a group of ghosts who are trying to devour him. Pac-Man spawned several spin-off games including Ms. Pac-Man and Jr. Pac-Man and has gone through many incarnations for several home video game systems. It even spawned a Saturday morning cartoon (1982-4). Waca, waca, waca, waca...
• "The white Commodores." - The Commodores were a popular Motown group in the 1970s and 80s. Hits include ... Their most prominent member was Lionel Richie, who went onto solo success in the mid-80s. The group of men at this point in the film are dressed in a similar style to the Commodores look at the 80s.
• "Whaddya got for me, Rick Astley?" - Singer Rick Astley (1966- ) was a little, white man with a big, black voice. His biggest hit was "Together Forever," from his 1987 album Whenever You Need Somebody.
• "'Strweth!" - See "Oi!" above.
• "I have only one weakness... pain!" "And french silk pie." - An uncooked chocolate pie. For one recipe, try pierecipe.com.
• "I can't believe it, there's a sale on PowerBars!" - In 1983, Canadian Olympic marathon runner Brian Maxwell was leading a marathon in England. He had only consumed energy drinks that day, but when he reached the 21-mile mark, he blacked out completely. After that, Maxwell embarked on a search for a better energy supplement, working with Ph.D chemist Jennifer Biddulph (whom he eventually married) to create an "energy bar." That bar became the PowerBar, now a $100 million a year industry. If you'd like to order by the ton, just visit their website.
• "Can you sign a cheque so I can go to Office Max?" - A major American stationary and office supply chain. Here's their official site.
• "Damn AOL!" - America Online, Inc., or AOL, is one of the largest commercial internet providers in North America. Founded in 1985, AOL is now one of the most powerful media giants in existence, having merged with Time/Warner in 2000. It has been called notoriously unreliable, making it almost impossible to log in successfully during peak hours. AOL's biggest claim to fame is possibly the tens of thousands of free AOL disks included in magazines and mail to people's home over the years. I used mine to build a small summer cottage.
• "This is just like the time I got lost at Bally's." - Refers to Bally Total Fitness, North America's largest commercial fitness centre chain.
• "Morgan Fairchild and Phil Collins! No!"
  • Actress Morgan Fairchild (born Patsy Ann McClenny; 1950- ) is best known for, and was at her best when, playing bitchy, powerful women on night-times soaps in the 1970s and 80s. She played this type of role from 1973-7 on "Search for Tomorrow" (1951-86), "Flamingo Road" (1981-2) and the 1985-6 season of "Falcon Quest" (1981-90). Her movie career is a little less distinguished, including such films as The Zany Adventures of Robin Hood (1984), Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge (1989) and Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000 (1993). She has also performed on Broadway.
  • Musician Phil Collins (1951- ) first entered the spotlight as drummer for the British group Genesis, which he joined in 1970. When vocalist Peter Gabriel left the group five years later, Collins took over as lead singer. After many successful years with Genesis, Collins began to record a series of solo albums, beginning with 1981's Face Value and its #2 hit, "In the Air Tonight." He went on to have a string of hits over the following years. He also tried his hand at acting, playing the title role in the 1988 film Buster. He continues his association with Genesis, despite his continued solo success (including doing the songs for Disney's version of Tarzan (1999)).
• "That's the cast of The Poseidon Adventure coming the other way." - The Poseidon Adventure (1972) marked the beginning of the big cast disaster film trend of the 1970s. In it, the cruise ship Poseidon is capsized by a tidal wave and we follow 10 survivors in their efforts to get out as they wander around the dark, upside-down interior of the ship, working their way to the engine room, which is now on top. It featured such stars as Gene Hackman, Shelly Winters, Ernest Borgnine and Roddy McDowall (see above).
• "Rawhide!" - The hydraulics of the ship's automatic doors sound a lot like the crack of a whip as they open and close. In the theme song for the television western "Rawhide" (1959-66; about the adventures had by a continuous cattle drive) features repeated whip cracks as the singers cry out "Rawhide!"
• "They woke up the Oak Ridge Boys!" "Elvira! Giddy up! Oom poppa oom..." - The Oak Ridge Boys were a popular country-pop band. Originally formed in Oak Ridge, Tennessee, in 1945 as the gospel group the Oak Ridge Quartet, the group has had more than 40 members in its line-up over the years. They had more than a dozen #1 songs on the country charts over the years and one popular cross-over hit in 1981, "Elvira," which Mike sings here. The full chant goes "Giddy up! Oom poppa oom poppa mow mow!"

Host segment 4 - "Safety" railings

• "What happens when OSHA stops by..." - OSHA is the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, part of the United States Department of Labor. Created in 1971, their purpose is to help prevent occupational injury and illness by holding work-place safety inspections and enforcing labour laws.

