Cave Dwellers holds a special place in my heart. It was my very first MST3K episode.

I'd heard about "Mystery Science Theater 3000" only in passing. There was a description of the show in, of all things, an issue of Wrapped in Plastic, a magazine devoted to the TV show "Twin Peaks." I thought it sounded like fun but, alas, living in Canada, assumed I'd never see it. Then late one Saturday night, a Washington state station started airing the syndicated "Mystery Science Theater Hour." The first movie: part one of Cave Dwellers. Life would never be the same again.

You can't hate Cave Dwellers. It's such a good-naturedly bad film. Just kinda goofy and dopey. And the host segments are top-notch. (Love those fake credits.)

And does Miles not have stupendous pecs?

• Prologue - New names for everyone
• Host Segment 1 - Mike Douglas furniture and a smoking jacket
• Movie Act 1
• Host Segment 2 - More lucid version of the credits
• Movie Act 2
• Host Segment 3 - Cool names for movie stuff
• Movie Act 3
• Host Segment 4 - Foley
• Movie Act 4
• Epilogue - Continuity errors
• Bonus! Mystery Science Theater Hour Host Segments

Prologue - New names for everyone

• "Stockard Channing." - American actress (1944- ); born Susan Williams Antonia Stockard. Notable roles include Rizzo (leader of the Pink Ladies gang) in Grease (1978) and Ouisa Kitteredge in Six Degrees of Seperation (1993).
• "My name is José Jiminez." - José Jiminez was a character created by comedian Bill Dana. José appeared regularly during the 1960-61 season of "The Steve Allen Show" (1956-1961). He'd usually be introduced when someone asked his name, to which he'd always respond "My name... José Jiminez" (no "is"), in a silly mock-Mexican accent (deliberately mispronoucing it hee-MEHN-ez with the accent on the second syllable). José also had a number of albums, appeared on Dana's own "The Bill Dana Show" (1963-5) and had a cameo on a 1966 episode of "Batman" (the 1966-8 camp version) during a "bat-climb" scene.
• "...I've always been partial to Sugar Magnolia." - "Sugar Magnolia" is a Grateful Dead song appearing on their 1970 album America Beauty.
• "...I'll be known as Chuck Woolery; we'll be back in two minutes and two seconds." - Ah, Chuck! The game-show host's game-show host. Chuck Woolery (1942- ) has been the host of "Wheel of Fortune" (from 1975 to 1981), "Love Connection" (from 1981 to 1992) and the 1997 version of "The Dating Game." He was also the host of "Scrabble" (1984-1990) (I kid you not, Scrabble as a game-show), from which Joel gets his quote. Every episode, before almost every commercial break, Chuck would claim "We'll be back in two minutes and two seconds," waving his hand as Joel does here. Exactly how he knew the commercials would always take that long to run is beyond me. But not beyond Helper Indomitus: "Because TV commercials are carefully timed. 2 minutes, 2 seconds is exactly long enough to show 4 30-second commercials, which I believe was standard at the time (now, of course, we get a freakin' mini-series during the station breaks)."

Host Segment 1 - Mike Douglas furniture and a smoking jacket

• "Would it be okay if I changed my name to Alan Parsons Project?" - The Alan Parsons Project is a music group formed in 1976 with their first album, Tales of Mystery and Imagination. Alan Parsons was one of the chief songwriters of the group, but did not actually play any instruments or sing (except one song through a vocoder) on this first album. Despite this, the record company suggested the group be named after him to give the public someone to recognize (Parsons had previously worked with the Beatles and Pink Floyd).
• "They call me Mister Tibbs!" - From the 1967 film In the Heat of the Night. Black police detective Virgil Tibbs (Sidney Poitier) is mocked by redneck Sheriff Bill Gillespie (Rod Steiger) about his name: "Well, you're pretty sure of yourself, ain't you, Virgil? Virgil, that's a funny name for a nigger boy to come from Philadelphia. What do they call you up there?" Virgil's angry response: "They call me Mister Tibbs!" The quote was used as the title to the 1970 sequel, They Call Me MISTER Tibbs!
• "Mrs. Richard Basehart!" - Richard Basehart (1914-84), the eternal object of Gypsy's affections, is described by film critic Leonard Maltin as a "square-jawed, talented, but humorless" actor. He began his film career in 1947 with Repeat Performance and appeared in such films as He Walked by Night (1948), the 1956 version of Moby Dick, The Brothers Karamazov (1958) and Being There (1979). One of his biggest claims to fame is his stint as Admiral Nelson on the Irwin Allen series "Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea" (1964-8).
• "From now on, I'll be known as Vivian Vance." - Actress Vivian Vance (1909-79; born Vivian Jones) is best known for her appearances on various Lucille Ball sit-coms over several decades. The most notable of these was as Lucy's wacky neighbour Ethel Mertz on "I Love Lucy" (1951-7); she later appeared as Vivian Bagley on "The Lucy Show" (1962-8) and Vivian Jones on "Here's Lucy" (1968-74). In 1954, Vance became the first winner of the Best Supporting Actress Emmy.
• "This Mike Douglas furniture was a terrible idea!" "Don't I get to be your co-host for the week?" "No, and you don't get to sing 'The Man in My Little Girl's Life,' either!" - Singer/actor Mike Douglas (1925- ; born Michael Dowd) hosted a very popular talk show from 1961-82. It had big '70s chairs, much like those seen here. The show quite often had a celebrity co-host for a week, including a series of shows with John Lennon and Yoko Ono. Douglas had a #6 hit in 1966 with "The Man in My Little Girl's Life," which features the "Daddy, there's a boy outside, his name is Rod..." line spoken by Frank. (Go here to hear a clip.) Frank is holding a great big asterisk while speaking the line; these littered the walls of "The Mike Douglas Show"'s set.
• "Do what I do!" - Help!
• "Like father, like son; think about it, won't you?" - From an anti-smoking public service announcement of the 1960s. The ad showed sons imitating their fathers (playing sports, etc.), and ended with the sons also smoking. "Think about it, won't you?"
• "I've seen the opening credits and it looks to me like a modern-day Defiant Ones."
  • The film The Defiant Ones (1958) is about two convicts, one black (Sidney Poitier as Noah Cullen), one white (Tony Curtis as "Joker" Jackson), much like the duo seen in the film's opening, who escape from prison, but are still manacled to each other. To survive they must learn to work together, despite hating each other.
  • Dr. F's remark also draws attention to the fact that the opening seems to have absolutely nothing to do with the actual film. This is because Cave Dwellers was released by Film Ventures International. FVI would often obtain the rights to movies shortly after their copyrights expired, then re-release on TV or video with a different title and new opening and closing credit sequences; the visuals in these new segments were usually from completely different films. This pops up a couple more times on MST, including 1983's Pod People, shown as experiment #303. And in an interesting addition to this from Helper Randy Johnson, I can tell you all that the film bookending the feature is the obscure 1960 Italian epic Taur, il re della forza bruta or Taur the Mighty, starring actor/stuntman Joe Robinson.
• "Enjoy it while it lasts, Astro Boy-Toy!" - "Astro Boy" was a very popular Japanese cartoon (original title, "Tetsuan-Atoma"), first syndicated in North America in 1963. It concerned the adventures of the title character, a little robot boy.
• As Movie Sign wails, Tom makes "woo-woo-woo" noises. This was the noise sometimes made by various Stooges (of the Three Stooges) to indicate distress.

