Too Much Information:
The Annotated MST3K

913: Quest of the Delta Knights

[Young Mr. T]

Not the worst film ever on the show. The concept's not bad and some of the performances are good, especially David Warner (who's always good). Somehow, though, it just doesn't come together and ends up as less than the sum of its parts. Having Da Vinci steal all his ideas is a fatal blow. As for the host segments, it's always a treat when someone else enters the theater.

IMDb Entry for Quest of the Delta Knights

Prologue - The "loaner" Crow

  • "It's that old AMC Crow that Gypsy's been tinkering with for years." - The American Motor Corporation (AMC) was America's last independent car company, based in Kenosha, Wisconsin. In business from 1954 to 1987, AMC produced a number of popular cars, including the Javelin, the Hornet and the Rambler. Unfortunately, they also produced the Gremlin and the Pacer, two substandard vehicles for which they are mainly remembered. They were eventually bought out by Renault, broken up and sold off. Despite their bad reputation, they have a very devoted following.
  • Crow's radio seems to playing the Allman Brothers Band song 1972 "Melissa" or something that sounds a lot like it.

Host Segment 1 - Pearl goes in!

  • "Gypsy covered me in a layer of Tru-Coat." - Tru-Coat is one of those "upgrades" car salespeople like to sneakily charge buyers with. It's a rust inhibitor.
  • "Oh, Pearl S. Buck is calling." - Author Pearl S. Buck (1892-1973; born Pearl Comfort Sydenstricker) is best known as the author of the 1931 novel The Good Earth (for which she won the 1932 Pulizter Prize) and as an advocate for the rights of children, especially those of mixed race. Other writings include two 1936 biographies of her parents (The Exile for her mother and Fighting Angel for her father). She also won the 1938 Nobel Prize for literature and founded Pearl S. Buck International, a children's right organization (you can find out more about Buck at their web-site).