Movie Act 4

• "Hey, how about some sugar for Sting and Dolph here?"
  • For Sting, see above.
  • Dolph is Swedish actor Dolph Lundgren (1959- ). Big, buff and blonde, Lundgren is known almost exclusively for his action roles. These include A View to a Kill (1985), as Rocky's (Sylvester Stallone) latest opponent in Rocky IV (1985), as action-figure-come-to-life He-Man in Masters of the Universe (1987), as the title character in 1989's The Punisher and Universal Soldier (1992).
• "I'm out of Mega Fuel." - A "performance enhancer" for bodybuilders produced by Twinlab. Each capsule contains 1200 mg of pure creatine monohydrate. Now go out and get your Ph.D. in chemistry and maybe you'll understand that...
• "Laraine Newman and the Newmanettes." - Comedienne Laraine Newman (1952- ) was originally a student of mime artist Marcel Marceau before turning to comedy. She got her start with a small Los Angeles comedy troupe called the Groundlings before becoming one of the original Not Ready For Prime Time Players on "Saturday Night Live" (1975- ). She left the show in 1980 and has since done many movies and some voice work. The Bellerians do look a lot like her.
• "They stole the Enterprise's red alert sound thingy." - The alarm does sound like the red alert used on the U.S.S. Enterprise, the starship from the original classic space opera "Star Trek" (1966-9) series. This seems to be the only effect in the movie not stolen from "Battlestar Galactica" (1978-9).
• "Sounds like Kitaro fell asleep on his keyboard." - New Age keyboard artist Kitaro (1953- ) was born Masanori Takahashi. After teaching himself to play electric guitar, he switched to synthesizers in 1972 when he was turned on to them during a trip to Europe. He also picked his stage name, which translates as "man of love and joy." He was more or less unknown in North America until he signed a lucrative contract with Geffen Records in 1983. Like most New Age musicians, he tends to be sleep inducing.
• "Would you like to sample some Canoe?" - A men's cologne produced by Dana.
• "A horse! My kingdom for a horse!" - From Act V, Scene IV of William Shakespeare's Richard III (c. 1597). After the half-lame King Richard III loses his horse during battle he cries out, "A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!"
• "Oooh, someone get me a Zantac, quick!" - Zantac is the commercial name for the drug ranitidine. Ranitidine reduces the amount of acid produced by the stomach and is used to treat a variety of stomach problems, including ulcers.
• "So, this takes place at the Anheuser-Busch brewery...?" - The Anheuser-Busch brewing company was formed in the 1860s by St. Louis, Missouri businessman Eberhard Anheuser and his son-in-law Adolphus Busch. One of the largest beer producers in the United States today, their brands include the various Budweiser and Michelob drinks, among others.
• "Ooh, he needs a giant Tucks." - Tucks medicated pads are used to relieve the irritation and burning brought on by hemorrhoids. Aren't you glad I shared that?
• "Stupid Buddhist monk! The Vietnam War's been over for hundreds of years!" - To protest the ongoing Vietnam War, several Buddhist monks immolated themselves in public. The first of these was 73-year old Thich Quanc Duc, who, on June 11, 1963, sat down in the middle of a busy intersection in Saigon, Vietnam. Two other monks poured gasoline over him and set fire to him. As he burned, Duc didn't move a muscle, and sat calmly in the lotus position as he burned to death and horrified onlookers watched. His heart, which did not burn, was kept as a sacred relic.
• It's odd that Tom should go on about how this film must be Canadian. As near as I can tell, it was produced in South Africa (although obviously using American actors).
• "Spider-Skank! Spider-Skank!" - Variation on the theme song of the 1967-70 TV cartoon version of "Spider-Man," based on the web-spinning comic book character created by Stan Lee and Steve Ditko in 1962. "Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Does whatever a spider can!"
• "Now is the time for Kal-gan." "Recommended by top breeders." - The Bellerian pronounces Kalgan's name like Kal Kan, a brand of dog food, which features the phrase "Recommended by top breeders" in much of its advertising.
• "Push on, mighty Cushman!" - The Cushman company produces a large line of industrial vehicles, which, by their nature, tend to be slow moving.
• "...in their silliest moments, the Three Stooges never reached this level of indignity." - The Three Stooges are one of the most popular and best loved comedy teams in film history. Originally a vaudeville team composed of Larry Fine (born Louis Fienberg), Moe Howard (born Moses Horwitz) and his brother Shemp (born Samuel Horwitz), they moved on to movie shorts beginning with 1930's Soup to Nuts, although Shemp had been replaced with another brother, Curly (born Jerome Horwitz). Years later, Curly suffered a stroke and was replaced by Shemp. Eventually, Shemp also suffered a stroke and was replaced by Joe Besser and later "Curly-Joe" (Joe DeRita, born Joseph Wardell). Dozens of Stooges shorts were made, as well as a handful of feature films, a Saturday morning cartoon ("The Three Robotic Stooges" (1977)), and a TV biopic in 2000. The Stooges were pure slapstick, with most of their gags involving beating the daylights out of each other.
