Too Much Information:
The Annotated MST3K

MST3K The Movie: This Island Earth

['So, you get FM on this thing?']

Oh, what could have been... While MST3K: The Movie certainly wasn't bad, it could've been so much more. Unfortunately, the folks at Best Brains were put under a few constraints by the studio. They had to do a Universal film (which admittedly makes sense, as they then had guaranteed rights), it had to be colour, it couldn't be too long (so it had the hell edited out of it), it had to be not too bad... And that last one is a big problem. This Island Earth isn't really a bad film. Just kind of dated. And the science is dodgy, at best. But it actually has good effects, even by some modern standards, and an intelligent story where the aliens are not all slavering nasties trying to take over the world. Exeter is a sympathetic, thoughtful man who truly regrets many of the actions of his people.

Still, it was a thrill to sit in a theatre with a bunch of fellow MiSTies and share the laughter. ('Cause the riffs are still funny!) When it finally came to my town (the local university showed it in their theatre), I sat straight through both showings and came out smiling.

A note about the format: Because the structure of the film was a little different from that of the television episodes, I've had to alter things a little. I'm calling Dr. F's intro the prologue, while the appearance of Mike and the Bots is the first Host Segment. The closing credits I just included with the Epilogue.

IMDb Entry for This Island Earth

Prologue

  • Dr. F spanking himself (shudder) could be a reference to the character of Basil Fawtly (John Cleese), the incredibly uptight and constantly frustrated hotel owner from the classic British sitcom "Fawlty Towers" (1975, 1979). In the episode "The Builders," Basil, appalled when told that a situation he stuck in might be his own fault (which it probably is), screams, "Oh, I see! It's my fault, is it? Ah well, I must be punished then, mustn't I?" At which point, he begins to spank himself, yelling, "You're a naughty boy Fawlty, don't do it again!" Then, as Helper Cody Kahne points out, Basil "slowly realise[s] there are people standing around and looking at him."

Host Segment 1

  • The opening where Mike jogs while Gypsy looks on is a parody of a scene in the epic science-fiction film 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968). The beginning of the third segment of the film (titled "Jupiter Mission"), we slowly pan across the spaceship Discovery on its long, slow trip to Jupiter. When we cut inside, we see astronaut Dave Bowman (Keir Dullea) jogging around and around a circular section of the ship (because of the centrifugal force in that part of the ship, Dave can jog through 360 degrees without falling). While he exercises, the ship's computer, HAL 9000, watches intently through one of his visual sensors. The close-up shot of Gypsy's eye, with Mike reflected in it, matches the shot of HAL almost exactly.
  • "Oh, and I've compiled today's wire service reports. Here's a hard copy." - Note that the "hard copy" Gypsy gives Mike is really a copy of the Satellite News, a newsletter produced by the MST3K fan club a couple of times a year between 1988 and 1996. You can see several scanned copies at the current on-line version of the Satellite News.
  • "The Cubs lost again." - The Chicago Cubs baseball team was first formed in 1876 as the Chicago White Stockings. They were first nicknamed "the Cubs" in a 1902 newspaper article and officially adopted the name in 1907. Although they didn't do too badly at first (winning several League pennants between the 1910s and the 1940s), the team has an inescapable reputation as losers. They have had several truly bad streaks since their last pennant win and are always joked about. Nevertheless, Cubs fans are some of the most devoted in the world.
  • "It's a long way to Tipperary/To the sweetest girl I know!/Goodbye to Noah Beery/Hello Harold Lloyd!"
    • Crow is singing his own version of "It's a Long Way to Tipperary." Composed in 1912 by Jack Judge and Harry Williams, "Tipperary" was very popular during the First World War (in fact, it's Snoopy's favourite song when he's in "World War I flying ace" mode). The proper lyrics (with Tipperary being a town in Ireland) run, "It's a long way to Tipperary/It's a long way from home./It's a long way to Tipperary/To the sweetest girl I know." Crow has added the names of a couple of actors from around the early 20th century.
    • There have been two actors named Noah Beery. The original Noah Beery and his son, Noah Beery Jr. (best know to MiSTies as the idiot Texan in Rocketship X-M (1950) from episode 201). Crow is almost certainly referring to Beery Sr. (1882-46), who, after 20 years on stage, appeared in more than 200 films, most of them silent. A popular character actor of the time, he tended to play the villain, especially in Westerns.
    • Another early 20th century actor, Harold Lloyd (1893-1971) also got his start on stage before appearing in about 200 films, largely silent. His best known role was as "Lonesome Luke" in a series of comic films, beginning with 1915's Just Nuts. You've probably seen a shot of him dangling from a the hands of a skyscraper clock from 1923's Safety Last.
  • "Come, come, boys! We must confound Jerry at every turn!" - Once upon a time, "Jerry" was British slang for German. A derogatory term, it first appeared during the end of World War I, coming into its own during the Second World War. Jerry was originally slang for chamberpot and British soldiers thought the German soldiers' helmets looked like said chamberpots.