Movie Act 1

• "Miles O'Keeffe!" - A word about our star. Miles O'Keeffe (1954- ) never intended to be an actor. After getting his B.A. in psychology and a stint as a prison counselor, O'Keeffe just sort of fell into acting. Besides the three Ator films (1983, 1984 and 1987), he is best known for playing Tarzan in the abysmal Bo Derek vehicle Tarzan, the Ape Man (1981). He has no illusions about his own acting ability and, unlike another sub-standard actor, who shall remain unnamed (coughjoedonbakercough), was quite amused by the treatment he got from the boys.
• "Look, here, you can actually see the driver turn and shoot Kennedy." - On November 22, 1963, as his motorcade travelled down the streets of Dallas, Texas, US President John F. Kennedy was assassinated by Lee Harvey Oswald (see below). One of the hundreds of live witnesses to this event was Abraham Zapruder, who had his home movie camera with him. The resulting movie he shot of the assassination has, over the years, as "the Zapruder film." (Beginning in 1998, it was possible to commercially buy a copy of the film, which is about as tacky as you can get.) It has been over-analyzied by everyone and his dog in order to prove their own pet theory about who killed Kennedy. And one of those theories does involve Kennedy's driver, Secret Service Agent William Greer, turning and shooting the President. Like no one would notice.
• "Hey, Jodie Foster's sister! I'd shoot Donald Regan to prove my love for Lisa Foster."
  • Oscar-winning actress Jodie Foster (1962- ; born Alicia Foster) has had a long and varied career; from child roles in Bugsy Malone and Freaky Friday (both 1976), through gripping dramas like The Accused (1988) and The Silence of the Lambs (1991), to science-fiction like Contact (1997). It is her role in 1976's Taxi Driver that leads to this reference. A man named John Hinckley, Jr., became obssessed with Foster, particularly her role of an underaged prostitute in Taxi Driver. In that film, cab driver Travis Bickle (Robert De Niro) attempts to assassinate a presidential candidate; so, in an insane attempt to prove his love for the then-19-year-old actress, Hinckley attempted to assassinate U.S. President Ronald Reagan. The attempt failed and Hinckley was placed in a mental institution.
  • Donald Regan (1918- ) was, of course, lower down on the political totem pole from President Reagan, but did serve as Reagan's Secretary of the Treasury (1981-5) and the White House Chief of Staff (1985-7). He was forced to resign as a result of the Iran-Contral arms scandal.
• "Hey, isn't this a scene from Brian's Song?" "Yeah, that's Billy Dee Williams and James Caan. 'I love Brian Piccolo. And when you hit your knees tonight, ask God to love him too.'" - Another "black guy/white guy" pairing. The 1971 TV movie Brian's Song told the real-life story of Chicago Bears football players Brian Piccolo (James Caan, the white guy) and Gale Sayers (Billy Dee Williams, the black guy). Although very competitive, Piccolo and Sayers become the best of friends. Later, however, Piccolo gets and dies from cancer. I haven't seen it, but apparently, if you see it, you will cry. No exceptions. The "I love Brian Piccolo..." bit comes from a speech made by Sayers towards the end of the film. The film was remade as another TV movie in 2001.
• "David Cain Haughton. Wasn't he an assassin?" "No, you're thinking of Lee Harvey Oswald." "No, it was James Earl Ray." "No, Mark David Chapman!" "No, John Wilkes Booth!" "No, it was Arthur Bremer..." - For some reason, a lot of assassins are reffered to by their full three names. (Jeez, there's a lot of assassination references during the opening credits...)
  • On November 22, 1963, in Dallas, Texas Lee Harvey Oswald (1939-69) shot and killed President John F. Kennedy from the Texas School Book Depository. He was apprehended lot long after. Two days later, while police were moving Oswald to the county jail, he himself was shot and killed by Dallas nightclub owner Jack Ruby. Zillions of theories (none with any real, solid evidence) abound about Oswald's real level of involvement in the assassination. (For a bit more on Kennedy's death, see above.)
  • On Apr. 4, 1968, while on the balcony of his motel room in Memphis, Tennessee, African-American leader Martin Luther King, Jr. was shot and killed by James Earl Ray (1928-98). Ray was apprehended and sentenced to 99 years in prison, where he died.
  • As a boy, Mark David Chapman (1955- ) was fixated on the British rock group the Beatles, especially member John Lennon. On, Dec. 8, 1980, this fixation, along with a desperate desire to become a household name and, apparently, the encouragment of voices in his head, led Chapman to shoot and kill Lennon outside Lennon's Manhattan apartment. He was sentenced to life in prison.
  • Actor John Wilkes Booth (1838-65), a Southern sympathizer during the American Civil War, had originally conceived of a plot to kidnap then-President Abraham Lincoln for a ransom of peace or an exchange of Confederate prisoners-of-war. When this plot failed, Booth instead shot and killed Lincoln on April 14, 1865, while the President was attenting a play at Ford's Theater in Washington, DC. Booth escaped, but was eventually tracked to a barn, which was set on fire to drive him out; while fleeing the barn, he died of a gun shot, but, in all the confusion, no one was certain if he shot himself or was gunned down by a pursuer.
  • Joel throws the 'Bots by mentioning a 2-named potential assassin. On May 15, 1972, Arthur Bremer (1951- ) shot Alabama Governor George Wallace, not killing him, but paralyzing him below the waist. Bremer was sentenced to 53 years in prison and was reportedly the inspiration for the role of Travis Bickle in Taxi Driver (see above), so he's kind of responsible for two assassination attempts.
  • However, Helper Garwin Burcher is certain that, at first, Joel says "Arthur Bremill" (or however it may be spelled) before changing it to "Arthur Bremer" after the 'Bots question him. "You'll have to trust me on this, because I've spent the last two days searching on the internet and asking everyone I know about Arthur Bremmil, but I haven't found anyone who remembers him. I've tried every spelling I could think of and still haven't found any reference of him. I'm not sure if he was a silent movie star, or later than that, but maybe you could find something about him. Trust me. He did exist. Honest. Mark my words, one of these days you'll find Arthur Bremmil listed somewhere."
• "Hey, John Newman! We can put his spaghetti sauce on the rusticelli." - Refers to Newman's Own, a line of food products created and owned by actor Paul Newman (The Sting (1973), The Color of Money (1986), Mr. & Mrs. Bridge (1990)). Originally, Newman, along with his friend, author A.E. Hotchner, made homemade salad dressing and gave it out to friends and family for Christmas. In 1982, they decided to start marketing their recipe for public comsumption, with all the profits from Newman's Own going to charity. The line has expanded in many other foods, including pasta sauce, steak sauce, popcorn and lemonade.
• "The hills have eyes... but they have glaucoma right now." - Wes Craven's 1977 film The Hills Have Eyes was about a vacationing family who are trapped in a desert, stalked by a family of cannibals. It doesn't really have anything to do with what's happening here; it's just a comment on the weird visual style of the opening credits. THHE was followed in 1985 by The Hills Have Eyes II.
• "Hey, it's the cast from Cats! It's Betty Buckley and she's eating Dick Van Patten."
  • The Andrew Lloyd Webber stage muscial Cats opened in London in May 1981 and later on Broadway in October 1982; it became the longest running musical in both Broadway and West End history (finally closing on Broadway in September 2000 and in London in May 2002). Based on the T.S. Eliot poetry collection Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats (1939), the play featured, well, cats interacting with each other. Being dressed up like cats, the cast, of course, spent a lot of time wearing a lot of face make-up and fuzzy prosthetics. Like our cave dwellers. One of those actors was...
  • Betty Buckley (1947- ), who played Grizabella in the 1982 New York production of Cats (for which she won a Tony). Buckley also starred in the family comedy-drama "Eight is Enough" (1977-81) as Sandra Bradford. Bradford's husband, Tom, was played by Dick Van Patten (1928- ).
• "...some who have been touched by a higher power." "They're in A.A. now." - A.A. is, of course, Alcoholics Anonymous, the international organization which helps those struggling with an alcohol addiction. Founded in 1935 by a New York stockbroker and an Ohio surgeons, themselves suffering from alcoholism, A.A. now has over 2 million members in 150 countries. Part of their famous Twelve Step program refers to "a Power greater than ourselves" whose help in a nessecary part of the recovery process.
• "Hey, there's a monolith outside!" "Yeah, everybody's evolving and stuff, it's really neat!" "Hey, Grog just threw a bone in the air and it turned into a spaceship!" - This all refers to the first section of the science-fiction classic 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968). In this section (titled "The Dawn of Man"), we follow the daily lives of a tribe of pre-historic homonids. Their lives are a struggles as they are attacked and killed by wildlife, scrounge for food, and are bullied by other tribes. One day, a huge black monolith appears before these cave dwellers (sorry); the monolith then helps them along mentally, planting images of tool use in their heads (this is much clearer in the novelisation by Arthur C. Clarke). The tribe becomes able to use sticks and bones as clubs for both hunting and defending themselves. In the final scene of this part of the film, one caveman beats a member of a rival tribe to death and throws his bone/club into the air; in the biggest jump cut in motion picture history, the film moves into the year 2000, with a spaceship replacing the image of the bone.
• "Cro-magnon!" "Neanderthal!" "Australopithecus africanus!" - Three types of pre-historic hominids.
  • The Cro-magnon was an early form of the modern day human, inhabiting Europe during the Paleolithic Period (75000 to 15000 years ago). They are named for the Cro-magnon cave in southern France where some of their remains were first discovered.
  • Neaderthals are named for the valley in Germany where there remains were first found. They lived during the Pleistocene Epoch (anywhere from 2 million to 11000 years ago), throughout Europe, Asia and North Africa. This species was probably driven to extinction by the Cro-magnon, who were superior tool users.
  • Australopithecus africanus lived in southern Africa about 3 million years ago. They were part of the Hominidae family, of which humans are the only surviving member. (See, this is all terribly educational.)