• "They usually say, 'Ben-Hur was really good; this movie totally sucked.'" - The Academy-award winning epic Ben-Hur (1959; previous versions in 1907 and 1925) tells the story of Judah Ben-Hur (Charlton Heston), a rich Jewish prince living in the time of Christ. He is forced into slavery on a galley for a crime he did not commit and sets about to escape and avenge himself. The chariot race scene referred to here is considered one of the greatest movie sequences ever filmed. The scene is over 10 minutes long and featured some of the best, most grueling stunt work ever done.
• "Any second, Lea's gonna jump on her Big Wheel and give chase." - The Big Wheel, produced by Marx, was an especially popular toy during the 1960s and 70s. It was essentially a tricycle for younger children, made of plastic, riding low to the ground, with one really big wheel in the front.
• "Meddling fool!" "What is he, Snidely Whiplash?" - Snidely Whiplash (voiced by Hans Conried) was the arch-nemesis of inept Royal Canadian Mounted Policeman Dudley Do-Right (voiced by Bill Scott) on the "Dudley Do-Right" segments of the various incarnations of the "Rocky and Bullwinkle Show" (beginning 1961). Whiplash was a parody of the nasty black-clad, mustache-twirling villains in old silent movies, the kind of men who actually tied maidens to traintracks and had lines like "Curses! Foiled again!" and "Meddling fool!" Snidely was portrayed by Alfred Molina in the 1999 live-action feature film version of Dudley Do-Right.
• "Toro! Toro! These things are made by Toro!"
  • "Toro! Toro!" is, of course, the traditional call yelled out by spectators during bull-fights ("toro" meaning "bull").
  • Toro, on the other hand, is a major yard care machine manufacturer. Founded in 1914, it is based in Bloomington, Minnesota, and is especially well-known for its line of rider lawn mowers.
• "Still, it's better than Days of Thunder." - 1990 film starring Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman and Robert Duvall. Cruise plays Cole Trickle (Trickle?), a hot-headed Nascar racer whose quick temper gets him into trouble with his teammates and other drivers. Think Top Gun (1986), but with Nascar. And not actually any good. Cruise and Kidman fell in love while making this film and were married within a year.
• "Not since the Fuzzy Zoeller/Lee Trevino collision of 1974..." - Two great golfers:
  • Frank "Fuzzy" Zoeller (1951- ) has to date won 10 PGA Tour victories. He got into a bit of hot water a few years back after making some racist remarks about fellow golfer Tiger Woods.
  • Lee Trevino (1939- ) has won 27 PGA Tour victories and, as of this writing, 29 Senior PGA Tour victories. At this time, he ranks 31st in the All-Time Money List.
• "Lea, this could be the start of a beautiful alternate-day bulk-up routine." - Take on the last line of the classic 1942 film Casablanca. Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) walks away into the fog with Captain Louis Renault (Claude Rains) and utters the immortal words, "Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship." This line was not originally part of the film. Bogart was brought in during post-production to dub the line onto the soundtrack.
• "Music rejected by the band Survivor." - The band Survivor was formed in 1978, and only had a handful of hits, including the themes to Rocky III (1982) ("Eye of the Tiger") and Rocky IV (1985) ("Burning Heart"). After that, they faded into obscurity and disbanded in 1989.
• "...Guy Pringle." "I wouldn't want to slam a stack of that guy." - Pringles, a product of Proctor & Gamble, are a sort of potato chip. A potato dough (made of potato flakes) is molded into uniform shapes and quick-fried. As a result, they are all the same shape and size and stack nicely into their tube packaging. Some of their advertising invited you to "slam a stack" of Pringles.
• At this point, the boys sing a bunch of songs from the 1980s.
  • "She's a maniac! A maniac on the floor!" - From "Maniac" by Michael Sembello, which appeared in the 1983 film Flashdance.
  • "Don't pay the ferryman!" - "Don't Pay the Ferryman" by Chris De Burgh from his 1982 album The Getaway.
  • "Someday, love will find you!" - "Separate Ways (Worlds Apart)" from the Journey album Frontiers (1983).
  • "I wear my sunglasses at night!" - From "Sunglasses at Night" by Canadian singer Corey Hart. Appeared on his 1984 debut album, First Offense.
• "...reciting to yourself the words by some song from Night Ranger..." - 1980s rock band, formed in 1981. Had a few hits, most notably the #5 1984 song "Sister Christian." Disbanded in 1989.
• "...your cherried-out Dodge Charger..." - The Charger was indeed a brand of automobile produced by the Dodge Motor Company, beginning in 1966.
• "C'mon, Mr. Cool Breeze!" - Okay, a couple of possibilities here.
  • From Helper Chris Moyer: "I've never heard of them, but it looks like he's referring to a 'New Orleans Tropical' group called Cool Breeze^tm. The first band I've ever seen with a ^tm mark after their name. Apparently they started in 1977, and released an album about every two years during the eighties. Their web page is here."
  • And from Helper Ken Tkacs: "...'Cool Breeze,' as far as I know, is some kind of street slang for a really 'white' guy. I have a friend who was given that nickname by some other college friends of his." And Mike's pretty darn white.

Epilogue - The Bots bulk up

• For the fire started by Bobo, see above.

Return to Season 8.

Return to Too Much Information.