Movie Act 1

  • "Space, the final frontier... These are the voyages of Babylon 5..."
    • From the speech given during the opening credits of both the original "Star Trek" (1966-9) and "Star Trek: The Next Generation" (1987-94). It really goes "Space... the final frontier... These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise" and is spoken by the captains of each show's incarnation of the Enterprise, James Kirk (William Shatner) for the original and Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart) for "TNG."
    • "Babylon 5" (1994-8) however, is a separate science-fiction "space opera" franchise, with no direct connection to "Trek." It takes place on the space-station Babylon 5 and those who run the station attempt to keep the peace among a number of alien races, often with little success. "B5" produced a number of TV movies and spin-off series.
  • "This island Earth can be yours if the price is right!" - A phrase often shouted out by the announcer on the price-guessing game show "The Price is Right" (various incarnations since 1956). Don Pardo or Johnny Olsen or whoever would talk about the prize up for grabs and tell the contestants, "This [whatever it is] can be yours if... the price is right!"
  • "Shatner... Shatner... No, doesn't look like he's in this one, we're safe." - William Shatner (1931- ). Author. Singer. Man of action. The greatest actor who ever lived. Ahem... Well, maybe not. Shatner is, of course, best known for his role as Captain James T. Kirk in the original "Star Trek" series (1966-9) and the first seven motion pictures of the "Trek" franchise. Other notable roles include "Nightmare at 20000 Feet" (one of the best episodes of "The Twilight Zone" (1959-65)), "T.J. Hooker" (1982-7), as the host of "Rescue 911" (1989-96), "TekWar" (1994-5; a science-fiction series based on a series of novels he created himself), Airplane II (1982) and Miss Congeniality (2000). In his early career, Shatner did a lot of stage work, especially Shakespeare's plays. As a result, he sometimes (but by no means always) has difficulty toning things down for TV and movies, occasionally making his performances over the top. However, he still remains a fan favourite and is not above poking fun at his own style, in, for example, his series of priceline.com commercials and Free Enterprise (1998) in which he plays "Bill," an insane, even more over the top version of himself.
  • "Oh, look, Orion is bankrupt." - Riffing on the name of the constellation Orion the Hunter. Motion picture company Orion Pictures had severe financial difficulties during the mid-1990s after a series of business failures and unsuccessful movies, eventually declaring bankruptcy. They were bought up by MGM Studios in April 1997.
  • "So, these are images from the Hubble?" - After a four year delay (due to the explosion of the space shuttle Challenger), the Hubble Space Telescope was launched in 1990 on a fifteen year mission to photograph space phenomena. At first, the 12 ton telescope didn't perform well, only sending back blurry images. It was discovered that one of its massive mirrors was off by some ridiculously small amount, like a billionth of an inch or something. After servicing though, the HST began to send scientists some of the most amazing and beautiful photos ever seen (much better that what we see during TIE's credits). Among other discoveries, data from the Hubble has helped in the search for other planetary systems and to determine more specifically the age of the universe. To find out more and to see some of the spectacular shots taken by the HST, visit its web site.
  • "Washingtonland, the new Disney theme park!" - The various Disney theme parks (Disneyland, Disney World, Euro Disney, and so on) are chiefly divided into differently themed "lands," like Adventureland, Tomorrowland and Fantasyland.
  • "John Sununu goes for a haircut." - Sometime governor of New Hampshire, John Sununu (1939- ) spent the years 1989-91 as President George Bush Sr.'s chief of staff. He was asked to resign after a number of minor controversies, including what the media dubbed "Air Sununu." Seems Johnny was commandeering military aircraft for personal trips. Bad boy.
  • "Geez, there's soccer teams lying all over the place!" - In 1973, a plane of Uruguayan rugby (not soccer, but hey, close enough for the gag) players crashed in that country's mountains. In order to last until rescuers found them, the crash survivors were forced to eat their own dead. Ick. Their story was told in the 1974 book Alive by Piers Paul Read. The book was adapted into two movies, Survive! (1976) and Alive (1993).
  • "Ricola... la... la..." - Ricola is a Swiss brand of cough drops and other cold medicine. Many of their ads features shots of mountain scenery (presumably the Alps) as a voice calls out "Ricola! Ricola!" Sometimes, the scenery features a couple of embarrassingly-dressed men (those little Swiss shorts and so on); one blows on a massive horn while the other calls out the product name, calling the cough drops home...
  • "Keanu Reeves in My Own Private Airfield." - Sometimes really good, sometimes really bad actor Keanu Reeves (1964- ) has appeared in such motion pictures as Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventures (1989), Speed (1994), The Matrix (1999) and the film referred to in this play on words, 1991's My Own Private Idaho. Reeves and River Phoenix play a pair of male prostitutes.
  • "Look out, President Clinton!" - In September 1994, unlicensed student pilot Frank Eugene Corder, drunk and high, stole the Cessna P150 airplane he had been taking lessons in and went on a joy-ride. The joy-ride ended when he crashed onto the South Lawn of the White House. The Cessna skidded and came to a halt against the south wall of the Executive Mansion, causing minimal damage. Corder was killed; no one else was hurt. Then-President Bill Clinton and his family weren't in residence at the time and were never in any danger.
  • "Maverick!" - Maverick was the nickname of Lt. Pete Mitchell, played by actor Tom Cruise in the 1986 hit movie Top Gun. Maverick was a hot-shot show-off pilots and frequently flew in ways that angered his superior officers. "Maverick!" was called out in anger a lot.
  • "Oh damn, I spilled my Big Gulp!" - Big Gulp is convenience store chain 7-11's name for their stupidly large serving of beverage. It can range from 32 to 44 ounces. Just about enough to water your lawn.
  • "Green Acres!" - The shot resembles the farm style setting of the rural sit-com "Green Acres" (1965-71). The show starred Eddie Albert and Eva Gabor as the Douglases, a couple who move from the big city to a patch of land named Green Acres in the county of Hooterville (also the setting of "Petticoat Junction" (1963-70) and where "The Beverly Hillbillies" (1962-71) hailed from). The show focused on the Douglases encounters with the many wacky denizens of Hooterville.
  • "Wow, that ringing! Now he knows what the world sounds like to Pete Townshend." - Pete Townshend (1945- ) was one of the founding members of the Who, one of the most popular rock bands in history. Also, it seems, one of the loudest. Apparently, Townshend suffers from tinnitus (frequent ringing in the ears) because of the noise level from the Who's concerts.
  • "G.I. Joe Action Set! Nerdy Joe not included." - If Barbie is the queen of dolls, then Hasbro's G.I. Joe is the king of action figures (also known as "dolls for boys" - oh, don't deny it, they are). Named after the title character in the 1945 war movie The Story of G.I. Joe, G.I. Joe was introduced in 1964 and became a phenomenally popular toy line. The initial line had four different figures with at least 75 accessories, including several vehicles (hence the reference here as Joe runs for his jeep). Joe's popularity waned in the wake of the Vietnam War, but started regaining popularity in the 1980s with an ongoing comic from Marvel Comics and a Saturday morning cartoon ("G.I. Joe" (1983-6)), and continues to be a best-seller to this day.
  • "Wow, that's one hell of a View-Master." - Popular children's toy. Invested by William Gruber in 1938 and introduced at the following year's World Fair, the View-Master is sort of like a pair of plastic binoculars, but instead of looking through them at real things, a disc with 3-D pictures is inserted. As well as nature and travel subjects, View-Master cards have features many TV and movie subjects, like "The Brady Bunch" (1969-74) and Planet of the Apes (1968), and several super-heroes. Currently owned by Fisher-Price, View-Masters and their cards are still made, featuring more modern subjects, like (shudder) Britney Spears (well, at least you can't hear her).
  • "The secret government Eggo project." - And thus begins the breakfast/pastry gags. Eggo Waffles are produced by Kellogg's. They're round, so you can drop them into your toaster and which way. They also come in a couple dozen varieties, including blueberry, chocolate chips and cinnamon toast. There are also, rather pointlessly, Eggo toaster pancakes.
  • "Contact Doctor Jemima." - Refers to Aunt Jemima, marketing symbol for a line of syrups and pancake mixes since the late 19th century. Created by Chris Rutt for his products, Jemima is a large, happy black woman wearing (usually) an apron and red bandana. He was inspired was he saw a singer perform a jazz tune called "Aunt Jemima"; she was wearing the apron and bandana that Rutt used in his creation. It's a rather racist symbol, but she's endured all these years, so I guess people don't mind too much. Aunt Jemima and her products are currently the property of Quaker Oats.
  • "Increase the Flash Gordon noise and put more science stuff around." - SF pulp hero Flash Gordon first appeared in a 1934 comic strip created by Alex Raymond. Flash was an Earthman whisked away to the planet Mongo, where he went through countless adventures. Created to compete with the similar Buck Rogers strip, it has often surpassed it in popularity. Flash went on to appear in all kinds of other media, including radio shows, comic books, novels, animated and live-action TV series and a 1980 major motion picture (which didn't do all that well). The version referred to here is probably the popular movie serials starring Buster Crabbe as Flash (the first premiering in 1936). These productions featured (for the time) impressive whiz-bang visual and sound effects.
  • "Oh my God, my waffle! Oh the humanity!" - On May 6, 1937, the German passenger blimp Hindenberg approached for landing in Lakehurst, NY after sailing across the Atlantic ocean. For reasons not yet fully explained (there are several theories), the ship burst into flames, killing 35 of the passengers and crew. The event was being broadcast live on radio and, when the Hindenberg exploded, announcer Herbert Morrison, understandably, freaked out, yelling in shock and horror. His most famous remark from this is, "Oh, the humanity!"
  • "Wilt... Chamberlain..." - Wilt "the Stilt" Chamberlain (1936-99) is considered one of the all-time great basketball players. His career spanned 1959 to 1973, during which he played with such teams as the Philadelphia 76ers and Los Angeles Lakers, among others. During that time, he set a bunch of records including points scored, average points per game and rebounds. After retiring from basketball, Chamberlain wrote two books: his 1991 autobiography, A View from Above (which caused quite a fuss with his claim that he had had 20000 sexual encounters in his life) and Who's Running the Asylum? Inside the Insane World of Sports Today (1997). He died of cardiac arrest, probably from the irregular heartbeat he had been in treatment for since 1992.
  • "Oh, my Niels Bohr swimsuit calendar has arrived!" - Renowned Danish physicist Niels Bohr (1885-1962) is most famous for his investigations of the structure of atoms. He was a key figure in the development of quantum theory and received the 1922 Nobel Prize for Physics for his work.
  • "Look, there's Waldo!" - The Where's Waldo? series of children's books is one of the most popular in history. Created and illustrated by Martin Hanford, the first book appeared in 1987. Waldo is a young man wearing glasses and blue and red striped clothing. He appears in a number of large two-page pictures filled with hundreds and hundreds of people and objects. Your objective: find him. It can actually get kind of hard, especially in settings like the Waldo look-alike contest. Several editions of the original book and entirely new books have also been published and Waldo has even appeared in his own cartoon, "Where's Waldo?" (1991).
  • "Ah, been ordering from the Adam and Eve collection again, hmmm?" - The Adam and Eve store sells video, toys and so on for adults. I'm not getting into it. And, no, I'm not linking to their web site either.
  • "Please say we can get the Sci-Fi Channel..." - The Sci-Fi Channel is a cable network in the United States specializing in (surprise!) science fiction (although they also show fantasy, horror and science fact programming). It began broadcasting in September of 1992 and has European and southern African versions. (We have our own, unrelated SF network here in Canada called Space, which is much cooler, but that's neither here nor there...) Crow's comment takes on extra meaning because, of course, Sci-Fi picked up MST3K in 1997 (a year after this production), after it was cancelled by the evil Comedy Central.
  • "Comes with a Garth Brooks CD." - Garth Brooks (1962- ); best-selling country singer and a key figure in the rise of "new" country in the 1990s. Before Garth, it was pretty much unheard of for a country album to go platinum, let alone multi-platinum. (So it's all his fault; now you know who to hurt.) He became a crossover phenomenon with his second album, No Fences (1990), which eventually sold a staggering 13 million copies.
  • "It's the Amazing Technicolor Cheesewedge!" - Take on the title of the Andrew Lloyd Webber/Tim Rice musical Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, based on the Biblical story of Joseph and the coat of many colours from the book of Genesis. It was originally a 15 minute cantata by Andrew and Tim performed at their school in England in 1968, and was later expanded into the stage phenomenon that premiere on Broadway in 1981.
  • "Nanoo nanoo!" - Alien greeting given regularly by the character of Mork (Robin Williams) on the science-fiction sit-com, "Mork and Mindy" (1978-82). It was really popular to say this to everyone you met for a while. It got extremely tired. If you said it to Robin Williams now, he'd probably try to kill you.
  • "...your camera will pick up nothing but black fog." "Oh, it's a Goldstar!" - Goldstar is a Korean-made brand of electronics. It has a reputation of producing some of the cheapest and most poorly made products of the electronics world.