Movie Act 1

  • "Jimmy Carter was in office." - Jimmy Carter (1924- ; full name James Earl Carter, Jr.) was the 39th President of the United States (from 1977-81). The Georgian became a millionaire in the peanut industry (which comedians of the times just loved). While his administration was an honest and progressive one, accomplishing much, this became overshadowed by the failures late in his term, such as the recessive economy and the 1979 Iran Hostage Crisis (not to mention the fact that his brother Billy was a bit of an embarrassment, being the definition of "backwards beer-swilling hick"). After his term, he stayed politically active, promoting a number of social causes.
  • "Yeah, and Ren Fest rejects." - Renaissance Festivals (or Ren Fests) are get-togethers (usually week-end-long) where people recreate a Renaissance era (i.e. 16th century) European village and marketplace. Folks dress up in period clothes, period food and other goods are sold, period entertainment is performed. Some folks are in it for the fun of imagining they live in another time, but others use this opportunity to gouge tourists by selling them their homemade leather mugs and such. Evidently, the call "huzzah!" gets used a lot.
  • "Touched down in the land of the Delta Knights!" - The original lyric, "Touched down in the land of the Delta Blues," comes from Marc Cohn's 1990 gospel-like hit "Walking in Memphis." The song was covered in 1996 by Cher.
  • "Witchiepoo cracks down on Pufnstuf." - Two characters from the bizarre 1969 children's program "H.R. Pufnstuf." Pufnstuf (Van Snowden, voiced by show's writer Lennie Weinrib) was mayor of the "Living Island," a magical land where everything was, well, living. He was a big scary orange thing with a giant pumpkin-like head. His arch-nemesis was Witchiepoo (Billie Hayes) who was, unsurprisingly, a witch. It was a weird, weird show. Sort of like the Muppets on a distressing amount of hallucinogens.
  • "Oh, Joan Blondell." - Actress (1906-79). Originally a Vaudeville and Broadway performer, Blondell's movie credits include Topper Returns (1941), Cry Havoc (1943), A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (1945), Support Your Local Gunfighter (1977) and Grease (1977).
  • "Packers!" - Refers to the NFL team, the Green Bay Packers. Founded in Green Bay, Wisconsin in 1919, they were named for their first sponsor, the Indian Packing Company. As of this writing, they have won 12 different championships over the years. From what I can gather, you either love the Packers or you loathe the Packers.
  • "Well, better than Quest of the Delta Burkes, I suppose." - A former Miss Florida, actress Delta Burke (1965- ) is best known for her role as Suzanne Sugerbaker on the sit-com "Designing Women" (1986-93). Other series include "Delta" (1992) and "DAG" (2000- ). Burke has her own line of clothing designed for larger women and has a reputation for being difficult to work with (she left "Designing Women" a couple of years before it wrapped up due to a salary dispute).
  • "Gregg Allman for sale, here!" - Singer/songwriter (1947- ). While Allman has had some success as a solo act (with 1977's Playin' Up a Storm being his most successful album), he is better known as the lead singer/organist/songwriter for the Allman Brothers Band, which was founded by his brother Duane. Their biggest hit was 1973's "Rambling Man."
  • "Dagnabbit, Lukie!" - The whole village has a sort of Ozarks/hillbilly feel to it and the sit-com "The Real McCoys" (1957-63), from which this line comes, featured the original "hillbillies move out west" plot, years before "The Beverly Hillbillies" (1962-71). The McCoys moved from West Viginia out to Cal-i-for-ni-ay and the show usually centered on Granda Amos (Walter Brennan), who always poked his nose into other folks' business.
  • "This just sounds like a movie that should have Matthew Broderick in it." - Actor Matthew Broderick (1962- ) made his feature film debut in 1983's WarGames. He has since appears in dozens of films, quite often (but not always) in light, whimsical roles (inspiring Crow's comment). Notable films include Ladyhawke (1985), Ferris Bueller's Day off (1986) (which is on the TBS superstation right now - go ahead and check), The Lion King (1994), Godzilla (1998), Election (1999) and Inspector Gadget (1999). Broderick has also done a lot of stage work, for which he has won a number of Tony awards, including Mel Brooks' The Producers in 2001 (based on Brooks' 1968 film of the same name).
  • "Oh, the lead singer for Canned Heat." - The Los Angeles blues-rock group Canned Heat was formed in 1966 by blues historians and record collectors Alan "Blind Owl" Wilson and Bob "The Bear" Hite, with the large Hite as lead singer. Their hits included "On the Road Again" (1968), "Goin' Up the Country" (1968) and "Let's Work Together" (1970).
  • "Ashley Wilkes is comin' a-callin'." - The character of Ashley Wilkes (played by Leslie Howard) appears in the 1939 classic film Gone With the Wind (based on Margaret Mitchell's 1936 novel). He is one of Southern belle Scarlett O'Hara's (Vivien Leigh) many suitors and Scarlett, like most women in the film, fanned herself frequently in the film's summer scenes.
  • "Hi, I'm Simply Red." - Brigid Conley Walsh, who plays Thena and in introduced here, has hair which resembles the longish, curly red tresses of Mick "Red" Hacknall, lead singer of the British soul pop band Simply Red. Formed in 1984, the group's hits included "Holding Back the Years" (1986) and "If You Don't Know Me By Now" (1989).
  • "In it for the money, folks." - At this point we meet actor David Warner (1941- ), playing both Baydool and Lord Vultare. Warner is actually a very good actor, but, appearing as he has in more than a hundred movies and television shows, some are bound to be turkeys. Other Warner films include Tom Jones (1963), Straw Dogs (1971), Time After Time (1979), Time Bandits (1981), Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1991) and Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. He has also done a lot of cartoon voice work, such as Batman's arch-nemesis Ra's al Ghul on "Batman: The Animated Series" (various incarnations beginning in 1992), the Lobe on "Freakazoid!" (1995-7) and Dr. Vic Frankenstein on "Toonsylvania" (1998).
  • "Next up, Pippi Longstocking." - The character of Pippi Longstocking first appeared in the Swedish 1945 children's book Pippi Longstocking, written by Astrid Lindgren. Pippi was a gawky, red-headed and extremely athletic (strong enough to lift horses above her head) young girl. An orphan, Pippi lived alone, was kind of a slob and had numerous adventures with her friends. Lindgren wrote a few sequels and Pippi appeared a handful of movies (mostly Swedish productions) and eventually had her own cartoon.
  • "What's your name?" "Jonathan Taylor Thomas, I think." - Actor Jonathan Taylor Thomas (1981- ; real name, Jonathan Taylor Weiss) was modeling for print ads as early as the age of seven. After a series of commercials, he got her first big break as Greg Brady's (Barry Williams) son on the Brady Bunch revival series, "The Bradys" (1990). But his biggest role was his next one, as Randy Taylor on the immensely popular sit-com "Home Improvement" (1991-9). Thomas became an overnight heart-throb and managed to parlay his popularity into a film career including the movies The Lion King (1994), Tom and Huck (1995), The Adventures of Pinocchio (1996) and I'll Be Home For Christmas (1998).
  • "Yeah, yo quiero Taco Bell..." - In 1998, fast-food chain Taco Bell introduced to its ads Dinky the Chihuahua. This funny looking little dog would show up wherever a Taco Bell foodstuff was being consumed and utter, with a computer generated mouth, "Yo quiero Taco Bell." ("I want my Taco Bell.") Dinky (the name was never used in the ads) became a phenomenon, with TB customers buying 13 million plush Chihuahuas. Dinky also met the big-budget Godzilla (the 1998 version) in one ad. ("I'm going to need a bigger box.")
  • "He's the lost member of ZZ Top." - The Southern blues-rock band ZZ Top was formed in 1970 in Houston, Texas. The trio (made up of Frank Beard, Billy Gibbons and Dusty Hill) were first noticed nationally with their third album, Tres Hombres (1973), which gave them their first Top Ten hit, "La Grange." With their distinctive appearance (cool shades and really long beards), they became even more popular with the advent of music video. Among their hits are "Gimme All Your Lovin'" (1984), "Legs" (1984), "Sleeping Bag" (1985) and "Rough Boy" (1986).
  • "Ah, it's Martin Landau." - American actor (1931- ). Gene Rodenberry's first choice to play Spock on "Star Trek" (1966-9), Landau has appeared in many, many movies and TV shows. Films include North by Northwest (1959), Cleopatra, Crimes and Misdemeanors (1989) and Ed Wood (1994) in an excellent, Oscar-winning performance as Bela Lugosi. He was also one of the leads on "Space: 1999" (1975-7). The role referred to here is Rollin Hand, a role he played for the first three seasons of the original "Mission: Impossible" (1966-73). Hand was a master of disguise (note that Baydool is removing his false beard).
  • "A disguise can be useful..." "Especially if you're cruising Sunset Boulevard." - Sunset Boulevard (the Sunset Strip at some points) is one of Hollywood's most famous streets. It links the more urban streets of downtown Hollywood (which might be the good place for a disguise) to the lush celebrity residential area of Beverly Hills. Actually more than 20 miles long, it starts in downtown L.A., works its way through Hollywood, West Hollywood, Beverly Hill and Bel-Air, and the Santa Monica mountains before finally ending near Malibu. Along the route, there are many Hollywood attractions and studios to visit; a good list can be found here. The street's name became the title of the classic 1950 film-noir, Sunset Boulevard, starring William Holden and Gloria Swanson; the film in turn was adapted as a stage musical by Andrew Lloyd Webber in 1993.
  • "I'll see if Bombadil has a place to crash." - Tom Bombadil, a character in the first book of J.R.R. Tolkien's classic Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Fellowship of the Ring (1954). First appearing in a 1934 poem by Tolkien, "The Adventures of Tom Bombadil," he essentially lets the Hobbits searching for the One Ring crash at his place. Bombadil is considered something of a mystery in the Ring stories, as he seems to come out of nowhere and just goes away again. His race is never even identified.
  • "No, it's Joe Walsh!" - Joe Walsh (1947- ), rock singer/songwriter/guitarist. Was a member of the James gang and the Eagles. Solo hits include "Rocky Mountain Way" (1973), All Night Long (1980, from the film Urban Cowboy) and A Life of Illusion (1981). Walsh ran for US President in 1979, promising "free gas for everyone" if he won. He didn't.
  • "Robert Bork takes a constitutional." - The distinctively-bearded Robert H. Bork (1927- ) was a legal scholar, lawyer and politician. With an expertise in constitutional and antitrust law, Bork served as the US solicitor general (1971-7) and the acting attorney general (1973-4). In 1987, then-President Ronald Reagan nominated Bork for the Supreme Court; he was rejected in a controversial Senate vote due to his ultra-conservative views ("Remember, kids, gays are degenerate and evil."). He stepped down from the bench in 1988 to lecture and write a handful of books (such as 1996's Slouching Towards Gomorrah: Modern Liberalism and American Decline - "Welfare only helps the poor and who cares about them?").
  • "He's a living Dr. Seuss character." - Dr. Seuss was easily one of the most popular children's writers of the 20th century. Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904-91) wrote and illustrated books with a style that was uniquely his. The memorable rhymes, the outlandish characters, the surrealistic art. His first book, which was rejected by 43 publishers before seeing print in 1937, was And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street. He hit it big, though, in 1957 with the classic The Cat in the Hat, written on a challenge to produce a first grade level book with less 225 different words and no adjectives. Other famous book include Horton Hears a Who (1954), How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1957), Green Eggs and Ham (1960) and his last book, Oh, the Place You'll Go (1990). Geisel also did some cartoon work, winning an Oscar for Gerald McBoing-Boing (1951). Many of his works were adapted into TV animated special and even, in the case of Grinch, a major motion picture (2000). Geisel wrote, but did not illustrate, a few books under the name Theo LeSieg (Geisel backwards).