• "Get in line! The Time-Life photographer is here!" - Time-Life publishers are known for producing large series of rather thin books, all on one subject. Many subjects they cover include history and nature, almost certainly including a series on prehistoric man.
• "Hey, it's the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling." - "GLOW: Gorgeous Ladies of Wresting" first aired on television in 1986. This disturbingly popular program featured, well, female wrestlers, in an event/"humourous" skit combo similar to today's wresting shows. Some of the wresting had names like (brace yourselves): Dementia, Mt. Fuji, Chainsaw & Spike (the Heavy Metal Sisters) and Hollywood & Vine. As of 2001, the franchise is owned by Ursula Hayden, who featured on "GLOW" as Babe, the Farmer's Daughter. If you really must, you can even buy videos of the show at GLOW's official site.
• "It's an early version of West Side Story. 'Uhn! I just met a girl named Unh!'" - Based on William Shakespeare's play Romeo and Juliet (c. 1597), West Side Story, with songs by Leonard Bernstein and Stephen Sondheim, opened on stage in 1957; it was later adapted into a popular major motion picture (1961). The story told of the forbidden love between Tony, leader of the street gang the Jets, and Maria, sister of the leader of the Jets rivals, the Shark. The show features several highly choreographed fight scenes. Also, one of the songs, sung by Tony after he realizes he loves Maria, and here adapted by Crow, is "Maria." "Maria!/I've just met a girl named Maria/And suddenly that name/Will never be the same/To me."
• "Stately Wayne Manor..." - The shot of Ator's abode is reminicent of the many shots of Wayne Manor on the campy super-hero series "Batman" (1966-8). The mansion was home to Bruce (Batman) Wayne (Adam West) and his young ward Dick (Robin) Grayson (Burt Ward). Establishing shots often showed the mansion on its hill as the announcer (the show's executive producer William Dozier) would dramatically proclaim, "Meanwhile, at stately Wayne Manor..."
• "Barbi Benton." - Mila looks a little like former Playboy model and actress Barbi Benton (1950- ). Benton did tons of guest appearance on television shows throughout the 1970s, along with a handful of "Circus of the Stars" specials and a stint (1971-6) on "Hee Haw" (1969-92). She also had a starring role in the truly awful and mercifully short-lived sit-com "Sugar Time!" (1977-8).
• "Hef, we're all out of Evian!"
  • Evian is probably the largest producer of bottled water in the world. The spring water they supposedly use comes from the French Alps near a village called Evian-Les-Bains, from which the product gets its name. (You ever notice Evian spelled backwards is naive? It's just water, fer cryin' out loud!)
  • "Hef" is the nickname of Playboy magazine creator and publisher Hugh Hefner, thus continuing the Barbi Benton reference we just had.
• "...taught him the martial arts." "And Marshall Crenshaw... and Marshall Tucker."
  • While musician and rock music historian Marshall Crenshaw (1953- ) has only had one top 40 hit to date ("Someday, Someway," used in the 1982 film Night Shift), he has had a varied musical career. He has appeared in such films as Peggy Sue Got Married (1986) and 1987's La Bamba (as Buddy Holly), has released several albums over the years and appeared in the live show version of Beatlemania.
  • The Marshall Tucker Band (which never had a member actually named Marshall Tucker) was formed in 1971 and became one on the 1970s major Southern rock band. Gaining recognition when they toured with with The Allman Brothers Band, their popularity peaked in 1977 with the album Carolina Dreams and its single "Heard It in a Love Song." Despite many member deaths and other personel changes over the years, the Marshall Tucker Band continued to produce ablums well into the 1990s.
• "Jean Kasem!" - The woman on screen at this point, with her very long blonde hair, bears a passing resemblence (from the back anyway) to Jean Kasem (1954- ). Born Jean Thompson, she is best known as the wife of radio DJ (and voice of Shaggy on "Scooby-Doo" over the years) Casey Kasem; they married in 1980. She was also a regular on the "Cheers" (1982-93) spin-off, "The Tortellis" (1987).
• "...the Sword of Turin [or Torin or whatever]." "No, the Shroud of Turin." - The Shroud of Turin is a length of linen long purported to be the burial garment of Jesus Christ. The idea was that when Christ came back from the dead, his image was imprinted on the garment. And the Shroud does have an image on it of a man who looks like he's suffered through a crucifixtion. The Shroud's earilest known historical mention goes back to 1354; since 1578, it has been housed at the Cathedral of San Giovanni Battista in Turin, Italy. At some point, it underwent carbon dating which placed its age far short from what people had hoped; the Shroud was created sometime between 1260 and 1390. Its true origins still remain a mystery, although I'm sure theories abound.
• "Tolkien couldn't follow this plot." - J.R.R. Tolkien (1892-1973) is the daddy, grand-daddy, godfather and whatever else you want of modern fantasy. If it weren't for Tolkien our current concept of fantasy would be totally different. We wouldn't even have the Dungeons & Dragons game. We wouldn't have nearly as many dragons, dwarves, elves and trolls appearing in today's fiction. Tolkien is, of course, the author of the seminal fantasy epic The Lord of the Rings. TLOTR is an increbidly complex and detailed story, encompassing multiple books, the first of which, The Hobbit, was published in 1937. This was followed in 1954 by the trilogy that is considered the main sequence of the Rings story, The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers and The Return of the King. Others stories are included in the epic and the insanely complicated history of Middle-earth (the tale's locale) has been written about in a series of books by Tolkien's son, Christopher.
• "It's the wango zee tango!" - This is the opening line of the song "Wango Tango" appearing on the 1980 Ted Nugent album Scream Dream. Half-naked and with his long, sort of wild hair, Ator might remind one of famed rock wildman Nugent.
• "Cher at the funhouse." - The evil queen bears a weird resemblance to actress/singer Cher (1946- ; born Cherilyn LaPierra). Cher has had uncountable top 40 hits and appeared in dozens of movies and television shows. She started her career as half of the singing/comedy duo, Sonny and Cher, with her then-husband Sonny Bono. They had a number of television series, starting with "The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour" (1971-4) and several hits, including their signature song "I Got You Babe" (1965). On her own, Cher's hits include "Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves" (1971), "Half-Breed" (1973), "If I Could Turn Back Time" (1989) and the immensely annoying "Believe" (1999). Film appearances include Silkwood (1983), Mask (1985), Moonstruck (1987) and Tea With Mussolini (1999).
• "It's Aztec Mummy!" - The mummified hand is reminding Joel of the character of the Aztec Mummy from The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy (1965), shown in episode 102. Originally made in Mexico as La momia azteca contra el robot humano (1957), it was dubbed into English and released in the U.S. years later. Something about a mummy guarding a treasure from a mad scientist's robot.
• "C'mon, those moonboots went out in the seventies." - Mercifully only popular during the 1970s, moonboots were all-weather, astronaut-style platform boots, developed to cash in on the recent moon landings. They were sort of like quilted parkas for your feet, but available in fashionable colours. Well, fashionable for the '70s.
• "Played by Tommy Chong." - There is a certain resemblance here to Tommy Chong (1938- ), best known as half of the 1970s drug-related comedy duo, Cheech and Chong. They had a successful series of comedy albums and, during the 1980s, a few forgettable films. After breaking up, they both went on to solo acting careers. Tommy Chong (1938- ) always came across as more of a stoner than his partner, Cheech Marin, even in later lone appearances, like his role as Leo in "That '70s Show" (1998- ).
• "Oh, he's been gonged." - Refers to the 1970s television "talent" competition "The Gong Show" (1976-80). On "TGS," a trio of celebrity judges would sit through a number of amateur acts (introduced by host and series created Chuck Barris). These acts could run from stand-up comedy to magic tricks to musical performances. The judges would then give each act a score to decide who that episode's winner was. Unless, of course, the performance was so unbearably bad that one of the judges picked their hammer and rang the large golden gong behind them, after which the humiliated contestant was driven off the stage. This was called "being gonged."
• "Then he worked out on the Charismatic Soloflex of Zontar 13." - Around since 1978, the Soloflex is one of those elaborate home gym devices that you strap yourself into and move in unnatural ways to get into shape.
• "Played here by Jimmy Carl Black of the Mothers of Invention." - Dong looks a bit.. what? Oh, sorry, Thong looks a bit like musician Jimmy Carl Black. Black (1938- ; born James Inckanish Jr.) was one of the founding members of experimental musician Frank Zappa's band The Mother of Invention. Formed in 1964 as simply The Mothers, the band lengthened their name the following year when they released their first album Freak Out!, with Black as drummer. After the band broke up in the 1970s, Black went on to play with a number of other groups, including Captain Beefheart. He has also had a couple of solo albums, A Lil' Dab'l Do Ya (1987) and When Do We Get Paid (1998).
• "Oh, jeez, this has more pauses than a Pinter play." - English playwright Harold Pinter (1930- ) began his career as a repertory actor, before trying his hand at poetry and finally moving on to writing drama. His plays include The Room (1957), The Caretaker and No Man's Land (1975). His plays are known for featuring long and/or frequent pauses during dialogue. Some critics claim this makes the dialogue more realistic; some claim this makes it more boring.
• "God, I love Seinfeld!" - Named the best TV show ever by TV Guide in April of 2002, "Seinfeld" (1990-8) is almost certainly the most popular sit-com of all time. Featuring stand-up comedian Jerry Seinfeld as pretty much himself, the show prided itself on being about "nothing." It basically followed the day-to-day life of the nit-picky Jerry and his equally annoying friends. It's humour was mostly observational, with character discussing some insignificant detail to death, sometimes through a whole episode.