Host Segment 2

  • "I'm fully instrument rated for Microsoft Flight Simulator." - One of the most popular computer games of all time, Microsoft Flight Simulator is produced by Microsoft and is, um, a flight simulator. The first version of the program appeared sometime around the early 1980s. It has gotten so realistic over the years, that sometimes MFS is used to train real pilots.
  • "What do you do with a drunken sailor, early in the morning?" - Gypsy is singing the old sea shanty "What Shall We Do With a Drunken Sailor?" You hear this song a lot in old pirate movies. It really goes: "What shall we do with a drunken sailor/Early in the morning?" Several suggestions are made in later verses including "shave his belly with a rusty razor," "put him in the bilge and make him drink it" and "throw him in bed with the captain's daughter."
  • The Hubble - See above.
  • "This is your dishwashing liquid, you soak it!" - Refers to a series of ads from the 1970s and 80s for Palmolive dishwashing liquid. The ads featured Madge the Manicurist, who would secretly have her customers put their hands in bowls of Palmolive. These same customers would, coincidentally, complain about their dish detergent's effect on their hands. Madge would suggest they try Palmolive and reveal "You're soaking in it." Then Madge and customer would have a laugh over this deceit.
  • The Manipulator Arm - Note that the Manipulator Arm is named Manos. As well as being Spanish for "hands" (appropriate for a remote arm), Manos, the Hands of Fate is the name of the 1966 movie shown to Joel and the Bots back in episode 424. This terrible, horrible, no good, very bad film almost drove the fellas to the breaking point. The Mads even apologized for sending the film! Considered by one and all to be one of the worst movies ever shown on MST3K. Also of note is the score during the activation of the Arm. It very clearly contains the "haunting" Torgo theme. Torgo (John Reynolds) was the "monster" of the film (apparently a satyr, but it really doesn't come across well) and his musical cue in Manos was an annoying four-note tune played over and over and over.
  • "Good night, sweet Hubble, and a flight of angels sing thee to thy rest." - Crow is misquoting Act V Scene II of William Shakespeare's 1603 play, Hamlet. After the climactic sword film, in which most of the main character are killed, Horatio says of the dead Prince Hamlet: "Good night sweet prince/And flights of angels sing thee to they rest!"