  • "Now, I'm going to attach Rosey Grier's head to your shoulder." - Roosevelt "Rosey" Grier (1932- ) was an All-Pro defensive tackle for American football teams including the Los Angeles Rams and the New York. Grier acted for a while, with his most infamous role, mentioned here, being The Thing with Two Heads (1972) in which Grier, a black man, has the head of a white bigot (Ray Milland) attached to his shoulder. Hilarity ensues.
  • "And during the day, I'm a Stevie Nicks impersonator." - Stevie Nicks (1948- ) was a key member of the rock group Fleetwood Mac. The singer/songwriter recorded her first album, Buckingham-Nicks in 1973 with her friend and sometimes lover Lindsey Buckingham. The album flopped but got the attention of Mick Fleetwood who asked them to join his band, Fleetwood Mac, in 1974. Nicks quickly became the focus of the group and started her own successful solo career, beginning with the 1981 album Bella Donna. The stress of both careers led to her retirement while recovering from substance abuse. Nicks returned to music with Fleetwood Mac's 1997 reunion and continued to write and perform. Nicks' "mystical chanteuse" image, with her blonde, shoulder-length frizzy hair and gauzy clothing and scarves, was very distinctive.
  • "I need to fly a Sopwith Camel in a minute." - That thing Tee has on his head looks like old-fashioned pilot's headgear. A British biplane used during World War I, the Sopwith Camel is credited with more aerial victories than any other Allied aircraft during the War. Manufactured by the Sopwith Aviation Company, it was called the Camel because of the humped fairing over its twin machine guns. Most famous as Snoopy's aircraft of choice when battling the Red Baron in the "Peanuts" comic strip.
  • "Halt, Sir Dan of Blocker!" - Actor Dan Blocker (1928-72) didn't do a lot of work before his untimely death after surgery, but he is forever immortalized for his role as "Hoss" Cartwright, one of the sons on the classic Western series "Bonanza" (1959-73). There is a Dan Blocker Museum in O'Donnell, Texas.
  • "Master Bojangles!" - Refers to the song "Mister Bojangles," about a man who just dance and dance no matter how bad things get. Written and originally recorded by Jerry Jeff Walker in 1968, he was inspired when he met a street singer named Bojangles in a New Orleans drunk tank. Walker's version was never a big success, but it became the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band's only top ten hit in 1971.
  • "Bring in 'da noise, bring in 'da funk." - Conceived and directed by George C. Wolfe, the musical Bring in 'Da Noise, Bring in 'Da Funk opened off-Broadway in 1995 to rave reviews. Through a series of vignettes, Noise traces the history of African-Americans in the United States. Winning four Tony awards, the play's choreography mostly involved very spirited tap-dancing. It closed in January 1999.
  • "The medieval Deney Terrio." - Dancer Deney Terrio was the original host of "Dance Fever" (1979-87), a disco competition program. As discussing this further will cause only more talk of disco, I'm stopping this entry now.
  • "We're from the William Morris Agency." - Founded in 1898, the William Morris Agency is the world's largest and longest established talent and literary agency. They represent too many artists to even begin to list them here. You're better off visiting their web site.
  • "Alan Hale!" - Although known almost exclusively for his role as the Skipper on the popular sit-com "Gilligan's Island" (1964-7), actor Alan Hale (1918-90) appeared in dozens of films both before and after his stint in his most famous role. He first appeared in the movies as a baby and worked steadily almost until his death; his first credited role was in 1941's All American Co-Ed and his final film was in 1987, in Back to the Beach (essentially playing the Skipper one last time). The son of great character actor Alan Hale Sr., Hale, unlike the rest of the cast of "Gilligan," enjoyed the lasting fame as his castaway character, almost always wearing his Skipper's hat in public. MST3K fans will also recognize Hale from The Crawling Hand (1963) (experiment #106), The Giant Spider Invasion (1975) (experiment #810) and Angels Revenge (1979) (experiment #622).
  • "Oh, they killed her personal Smurf." - In 1958, Belgian artist Peyo was working for a magazine called Le Journal de Spirou; he was the force behind one of Le Journal's most popular comic strips, the medieval themed "Johan et Pirlouit" (or "Johan and Peewit" in English). In October, Johan and Peewit encountered a race of little blue creatures who befriended them and led them to their village. These were the Smurfs, or, as they called in the original French, "les Schtroumpfs." Originally supporting characters, the Smurfs eventually got their own strip. This led to a merchandising bonanza, with books, toys, a Saturday morning cartoon (1981-90) and an animated film (The Smurfs and the Magic Flute (1983)). The Smurfs each had a name matching their personality (Grouchy Smurf, Brainy Smurf, Lazy Smurf), dressed mostly in just pants and funny hats, and substituted the word "smurf" for other words in an almost random manner. Although the cartoon could get a little insipid and annoying after a while, the original books by Peyo are quite clever and charming, and worth a look.
  • "Oooooklahoma, where the wind..." - Lyric from the title song of the musical Oklahoma! , written by Rodgers and Hammerstein (1943 as a play; 1955 as a movie). In the rousing finale, the cast proclaims the virtues of "Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain." The "O" is held before continuing.
  • "He's reading Ye Firm." - John Grisham's novel The Firm (1990) is about a young lawyer who joins a prestigious law firm only to discover that it has a sinister dark side. Much like almost any other Grisham novel. The Firm was made into a 1993 film starring Tom Cruise.
  • "Clouseau's house boy." - The character of Inspector Jacques Clouseau first appeared in the 1963 comedy The Pink Panther. Portrayed by Peter Sellers, Clouseau was the most inept (and, ultimately, luckiest) officer in France's national police force, the Surete. He had a manservant named Cato (see below) and, like Baydool, Clouseau was fond of disguises. The character continued to appear for many years throughout the Pink Panther series of films. Besides Sellers, the Inspector was also played by Roger Moore (Curse of the Pink Panther (1983)) and Alan Arkin (Inspector Clouseau (1968)).
  • "Hooked on Phonics." - John Shanahan developed the Hooked on Phonics system to help his struggling son learn how to read. When Chip Adams tried it with his son, he formed the Gateway Learning Corporation to sell it nationally. HOP is a game system that helps kids lurn how to reed by uzing fonetic speling.
  • "Read me Portnoy's Complaint." - Philip Roth's 1969 novel Portnoy's Complaint featured the book's Jewish-American hero, Alexander Portnoy, narrating his life story from a psychiatrist's couch. The novel is considered a vulgar masterpiece, with a lot of sexual content. Hardly fitting reading material for young Tee. The book was made into an unsuccessful film in 1972, starring Richard Benjamin.
  • "Well, I can only read the word 'Cato.'" - Cato was the manservant of Inspector Clouseau (see above) throughout the Pink Panther movies. Played by Burt Kwouk, Cato was under instructions to attack Clouseau at any time to keep Clouseau's instincts razor sharp at all times. Be careful what you wish for.
  • "...a young sage." "Oh, Garrison Keillor." - Radio host Garrison Keillor (1942- ) began his broadcasting career in 1968 when he hosted a morning music show for Minnesota Public Radio. The following year, he began to publish fiction pieces for New Yorker magazine. Keillor rose to fame, though, on his public radio variety show A Prairie Home Companion, begun in 1974. The show was set in the imaginary town of Lake Wobegon, Minnesota, and people fell in love with the place; Keillor published a number of novels set in the fictional township. Keillor's narrating style conjures up feeling of comfort and home-spun wisdom.
  • "England." "--Dan and John Ford Coley." - England Dan and John Ford Coley were a short lived duo during the 1970s (England Dan was really Dan Seals, brother of Jim Seals of Seals & Crofts). They had a handful of top ten hits, the first and biggest being I'd Really Love to See You Tonight (1976).
  • "Rubber Soul font." - The typeface on the sign looks a lot like the one used for the Beatles' 1965 album Rubber Soul. This album included such classic Beatles hits as "Drive My Car," "Norwegian Wood," "Nowhere Man" and "Michelle."
  • "Please, hammer, don't hurt 'em." - Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em (1990), with its smash hit "U Can't Touch This," was the debut album of rapper MC Hammer (real name, Stanley Kirk Burrell). MC Hammer was like the black Vanilla Ice, immensely successful for a while, but never taken seriously by the rap industry in general.
  • "Danny DeVito?" - Diminutive actor Danny DeVito (1944- ) is best known for his portrayal as cab company owner Louie De Palma on the acclaimed sit-com "Taxi" (1978-83). He has also appeared in dozens of films; a sampling includes One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975), Romancing the Stone (1984), Twins (1988), Batman Returns (1992), Get Shorty (1995) and Disney's Hercules (1997). Through his production company, Jersey Films, DeVito has produced such critically-acclaimed films as Pulp Fiction (1994), Gattaca (1997) and Erin Brockovich (2000).
  • "She's a Merv Griffin production." - Merv Griffin Enterprises, the production company founded by talk-show host Merv Griffin, is mostly responsible for producing game-shows, most notably "Wheel of Fortune" (1975- ) and "Jeopardy" (various incarnations beginning in 1964). (Griffin even wrote the theme song for "Jeopardy".) The thing on the wall behind Sarah Douglas at this point in the film looks sort of like the logo for MGE, which features (duh) a griffin (the imaginary creature composed of the head and wings of an eagle and the body of a lion).
  • "A time for us to be in a crappy movie." - Olivia Hussey, who appears in Quest as the Mannerjay (what is that, a bird?), starred as Juliet in the 1968 Franco Zefirelli film version of Romeo and Juliet. "A Time for Us," written by Larry Kusic, Eddie Snyder and Nino Rota, was the film's theme.
  • "The Sultan of Swing." - Refers to the 1979 Dire Straits hit, "Sultans of Swing," in which the band points out that that's what they are. "Sultans" was Dire Straits' first US top ten hit. Not to be confused with the "Sultan of Swat," which was the nickname of baseball giant Babe Ruth.
  • "I gotta get back to the New Power Generation." - The New Power Generation was formed in 1991 as a back-up band to Prince (or Bob or @% or whatever he's calling himself these days). They featured on a couple of his album's beginning with Diamond and Pearls. The fellow in the movie here is dressed kind of in Prince's flashy funky style.
  • "Never ask Bootsy Collins if you can borrow a coat." - Bootsy Collins (1951- ) is described by All Music as a "funk/R&B bassist/singer/bandleader." He has belonged to a bunch of bands (most of which he founded): the Pacesetters, the JBs (back-up band for James Brown), Bootsy's Rubber Band, P-Funk, the Bootzilla Orchestra and Bootsy's New Rubber Band. His most successful singles were "The Pinocchio Theory" (1977) and "Bootzilla" (1978). Helper Indomitus confirms that Collins "dress[es] in the most outrageous outfits possible. We're talking outfits that would give Liberace pause. Fur in copious amounts, feathers on many occasions (which I believe prompted this comment), shiny objects, dangling bits, enormous funky glasses, and gaudy platform boots are all parts of Bootsy's fashion oeuvre."
  • "We've rounded up a number of suspects." "Including Kevin Spacey." - Versatile actor Kevin Spacey (1959- ; born Kevin Spacey Fowler) has appeared in films including Heatburn (1986), Glengarry Glen Ross (1992), Se7en (1995), L.A. Confidential (1997) and American Beauty (1999), for which he won a Best Actor Oscar. The "suspects" remark refers to Spacey's appearance in 1995's The Usual Suspects, in which he plays Verbal Kint, an eye-witness to events leading up to an explosion being investigated by the police. As Kint makes a statement to the police about what happened, they begin to wonder who the mysterious "Keyser Soze," who seems responsible for everything, really is. The film is named for a line in Casablanca (1942) ("Round up the usual suspects").
  • "Uh, Hibachis are going sir..." - Named for the Japanese word meaning "firepot," hibachis are a type of small charcoal or wood grills. Portable and very handy if you just want grill a small amount of food without burning a truckload of charcoal.