Host Segment 2 - More lucid version of the credits

• JOEL ROBINSON as THAT MEAN JOHN SAXON-TYPE GUY - Actor John Saxon (1936- ; real name Carmen Orrico) has made a career out of playing what can only be described as "John Saxon roles"; these are often villainous or at least mean characters. He has appeared in well over 100 movies, including Enter the Dragon (1973), Battle Beyond the Stars (1980), several Nightmare on Elm Street films and From Dusk Till Dawn (1996). Television appearances include a couple of season on "Dynasty" (1981-9) and as Dr. Ted Stuart in "The New Doctors" (1969-73), part of NBC's four-in-one anthology called "The Bold Ones." He will be best remembered by MiSTies, of course, as one of the bad guys in Mitchell (1975), the Joe Don Baker opus featured in episode 512, Joel's last.
• WINONA RYDER as ROXY CHARMICHAEL
  • Actress Winona Ryder (1971- ; born Winona Horowitz) is best known for her portrayals of quirky "social misfit" characters, especially earlier in her career; examples include her roles in Beetlejuice (1988), Heathers (1989) and Edward Scissorhands (1990). Later films include Little Women (1994), Alien: Resurrection (1997) and the 2002 remake of Mr. Deeds. During late 2001 and 2002, Ryder found herself receiving some less desirable publicity when she was charged with shoplifter $5000 worth of clothing.
  • Ryder did appear in the 1990 movie Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael but not as the titular character. Ryder played Dinky (yes, Dinky) Bossetti, a young women who believed she was the secret illegitimate daughter of Carmichael (played by Ava Fabian and Carla Gugino at different ages), a woman who attained some unspecified fame after leaving her little home town 15 years before the movie.
• ANDREW MCCARTHY as HIMSELF - Briefly part of the former Hollywood "Brat Pack" of the 1980s, actor Andrew McCarthy has had an unever career over the years, appearing in both acclaimed film and some real turkeys. His films include Class (1983), St. Elmo's Fire (1985), Pretty in Pink (1986), Mannequin (which we'll get to), Weekend at Bernie's (1989), The Joy Luck Club (1993) and Mulholland Falls (1996). He has also done his time in several TV movie.
• KIM CATRALL as THE MANNEQUIN
  • Actress Kim Cattrall (1956- ) (two Ts, not one) may be best known to MiSTies as the object of Crow's affections during the screening of her film City Limits (1985) in experiment 403. After her film debut in Otto Preminger's Rosebud (1975), Cattrall went on to a varied film career. She had appearing in such movies as Porky's (1981), Police Academy (1984), the truly cool Big Trouble in Little China (1986), Mannequin (hold on a sec, we're gettin' there) and Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991). Her most successful role is as Samantha Jones in the popular HBO series "Sex and the City" (1998-2004).
  • The 1987 movie Mannequin starred Andrew McCarthy (see above) as Jonathan Switcher, a lonely man who builds his own mannequin, which he promptly falls in love with (man, that's creepy). Eventually, the mannequin comes to life as Emmy (Kim Cattrell (see above)), an Egyptian from 2514 BC. Yeah, I'm lost too. On top of this, she only comes to life when she and Jonathan are alone and wacky wooden girl hijinks ensue. The movie had a 1991 sequel, Mannequin 2: On the Move, in which the stars did not re-appear.
• MAY ALSO STAR ONE of the FOLLOWING/BRIAN DENNEHY, M. EMMET WALSH, or CHARLES DURNING - Three great old character actors, whom you've all seen pretty much everywhere. Their appearances are way too numerous to get through them all, but here's a sampling:
  • Brian Hennehy (1938- ): Semi-Tough (1977), First Blood (1982), Cocoon (1985) and Cocoon: The Return (1988) (as the leader of the friendly aliens), F/X (1986) and F/X2 (1991), Tommy Boy (1995) and many TV movies.
  • M. Emmet Walsh (1935- ): Midnight Cowboy (1969) (his motion picture debut), Blood Simple (1984), Serpico (1973), The Jerk (1979), Reds (1981), Blade Runner (1982), Raising Arizona (1987), Free Willy 2 (1995) and The Iron Giant (1999).
  • Charles Durning (1923- ) (I love this guy): The Sting (1973), The Hindenburg (1975), The Muppet Movie (1979) (as the villainous Doc Hopper), The Final Countdown (1980), The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas (1982), The Man With One Red Shoe (1985), The Hudsucker Proxy (1994) and the brilliant O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000).
• MUSIC by: DANNY ELFMAN - AGAIN! - In the early 1970s, Danny Elfman (1953- ), along with his brother Richard, formed the band the Mystic Knights of Oingo-Boingo. Later shortening the name to Oingo Boingo, the band was moderately successfull, it's quirky new-wave feel lending itself nicely to such tunes as "Weird Science," the title song to the 1985 film of the same name. In 1985, Elfman met up and coming film director Tim Burton and the same year, Burton's film Pee-Wee's Big Adventure was released with a wonderful score by Elfman. Since then, Elfman has become one of the most highly acclaimed and sought-after movie music composers in the business, scoring most of Burton's films, including Beetlejuice (1988), Batman (1989), and Edward Scissohands (1990). Non-Burton scores include Sommersby (1993), Men in Black (1997) and Good Will Hunting (1997). Elfman has also written the themes to a number of television series, including "Tales from the Crypt" (1989-96), "The Simpsons" (1989- ) and "Dilbert" (1999-2000).
• ...YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE UNIVERSE/NO LESS THAN THE TREES... - A couplet from the inspirational poem "Desiderata." See below for details.
• ...WANGO TANGO... - See above.
• ...LOCUST BEAN GUM... - Common ingredient in processed foods like ice cream and other frozen desserts, processed cheese, cream cheese and more. Coming from the Mediterranean plant Ceratonia siliquia, it is used as a stabilizer.
• ...THE FIGHTING ARNOVICH BROTHERS... - Help!
• ...MOTHERS, JUGS AND SPEED... - Mother, Jugs & Speed is the title of a 1976 film starring Bill Cosby (Mother), Raquel Welch (Jugs) and Harvey Keitel (Speed). The movie is a black comedy about an imaginary Los Angeles in which a new law declares that the first ambulance at an accident gets the contract to transport the injured, leading to cut-throat competition between rival ambulance companies.

Movie Act 2

• "Let's see, you were playing a Titleist, right?" - Formed in Massachusetts in 1910 as the Acushnet Process Company, the company that eventually became known as Titleist started up its golf ball division in 1932. Titleist also produces other golf products, such as clubs, gloves and bags.
• "Lady? Can we have our arrow back? Mrs. Lady?" - By the end of this line, Crow's speech has degenerated into that of (former) funny-man Jerry Lewis. As part of his schtick, Lewis would often begin speaking like a moron and referring to people as things like "Mrs. Lady" and "Mr. Man." Objects were often called "the thing."
• "A Mark VII Production." - When forming his own production company to produce his show "Dragnet" (1951-9; 1967-70), actor/producer Jack Webb named it Mark VII Ltd. (after a Licooln Mark VII automobile he once owned). The company's logo, which appeared at the end of every episode of its programs, showed a close up of a hammer, pounding a large metal stamp. After a couple of "chinks," the stamp was pulled away, revealing "A Mark VII Production" etched into a metal surface. Other shows produced by Mark VII include "Adam-12" (1968-75), "Emergency!" (1972-7) and "Project U.F.O." (1978-9).
• "He's washing with lava." "The soap?" "No, the real thing." - There is indeed a brand of soap called Lava. Produced over the years by William Waltke Co., the Procter & Gamble and finally Block Drug.
• "It's Marmaduke." - Marmaduke is the titular big, loveable, kind of orange Great Dane in the daily comic strip "Marmaduke". Created by artist Brad Anderson in 1954, the strip is a single panel gag (except the weekend colour comic, which is the more traditional length for that format) about the non-anthropomorphic hound usually getting into some kind of dog-related mischief. (What? Oh, non-anthropomorphic just means he doesn't talk and think like a person, unlike most comic strip critters.)
• "Wait a minute! This is the Magna Carta!" - On June 15, 1215, King John of England signed the Magna Carta (or Great Charter), a legal document which limited the power of government over its citizens. (It is still debated whether or not the King signed willingly or was forced to under threat of civil war.) The document (of which you can read one translation here) out-lined a number of important legal concept on paper for the first time, such as the idea of due process.
• "I pledge allegiance..." - When Americans recite their Pledge of Allegiance, it is customary to hold a hand over their heart. The original Pledge was written in 1892 by Baptist minister Francie Bellamy.
• "Your knowledge of surgery surpasses even that of the Great One." "Jackie Gleason?" - "The Great One" was the nickname of entertainer Jackie Gleason (1916-87; born Herbert John Gleason). Gleason had a widely varied career appearing in vaudeville houses, on Broadway (he won a Tony for the 1959 musical Take Me Along) and in motion pictures (including 1961's The Hustler and Smokey and the Bandit (1977)). But he is easily best known for creating and starring as bus driver Ralph Kramden in the classic sit-com "The Honeymooners" (1955-6).
• "Thanks for the beer, Gomez." - (I think this is first time Thong is referred to as Gomez.) I believe the guys keep calling Thong "Gomez" because his elaborate mustache sort of resembles that of Gomez Addams, head of the Addams clan in the various incarnations of the dark humour sit-com "The Addams Family." Gomez was played by John Astin in the original series (1964-6), by Raul Julia in The Addams Family 1991 film version (and its 1993 sequel Addams Family Values) and by Glenn Taranto in "The New Addams Family" (1998-9).
• "Kronos Quartet?" - Formed in 1973, the Kronos Quartet is a string quartet with a difference. Rather than the usual classic repertoire one might expect, the Quartet performs an avant-garde mix of rock, jazz, world music and classical. Albums include Monk Suite (1984), the Grammy-winning Different Trains (1989), Salome Dances for Peace (1989), Black Angels (1990) and Nuevo (2002).
• "Next on 'Current Affair': Women behind bars!" - Lurid and sensationalistic, "A Current Affair" (1986-1996) was one of the original tabloid television programs foisted upon an unsuspecting public. Featuring several hosts over the years (including Maury Povitch), sleaze and scandal were "Affair"'s meat and potatoes. An exploitative "women in prison" segment would be right up their alley.
• "What would MacGyver do?" - "MacGyver" (1985-92) starred Richard Dean Anderson as Angus MacGyver, a man who was able to use his scientific knowledge and inventiveness to build weapons and gadgets out of everyday materials, an ability he'd use to help those in trouble. The man could make explosives out of chewing gum. Lock him in a cell, and he'd find a way out using pocket lint. He could build a radio out of three pounds of sand and a coconut. Oh, wait, that's the Professor from "Gilligan's Island"...
• "Love, love, love!" - The opening credits to the romantic comedy anthology series "Love, American Style" (1969-74) featured fireworks exploding while a chorus of voices sang out, "Love, love, love!"
• "Ancient chinese secret, huh!" - Line from a series of television ads for Calgon brand laundry detergent. A costumer, picking up their clothing at a Chinese laundry, would wonder aloud how the place got it all so clean. The fellow behind the counter answered, "Ancient Chinese secret." It was then somehow revealed that the establishment actually uses Calgon detergent. This led to the sarcastic response, "Ancient Chinese secret, huh?"
• "Looks like Willie Nelson, doesn't he?" - A little. Grammy-winning country singer and songwriter Willie Nelson (1933- ) spent most of his early career writing songs for other artists. Once he started his own recording, he helped create the "outlaw" style of country music. Albums include Shotgun Willie (1973), Red Headed Stranger (1973), Half Nelson (1985) and 1992's Who'll Buy My Memories..., often called The IRS Tapes because Nelson recorded it to quickly make money to pay off the enourmous back taxes he owed. Nelson has also done some acting, appearing in films like Honeysuckle Rose (1980) and Wag the Dog (1997).
• "And he knows Liza." - Probably refers to singer/actress Liza Minnelli (1946- ). Minnelli is the daughter of singer/actress Judy Garland (most famous for her role as Dorothy in the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz). Minnelli made her motion picture debut at the age of 14 months in her mother's film In the Good Old Summertime (1949). As an adult she appeared in movies such as 1972's Cabaret (for which she won an Oscar), Arthur (1981) and Rent-a-Cop (1988) (for which she couldn't possibly win an Oscar). She has also had an extenstive award-winning singing career, with albums like Liza With a "Z" (1972) and Gently (1996).
• "It's the chalice from the palace." - From the 1956 Danny Kaye comedy The Court Jester, possibly the funniest film ever made. Ever. Kaye plays Hubert Hawkins, considered one of the lesser members of a "Merry Men" group of people under command of the Black Fox; they are attempting to put the proper prince (a baby) back on the ursurped throne. Through a series of mishaps, Hawkins finds himself about to fight a joust he cannot possibly win. The castle's resident witch, Griselda (Mildred Natwick), helps him out by putting poison in one of the drinks the jousters must toast. Hawkins must remember that "the pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice with the palace has the brew that is true." Just as he has this figured out Griselda brings him bad news:

  Hawkins: I've got it! I've got it! The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true! Right?
  Griselda: Right. But there's been a change: they broke the chalice from the palace!
  Hawkins: They broke the chalice from the palace?
  Griselda: And replaced it with a flagon.
  Hawkins: A flagon...?
  Griselda: With the figure of a dragon.
  Hawkins: Flagon with a dragon.
  Griselda: Right.
  Hawkins: But did you put the pellet with the poison in the vessel with the pestle?
  Griselda: No! The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon! The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true!
  Hawkins: The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.
  Griselda: Just remember that.

• "We're getting close to Ridley Scott now." - Ridley Scott (1937- ) is the director of many acclaimed and popular films. His first feature was 1977's The Duelists and was later involved with films like Alien (1979), Blade Runner (1982), Thelma & Louise (1991), Gladiator (2000) and Black Hawk Down (2001). I'm uncertain though why he's getting mentioned in this scene. It could just be that he used a lot of fog for Alien.
• "Whose woods are these? I think I know. We'll watch these woods fill up with fog." - Variation on the 1923 Robert Frost poem "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening":

  Whose woods are these I think I know.
  His house is in the village though;
  He will not see me stopping here
  To watch his woods fill up with snow.

  The entire poem is available here.
• "Neela!" "Puma!" - The 1962 film Ring of Terror, shown in episode 206, has a framing sequence in which the narrator of the film, who appears to be a mortuary owner/attendant spends an unreasonable amount of time wandering around in a foggy graveyard calling for his cat, Puma, over and over. "Puma? ... Puma? ... Puma!" It just goes on and on and...
• "Paging Mr. Ator." - Crow is doing an impression of Pee-Wee Herman (Paul Reubens) from a scene in his first motion picture, Pee-Wee's Big Adventure (1985). The end of the adventure features a movie within the movie, when Pee-Wee's story is made into a big blockbuster film starring James Brolin as Pee-Wee. Pee-Wee himself appears as a hotel bellhop. His only line in the "film" is "Paging Mr. Herman. Paging Mr. Herman" in a strange, dubbed voice that is obviously not his own. Not sure why the gag's being used here (help!), but it's still funny.
• "Fred? Wilma? Barney?" - Three famous cartoon cave dwellers from the animated series "The Flinstones" (1960-8) (and its many, many spin-offs and adaptations). Fred Flinstone (voiced by Alan Reed in the original series) and his wife Wilma (Jean Vander Pyl) and their best friends and next-door neighbours Barney Rubble (Mel Blanc) and his wife Betty (Bea Benaderet; later Gerry Johnson) live in the stone-age town of Bedrock. Their houses, cars, furniture and so on were made of rock and they (scientifically inacurrately) co-existed with dinosaurs. Fred was the stereotypical "working man," based on the character of Ralph Kramden on "The Honeymooners" (see above). In fact, the whole of "The Flinstones" was really a take-off of "The Honeymooners" placed in a prehistoric fantasy-land.
• "Oh, come on, what is this, a Charlie Callas routine?" - Goofball comedian Charlie Callas (1924- ) was a regular of variety shows like "The Andy Williams Show" (1969-71) and "The ABC Comedy Hour" (1972). His was a very broad style of comedy which often involved him flailing about like an idiot. He was a semi-fixture in Mel Brooks films, like High Anxiety (1977) and History of the World: Part I (1981). He was also the voice of Elliot the dragon in Disney's Pete's Dragon (1977) and played... um... Sinestro (believe it or not), Green Lantern's nemesis on the 1977 TV special called "Legends of the Super-Heroes."
• "What is this, a Heart video?" "They only show the fat one from the head up anymore." "Hey..." - The rock band Heart was formed in Seattle, Washington in 1973. The main driving force behind the group were the Wilson sisters, Ann (lead vocals) and Nancy (lead guitar). The band has remained popular since getting together with hits including "Barracuda" (1977), "What About Love?" (1985), "All I Want to Do is Make Love to You" (1990) and "Will You Be There (In the Morning)" (1994). Many of their early video features huge bunches of heavily back-lit fog, often with one of the Wilsons walking through it. But, hey, it was 80s; videos were in their infancy and everybody used the same kind of imagery. As for Tom's remark about "the fat one" only being shown from the head up anymore, yes, Ann Wilson did put on a visible amount of weight (although she was hardly obese). And the music video industry can get rather shallow and, for a while, they tended to only shoot her from the head up or from a distance.
• "Play 'Misty' for me." - The 1971 film Play Misty for Me featured Clint Eastwood as Dave Garver, a DJ for a jazz radio station. Garver has am affair with an ardent fan, Evelyn Draper (Jessica Walter) (who constantly requests the Erroll Garner song "Misty"). When Garver tries to break it off and return to his girlfriend, Draper takes it badly and begins stalking him.
• "Daddy? As long as we're here can we stop over at the Gap and get some 501s?"
  • The Gap is an annoyingly trendy clothing store chain founded in the United States by 1969 by Donald and Doris Fisher. The chain now has over 4000 stores worldwide, including specialty stores like Gap Adult, GapKids, babyGap and GapBody, as well as subsidary clothing stores like Banana Republic and Old Navy.
  • 501s are jeans manufactured by Levi's. They are the original jeans designed by Levi Strauss back in the 1800s. However, they weren't called 501s until about 1890 and the term "jeans" wasn't used until 1960; before that time, they were referred to as "waist overalls."
• "No! Guy! I don't want to sample Giorgio." - This, of course, is referring to the aggresive perfume sample people encountered in department stores, who darn near tackle women when they enter, trying to force a scent sample onto them. Giorgio perfume was launched in 1982 by Giorgio Beverly Hills. Classified as a "sharp, flowery fragrance," it is a blend of bergamot, mandarin, jasmine, rose and... other stuff. To tell the truth, I lost interest reading about it at that point.
• "Thirty five minutes into the film, and we're finally at the first plot point." "Well, there's Syd Field." - Much thanks to Helper James Bladon on this one. I had the wrong Syd/Sid Field. The Syd Field referred to here is a screenwriting teacher and author. His books on good screenwriting (including Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting, The Screenwriter's Workbook and The Screenwriter's Problem Solver) have become "bibles" of the film industry.
• "Hey, I hate Clinique, really, I'm just looking!" - This time, the rabid sample people are pushing products by Clinique. In business since 1968, they produce cosmetics, skin-care and fragance products, claiming to have all allergy-free products.
• "No no no, it's 'Walk softly and carry a large-'" "No no!..." etc. - The quote the guys are after is "Speak softly and carry a big stick." The statement was made by U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt in an April 2, 1903 speech about military preparation.
• "Coppola!" - The cave dweller shown look like a younger version of famed film director and producer Francis Ford Coppola (1939- ). Overcoming the severe handicap of training as an assistant with director Roger Corman, Coppola's impressive career really began with directing his first feature film, 1963's Dementia 13. He got into producing films when he and George Lucas formed the American Zeotrope production company. Coppola went on to produce and/or direct many, many films (often also writing) including the Godfather trilogy (1972, 1974, 1990), Apocalypse Now (1979), Peggy Sue Got Married (1986) and the 1992 movie version of Dracula.
• "There's that great Hammond organ sound." - The original Hammond organ was developed in 1934 by ex-watchmaker Laurens Hammond. The Hammon line is very popular today, featuring several models.
• "Thursdays are Human Sacrifice Day at the Sizzler." - The Sizzler restaurant chain began with a single restaurant, founded in 1958 by Del and Helen Johnson in Culver City, California. They chose the name Sizzler to indicate the still sizzling hot plates served. I'm not entirely certain that Sizzler does it, but many restaurants have theme Days, like Salad Day or Lobster Day.
• "I think Tony Bennett left that in San Fransisco."
  • Crooner Tony Bennett (1926- ; born Anthony Dominick Benedetto) has been enteraining audiences since the 1950s (his first hit being 1951's "Because of You") and into the 21st century. Other notable hits: "Rags to Riches" (1953), "Ca, C'est L'amour" (1957), "I Left My Heart in San rancisco" (more on that in a second) and "If I Ruled the World" (1965). His albums include Basie Swings, Bennett Sings (1958; with big band leader Count Basie), Snowfall (1968; a Christmas album), Art of Excellence (1986), MTV Unplugged (1994; a recording of an acoustic performance on the MTV music video channel) and 2001's Playing With My Friends: Bennett Sings the Blues (featuring numerous duets).
  • "I Left My Heart in San Francisco," written by George Cory and Douglas Cross, first appeared on the 1962 Tony Bennett album of the same name. It has since become a pop standard, usually recorded by other crooner-types, like Frank Sinatra, Andy Willimas and Peggy Lee, but sometimes sung by someone less expected, like Frank Zappa.
• "I want a Barney Clark Bar." - Double gag!
  • Clark Bars were originally produced by the D.L. Clark Company (founded in 1886 by David L. Clark) and are currently owned by NECCO. The candy bar consists of a crunchy peanut butter centre with a chocolate coating. Their ads have featured the tag-line, often spoken by a cartoon giraffe (Lord knows why a giraffe), "I want a Clark Bar!", which for this gag has been combined with--
  • --Barney Clark (1921-83). A Seattle dentists, Clark, in 1982 became the first person to recieve a permanent implanted artificial heart. He only survived for 112 days after surgery, but this was still an important step in the history of artificial organ technology.
• "Hey, it's Dr. Christiaan Barnard." - More heart surgery hilarity. South African surgeon Dr. Christiaan Barnard (1922- ) performed the first successful human heart transplant in December 1967. Unfortunately, the patient dies 18 days later from pneumonia. Barnard also performed the second successful transplant in January 1968; this time the patient survived 594 days.
• "I've got a wonderful, grinchy idea." - Ator's smile here reminds one of the evil grin given by the Grinch in the 1966 Christmas TV special How The Grinch Stole Christmas! (based on the classic 1966 Dr. Seuss children's book of the same name). When the Grinch, a strange, green, Christmas-loathing creature, comes up with his plan to destroy the holiday he hates, he grins evilly while the narrator (Boris Karloff), using lines from the original book tells us that, "The Grinch got a wonderful, awful idea!"