Movie Act 2

  • "You know, all the problems of a hunky guy and a wormy sidekick don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world." - Variation on a line from the closing scene of the 1942 classic film Casablanca. Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) and his love Ilsa (Ingrid Bergman) stand by a runway on a dark, foggy night, like Cal and Joe do here, as Rick tries to talk Ilsa into getting on the waiting plane and leave him behind. Part of Rick's speech: "...it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world."
  • "Hello, Mister magic plane person, hello...?" - I'm still not certain if this is actually from something or if the guys are just doing a goofy voice. They do this in a bunch of episodes and it's been driving me nuts. I've received a few possibilities from Helpers, none of which satisfy me completely, but I'll present them here anyway. Otherwise, if someone can help confirm any of these or come up with other ideas, help!
    • This could be an imitation of (former) funny-man Jerry Lewis. As part of his schtick, Lewis would often begin speaking like a moron, greeting people with an incredibly loud and annoying "Hello!". This was often expanded to something like "Hello lady!".
    • It may also be an impression of Mitch Robbins' (Billy Crystal) repeated "Helloooo?" in the 1991 comedy City Slickers.
    • Yet other possibility is an impersonation of Rowan Atkinson's usually mute Mr. Bean character. Bean does not speak often but, when he does, it tends to be in a very silly voice.
  • "I'm your pilot, Claude Rains; your co-pilot, Harvey the Rabbit." - Two famous invisible characters:
    • Actor Claude Rains (1889-1967) was a strong character actor, appearing mostly in supporting roles in films like Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939), Casablanca (1942), Lawrence of Arabia (1962) and The Greatest Story Ever Told (1965). He was rarely the star, but his most famous lead role is as the title character in 1933 classic The Invisible Man, based on the 1897 story by H.G. Wells.
    • Harvey the Rabbit is from the delightful 1950 film Harvey (based on the 1944 Broadway play by Mary Chase and later made into a couple of TV movies). The movie starred Jimmy Stewart as Elwood Dowd, the happiest, kindest, nicest man on the face of the Earth. The only problem is, Elwood claims to be best friends with a 6-foot invisible rabbit named Harvey, whom only Elwood can see. The story centres on all of Elwood's family and friends trying to have him committed, oblivious to the fact he is absolutely no harm to himself or anyone else.
  • "Your in-flight movie is Fearless!" - 1993 movie starring Jeff Bridges as a man who goes through a severe personality shift after surviving a horrific air disaster. Apparently has very realistic plane crash scenes; hardly appropriate viewing for an in-flight film.
  • While Joe sadly watches Cal's plane take off, the boys sing "La Marseillaise," the national anthem of France since 1879. I'm not certain why, though. It is another reference to Casablanca (see above); as Rick (Bogart) and Capt. Louis Renault (Claude Rains) walk across the tarmac at the very end of the film, the anthem plays.
  • "They're forcing him to visit Branson, Missouri." - I don't know if this scene actually looks anything like Branson in the state of Missouri, but it sounds like it might be the kind of place you'd have to be forced to visit. The city dubs itself "the Live Music Show Capital of the World." A quick glance at some of the acts playing there shows us such guests as the Osmonds, Bobby Vinton, John Davidson and the comic stylings of Yakov Smirnoff. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
  • "He's flown into a Flemish painting." - The Flemish style of painting comes from the southern part of the Netherlands, properly called Flanders, primarily from the 15th-17th centuries. Most influential was Peter Paul Rubens, who often painted lush, quaint landscapes such as the one shown here.
  • "So the aliens live in Hooterville?" - The rural setting for the sitcoms "Green Acres" and "Petticoat Junction" (see above for more).
  • "You can't drive." "I can drive. I'm an excellent driver. I'm not wearing my underwear." - The last two remarks are lines from the 1988 film Rain Man, spoken by Dustin Hoffman's character, the autistic Raymond Babbitt. Raymond points out that he's an "excellent driver" when remembering that his dad used to let him drive the car in the driveway sometimes. The second remark refers to the fact that he'll only wear underwear bought at K-Mart.
  • "There's going to be a Mary Kay convention..." - The bouquets of flowers are reminiscent of the set-up for Mary Kay cosmetics get-togethers. Cosmetics company Mary Kay Inc. was founded in 1963 by Mary Kay Ash. The company has since grown to huge proportions, usually taking in more than a billion dollars a year. Conventions for its more than 400 000 saleswomen are frequent. Mary Kay came under fire in the late 1980s when it became known that they were testing their products on animals.
  • "Reverend Moon, Miss Hathaway." - The two scientists passing by sort of look like the people referred to.
    • The Reverend Sun Myung Moon (1920- ) hails from Korea and is the founder of (deep breath here) the Holy Spirit Association for the Unification of World Christianity (whew!) or just Unification Church for short. Moon was inspired to found his own church when Jesus allegedly appeared to him in 1935 and asked him to carry on his work. Moon's church is a controversial one, condemned by most other Christian organizations and many former followers. Members of the Reverend's flock are often called "Moonies."
    • Miss Hathaway was a character on "The Beverly Hillbillies" (1962-71) played by actress Nancy Kulp. Secretary to bank president Mr. Drysdale (Raymond Bailey), Miss Hathaway was generally very proper, up-tight and a little snooty. However, she always got all goofy around Jethro Bodine (Max Bear Jr.), whom she had a major crush on. She was played by Lily Tomlin in the 1993 movie based on the show.
  • "Hey! Charlie Rich!" - With his shock of white hair, Brak sort of resembles county music star Charlie Rich (1932-95). His best known songs include "I Take It Home" (1972), "Behind Closed Doors" (1973) and "The Most Beautiful Girl" (1973). He also wrote songs for the likes of Jerry Lee Lewis, Johnny Cash and Elvis Presley. Unfortunately, he took to drinking heavily during the 1970s, leading to destructive behaviour, including an incident at the 1975 Country Music Association Awards, where, instead of reading out the name of the Entertainer of the Year (who happened to be John Denver), he set fire to the certificate. His career was never really the same after that, but was starting something of a comeback shortly before his death.
  • "He goes through a lot of Brylcreem." - Hair-styling product, popular for decades, originally owned by SmithKline Beecham, owned by (of all things) the Sara Lee Corporation since 1993. Brylcreem, whose tag line is "A little dab'll do ya!", was sort of a hair-gel before hair-gels. After applying it, you could sculpt your hair into pretty much any shape, and it would stay that shape, dammit!
  • "Glad you could join us here at the Buddy Ebsen Society." - Again, with their shocking white hair, the alien look a little like actor Buddy Ebsen (1908-2003 ; born Christian Rudolph Ebsen) in his later years. Starting his career on Broadway and Vaudeville, Ebsen had a reasonably successful film career beginning with the 1935 production Broadway of Melody of 1936. One of his film roles was almost as the Tin Woodsman in The Wizard of Oz (1939); however, Ebsen was terribly allergic to his make-up and the role went to Jack Haley. Ebsen is best known for his TV work, most notably as family patriarch Jed Clampett on "The Beverly Hillbillies" (1962-71) and as the aging private detective title character on "Barnaby Jones" (1973-80) (a role which he reprised for, oddly enough, the 1993 motion picture version of "Hillbillies").
  • "What's this 'And the rest' crap?" - In this scene, we are introduced to Steve Carlson, played by actor Russell Johnson. Johnson's most famous role is as the Professor on the classic sit-com "Gilligan's Island" (1964-7) about seven people stranded on a deserted island. During the first season, the opening theme/credits, when listing the castaways, refer to the Professor and Mary Ann (Dawn Wells) as simply "and the rest." From the second season on, they were referred to in full, apparently due to a demand from series star Bob (Gilligan) Denver.
  • "Hey, Kreskin, quit hoggin' the bottle!" - The guy with the glasses looks a little like the man who has been dubbed "The World's Greatest Mentalist," the Amazing Kreskin (1935- ; born George Kresge). Kreskin has appeared on many, many talk shows (meeting with hosts like David Letterman, Johnny Carson and Howard Stern), showing off his amazing "abilities," like reading minds, making tables lift in the air and predicting the future. You know, the usual mental stuff. You can see many of his predictions for yourself at his official website, including the massive UFO sighting supposed to take place in May or June of 2002. Whoops, guess what, didn't happen. Kreskin also had his own show, "The Amazing World of Kreskin" (1971-5) and appeared on an episode of the Canadian program "Spacebar" (1998-2002), where his powers failed to tell him why the Space network was showing all its episodes of "Tales from the Crypt" (1989-96) out of order.
  • "Hey, Mao, try this!" - Having a Chinese gentleman at the table leads to a reference to Chinese leader Mao Tse-tung (or Mao Zedong; 1893-1976). Zedong helped organize the Chinese Communist Party in 1921 and found the People's Republic of China in 1949, ruling the country until his death in 1976. His 1964 book Quotations from Chairman Mao Tse-tung is still considered essential reading for followers of Communism (although most of them disagree on how to interpret his words).
  • "There you go, Mister B." - The sit-com "Hazel" (1961-6) starred Shirley Booth as the wise and all-knowing maid and housekeeper Hazel Burke. Hazel often referred to her employers, George (Don DeFore) and Dorothy Baxter (Whitney Blake) as Mr. and Mrs. B.
  • "I love Tang!" - Introduced by the General Foods Corporation in 1957, Tang (now owned by Kraft is touted as a "powdered soft drink." This drink-mix comes in a number of flavours and is now available in a number of formats, not just powdered. It's kind of appropriate for Mike to love Tang, as it is a favourite item to send into space with astronauts (apparently, dehydrated real orange juice doesn't reconstitute properly in zero-gravity).
  • "Mr. and Mrs. Howell's hut is really nice." - Another "Gilligan's Island" reference (see above). Thurston Howell III (Jim Backus) and his wife "Lovey" (Natalie Schafer) were two of the castaways stranded on the titular island. They were insanely rich and, somehow, this managed to show in their lavish bamboo hut, despite the fact that there could be nothing remotely like an economy on a tiny island populated by seven people.
  • "Meanwhile, Ness and his men speed toward Capone's hideout!" - Crow is doing narration typical of the TV show "The Untouchables" (1959-63). The show (narrated by newspaper columnist Walter Winchell) was loosely based on the real life adventures of Special Agent Eliot Ness (played on the show by Robert Stack) trying to take down 1930s mob boss Al "Scarface" Capone (Neville Brand). The scene on the interocitor, with the older make of car zooming by, is reminiscent of the show.
  • "So, Professor, you made this entirely out of bamboo, huh?"..."And his coffin will be made entirely out of coconuts, thank you." - A final couple of references to Russell Johnson's role as the Professor on "Gilligan's Island" (see above). The Professor, being the super-genius he was, seemed able to built almost anything from the materials found naturally on the island. He could build anything short of a nuclear reactor from three coconuts, some palm leaves and a pound of sand.
  • "Regis and Kathy Lee are 'The Fugitive.'"
    • Entertainers Regis Philbin (1931- ) and Kathy Lee Gifford (1953- ) are best know as a pair for being co-hosts on the long-running morning talk show, "Live With Regis and Kathy Lee" (1989- ), at least until 2000 when Gifford left the show to pursue her singing career; she was replaced by Kelly Ripa and the show was cleverly renamed "Live With Regis and Kelly." Although they could be entertaining hosts, they often got really annoying. Our stars here don't particularly resemble Philbin and Gifford, except maybe in the fact they're pretty damn white. They are a truly inappropriate couple to be playing--
    • "The Fugitive" television series (1963-7) featured the adventures of Dr. Richard Kimble (David Janssen), a man wrongly accused of the murder of his own wife. Kimble spent the run of the series trying to track down the real killer while avoiding capture. It was remade as a 1993 motion picture starring Harrison Ford as Kimble and a short-lived revival series (2000-1) featuring Timothy Daly.
  • "Captain, the Klingons have us in their tractor beam." - More "Star Trek." Crow is doing a passable impression of Lt. Hikaru Sulu (George Takei), helmsman of the U.S.S. Enterprise on the original "Trek" series and many of the motion pictures. And the Klingons are, of course, a prominent alien species appearing through the "Trek" franchise.
  • "They got sucked up into a Jiffy Lube." - The alien ship interior looks a lot like a garage, so... Jiffy Lube is an American chain of auto service centres, known for their quick, while-you-wait service. Started in 1979, it currently has more than 2200 stations in North America.
  • "Ah, thank you, Thing." - Thing was the name of the disembodied hand who was a mix of household helper and family member in the various incarnations of the creepy family sit-com "The Addams Family." The hand was played by Ted Cassidy (who also played Lurch, the family butler) in the original series (1964-6), Christopher Hart in the motion pictures (1991 and 1993) and Steven Fox in the 1998-9 revival series.
  • "So, they worship the Everlasting Gobstopper?" - Roald Dahl's 1964 children's fantasy novel Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (and the 1971 film adaptation Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory) featured the character of Willy Wonka (played by Gene Wilder in the film), the greatest candy-maker who ever lived. One of Wonka's greatest achievements is the Everlasting Gobstopper, a round hard candy that you can suck on all day and it never gets smaller or loses its flavour. You can actually buy boxes of "Everlasting Gobstoppers" from Wonka Candy (produced by Nestle).
  • "The two of you are beginning a strange journey." "Mawwige!" - Reference to The Princess Bride (1987), one of the best movies ever made (based on William Goldman's 1973 novel of the same name). At one point in this slightly surreal fairy-tale, our heroine Buttercup (Robin Wright) is being forced to marry the villain Prince Humperdink (Chris Sarandon). The wedding ceremony is performed by the otherwise-unnamed Impressive Clergyman (Peter Cook), who makes a long speech about the joy and wonder of marriage. Unfortunately, he has a serious speech impediment and his words are comical rather than moving. "Mawwige! Mawwige is what bwings us togevvah today!...Mawwige is a dweam wiffin a dweam."
  • "Well, I never Metaluna I didn't like." - Mike is having Cal make a very bad pun on a famous quote from early 20th century American humourist Will Rogers. Rogers said that he wanted to epitaph to read, "I joked about every prominent man of my time, but I never met a man I didn't like."
  • "And that you'll give generously to the United Way." - The United Way is one of the world's largest charity organizations. Founded in 1887 in Denver, Colorado, by a small number of citizens who banded together to help the destitute in their community, it has grown into a huge worldwide group, working in many countries.