Host Segment 2 - Guys' night in

  • No cultural references in this segment. No really. I'm serious. Ask your girlfriend, she'll tell you...

Movie Act 2

  • "Nice new Birkenstocks." - The Birkenstock "contoured footbed" was first developed and manufactured by Konrad Birkenstock in Germany in 1897. The family continued to produce this footwear until one Margot Fraser visited Germany and discovered them. Impressed, she founded Birkenstock Footprints Sandals, Inc. and started importing the shoes in 1966. The company eventually developed over 400 different styles of shoes and sandals.
  • "You're a spy." "Well, I did some work for Billy Zane." - Born in 1966, actor Billy Zane's first motion picture role was as one of Biff Tannen's (Thomas F. Wilson) goons in Back to the Future (1985), a role he reprised in Back to the Future Part II (1989). He has also appeared in Dead Calm (1989), Tombstone (1993), The Phantom (1996) and Titanic (1997). Zane starred in and produced 1998's I Woke Up Early the Day I Died, which was based on an Ed Wood script (shudder). He was also hired to play the male lead in Dirty Dancing (1987), but was let go and replaced with Patrick Swayze when it was discovered Zane couldn't dance. You think they'd check that kind of thing out first. The connection referred to here is Zane's appearance in Titanic. David Warner also appears in that film as Spicer Lovejoy, who works for Zane's character, Cal Hockley, by spying on the heroes of Titanic, Rose and Jack (Kate Winslet and Leonaro DiCaprio).
  • "I've been waiting in this village for five years..." "...working at the A&W." - The A&W fast food chain got its start in Lodi, California in June of 1919 when Roy Allen (the "A") started a very successful root beer stand-type restaurant. This grew into a second location which was possibly the first "drive-in" style eatery ever. Allen eventually got a partner in Frank Wright (the "W") and the chain grew to its present greatness. Despite the now wide choice of burgers and similar foods, they are still know mostly for their root beer. Their mascot at one point was the Great Root Bear.
  • "Rocky!" - Archimedes' helper here looks a little like the tall, blonde, hunky character of Rocky Horror, as portrayed in the 1975 cult classic film The Rocky Horror Picture Show by Peter Hinwood. Rocky is created from dead bodies by, and as a potential love-slave for, the mad scientist Dr. Frank-N-Furter (Tim Curry), whom Mike is impersonating here. Dr. F boasts in song that "I Can Make You a Man." And he does.
  • "It's Sadie Hawkins Day!" - The real-life tradition of Sadie Hawkins Day and the accompanying Sadie Hawkins Dances originated in the Al Capp comic strip "Li'l Abner." The character of Sadie Hawkins was the ugly daughter of the most powerful and wealthiest man in Dogpatch, USA and men avoided her like the plague. In an attempt to marry her off, her father got all the eligible males in town together, lined them up and fired his shot gun in the air. The men then had to run for their lives, with all the single women in town chasing after them. If a man was caught, he had to marry the woman who'd caught him. Sadie got her man, but the others decided to make Sadie Hawkins Day an annual event, striking terror into bachelors across town. The first real SHD was November 9, 1938 and now takes place on the nearest Saturday to have Sadie Hawkins Dances. On SHD, it is traditional for the girls to ask the boys out (or just to dance) and the boys have to say yes.
  • "Skip to page 37, where Sonny and the bridesmaid are, well, you'll see." - Refers to Mario Puzo's 1969 mafia novel The Godfather (upon which the 1972 movie is based). The first part of the novel takes place at a wedding and, in one scene, Sonny, Don Corleone's son, and one of the bridesmaids fool around.
  • "The kid's turned into Nellie Oleson." - Character from the frontier drama "Little House on the Prairie" (1974-83), played by Alison Arngrim. Nellie was the spoiled rich brat of Walnut Grove and terrorized and bullied the show's heroine, Laura Ingalls (Melissa Gilbert), for years. However, she eventually found true love in Percival Dalton (Steve Tracy), straightened herself out and made up with Laura. Alison Arngrim had a heck of a time portraying Nellie. Her trademark blonde curls were actually a wig that made her scalp bleed and, once, a nutball fan beaned her with a soda can and screamed, "I hate you for what you did to Laura!" Ah, the glamour of the actor's life.
  • "These can put people to sleep in no time at all." "They're tiny James Michener novels." - James A. Michener (1907-1997); teacher, book editor and eventually acclaimed author. Michener's first success came in 1947 with the Pulitzer Prize-winning Tales of the South Pacific, based on his own experiences in the US Navy; it was adapted into a popular musical, South Pacific, two years later. Most of his later works tended to be "epics," books chronicling the history of an area or family. Examples are Hawaii (1960), Space (1982), Poland (1983), Texas (1985), Caribbean (1989) and Mexico (1992). Michener used a small army of researchers for these books, and reached massive proportions. For example, Texas is 1096 pages long and weighs in at a hefty 1.578 kg (almost three and a half pounds for the metric impaired). Unless you're really into the subject matter, they'd probably get a little boring. Beside Pacific several other of his novel were dramatized on film, like Hawaii (in 1966), "Space" (1985 TV mini-series) and Texas (1994 TV movie). Michener also wrote some non-fiction, including Collecting Modern Japanese Prints Then & Now (1994) and This Noble Land: My Vision for America (1997).
  • "NRA home school." - Ah, yes, the National Rifle Association. Another reason I'm glad to be Canadian. The NRA was founded in 1871 by Civil War vets William C. Church and George Wingate to "promote and encourage rifle shooting on a scientific basis," when they saw an appalling lack of skill in people trying to use guns. For many a decade, it (along with its magazines, including The American Rifleman) was a relatively innocent organization, there mainly to help folks who had guns learn how to use them properly and safely. Somehow, however, over the years, it slowly evolved into a right-wing political group who have a problem with any decent amount of gun control. This led to a large chunk of members leaving the organization, most notably film director Richard Donner (Superman (1978) and Lethal Weapon (1987) and its sequels). Once, celebrity spokesman, one-time NRA President and nutball Charlton Heston criticized Canada for having too strict gun control laws ("Damn you all to hellllll!"). 'Cause, you know, less than 4.5 gun-related deaths per 100,000 people a year is way too low for one country. Okay, rant over...
  • "He's really rather an Artless Dodger." - In Charles Dickens' 1837-9 serialized novel Oliver Twist, the title character, a run-away orphan, falls in with the notorious Fagin and his band of London pickpockets. The most talented of the group is Jack Dawkins, who goes by the nickname of "the Artful Dodger."
  • "Mmm bop..." - The first of many, many references to the 1997 smash hit "MMMBop." With his shoulder-length blonde hair, Tee looks a little like one of the members of the young musical trio Hanson (made up of the three Hanson brothers: Zac, Isaac and Taylor). Appearing on their debut album Middle of Nowhere, "MMMBop" rocketed Hanson to instant fame. The song was about the ephemerality of life (I kid you not) .and its chorus featured gibberish lyrics the likes of which had not been seen since the 1950s ("Mmm bop, ba dabu dop/Ba du bop, ba dub dop").
  • "He's an Eryka Badu impersonator." - R&B singer (born Eryka Wright; 1972- ). On the release of this former teacher's first album, Baduizm (1997), and its accompanying hit "On & On," Badu was favourably compared to Billie Holliday by critics. Tee's headgear is reminiscent the African style of dress which Badu favours.
  • "Guy..." "Lafleur." - Hockey player Guy Lafleur was born in Thurso, Quebec in 1951. He began his hockey career at the age of 15 when he joined the Junior Hockey League team of the Quebec Aces (later the Quebec Remparts). He went on to play for the Montreal Canadiens, the New York Rangers and the Quebec Nordiques. By the time "the Flower," as he was nicknamed, retired in 1991, he had racked up 560 goals over his career.
  • "Hey! That's also David Warner!" - First mention of David Warner by name. For more, see above.
  • "Maybe it's your father." "Luke!" - This, of course, refers to the rather complicated relationship between the characters of heavy-breathing über-villain Darth Vader (voice, James Earl Jones; body, David Prowse) and hero-type Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) in the Star Wars series of space-opera films. In the original film (1977), Luke and Vader appear to just be two unrelated people fighting on different sides of a war. In fact, they barely meet. But in the next installment, The Empire Strikes Back (1980), Vader reveals to Luke that he is, in fact, Luke's long-thought-dead father, Anikin. Go fig.
  • "You shall be a Maude impersonator." - The character of Maude Findlay (Bea Arthur) was first introduced in an episode of the popular sit-com "All in the Family" (1971-9), as outspoken cousin to the bigoted Archie Bunker (Carroll O'Connor). She proved popular enough for a return appearance and her own spin-off, "Maude" (1972-8). Maude often dressed outlandishly, with big, flowing robes.
  • "Look at that, little buddy!" - "Little buddy" was the nickname given by the Skipper (see Alan Hale above for more) to his first mate Gilligan (Bob Denver) on "Gilligan's Island."
  • "How's it coming, O Great One?" "Ever get back to Edmonton?" - Canadian hockey player Wayne Gretzky (more on him later) was nicknamed "the Great One" and was a member of the Edmonton Oilers from 1978-88. He led the team to four Stanley Cup Championships.
  • "Yes, I got the role on 'Mad About You.'" - The popular sit-com "Mad About You" (1992-9) showed us the everyday life married New York City couple Paul (Paul Reiser) and Jamie Buchman (Helen Hunt). Richard Kind, who plays Wamthool here (and is actually very funny when he's got something to work with), appeared during the first season of the show as Jamie's gynecologist, Dr. Mark Devanow.
  • "She looks roughly like Brian Dennehey." - Generally a supporting actor, Brian Dennehy (1940- ) has appeared in many, many films. A sampling includes: Looking for Mr. Goodbar (1977), Semi-Tough (1978), 10 (1979), First Blood (1982), Cocoon (1985) (and its 1988 sequel), F/X (1986) (and its sequel in 1991) and Romeo + Juliet (1996). His stage portrayal as Willy Loman in Arthur Miller's play Death of a Salesman (originally 1949) has been critically acclaimed. Before acting, Dennehy was a stockbroker in the same firm as Martha Stewart.