Host Segment 3 - Cool names for movie stuff

• "...was actually an off the rack auto part from NAPA." - NAPA is the National Automotive Parts Association. Founded in 1925, it is the largest car part retailer in the United States.
• "'...there goes the hubcap of the Plymouth Sommerset.'" - The Plymouth line of automobiles is currently owned by Chrysler, who discontinued the line in 2001. I was unable to find out anything about the Sommerset model, or if Plymouth really made one. And for a good reason. Says Helper Andrew S, "There never was a Plymouth Sommerset ever. There was however a Buick Sommerset (made throughout most of the 1980s). I believe Joel misspoke and is actually thinking of the Plymouth Sundance made during roughly the same time as the similarly named Buick. Plymouth was a Daimler-Chrysler make and Buick is GM so they are not related."
• "You find the fun and snap, the job's a game! Thank you, Mary Poppins!" "Hey, spit-spot you two." "Oh, I love to laugh! Long and loud and clear!" - The character of Mary Poppins first appeared in 1934 in the children's book named for her, written by P.L. Travers. The magically powered, "pratically perfect in every way" nanny to a British household was a hit and several more books followed. In 1964, Walt Disney Pictures made a hugely popular musical film based on the character, with Julie Andrews in the title role. (The specific references the guys make do all appear in the film, but I don't know if they're also in the books. If anyone who has read them could help!, it would be appreciated.)
  • Tom's remark comes from the song "A Spoonful of Sugar," when Mary Poppins convinces the children that cleaning their room can be fun. "In every job that must be done,/There is an element of fun./You find the fun and SNAP, the job's a game!" Well, sure, if you cheat and use magic like she did.
  • She would tell the children "Spit-spot!" when she wanted them to do something immediately.
  • And "I love to laugh!/Long and loud and clear!" comes from the song "I Love to Laugh", mostly sung by Uncle Albert (Ed Wynn), whose voice Crow is doing. Unfortunately for Uncle Albert, when he laughs, he tends to float until he hits the ceiling and Mary Poppins and company must get him down, mostly by making him sad.
• "Like, 'White Shadow' could have been called 'Hayload Hoop Honkie.' Or 'Jake and the Fat Man,' you could've called that, um..." "...'Jake and the Fat Man.'"
  • The drama "The White Shadow" (1978-81) starred Ken Howard as Ken Reeves, a (white) retired NBA player who became basketball coach at a predominately black inner city school.
  • "Jake and the Fatman" (1987-92) was about the crime-fighting duo J.L. McCabe (William Conrad), a tough District Attorney nicknamed "the Fatman" (cause, you see, he was fat) and McCabe's ace investigator Jake Styles (Joe Penny). Pretty standard crime drama, I gather.
• "...when local TV stations talk about the grand marshalls for their holiday parades, what they're really saying is: Gavin MacLeod." - Although he's done other work, actor Gavin MacLeod (1930- ) is best remembered for two roles: reporter Murray Slaughter on "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" (1970-7) and Captain Merrill Stubing on the classic cheese-fest, "The Love Boat" (1977-86). He largely dropped off the mainstream entertainment map after "Love Boat," but he still turns up now and again. He appeared as recurring characters in the sit-com "The King of Queens" (1998- ) and the 2000 season of the prison drama "Oz" (1997-2003).