Host Segment 3

  • Things Servo finds in his room:
    • Monkey's elbow - I think Servo's just being goofy here. The only reference to a "monkey's elbow" I can find is the town of Monkey's Elbow, Kentucky.
    • Cans of hamdingers - According to the Official MST3K Faq, hamdingers are "miniature microwavable sandwiches from the Swift-Premium folks, made out of processed ham...sort of spamburgers. Originally intended to be a quickie snack-meal item, they were extremely nasty and were/are most popularly used as fishbait." In Joel's last episode (512: Mitchell), he escaped from the Satellite in an escape pod hidden in a box of hamdingers.
    • A Spirograph - A nifty toy created by Denys Fisher and first produced in 1965 by Kenner (later bought by Hasbro). The Spirograph was simply a collection of plastic circles and other shapes with ridged edges (sort of like gears). You stuck a pen in a hole in one piece and traced the path it made as it travelled inside a large circle piece. This produced a neat pattern. It was a kind of sneaky (but fun) way to begin teaching youngsters about math.
    • An Etch-A-Sketch - Classic "drawing" toy in a bright red frame. Here's a description from the Yesterdayland website: "An Etch-A-Sketch's backside is coated with a mixture of aluminum powder and plastic beads. There are two white knobs at the bottom of the frame, which control a horizontal and vertical rod. At the point where these two rods meet, a stylus is seen on the screen. [...] When the stylus moves, it scrapes over the screen and leaves a dark trail in its wake. The artist can draw to his hearts content, and if boredom or frustration creeps in, a good hearty shake of the Etch-A-Sketch jumbles the powder and clears everything from the screen." The "magic screen" that would become the Etch-A-Sketch was developed by Frenchman Arthur Granjean in the 1950s. After showing it at the 1959 International Toy Fair in 1959, the Ohio Art Company snatched it up, stuck a frame on it and a must-have toy was born.
  • "She'll be ridin' six white horses..." - Benkitnorf is singing a couple of lines from the c.1890 song "She'll Be Comin' Round the Mountain." This song tells about how an unnamed "she" will be visiting by "comin' round the mountain." With each verse, her arrival becomes more and more elaborate.
  • "Wait, help! Auntie Em! Auntie Em!" - At one point in the 1939 MGM classic film The Wizard of Oz, Dorothy Gale (Judy Garland) sees an image of her Aunt Em (Clara Blandick) in a magical crystal ball. Dorothy calls out, "Help! Help me, Auntie Em! Auntie Em!" Em's image disappears, replaced by that of the Wicked Witch of the West (Margaret Hamilton), who mocks Dorothy with her own words.
  • "And remember, I know who you are and I saw what you did!" - Slight misquote from the 1965 movie I Saw What You Did. In the film, two teenaged girls (Andi Garrett and Sara Lane) spend a fun-filled evening calling people at random and saying, "I saw what you did and I know who you are." They eventually call a man (John Ireland) who has just killed his wife. Mayhem ensues when he tries to get rid of the girls, whom he thinks really knows of his crime. The film was remade as a 1988 TV movie.
  • "I'm the God! I'm the God!" - Line from an episode of the original "The Twilight Zone" (1959-65) titled "The Little People." I would like to thank Helper Ronald Byrd for correcting me on this, as I had completely the wrong episode in mind. Ronald sums up the episode: "The quote in question is from 'The Little People,' in which two space travelers, Craig [Joe Maross] and Fletcher ([...] played by riff-mainstay Claude Akins in the second of his two TZ appearances), land on an alien planet to make repairs to their ship. Craig discovers a civilization of tiny humanoids and, despite Fletcher's protests, starts lording it over them as a 'god,' motivating them to build a lifesize (in other words, to them immense) statue of Craig overnight. Once Fletcher has the ship repaired, Craig decides to stay and pulls a gun on Fletcher to force him to leave, since there's 'only room for one god.' After Fletcher blasts off, two more space travelers show up (having also landed for repairs), and they're gigantic, as much bigger than Craig as Craig is bigger than the little people. Craig screams hysterically at them: 'Go away! You can't stay here! Go away! I'm the god! I'm the god, don't you understand?!' Noticing the sound, one of the aliens picks Craig up and accidentally crushes him to death in the palm of one giant hand. The two then stalk off, and later, the little people tear down their statue of Craig."