Host Segment 3 - Air on a Delta Knight

  • Satellite of Love Sunday Morning - Arts program "CBS Sunday Morning" has been running Sunday morning on CBS since 1979. It has been hosted by several CBS news figures of the years, including Charles Kuralt and Charles Osgood.
  • Sir Thomas Neville Servo - And, again, help! Is there a specific Sir Thomas Neville I should know about here? I have found several mentions of different minor Sir Thomases, but none seem noteworthy. One possibility: Helper "mturyn" suggests that the name may be a combination of Tom's name and that of Sir Neville Marriner. Marriner (1924- ), an English violinist turned conductor, founded in 1956 the the Academy of St Martin-in-the-Fields, a chamber ensemble "devoted to playing early (Western, classical) music as authentically as possible, with 'authentic' instruments when possible."
  • "With Archimedes, they eat their Wheaties..."
    • A few words about Greek mathematician Archimedes (c. 287 BC-212 BC): Hailing from Syracuse (no, not New York), Archimedes probably studied at the great library of Alexandria. He is best known for the story of his shouting out "Eureka!" ("I have found it!") when, after getting into a tub, he worked out the principle of upthrust on a floating body (the resistance you feel when water pushes you back up). His most important addition to the field of mathematics though is the development of the formulae to calculate the area and volume of spheres, cylinders and other figures. He was killed at the siege of Syracuse by a Roman soldier whom he ignored while immersed in a math problem.
    • Wheaties cereal has been produced by General Mills since 1924. It was first produced by accident in 1921 when a health clinician in Minneapolis spilled a batch of bran gruel on a hot stove producing flakes. In 1933, General Mills dubbed Wheaties "the Breakfast of Champions," which began a long association between the cereal and physical activities. For years, sports stars ranging from skater Sonja Henie to Michael Jordan have appeared on the cereal's box.