Movie Act 3

• "They're kind of dumb, they're easy to kill: the American Gladiators!" - "American Gladiators" (1989-97) was a profoundly goofy show in which selected viewers would engage in a series of physical competitions (including Power Ball, Assault, the Wall and the big finale, the Eliminator) against big, beefy, spandex-wearing men and women with names Elektra, Siren, Nitro, Sky, Ice, Zap and Turbo. Think professional wrestling with a just a smidge more dignity.
• "By the stubbing of my thumbs, something stupid this way comes." - "By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes," is a couplet spoken by the Second Witch in Act 4, Scene 1 of William Shakespeare's play Macbeth (1605-6), at Macbeth's approach. Something Wicked This Way Comes was also used as the title of a 1962 novel by fantasy writer Ray Bradbury (and its 1983 movie adaptation).
• "Drizzle, drazzle, drozzle, drone; time for this one to come home." - Quote from the Tooter (maybe Tutor) Turtle segment of the cartoon anthology series "King Leonardo and his Short Subjects" (1960-3; later called "The King and Odie") (the segments also later appeared on "Tennessee Tuxedo and his Tales" (1963-6)). Every episode, Tooter would wish he were something else (like a cowboy or an astronaut) and Mr. Wizard the lizard would grant his wish. Something would invariably go wrong with Tutor's new life and call out, "Help mr, Mr. Wizard." Mr. Wizard would then chant the above quote and, presumably with a smoky scene cross-fade, Tooter would return home. The quote was once modified into a lyric for the Replacments' 1985 song "Hold My Life": "Razzle, dazzle, drazzle, drone/This for the one to come home./Razzle, dazzle, drazzle, die/Time for this one to come alive."
• "So Bob Hope owns all of that?" "Yeah, we're thinking of turning it into a nine-holer." - Actor and "King of Comedy" Bob Hope's (1903-2003 ; born Leslie Townes Hope) career was too long and massive to cover it here adequately. But here's an attempt. Hope, after a successful Vaudeville career in the 1920s, made his Broadway debut in the 1933 musical Roberta. He began in Hollywood in 1938, his first film being The Big Broadcast of 1938. His most famous films were the Road series of comedies with Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour; the first of these was 1940's Road to Singapore. Other notable films include The Cat and the Canary (1939), My Favourite Brunette (1948), The Lemon Drop Kid (1951) and Boy, Did I Get a Wrong Number! (1966). Hope had a long history of enteraining overseas troops during international conflicts, sharing his unique brand of wry humour with soliders from World War II until the first war in the Gulf. Another long tradition was his cheesey Christmas TV specials which ran every year from 1953 and 1994. Hope was, as you may have guessed from Crow's "nine-holer" gag, also an avid golfer; in 1985 he wrote Bob Hope's Confessions of a Hooker: My Life Long Love Affair with Golf. He also founded the Bob Hope/Chrysler Classic annual pro-am gold tournament in Palm Springs, California; the proceeds from these tournaments go to charity. He was also a big real estate investor, so he might have "owned all this."
• "Again with the finger!" - From the 1972 Neil Simon play The Sunshine Boys (later a 1975 film and 1995 TV movie). In the play, Willie Clark and Al Lewis, two vaudeville comdians reunite to perform their signature piece for a television special. Unfortunately, they hate each other. When performing the skit Al always used to poke Willie in the chest unnecassarily strongly when delivering his lines. At one point in the play, the two are arguing and Al pokes Willie, who explodes with fury. "You're starting with the finger?! Again with the finger?!"
• "Hey, Paul Wellstone!" - In this shot, the Old Dull Guy bears a slight resemblance to former Democratic Senator for Minnesota, Paul Wellstone (1944-2002). Wellstone was liberal in his political views, vocally opposing both American wars with Iraq. He perished in a plane crash, along with his wife Sheila and daughter Marcia. An organization named for him attempts to carry on his political and social beliefs.
• "Oh no, they've jumped right into a Kurosawa film!"..."Toshiro Mifune, right there."
  • The elaborate costumes wore here in the film are reminiscent of those wore in some of the period movies of famed Japanese film-maker Akira Kurosawa (1910-98). Kurosawa had made a few movies before his breakthrough film, 1950's Rashomon. His more notable films include Shichinin no samurai (1954; English title, The Seven Samurai), Kumonosu jo (1957; an adaptation of Shakespeare's Macbeth), the samuria comedy Yojimbo (1961) and his 1985 adaptation of Shakespeare's King Lear, Ran. Kurosawa's film-making style and techniques have influenced the likes of Francis Ford Coppola (see above) and George Lucas. In 1982, he published his memoirs, Something Like an Autobiography.
  • Japanese actor Toshiro Mifune (1920-97) was a favourite actor of Kurosawa, appearing in no less than 16 of his movies, beginning with 1948's Yoidore Tenshi and running through to 1965's Akahige when, sadly, a rift between them prevented any further collaborations. Other films they did together include Shichinin no samurai, Kumonosu jo Yojimbo and Sunjuro (1962). Mifune also appears in a handful of North American projects, including 1941 (1979) and the "Shogun" (1980) TV mini-series, and was considered by George Lucas for the role of Obi Wan Kenobi in Star Wars (1977).
• "Warriors! Come out and pla-aaay!" - In the 1979 cult film The Warriors (1979), a Coney Island street gang is framed for the murder of Cyrus (Roger Hill), another gang's leader. The Warriors must race home across rival territories, avoiding the local gangs trying to kill them. Near the end of the movie, they are hiding from Luther (David Patrick Kelley), Cyrus' right-hand man, who taunts them by repeatedly calling out, "Warriors! Come out and play!"
• "Wicker amour, courtesy Pier 1." - Founded in 1962 in San Mateo, California, Pier 1 is America's largest specialty home fashions retailer. They do, indeed, sell a lot of wicker items.
• "I will kill you!" - Line delivered by Sting as complete wacko Feyd-Rautha in the 1984 film adaption of the science-fiction epic Dune. Feyd-Rautha completely loses it at one point, howling out, "I will kill you! I will kill him!"
• "Hi, Curt Gowdy here. Join Thong and Phil Harris and me out on the Idaho river fishing for trout."
  • Sports announcer Curt Gowdy's (1965- ) career has run the gamut of sports, from baseball to Super Bowls to Olypmic Games. He was also the host of "The American Sportsman," referred to here. Originally a segment on "ABC's Wide World of Sports" (1961- ), "Sportsman" debuted in 1965 and ran for three decades. It basically consisted of footage of Gowdy doing "sportsman" type stuff: hunting, fishing, and so on. Gowdy was often joined by a celebrity guest, including Bing Crosby, Peter O'Toole, LeVar Burton, Barbara Hershey (seriously), Cheryl Ladd (I'm not kidding) and...
  • Actor Phil Harris (1904-95). Harris appeared in several films over the 1930s, '40s and '50s, as well as a bunch of TV guest spots, but is best known for his Disney animated film voice work. He voiced J. Thomas O'Malley in The Aristocats (1970), Little John in Robin Hood (1973) and, most famously, Baloo the Bear in 1967's The Jungle Book.
• "A man's destiny is predetermined." "Oh, he's a Calvinist." - Calvinism was founded by French 16th century Protestant reformer John Calvin. The belief system emphasizes the sovereignty of God, the depravity of man, and the concept of predestination, the idea that God infalliby guides those who are destined for salvation. Not big on the free will.
• "I'll be doing the death scene from Camille." - Helper Paul Andinach thinks this probably refers to the 1936 Greta Garbo film Camille, a period romance which features a tear-jerking death bed scene by Garbo. The film is based on Alexandre Dumas (fils)'s 1848 novel La Dame aux camélias, which Dumas also adapted into the play Camille (1852) and inspired Giuseppe Verdi's opera La Traviata (1853).
• "Come forward, Cowardly Lion!" - Joel is doing his impression of Frank Morgan as the Wizard in the 1939 film version of The Wizard of Oz. Near the end of the film, the Wizard (Frank Morgan) is presenting rewards to each of Dorothy's (Judy Garland) travelling companions, including, of course, the Cowardly Lion (Bert Lahr).
• "Nancy Walker in a cameo role." - Actress Nancy Walker (1922-92; born Anna Myrtle Swoyer) had a varied career, including roles on Broadway, appearances in such movies as Murder by Death (1976) and on TV in her own show, "The Nancy Walker Show" (1976) and the ill-fated "Blansky's Beauties" (1977). She also directed the 1980 abomination and Village People (see below vehicle Can't Stop the Music. She is probably best know however for her role as the meddlesome mother of Rhoda Morgenstern (Valerie Harper) on "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" (1970-77) and its spin-off "Rhoda" (1974-8). Almost every cast member of "Rhoda" wore a head-scarf (note the head-scarf wearing woman in the film at this point). I think it even became something of a trend.
• "It's Spee-Dee delivery guy, and has he got a package!" - Thanks to Helper Landin 24 for pointing out this regional reference. "Being a resident of Minnesota, and knowing of the numerous references to Minnesota in MSK3T, I caught this joke right away. And found it funny as hell. Spee-Dee Delivery is a delivery company based out of St. Cloud, MN. It's not really a huge company in any manner (though you see 'em everywhere...they drive these small white vans with a small logo). It looks very cheap."
• "Stop!" "In the name of love." - The Motown hit "Stop! In the Name of Love" was first recorded by the Supremes, appearing on their 1965 album At the Copa.
• "Dude looks like a lady." - "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)" was a top ten hit in 1987 for rockers Aerosmith. It featured on their album Permanent Vacation.
• "I want to fight." "For my right to party!" - Refers to the annoying 1986 song "Fight for Your Right (To Party)," recorded by the equally annoying Beastie Boys on their annoying debut album Licensed to Ill.
• "We need more Calgon."..."Ancient Chinese secret, huh!" - See above.
• "Ator's prehistoric cave dwellers and Milwaukee are a long way apart. But they have one thing in common; Caveland means the best human hearts available and Millwaukee means sacred wine." - Refers to ads for Old Milwaukee beer. Their commercials exclaimed that "Milwaukee means beer." (Actually, according to Alice Cooper in Wayne's World (1992), Milwaukee is an Native American word "pronounced 'milly-wah-que,' which is Algonquin for 'the good land.'" So, not "beer," then.)
• "Hey, Timothy Leary." "I guess Liddy'll have to do the tour without him."
  • The village elder looks a little like Doctor Timothy Leary (1920-96) in his later day. Leary was a well-known supporter of the "drug culture." After earning a doctorate in psychology, he joined the faculty of Harvard in 1959 where he met Professor Richard Alpert. Leary and Alpert began a series of controlled experiments with psychedelic drugs, like LSD; they were fired four years later for using undergrads in their tests. Leary coined the famous phrase "Turn on, tune in, drop out" and tried to form the first "psychedelic religion," the League for Spiritual Discovery. After a few stints in jail for drug possession, Leary turned to writing, a bit of stand-up and lecture tours, one of which was a series of debates with G. Gordon Liddy (who once arrested Leary for possession). The tour was much hyped and much ridiculed.
  • G. Gordon Liddy (1930- ) was part of former President Richard Nixon's administration and a key player in the Watergate scandal. He spied and burgled for Nixon and served five years in jail for it. A staunch conservative, Liddy became a popular radio host in the mid 1990s.
• "Get some sleep, Quentin." - The village elder also kinda sorta resembles writer Quentin Crisp (1908-99). Born Denis Pratt, Crisp was openly and flamoyantly gay, often dressing to deliberately emphasize this. He became famous almost overnight due to the 1976 TV movie adaptation of his 1968 autobiography The Naked Civil Servant. Other books include How to Have a Life-Style (1975), Manner from Heaven: A Divine Guide to Good Behavious (1984) and Resident Alien (1996). He also did some acting, appearing in the off-Broadway An Evening with Quentin Crisp (1978) and portraying Queen Elizabeth I in the 1992 motion picture adaptation of Virginia Woolfe's Orlando.
• "We secretly switched Ator's coffee with Folgers Crystals. Let's watch." - One of the biggest products of coffee manufacturer Folgers (a Proctor & Gamble company) is an instant coffee they refer to as "Folgers crystals." To show how great their instant coffee is, in ads they replace a restaurant's normal coffee with their crystals and secretly film their reactions; people, supposedly, cannot tell it's instant.
• "Before the dawn of time, a race of druids. Nobody knew who they were of where they came from." - Reference to the 1984 comedy/rock "mockumentary" This is Spinal Tap. For a concert, the imaginary band Spinal Tap arranges to have a replica of the huge stone Druidic monument Stongehenge drop down onto the stage as they sing the song "Stonehenge." When the concert comes, strange lighting effects flash across the stage as band member Nigel Tufnel (Christopher Guest) narrates: "In ancient times, hundreds of years before the dawn of history, an ancient race of peoples... the Druids. No one knows who they were or what they were doing." At this point, the Stonehenge model drops down. Unfortunately, the band incorrectly marked their plans for the model in inches rather than feet, so their big show-stopping prop is only about a foot and a half tall.
• "This is CNN." - CNN, the Cable News Network has been the chief television all-news network for the United States since 1980 (and a tool for liberals or conservatives, depending on who you ask). Some of its station indentifications feature dramatic music and the voice of actor James Earl Jones saying, "This is CNN," in his incredible, deep voice.
• "Check it out, they worship the Munsingwear penguin." - Clothing manufacturer Munsingwear does have a penguin as its mascot and logo. Founded in 1886, Munsingwear invented the golf shirt and introduced the one-piece union suit to the world.
• "Hey, it's Teddy Roosevelt and the Rough Riders." - Theodore Roosevelt (1858-1919) was the 26th President of the United States (1901-9). One time assistant Secretary of the Navy, Roosevelt quit to fight in the Spanish-American War, organizing the 1st U.S. Voluteer Cavalry Regiments, later known as the Rough Riders. Roosevelt took command of the Riders in Cuba and he and his group distiguished themselves in combat, especially at the fabled Charge of San Juan Hill. The fame resulting from his was exploits helped Roosevelt gain the Vice-Presidency; he later became President when President William McKinley was assassinated in 1901.
• "...the look very Machiavellian with their shirts off." - Uh, no, Joel, they don't, really. "Machiavellian" refers to the works of Italian political philosopher Niccolo Machiavelli. In his 1513 work The Prince, Machiavelli lays out his model for the ideal politican. Politics, he felt, is amoral and any means is justifiable in achieving political power.
• "It's the Pillage People." - You know them. You fear them. Tom is, of course, referring to the 1970s disco nightmare, the Village People. Formed in 1977 to attract gay audiences (while simultaneously parodying gay stereotypes), the Village People's first success was that year's "San Francisco (You Got Me)". Further hits included "Macho Man", "YMCA" and "In the Navy" (all 1978). They also featured heavily in possibly the worst musical of all time, 1980's Can't Stop the Music, directed by Nancy Walker (see above).
• "The Bangles?" - Popular 1980s girl-group. Formed in Los Angeles by four young ladies, the Bangles' light-hearted sound garnered many fans, through such songs as 1985's "Manic Monday" and "Walk Like an Egyptian" (c'mon, you know you want to sing it now), their 1987 cover of the Simon and Garfunkle song "Hazy Shade of Winter" and "In Your Room" (1988). They continue to record into the 21st century, with albums like 2003's Doll Revolution.
• "I only have one thing to say." "Plastics." - Near the beginning of the 1967 movie The Graduate, young Ben Braddock (Dustin Hoffman), fresh out of college, returns home, where he is besieged by well-wishers and advice-givers. One man, Mr. Maguire (Walter Brooke), apparently believes he has a wonderful business opportunity for Ben.