Movie Act 3

  • "Okay, Bachelor Number Two..." - With three men lined up as seen here, one is reminded of "The Dating Game" (okay, here we go: 1965-74; 1978-80; 1984-6; 1996-7), the old "game show" in which a "lucky" Bachelorette would ask questions to three unseen Bachelors and pick one to go out with based on their answers. It was all rather sordid.
  • "Ladies and gentlemen... A Flock of Seagulls." - The early 1980s new wave band A Flock of Seagulls was formed in 1980 in Liverpool, England. Known as much for their elaborately teased light-coloured hair (hence the ref here) as their music, AFOS really only had one hit of any note, "I Ran (So Far Way)" from their 1982 album Telecommunication.
  • "Hey, a big Swedish underarm crystal!" - Thanks to a couple of folks on this one. For those of you who simply must have access to naturally occurring underarm antiperspirants, there are crystals available to you. This site refers to them as "the crystal deodorant of the future." Not sure where the Swedish aspect comes into, though. They probably just started using them in Sweden first.
  • "Well, the Tangerine Dream music is good." - The German instrumental band Tangerine Dream was formed in 1967. They had a kind of funky, electronic new-age feel, way before new-age music became hip. Despite never being really big, Tangerine Dream still had an avid, if small, fan-base, especially once they started doing movie scores, including Risky Business (1984), Firestarter (1984) and Legend (1985).
  • "It's Christy Turlington and Kate Moss!" - Two popular supermodels, specializing in the "waif" or "too-damn-thin" look. Moss (1974- ) has done work for such companies as Calvin Klein and Turlington's (1969- ) work includes Calvin Klein and Maybelline.
  • "Now you're playing Simon!" - Line from some ads for the electronic game Simon. Introduced by Milton-Bradley in 1978, Simon (named after the game "Simon Says") was a portable electronic game consisting of four large coloured panels. The panels would light up one at a time, each with a different tone. The trick was to repeat the slowly growing sequence without making a mistake; if you did, you got a loud buzzing sound to let you know, and you had to start over again. It could also be played multi-player and I remember it being extremely addictive (to the point where you'd try to play it under your covers after bedtime - which was hard because it made so much noise).
  • "Did you have Kenny G playing in your tube?" - Musician Kenny G was born in 1959 as Kenneth Gorelick, thus explaining the change to his stage name. Inspired by acts he saw as a child on "The Ed Sullivan Show" (1948-71), G learned to play soprano sax and recorded a couple of albums as a member of Love Unlimited Orchestra before moving on to a mysteriously successful solo career. G's style is almost aggressively mellow and very suitable for places like elevators, dentist offices and strange alien tubes. His biggest hit was probably "Songbird" from his 1986 album Duotones.
  • "Quiet everyone! 'All My Children' is on." - The popular American soap opera "All My Children" has been running on ABC since 1970. You can find a synopsis for the last two years worth of episodes at the network's official site.
  • "Laser Floyd, cool!" - Since the late 1970s, Laser Fantasy has produced laser light shows for planetariums to show on their domes. The often elaborate patterns and images are accompanied by a large assortment of music selections, the most popular of which seems to be the works of Pink Floyd. As well as Laser Floyd, Laser Fantasy also produces programs like Laser U2, Laser Zeppelin, Laser Beatles, Laser N'SYNC with Britney and some classical music show. Here's a complete list.
  • "Ew! It's Michael Stipe's head!" - The shorn-headed Michael Stipe (born John Michael Stipe; 1960- ) has been the frontman and chief lyricist of the band R.E.M. since its formation in 1980. He is largely responsible for the sociopolitical image presented by the band. Through his own movie production company, he has also produced many films including Velvet Goldmine (1998) and Being John Malkovich (1999).
  • "Hey, they're landing in Tommy Chong's backyard." - The masses of smoke seem to remind Tom of the drug-related humour of the 1970s comedy duo, Cheech and Chong. They had a successful series of comedy albums and, during the 1980s, a few forgettable films. After breaking up, they both went on to solo acting careers. Tommy Chong (1938- ) always came across as more of a stoner than his partner, Cheech Marin, even in later appearances, like his role as Leo in "That '70s Show" (1998- ).
  • "Looks like Dr. Seuss designed their planet." - Dr. Seuss was easily one of the most popular children's writers of the 20th century. Theodor Seuss Geisel (1904-91) wrote and illustrated books with a style that was uniquely his. The memorable rhymes, the outlandish characters, the surrealistic art (which is most relevant here). His first book, which was rejected by 43 publishers before seeing print in 1937, was And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street. He hit it big, though, in 1957 with the classic The Cat in the Hat , written on a challenge to produce a first grade level book with less than 225 different words and no adjectives. Other famous books include Horton Hears a Who (1954), How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1957), Green Eggs and Ham (1960) and his last book, Oh, the Places You'll Go (1990). Geisel also did some cartoon work, winning an Oscar for Gerald McBoing-Boing (1951). Many of his works were adapted into TV animated special and even, in the case of Grinch, a major motion picture (2000). Geisel also wrote, but did not illustrate, a few books under the name Theo LeSieg (Geisel backwards).
  • "They're flying into a Roger Dean album cover." "They're very into Yes on this planet."
    • British artist Roger Dean was born in 1944. He attended the Royal College of Art and painted his first album cover in 1968 for a band called Gun. He then went on to create dozens of album cover for several bands, most notably Yes (more on them in a sec) and Asia. Dean has also published a number of art books and designed stage sets for Yes. His art often depicts strange, surreal, alien landscapes. His official website has bunches of examples.
    • Yes was probably the most successful of the 1970s progressive-rock band. Formed in England in 1968, it has had too many members over the years to mention them all here, many of them associated with past or future groups, including the Buggles and Asia. Their biggest hit was 1983's "Owner of a Lonely Heart."
  • "Remember, we're parked in the Denubrian Slime Devil lot." - Refers to the manner in which massive theme parks, especially the Disney parks, divide their huge parking lots into smaller areas named after their characters; for example, you may be parked in the Donald Duck lot, or the Tinkerbell lot. This is supposed to make it easier to find your car again. Take my advice; just take the complimentary shuttle from your hotel. As for "Denubrian Slime Devil," I believe Tom is referring to the "Denebian Slime Devil" from the "Star Trek" universe. This creature has, to date, never been seen in a "Trek" program or film and was mentioned only once, in the episode "The Trouble With Tribbles" from the original series (1966-9). "Star Trek" geek? Who's a "Star Trek" geek?
  • "Hey, Prince's bedroom." - Music artist Prince (born Prince Rogers Nelson; 1958- ) had a couple of less notable albums before he was catapulted to superstardom with 1984's Purple Rain. The hits from that record, along with a movie released that year also called Purple Rain rocketed Prince into the spotlight. Purple also became something of a trademark colour for him.
  • "Oh, I see their Patriots don't work either." - The Patriot missile was first developed by the United States military in the late 1970s as an anti-aircraft weapon. In the 1980s, it was modified to defend against incoming ballistic missiles; this capacity was not tested, however, until Patriots were used in the Persian Gulf War against Iraqi missiles. Depending on who you talk to, they were either a brilliant success, saving thousands of civilian and military lives, or a dismal failure, almost never intercepting an enemy missile and crashing uselessly to the ground. Debate continues.
  • "Leona Helmsley!" - New York City real estate mogul Leona Helmsley (born Leona Mindy Rosenthal; 1920- ) was president of her husband's Helmsley Hotels, Inc. As a businesswoman, she was considered ruthless and despotic, being dubbed "the Queen of Mean" by the media. She was also convicted of tax evasion in 1988 and served a modest sentence. Not a very popular or liked person. She wasn't quite as scary looking as the Mutant.