Movie Act 3

  • "You varmint!" - With his abundant facial hair, one of the guards vaguely resembles Bugs Bunny's cowboy-like nemesis, Yosemite Sam (voiced by Mel Blanc). First appearing in the 1945 Bugs short, Hare Trigger, Sam often called the rabbit "varmint."
  • "He looks like Hayley Mills." - British actress (1946- ), best known for her squeaky-clean child roles in a several Disney productions, including Pollyanna (1960, for which she won a special Academy Award), That Darn Cat (1965) and, in what was her most enduring role, The Parent Trap (1962). In Trap, Mills played twins, a double role which she reprised as an adult for three TV movie sequels (1986, 1989 and 1989 again). She also played the title teacher on the teen TV show "Good Morning, Miss Bliss" (1987-9), which, after she left the show, morphed into the mysteriously popular "Saved By the Bell" (1989-93) and its follow-ups. In the late 1990s, Mills played Anna in the National Touring Production of The King and I.
  • "If he runs into a Klingon, I'm quittin'." - The Klingon race was one of the more prominent alien species to feature throughout the "Star Trek" space opera saga. First appearing in the original series (1966-8) episode "Errand of Mercy," the Klingons went through quite an evolution as the years went on. They changed physically, acquiring bumps on their heads (or "ridges") and their portrayal changed from a bunch of low-life thugs to a complex, honour-bound warrior race. Beginning the "Star Trek: The Next Generation" (1987-94), rather than being enemies of the peaceful United Federation of Planets, they became allies (although this relationship was not always the smoothest). As for their mention here, Helper Elliot Kalan suggests a couple of possibilities. "Star Trek" fans and Renaissance Festival goers (see above) are both known for their fanatical devotion to their chosen subject, and apparently "[i]t's a common practice among some extremely fanatical Trek-fans to get together, dress as the characters (usually including one Klingon), and then visit a RenFest while pretending that they've either a) landed on another planet or b) entered a Holodeck adventure." On the other hand, it could just be a comment on the complete mish-mash this film makes with history; throwing in a Klingon really couldn't make things a lot worse.
  • "Alanis Morisette is in prison!" "Finally!" - Canadian singer/songwriter Alanis Morisette (1974- ) was first noticed by most Canadians during the 1985-6 season the bizarre (but good) children's sketch comedy show "You Can't Do That On Television" (1979-90). After her one season, she moved on to a music career beginning her with very teeny bop-style first albums, Alanis (1991) and Now Is the Time (1993). With 1995's Jagged Little Pill (her first release outside Canada), however, she changed her style to the "angry young woman" type of music popular at the time. With the hits "You Oughta Know" and "Ironic," JLP sold more than 13 million copies, making Alanis the best selling female artist of all time. Her following albums continued to be successful. With her angry shrieking, she tends to make my ears bleed, but that's just me. She seems like a nice person though and made a very cute personification of God in the 1999 films Dogma (in which her voice is finally documented as killing a man) and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001). March 8th is officially Alanis Morisette Day in Canada. Sorry.
  • Shortly after the "soccer ball" remark, there's a weird cue in the movie's score that sounds a little like the beginning of the 1986 Peter Gabriel hit "Sledgehammer." The guys all sing a bit of it here.
  • "So, you wanna free Mumia while we're here?" - Mumia Abu-Jamahl is a former member of the Black Panthers and radio broadcaster from the Philadelphia, Pennsylvania area. Considered a radical and an activist, Mumia was convicted and sentenced for the alleged murder of a policeman on Dec. 9, 1981. A huge movement believing in Mumia's innocence has grown over the years; they are attempted to have the conviction overturned but, although his execution has been postponed a number of times, Mumia is still in prison. For more on the Free Mumia movement, visit this site. On the other side of the argument, these folks think he did it.
  • "Born free!" - The 1966 movie Born Free, about a couple raising a lion cub to maturity, featured a title song sung by Roger William. The chorus is preceded by music quickly building to a huge crescendo, much like the score at this point in the film.
  • "Snipes! Willis! Stallone! Your table is ready." - Three movie action heroes:
    • Discovered while appearing in Florida dinner theater, Wesley Snipes' (1962- ) first motion picture was the Goldie Hawn American football comedy Wildcats (1986). After working with Spike Lee a few times (beginning with Mo' Better Blues (1990)), he became something of an action star with films like Passenger 57 (1992), Demolition Man (1993) and Blade (1998). Non-action roles include the baseball comedy Major League (1989) and To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (1995), as a drag queen. Snipes was also the gang leader that hassled Michael Jackson in the video for Jackson's 1997 hit "Bad."
    • Bruce Willis' (1955- ) reputation as an action star is mostly due to his run as cop John McClane in the Die Hard series of films (1988, 1990, 1995). Other action roles are The Last boy Scout (1991), The Fifth Element (1997) and Armageddon (1998), which featured Willis in a battle of wits against a giant rock. Willis' big break originally came with the romantic detective series "Moonlighting" (1985-9), for which he won an Emmy award for his portrayal of the sarcastic David Addison. Other notable films include Blind Date (1987; his first motion picture), Pulp Fiction (1994), Twelve Monkeys (1995) and The Sixth Sense. Notable disasters include the 1991 travesty Hudson Hawk (which Willis also co-wrote) and his short lived singing career, which unexplainedly led to a top ten hit, "Repect Yourself," from his 1987 album, Return of Bruno.
    • Sylvester Stallone (1946- ) is, of course, one of the all-time big-shot action heroes. He was just a bit player in Hollywood until he received critical acclaim for 1976's Rocky, the classic boxing film which Stallone wrote and wouldn't let anyone produce unless he could play the title role. This turned out to be a wise move; Stallone quickly became a major star. He earned his "action" reputation beginning with First Blood (1982), when he played Vietnam vet John Rambo, a role he would play again in two sequels (1985, 1988). Stallone would also return as Rocky in four more films (1979, 1982, 1985, 1990). Other action roles include Demolition Man (1993) and Judge Dredd (1995). Stallone has occasionally tried his hand at comedy, an ill-advised move considering the results (for example, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992)).
  • "Now he's Sam Elliott." - Baydool does look a little like actor Sam Elliott (1944- ). The tall, lanky Elliott is an expert at playing truly laid-back characters, so much so that, to quote Leonard Maltin, "you'd just like to reach into the movie screen, grab him by the shoulders, and shake him a little bit." His first motion picture appearance was a bit part in 1969's Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, and he certainly is best suited to Westerns. These include Tombstone (1993), The Sacketts (1979 TV movie) and the series "The Yellow Rose" (1983-4). Non-Western roles include Mask (1985), the immortal Road House (1989), Gettysburg (1993) and The Big Lebowski (1998).
  • "Look at the turkey in the straw." - "Turkey in the Straw" is the title of an old minstrel song that is still hanging around today. ("Minstrel groups" were groups of white men living in the post-Civil War northern States wearing blackface and attempting to copy black styles of music, with varying degrees of success.) Probably composed in the 1830s, "Turkey" probably developed from a terribly racist pre-minstrel song called "Zip Coon" (here are the original lyrics). Nowadays, everyone knows the tune, but nobody knows the words. Probably a good thing. Notable uses of the song are in the first ever sound cartoon, Steamboat Willie (1928) starring Mickey Mouse, and by Wakko Warner (Jess Harnell) to sing all fifty states and their capitals on an episode of "Animaniacs" (1993-8).
  • "Look at me, I'm Saint Sebastian." - Saint Sebastian (?-304) is the patron saint of archers, athletes and soldiers. He became a Roman solider about 283 and began converting almost everyone around him, including the Prefect of Rome. Eventually, he was made captain of the Praeotrian guard by the emperor, who was unaware the Sebastian was a Christian. When the emperor found out, he had Sebastian executed, shot with arrows, and left for dead. He was nursed back to health by the widow of another saint, Castulus, and upon his recovery went to confront the emperor who had him beat to death. (His athlete patronhood comes from his physical endurance and the energetic way he converted people.)
  • "Norm!" - The overweight, beer-loving Norm Peterson (George Wendt) was a recurring character on the sit-com "Cheers" (1982-93). Norm was a regular at the titular Boston bar. He was such a regular that whenever he entered, the entire clientele and staff would call out "Norm!" He also had his own seat at the bar which nobody else ever used. On "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine" (1993-9), the character of Morn, who always hung out at Quark's bar was a tribute to Norm (although, unlike Norm, Morn never spoke a word on screen).
  • "Wow, they had Ethan Hawkes back then, too?" - Actor Ethan Hawke's (1970- ) first film role was one of the three boys discovering a way to the star in 1985's delightful Explorers. Hawke then came to greater critical attention in Dead Poets Society (1989). Other films include Alive (1993), Gattaca (1997), Snow Falling on Cedars (1999) and a version of Hamlet (2000). It was during Gattaca that Hawke met his future wife, Uma Thurman, officially making him one of the luckiest SOBs on the face of the Earth. He has also written a moderately successful novel (The Hottest State (1996)) and directed the video for Lisa Leob's 1994 single "Stay."
  • "We're going to Camp Snoopy." - The Camp Snoopy indoor theme park is the centerpiece of the massive Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota. Thematically based on the "Peanuts" comic strip, Camp Snoopy, despite being indoors, is a full-fledged amusement park, with log chute, roller coaster and a 74 ft. Ferris wheel. Around it is built an entire four-story mall. Camp Snoopy is more oriented towards younger children, unlike its related parks, Knott's Berry Farm, which is more family oriented.
  • "The first Hooters." - The (real) first Hooters restaurant was opened in Florida in 1983. The chain of "casual, beach-themed restaurants" is now over 250 strong with locations around the world. All the wait staff, cashiers and so on is made up of "Hooters Girls." These tend to be attractive, large-breasted women who wear the "uniform" of orange shorts and a white tank top or T-shirt. The Hooters logo has an owl in it, in an attempt to keep the meaning of the word "hooters" a little more vague. Yeah, right.
  • "I call it 'Bluto.'" - The huge, strong, heavily-bearded Bluto was the arch-nemesis of Popeye the Sailor. He was first introduced in the Popeye comic strip in 1932, followed shortly by his appearance in the first Popeye cartoon, Popeye the Sailor (1933). For a while, due to legal confusion, the character was called Brutus by some, until it was decided that Brutus was, in fact, a completely different character, despite the fact that he looked and acted pretty much identically.
  • "Must smoke a Galois!" - French brand of cigarette. Apparently named for mathematician Evariste Galois (1811-32).
  • "They have a Playland." - As far as I can tell, this could refer to any number of amusement parks or arcades named Playland. There are Playlands (all unrelated to each other) in: Rye, New York; Vancouver, British Columbia; El Paso, Texas; and Fresno, California, among others. Also, many McDonald's fast food outlets have a playground called Playlands that you can use to ignore your children.
  • "He studied at the Royal Academy of Dan Cortese." - Actor Dan Cortese (1967- ) started out as the host of "MTV Sports" (1992). Since then he has appeared in Demolition Man (1993) (in a bit part), the 1995 season of "Melrose Place" (1992-9), The Lottery (1996 TV movie) and as a regular on "Veronica's Closet" (1997-2000). He looks sort of like a "surfer dude" and, from what I can gather, his acting's not up to much...
  • "Got his hat at Cinnabon." - As the hat sort of looks like a great big muffin, the guys refer to the bakery chain Cinnabon's, best known, naturally, for their "world famous cinnamon rolls." They have stores around the world, even in places like Kuwait and Saudi Arabia.
  • "Eeeh... aaah... ohhh... oooo... Andy..." - What starts off as moaning segues into an impression of Floyd the barber from "The Andy Griffith Show" (1960-8). Floyd Lawson (Howard McNear) was a regular on "Andy Griffith" for all but the last season. He was a little creepy and often when "Oooo... oooo..." before finally starting a sentence.
  • "Good thing he's not riding a Pinto, it might explode." - The Pinto automobile, produced by Ford between 1971-80 had a gas tank with a nasty tendency to explode during rear-end collisions. Ford got in a mess of trouble when it was discovered that they knew the risks of the tank's design but went ahead with construction anyway. After several lawsuits, the car was redesigned to eliminate the hazard.
  • "You're my contact?" "Let me see your tiny time pills." - Contac (no "t" at the end) and Contac C were anti-histamine medication taken for cold and flu symptoms. Packaged in swallowable caplets, they contained what their ads called "tiny time pills" which supposedly broke down slowly, gradually releasing the medicine into your system, making it last longer. The name Contac comes from continuous action.
  • "Leonardo barely escaped being called Leonardo de Gary, Indiana."
    • It is impossible to adequately sum up the life and accomplishments of Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519), but I'm gonna give it a shot. Born in the Italian village of Vinci, near Florence, Leonardo became a true Renaissance man. He was an inventor, sculptor, painter, architect and more. Although only 17 of his paintings are known to survive, they are among the world's best known, include the Mona Lisa (begun 1503) and the Last Supper (done between 1495-8). Left-handed (woo-hoo!) in a time that this was seen as a mark of deviltry, he was easily able to write in mirror-image. His surviving sketchbooks contain thousands of drawings, studies of nature and plans for building many inventions before their time, such as a flying machine (in 1492), a parachute (1495) and the water turbine (1510). All around, a cool guy. Not at all the wiener we see in this film.
    • As for Gary, Indiana, there is such a place, its name made famous through the song "Gary, Indiana" from the Meredith Wilson Broadway musical The Music Man (first produced 1957; film version, 1962).
  • "...I was Leonardo de Oxnard for a couple of years." - The city of Oxnard is in southern California. Apparently known for their beet and lima bean crops. Yum.
  • "Turn around!" "Bright eyes." - The phrase "Turn around, bright eyes" is used repeatedly in the 1983 Bonnie Tyler hit "Total Eclipse of the Heart." It's used so much that some people just called the song "Bright Eyes," as it's less of a mouthful.
  • "Medieval gold! 24 madrigals by 24 stars!" - This shot of the sun coming up over a hill is the kind of cheesy visual used for those cheapo K-Tel type music compilations, especially if it's a collection of classical music or sappy love songs. A madrigal, by the way, was first developed in 13th and 14th century Italy as a song for 2 or 3 unaccompanied voices; later is developed into a song for 4 to 6 singers.
  • "Princess..." "Give us British Sterling..." - The British Sterling brand of cologne made its debut in 1965. Helper Lynne Chukhin has "a dim memory of its TV commercial including a long-haired woman in medieval or Renaissance costume on horseback." This would fit in nicely with the film's sub-par RenFest feel and the guys are presumably singing the ad's jingle.
  • ""Well, huzzah, I suppose..." - See Ren Fest above.
  • "It's a Nicole Kidman in the wild." - Red-headed beauty Nicole Kidman (1967- ) is one of Hollywood's most popular Australian import (despite being born in Honolulu, Hawaii). Having dropped out of high school to pursue acting, Kidman's first film role was in an Australian holiday favourite called Bush Christmas (1983). Her first US film was 1989's Dead Calm, followed the next year by Days of Thunder, on the filming of which she met her future (now ex-) husband Tom "Can you believe I let Nicole Kidman get away?" Cruise. With Thunder, she easily won Hollywood's affection, and a successful career followed. Notable films include Batman Forever (1995), To Die For (1995), Portrait of a Lady (1996), Eyes Wide Shut (1999; Stanley Kubrick's final film) and Moulin Rouge (2001).
  • "I'm gonna go design a helicopter." - As noted above, Leonardo da Vinci did create plans for a flying machine in 1492, which strongly resembled a helicopter.
  • "They pan over and there's Balki." - Played by Bronson Pinchot, the character of Balki Bartokomous featured on the sit-com "Perfect Strangers" (1986-93). Balki hailed from the Mediterranean Greek-like island nation of Mypos. He moved to America and lived with his rather uptight cousin, Larry Appleton (Mark Linn-Baker). From Balki's many descriptions of his homeland, Mypos sounds like a rather primitive place, so probably looked a lot like the village seen here in Quest.
  • "They must've camped outside Sturgis." - Every August, Sturgis, South Dakota, becomes home to the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, the largest motorcycle enthusiasts gathering in the world. It was started in 1938 by local cycle shop owner J.C. "Papy" Hoel. At the time, only nine racers were involved, going around a half mile dirt track. Today, the Rally is a huge event, spreading across South Dakota's Black Hills area, with over half a million very enthusiastic attendees.
  • "Future site of Euro Disney." - Euro Disneyland was the original name for Disneyland Paris when it opened in April of 1992 (the name was officially changed in 1994). Situated in Marna-la-Vallee, France, it has the same layout as the original Disneyland in Anaheim, California, save that Tomorrowland is replaced with Discoveryland. It suffered severe losses the first few years it was open until they changed the colour scheme from the usual Disney-bright colours to more European-friendly pastel colours. After that, it started doing about as well as previous Disney parks.
  • "'Bonanza.' Now in femmy clothes." - The popular western TV series "Bonanza" (1959-73) starred Lorne Greene as Ben Cartwright, with Pernell Roberts, Dan Blocker (see above) and Michael Landon as his sons Adam, "Hoss" and "Little Joe." The Cartwrights worked their thousand-acre Ponderosa Ranch in frontier Nevada. The series was revived through a few TV movies in the 1980s and 90s.
  • "This winter, I'm planning on being Leonardo da Cancun for a couple of week." - Cancun is Mexico's number one resort destination. The place is lousy with resorts, white beaches and more tourists than should be allowed in one place. It was actually chosen as an ideal resort spot by a computer.
  • "Prince?" "It's better than being captured by Morris Day, I guess." - Morris Day (1957- ) was the lead singer for R&B group the Time (yeah, I've never heard of them either) before appearing in the film Purple Rain (1984) with Prince (hence the connection here). He embarked on a solo career shortly after and appeared in a couple more films including Graffiti Bridge (1990; again with Prince) and The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990). Not the most illustrious career.
  • "Can you bring me a Klondike Bar?" - "What would you do for a Klondike Bar?" asks the ad campaign for this ice cream treat produced by the Good Humor/Breyers ice cream company. The Klondike comes in eight flavours, but in its original form is made of vanilla ice cream between two chocolate sandwich wafers.
  • "It's your turn to meet Peter Pan." - Invented by British author J.M. Barrie in his 1902 novel The Little White Bird, Peter Pan was the little boy who never grew up and went away to live in Never-Never Land. A lot of the tale's classic elements weren't created until 1904 when Barrie wrote a play about Peter, Peter Pan, or The Boy Who Wouldn't Grow Up. This was later novelized as Peter and Wendy (1911). There have been many different adaptations of Peter's adventures over the years, including the Disney animated film (1953) and 1991's Hook about Peter Pan all grown up. Peter lived with the Lost Boys in a forest habitat much like the village in Quest.
  • "Fina? Like the gas station?" - The Fina Oil and Chemical Company is your standard multi-national petrochemical conglomerate. Their North American HQ is in Dallas, Texas. Presumably they have a chain of gas stations. I can't really find out much about it. Can I get a little help!
  • "Johnny Cash is going to entertain you tonight." - Country music legend Johnny Cash (1932-2003) began writing his own songs at the age of 12. This eventually led to a career wherein Johnny recorded more than 1500 hundred songs, appearing on more than 500 different albums (almost 50 of them exclusively his own), and 10 Grammy wins. His first single, "Hey Porter," came in 1955. This began a long string of singles throughout the rest of the 20th century and into the 21st; notable examples are "I Walk the Line" (1956), "Don't Take Your Guns to Town" (1959), "Ring of Fire" (1963), "Folsom Prison Blues" (1968; from a live album recorded at said Folsom Prison), "A Boy Named Sue" (1969) and "Man in Black" (1971). This last song earned him the nickname "the Man in Black" and became the title of his 1975 autobiography. He did a little acting and had two television variety shows of his own, "The Johnny Cash Show" (1969-71) and "Johnny Cash and Friends" (1976). Famed for his deep, resonant baritone, he is one of only two people to be inducted into both the Country and Rock and Roll Halls of Fame (the other is Elvis Presley).
  • "Cheech Marin?" - The guy yelling "I'm comeeeeng!" sound a little like comedian/actor Richard "Cheech" Marin (1946- ). With partner Tommy Chong, Marin was half of the 1970s drug-humour based comedy duo of Cheech and Chong. The pair had a number of successful albums and a string of movie beginning with Up in Smoke (1978). After the act broke up in 1985, Marin moved on to a relatively successful acting career. Films include Born in East L.A. (1987; he also wrote and directed), Ghostbusters II (1989), From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), and voices in the Disney animated films Oliver & Company (1988) and The Lion King (1994). On TV, he co-starred in the short-lived spin-off of "The Golden Girls" (1985-92), "The Golden Palace" (1992), and "Nash Bridges" (1996-2001).
  • "I'm starting to like Willow." - Directed by Ron Howard, Willow (1988) tells the story of dwarf Willow Ufgood (Warwick Davis) and his quest to return a baby girl to her people in order to fulfill the prophecy that will lead to the defeat of the evil Queen Bavmorda (Jean Marsh). On the way, Willow is helped/hindered by a number of allies, including Madmartigan (Val Kilmer), a warrior who isn't nearly as good as he thinks he is. Rather cliched at points, it is, despite Tom's remark, still an enjoyable film. And the baby is just sooooo cute.
  • "So the Ewoks grew up to be big, stupid men?" - The Ewoks were a tribe of cute, fuzzy, teddy bear-like creatures living on the moon of Endor in the third (or sixth, depending how you count)film in the "Star Wars" saga, return of the Jedi (1983). The lived in a forest village and helped the Rebels in their final defeat of the Imperial forces, leading the the liberation of the galaxy. They were clearly created for marketing purposes, which seemed to work; there was tons of Ewok merchandise. They even got a couple of TV movies of their own (The Ewok Adventure (1984) and Ewoks: The Battle for Endor (1985)), the "Ewoks" cartoon (1985-7) and a comic book series. Several lines of Ewok dialogue in the film was actually in the Filipino language of Tagalog.
  • "...for the benefit of all mankind." "Except Dick Armey." - Dick Armey (1940- ) was once Texas' Representative in the US House of Representative. Republican. Conservative. Called fellow openly gay Representative Barney Frank (Democratic, Massachusetts) "Barney Fag." 'Nuff said.