  • "The Kingdome!" - The Kingdome arena opened for business in 1976 in the King County district of Seattle, Washington. Over the years, it hosted a number of Seattle's sports teams: the Mariners (baseball), the Seahawks (football) and the Sonics (basketball). In later years, the Dome's ceiling tiles had a tendency to fall off in plummet into the bleachers or the playing field, sometimes forcing the postponement of a game. This became a favourite thing for local comedy programming to mention. Believed to have outlived its usefulness, the Kingdome was imploded in early 2000.
  • "The Jetsons 2: After the Armageddon." - Metaluna's architecture is reminiscent of that in the popular Hanna-Barbera cartoon "The Jetsons" (1962-3, 1985-7). The animated series showed the daily lives of the Jetson family, who lived in a highly advanced, almost Utopian future. They spun off into one motion picture, 1990's Jetsons: The Movie.
  • "This is what went on in Salvador Dali's head." - Artist Salvador Dali (1904-89) was one of the pioneers of art's surrealist movement. His most recognizable work is his 1931 painting The Persistence of Memory (you know, the one with the melting clocks and watches). His important works are too numerous to name them all here, but they include The Enigma of William Tell and Average Atmospherocephalic Bureaucrat in the Act of Milking a Cranial Harp (both 1933), the 1936 sculpture Lobster Telephone and the surrealist film Un chien andalou (1929).
  • "Guten Tag! Sie greten? Wie wollen eine Auto mieten!" - Line from "The Germans," an episode of the British sit-com "Fawlty Towers" (1975-9). In this episode, a group of Germans is staying at the title hotel and tell owner Basil Fawlty (John Cleese), "Wie wollen eine Auto mieten," which translates as "We want to rent a car." Basil, being the thick-headed goon that he is, believes they are volunteering to go pick up some meat.
  • "Acting!" - During his years on "Saturday Night Live" (1975- ), comedian Jon Lovitz had a recurring character named Master Thespian, who considered himself the greatest actor on Earth. He would usually do something overly dramatic, gesturing wildly like Exeter does here and then declare triumphantly that he had been "Acting!"
  • "When in Chicago, visit the Museum of Science and Industry." - Chicago's Museum of Science and Industry, first opened in 1933, is apparently the largest science museum in one building in the western hemisphere. From the look of their website, they've got some pretty nifty displays.
  • "Oh no, Tinkerbell's goin' down! Pull up Tink!" - Tinkerbell (sometimes Tinker Bell) is a character in the Peter Pan stories. Tink first appeared in J.M. Barrie's 1904 play Peter Pan, before moving on to Barrie's first Peter Pan novel Peter and Wendy (1911). Tinkerbell, a fairy who helps Peter Pan on many occasions, has had as many variations as Pan himself. The version referred to here is the one appearing in the 1953 Disney animated film; a tiny, curvaceous young woman who sometimes glows so brightly, she can only be seen as a spot of light.
  • "Captain's log: A bunch of our ship fell off and nobody likes me." - This shot is reminiscent of scenes in "Star Trek" (1966-9) when the starship Enterprise flew through space. One of the narration conventions of the original and following programs in the "Trek" franchise was to have a "captain's log" (or a "ship's log," a "medical officer's log" and so on), where a character would record what was happening, which also kept the audience up the date on the action.
  • "Will our Mystery Guest enter and sign in please?" - On the long-running quiz show "What's My Line?" (1950-75), a group of panelists would try to guess the identity of a celebrity "Mystery Guest" through a series of "yes" or "no" questions. To make sure the viewing audience knew who the Guest was (without giving it away to the panel), they were asked to "sign in please," writing their name and occupation or claim to fame on a blackboard.
  • "Shall I compare thee to a summer's d--ooo..." - "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" is the opening line of William Shakespeare's Sonnet 18, one of his most famous, first published in 1609 (but written somewhere between 1592-5). Here's the complete poem.
  • "You gotta cut me Mick! Cut me!" - Line from the 1976 boxing film Rocky. During the big fight between title character Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) and Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers), Rocky has taken such a beating that the area around one of his eyes has swollen up, making him unable to see clearly. So he begs his trainer Mickey Goldmill (Burgess Meredith), "You gotta cut me Mick! Cut me! Open my eye!" Reluctantly, Mickey slices open the wound, allowing Rocky to see more clearly.
  • "Not since Ted Kennedy in a Barney suit!" - Quite the frightening image...
    • Ted Kennedy (1932- ) was first elected to the United States Senate in 1962 (representing Massachusetts). Brother of the late U.S. President John F. Kennedy, he has been one of the more influential liberal Democrats in the Senate. He is (perhaps unfairly) often portrayed as a drunk and a woman-chaser.
    • Barney the Dinosaur was first inflicted on the public in 1992 when PBS started broadcasting the children's program "Barney & Friends." Barney is a large, dopey-sounding, purple dinosaur who hangs out telling stories, doing crafts and what-not with a large group of hyperactive kids. Many children love him, most adults loathe him.
  • "Hey, check this out. Baywatch is on." - Ah, yes, "Baywatch," America's gift to the world. Started in 1989 and in syndication since 1991, "Baywatch" is one of the most popular television show in the history of the world, shown in dozens of countries. It basically tells of the life and times of a rotating crew of Los Angeles lifeguards. It has a lot of scenes with attractive young men and women (and, until 2000, David Hasselhoff) in bathing suits running in slow motion. There have been a number of TV movies based on the show, as well as a short-lived "private detective" style spin-off, "Baywatch Nights" (1995-7). In 1999, the show's setting changed to Hawaii and the show was re-dubbed "Baywatch Hawai'i" until it was finally cancelled in 2001.
  • "I'll explore!" "Yeah, that's it!" - Exeter is obviously lying, so Mike does a quick impersonation of the Pathological Liar, a recurring character portrayed by Jon Lovitz on "Saturday Night Live" (1975- ). Throughout a sketch, the Liar would tell more and more elaborate and unbelievable lies, which he was obviously making up on the spot. He would use phrases like "Yeah, that's it!" and "That's the ticket!", convinced that he'd come up with a convincing falsehood.
  • "Captain's log: I've lost my toupee and girdle and I can't leave my room." - For the source of "Captain's log" see above. The rest of this comment refers to the fact that William Shatner (see above, in an attempt to keep those Captain Kirk good looks, wears a toupee (a fact which he doesn't hide). It's highly debatable whether he wears a girdle.
  • "Y'know, I hope they land right on Kenny Loggins." - Singer Kenny Loggins (1948- ) started his career writing songs for the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band. After a stint teaming up with Jim Messina, Loggins went on to a successful solo career with a number of best-selling albums. Loggins is best known, however, for his songs appearing in movies. Tunes performed by this "King of the Soundtrack Song" have appeared in Caddyshack (1980) ("I'm Alright"), Footloose (1984) (the annoyingly catchy title song), Top Gun (1986) ("Danger Zone") and Striptease (1996) ("Frustrated"), among others.
  • "Spock!" - Exeter's seat sort of looks like the captain's chair of the original U.S.S. Enterprise on "Star Trek" (1966-9), hence the impression of Captain Kirk (William Shatner) calling out for his half-human, half-Vulcan science officer, Spock (Leonard Nimoy).
  • "Exeter died on impact. Brak was arraigned in Superior Court, County of Los Angeles. In a moment, the results of that trial." - A variation on the closing narration of the television police series "Dragnet" (1951-9, 1967-70). Each episode would conclude with the narrator (George Fenneman) filling us in on what happened to the episode's major players, including whatever criminal had been apprehended. "On [whatever date], a trial was held in Superior Court, in and for the county of Los Angeles. In a moment, the results of that trial." After a short commercial break, the trial's outcome was revealed.

Epilogue/Credits

  • "This is Orson Welles. A good cast deserves another mention."
    • Orson Welles' (1915-85) career was too long and varied to go into much detail here. He is best known for three things: starring in the 1938 radio broadcast of War of the Worlds (which accidentally convinced thousands of people that the Earth was being invaded by Martians), the classic 1941 film Citizen Kane (which he co-wrote, directed, produced and starred in) and a series of commercials he did for Paul Masson wines.
    • For the second half of the line, here I quote especially helpful Helper Elliott Kalan: "It was common practice in old movies to reshow the cast names at the end of the movie (after they'd already run the full credits before the movie had started) with a written notice saying 'A good cast deserves a second mention.' (F'r instance, in Frankenstein [1931] and Bride of Frankenstein [1935] they do this.) This tradition is continued with Citizen Kane, with a written note that many of the actors in the movie are new to film and deserve a second mention (the vast majority were radio actors Welles had brought with him to Hollywood), followed by a selection of clips of each of the major actors in the films (though, notably, no clip is shown for Orson Welles, and his name is listed last in the written credits that follow the clip). Anyway, they may be specifically mentioning either that or the ending of The Magnificent Ambersons [1942], where Orson Welles reads the credits over images of the actors and equipment relating to the crew members, then ends it with something like 'I wrote, directed, and narrated the film. My name is Orson Welles.' It's actually quite beautifully done. In turn, it may also be a reference to Welles's The Trial [1962], where he again reads the credits in voice-over, rather than have written credits." So, there you go, take your pick. All these possibilites work.
  • "And Dale Mathers as the Beaver." - The opening credits of the classic sitcom "Leave It To Beaver" (1957-63) (which were spoken out loud by a narrator as well as appearing on screen) always concluded with, "As Jerry Mathers as the Beaver."
  • "Linda Froiland. Isn't she in Babes in Froiland?" - Babes in Toyland was first an operetta composed by Victor Herbert. It was more of a musical revue featuring characters from fairy tales and Mother Goose rhymes, without any real plot. It has been "adapted" into several motion pictures, still featuring fairy tales characters, but with one plot or another tacked on. Notable versions of the film are the 1934 Laurel and Hardy version, the 1961 Disney version with Ray Bolger, Annette Funicello and Tommy Kirk (of Catalina Caper (1967) fame) and a 1986 all-star TV adaptation starring Drew Barrymore and Keanu Reeves.
  • "Andrea 'Action Jackson' DuCane!" - 1988's Action Jackson was a pretty standard action film starring Carl Weathers as "Action" Jackson, a tough Detroit cop out to take down a power hunger auto magnate (Craig T. Nelson) who is methodically wiping out his competition.
  • "Julie Walker, Texas Ranger." - The action adventures TV series "Walker, Texas Ranger" (1993-2001) starred martial arts actor Chuck Norris as Cordell Walker, an ass-kicking Texas Ranger who fights crime in his home state. Lots of goofy chop-socky action.
  • "Avelino Deleon, brother of Ponce." - Spanish explorer Ponce de Leon (1460-1521) is credited with "discovering" Florida. He had previously accompanied Christopher Columbus on his second voyage to America and later received a commission to explore the island that later became Puerto Rico. Legend has it that he was searching Florida for the fabled Fountain of Youth. He died from a Native American's arrow, so if he did find the Fountain, it didn't do him much good.
  • "I sing the Additional/Grip Electric." - Take on the title "I Sing the Body Electric." This was originally the title of a poem by American author Walt Whitman, first appearing in the original 1855 edition of his poetry anthology Leaves of Grass. Fantasy author Ray Bradbury later used the same title as a short story, which was also adapted into an episode of "The Twilight Zone" (1959-65). (Dates get a little confused here. As near as I can tell, Bradbury's short story didn't see print until the late 1960s, but the "Zone" episode based on it aired in 1962. Help! Can anyone clear this up?) I Sing The Body Electric! (1969) was also the title of one of Bradbury's short story anthologies.
  • "All rights are reserved, Callahan!" "Oh, yeah, well how about the rights of that little girl?" - In the 1971 Clint Eastwood film Dirty Harry, Eastwood plays "Dirty" Harry Callahan, a San Francisco policeman who's not afraid to break the rules (but he gets the job done). At one point during his investigation in the murder of young girl Ann Mary Deacon (Debralee Scott), Callahan is berated for violating the rights of the killer (Andrew Robinson) though an illegal search of the killer's home. Callahan responds, "Ann Mary Deacon... what about her rights?"

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