Host segment 4 - A visit from da Vinci

  • "C'mon, Gretzky." - Often called the Great One (see above), Wayne Gretzky (1961- ) is one of the most famous hockey players of all time. He began playing the game at the age of six, when he joined the Brantford (Ontario) Novice All-Star team. Eventually turning pro in 1978, he joined the Edmonton Oilers, using jersey number 99, the number he would retain throughout his career. In 1988, he joined the Los Angeles Kings and, until his retirement in 1999, also played for the St. Louis Blues and the New York Rangers. During his time, he set 61 National Hockey League scoring records and played in 18 All-Star games. Married to actress Janet Jones, he has a cameo as himself in the 1994 film D2: The Might Ducks.
  • "I live in Queens, now." - Queens is a borough of New York City, New York. Originally its own town, it became part of New York when the city was consolidated from other surrounding areas in 1898 (to the dismay of many locals).

Movie Act 4

  • "Hard to pick up chicks when you look like Holly Hobbie." - Named for her creator, the character of Holly Hobbie was a cute little girl in a bonnet appearing on a series of American Greetings Corporation greeting cards beginning in 1967. The cards had a drawing of Holly doing something cute, with a sappy little saying along the lines of "A friend is someone who lives in your heart..." or "Happiness is found in little things..." Holly became immensely popular, leading to thousands of pieces of merchandising including dolls, clothing, wallpaper, glasses, sewing kits and even the Holly Hobby Oven, the only real competition the Easy Bake Oven ever had.
  • "Wait, this is from a Libbyland dinner." - Libbyland dinners were produced in the 1970s as TV dinners for kids. Coming in selection such as Pirate Picnic and Safari Supper, they had hamburgers or hot dogs or a similar main course and often came with chocolate cake for dessert. The pop-up tops acted as games you could play while you ate and the metal trays had designs printed on the bottom. You could send away for your Libbyland citizenship, consisting of a citizenship card and a map of Libbyland.
  • "I'm not gettin' a fist. I saw the movie F.I.S.T.." - The not-terribly-memorable F.I.S.T. (1978) starred Sylvester Stallone (yo!) as Johnny Kovac, a worker who joins the Teamsters union (called F.I.S.T. (Federated Inter-State Truckers) in the film) in the 1930s and works his way to the top of the organization, becoming more and more ruthless on the way.
  • "Timothy? Where on earth did you go?" - Line from the chorus of the 1971 hit "Timothy" by the Buoys. Three men, including Timothy, are trapped in a mine cave-in, and the other two eat Timothy to stay alive until they are rescued. You know, they just don't write enough songs about cannibalism these days.
  • "Have you seen my wife, Mr. Jones?" - Line from the chorus of the 1967 Bee Gees hit "New York Mining Disaster 1941," their first top forty hit outside their native Australia. According to the liner notes for their box-set Tales from the Brothers Gibb (1990), this song was inspired by the Aberfan Mining Disaster. On October 21, 1966 (not 1941), in the Welsh village of Aberfan (not New York), 144 people, including 116 children, died when the local school was engulfed by coal mine waste when heavy rains caused a land-slide (so not actually a real mining disaster, but a mining-related disaster). From the lyrics, though, it's hard to tell any of this.
  • "Archimedes kept all his Playboys in here." - Okay, do I need to explain what Playboy magazine is? You know, founded by Hugh Hefner? Full of pictures of naked ladies? Good. And, no, I'm not giving you a link, I don't want to get in trouble corrupting all of you.
  • "Check it out! Rock looks like LBJ." - LBJ was the short-form name often used when talking about the 36th President of the United States, Lyndon Baines Johnson (1908-73). Originally John F. Kennedy's Vice President since 1960, he assumed the Presidency upon JFK's assassination in 1963. The following year, he was properly voted into office. During his term, he instituted several social and racial equality programs and laws, such as the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act and Medicare. At the same time however, he led the US into the unpopular war in Vietnam. The public's displeasure with this helped lead to Johnson's decision in 1968 not to run for re-election. He retired to his home state of Texas.
  • "He's invented bocci rocks." - Bocci or bocce is an Italian game similar to lawn bowling played with wooden balls (bocci/e is Italian for "ball") on a long, narrow court covered in gravel.
  • "Red book?" "McCall's, Good Housekeeping?" - Redbook, McCall's and Good Housekeeping are all American "women's" magazines, similar in content: beauty and fitness, relationship, finance, celebrity interviews, recipes and whatnot. In 2001, McCall's was usurped by comedienne/actress/talk-show host Rosie O'Donnell, who transformed it into her own magazine.
  • "I'm here for the Bullwinkle fan club meeting." - The cartoon character of Bullwinkle J. Moose (note Vultare's helmet) and his best friend Rocket "Rocky" J. Squirrel (voiced by June Foray) were created by Jay Ward and Bill Scott (who provided the voice for Bullwinkle) for the animated series "Rocky and His Friends" (1959-61). (This later became "The Bullwinkle Show" (1961-73) and went by a number of other titles in syndication.) Rocky and Bullwinkle had dozens of oddball adventures around the world, usually coming into conflict with no-goodnik villains Boris Badenov (Paul Frees) and Natasha Fatale (again, June Foray). The cartoon's humour, while enjoyable to children, was often topical and appealed to adults. The lunk-headed moose was voiced by Keith Scott for the 2000 live-action/animation film The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle.
  • "Hey, Gollum, how's it goin', man?" - Character from J.R.R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings stories. First appearing in 1937's The Hobbit, Gollum was originally a hobbit himself, until he killed a friend for possession of the One Ring (the heavily sought-after artifact the books are named for). He then moved to a cave in the mountains, slowly losing his sanity and becoming deformed from the influence of "his precious," as he called the Ring.
  • "That's okay, because I'm always flirtin' with disaster!" - "Flirtin' with Disaster" was a hit for Florida rock band Molly Hatchet from their 1979 album of the same name.
  • "It's the Blind Faith album cover." - "Supergroup" Blind Faith (members Eric Clapton, Steve Windwood, Ginger Baker) didn't last very long. Barely six months. They only produced one self-titled album (1969), with a kind of creepy cover featuring a naked young girl, holding a toy airplane, standing in front of a not-quite-real-looking field and sky. In 2000, the album was re-mastered and re-released with an added second half of demos and other material.
  • "An early 'Hi & Lois.'" - Created in 1954 by Mort Walker and Dik Browne, "Hi & Lois" is a rare comic-strip spin-off (even more rare, a successful spin-off). The characters of Hi and Lois Flagston first appeared earlier in '54 in Mort Walker's "Beetle Bailey" strip, as Beetle's sister and brother-in-law. In their own strip, the Flagstons (including four children and their dog, Dawg) have always represented the typical suburban family.
  • "I think it's an ACE award." - Short for Award for Cable Excellence, the ACE Cable TV Awards were started in 1978 by the National Cable Television Association to honour cable programming which, at the time, was not eligible for the Emmy Awards. Once cable became eligible for Emmys in 1988, the ACE Awards continued as a separate entity, until the final awards were given out in 1997. The award itself looked like a large crystal playing card-style space. ACE of spades? Get it? MST3K itself was nominated over a dozen times for ACE Awards, but never won. Gyp!
  • "The fabric of space? What does that mean?" "Tencel." - Tencel is the brand name for a fabric derived from lyocell, a wood pulp.
  • "Ricochet Rabbit!" - Hanna-Barbera cartoon character Ricochet Rabbit (Don Messik) never had his own show, but was instead a segment for the first two seasons of "The Magilla Gorilla Show" (1964-7). Ricochet, a sheriff, and his dog deputy Droop-a-Long (Mel Blanc), defended their town from evil-doers. Ricochet got his name from his habit of bouncing off different objects while in pursuit of villains. He would also work a ricochet sound into his name when introducing himself: "Sheriff (bing bing bing) Ricochet Rabbit!"
  • "I gotta call Columbine, tell her I'll be late for lunch." - Leo looks rather clown-like in his (almost certainly historically inaccurate) poofy clothes. He sort of resembles Harlequin, the clown figure seen often in Italian commedia dell'arte (comedic theatre). Harlequin is in love with (and it loved by) the character of Columbine, a prima donna's maid.
  • "Now it's gonna be a space-time thing and Worf's gonna pop out..." - Lt. Commander Worf (Michael Dorn) was a Klingon raised by humans and an officer on the U.S.S. Enterprise on the science-fiction series "Star Trek: The Next Generation" (1987-94); he later appeared as a regular on the last four seasons of "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine" (1993-9). Crow is referring to the various "Star Trek" series' tendencies to bring out the old reliable "time warp" plot on a regular basis. Now, while it annoyed others, I always liked the time-travel plots. So, in a rare moment (ha!) of editorializing, I scoff at Crow's... um, scoffing and recommend the following episodes:
    • "Star Trek" (1966-9), "City on the Edge of Forever": Kirk, McCoy and Spock visit the 1930s and Kirk meets his one true love.
    • "Star Trek: The Next Generation", "Cause and Effect": The Enterprise gets caught in a deadly time loop and is destroyed again and again and again...
    • "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine", "The Visitor": Captain Sisko is caught in a time warp and keeps visiting his son Jake further and further into the future.
    • "Star Trek: Voyager" (1995-2001), "Relativity": In order to save Voyager, Seven of Nine is recruited by a ship from the future. At one point, at least three Capt. Janeways and two Seven of Nines are running around the ship at once.
    • "Star Trek: Enterprise" (2001- ): As of this writing, "Enterprise" has yet to premiere, but give 'em time. They'll hit a temporal disturbance eventually.
  • "He pities the fool who gets in his way." - "Ah pity the fool!" was the favourite saying of actor and former pro wrestler Mister T. Used most often when he appeared on "The A-Team" (1983-7) and his own cartoon, "Mister T" (1983).
  • "Ah, go paint an enigmatic woman." - The identity of the mysterious woman in Da Vinci's Mona Lisa (mentioned above) and what the heck she's smiling about has been debate by art historians for ages. An alternate name for the painting is La Gioconda, supposedly named for the woman's husband. Others believe Leonardo painted himself as a woman. Either way, he took the painting with him wherever he travelled for most of his life.
  • "I gotta say, grazing in the grass is a gas. Baby, can you dig it?" - The Friends of Distinction (a Fifth Dimension-style singing group) had a hit in 1969 with "Grazing in the Grass" from their album Grazin'. The chorus features the refrain "Grazin' in the grass is a gas/Baby, can you dig it?"

Epilogue - The annual Delta Knights Pancake Breakfast

  • Nothing here. It's over. Go 'way.

Return to Season 9.

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