  Maguire: I just wanna say one word to you. Just one word.
  Ben: Yes, sir.
  Maguire: Are you listening?
  Ben: Yes, I am.
  Maguire: "Plastics."

• "We'll meet again." "Don't know where, don't know when." - "We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when, but I'm sure we'll meet again someday." That's a lyric from the song "We'll Meet Again." First recorded by the Ink Spots in 1941, the song became enourmously popular during the Second World War, when it was performed by Vera Lynn.
• "I can't go in there! Susan Hayward's in there!" - Actress Susan Hayward (1918-75; born Edythe Marrenner) orginally went to Hollywood to try out for the role of Scarlett O'Hara in Gone With the Wind (released in 1939 with Vivien Leigh as Scarlett). Although she failed to get the role, Hayward went on to a relatively successful film career. She appeared in such films as 1939's Beau Geste (in which she was truly noticed by the public for the first time), Read the Wild Wind (1942), Smash-up, The Story of a Woman (1947) and I Want to Live! (1958). She also appeared in the truly ill-conceived The Conqueror (1956), which starred John Wayne as Genghis Khan. This was especially unfortunate for her, as the film was made in the middle of an old atomic bomb test site, as she, along with almost everyone else involved, died of cancer as a result. I don't know why she's mentioned here. Help!
• "Let's get busy!" - Catch phrase of comedian and one-time talk show host Arsenio Hall. Usually followed by Hall waving his fist in the air and barking. Got tired. Real fast.

Host segment 4 - Foley

• "...sound effects artists use a technique called foley to create those sounds." - Yup. That's right, Joel. Foley got its name from Jack Foley (1891-1967), a pioneer in sound effects editing who worked at Universal Studios during the 1930s.
• "An easy way to make a horse trotting is by using a pair of coconuts." "Coconuts?" - A pair of coconut halves is one traditional way, especially in old-fashioned radio plays, to simulate horsesteps. However, the bad English accents adopted by Joel and Tom turn this into a reference to the 1975 film Monty Python and the Holy Grail. In the surreal comedy, which kinda retells the legend of King Arthur's quest for the Holy Grail, none of the character actually rides horses. Instead, they run around banging coconut halves together. As well as being humourous, this probably saved money on horses and none of the actors would have needed riding lessons. One scene early on in the movie brings up this oddity, as one character points out that Arthur and his men have no horses and wonder where the heck they found coconuts in Olde Britain anyway.
• "For a woman, you set fire to TV's Madam." - Madam was the alter ego of puppeteer Wayland Flowers. Flowers rarely spoke in his act, instead manipulating and speaking through a puppet of a flamboyant, frightening old woman, Madame. They had their own short-lived talk/variety show, "Madame's Place" (1982) and were semi-regulars on the original "The Hollywood Squares" (1966-82). Madame was largely an annoying old goat; think Harvey Fierstein impersonating Phyllis Diller.

Movie Act 4

• "A planet where snakes evolved from men?" - In the classic 1968 science-fiction film Planet of the Apes, astronaut George Taylor (Charlton Heston), realizing that the world he is on is dominated by apes, with humans subservient, exclaims, "A planet where apes evolved from men?!"
• "This is for Kukla!...And this one's for Fran Allison!" - The children's program "Kukla, Fran and Ollie" (1947-57) featured a pair of puppets, Kukla, a sort of clownish-looking and earnest youngster and Ollie, a sort of one toothed dragon/snake/alligator mix, and Fran Allison (1907-89) as the show's human hostess. Both puppets were worked and voiced by Burr Tillstrom. The live and mostly ad-libbed show was very popular, with adults as well as the kids. The trio returned to television with the Saturday morning "CBS Children's Film Festival" (1967-84), where children's film from around the world were run between the hosts' skits.
• "I'm comin', Beany boy!" - Created by Bob Clampett, Cecil the Seasick Sea Serpent and his boy pal Beany were originally a pair of puppet characters on the kiddy program "Time for Beany" (1949-55). Later, the characters switched over to cartoons when they became part of "Matty's Funday Funnies" (1959-62), later renamed "Beany and Cecil" due to the popularity of the duo. (Oddly, although now animated, you still never saw Cecil below his long, snakey neck, as if he were still a puppet. Still, very good cartoon.) Beany frequently got in trouble due to the machinations of the evil Dishonest John ("Nya ha ha"!), and Cecil, when barrelling to the rescue, always cried out, "I'm comin', Beany boy!"
• "Wow, it looks like he flew into an Omnimax show..." - IMAX technology allows specially formatted films to be projected onto massive, multi-storied screens without distortion or degradation. Nature subjects and landscapes are popular subjects for these films. The technique was revealed to the public at the 1970 world EXPO in Osaka, Japan; the first IMAX Dome theatre (called an OMNIMAX) opened in San Diego in 1973.
• "It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Superman!" "Oh, I know that comic." "It's a graphic novel, Joel!"
  • There's a hardly a person in the civilised world who hasn't heard of Superman, the most famous comic book super-hero ever created. Created by Jerry Seigel and Joe Shuster, the Man of Steel made his debut in 1938's Action Comics #1 (from DC Comics), probably the most important comic book ever published. An orphan from the planet Krypton, Superman (whose "civilian" guise is Clark Kent) uses his many incredible powers in the cause of justice. The character has crossed over into every major media there is, appearing in comic strips, novels, movies, TV, digital media, you name it. The character has undergone many tweaks over the decades but remains (happily) essentially the same.
  • The classic "bird/plane/Superman" quote did not actually originate in the comic books, but first appeared in the introduction to the Superman radio program that ran from 1940 to 1951. Many elements of the Superman mythos sprang from this series, including Superman's pal, Jimmy Olsen and Kryptonite, the element which could sap the hero's powers and even kill him.
  • Okay, going into comic-geek mode. Tom and Crow are not especially correct in using the words "graphic novel" here. Not all comics are graphic novels. Helper Paul Andinach adds: "There is, however, a perception that 'graphic novel' is just what you call a comic book if you're afraid people will think you have childish interests, in the same way that grown-ups read speculative fiction, not sci-fi. Applying it to Superman comics is pushing it, of course, but that's why it's funny." "Graphic novel" is a term used in the sequential art industry (yeah, that means comics) to describe publications that are much long and (sometimes) more complicated that the typical couple-of-dozen-page-long story. Some graphic novels can be hundreds of pages long, just like, well, a novel. Paul again: "As Scott McCloud [comic book writer/artist and author of Understanding Comics (1993)] once put it [in his follow-up book Reinventing Comics (2000)], graphic novels are the things that would be correctly called comic books if 'comic book' hadn't already been taken."
• "Ator, this is George Kennedy. We're gonna talk you down now." - Actor George Kennedy (1925- ) has mostly made a career out of playing heavies or big lug types. His films include Charade (1963), McHale's Navy (1964), The Dirty Dozen (1967), Cool Hand Luke (1967), Earthquake (1974) and, poking fun at the type of character he often plays, the Naked Gun movies (1988, 1991, 1994). Being referred to here is Kennedy's recurring role as Joe Patrone in the endless Airport air disaster films (1970, 1974, 1977, 1979). Patrone was, indeed, usually the guy who would "talk down" the poor schmoe who ended up flying the disaster-stricken plane.
• "Aw, it's an Alpine White commercial." - The Alpine White candy bar (a white chocolate bar with almonds from Nestle) features cyan prints of high mountains peaks on its white wrapper. Any commercials for them probably feature more shots of mountains.
• "Looks like he flew into 17th century Bulgaria and that's Mad Ludwig's castle..." - Ludwig II (1864-86) was King of Bavaria (not Bulgaria as Tom misspeaks here) from the age of 18 until his death. Ludwig was nicknamed "Mad Ludwig" due to his obssession with building elaborate fairy-tale castles. The most famous of these castles (which we see here in stock footage about half a million years too early!) is Neuschwanstein, high in the Bavarian Alps. It includes a two-story throne room and an artificial cave and has become a popular tourist attraction. Ludgwig was declared legally insane by the Bavarian government and deposed; days laster, he and his doctor mysteriously drowned in a lake.
• "All right, ya crummy Reds! Henry Kissinger says 'Merry Christmas'!"
  • Political scientist Henry Kissinger (1923- ) first came to national attention in the United States with the publication of his book Nuclear Weapons and Foreign Policy (1957). He served as advisor to Presidents Dwight Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy and Lyndon Johnson. He also served as secretary of state and was the chief architect of Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford's foreign policy. He strongly supported the war in Vietnam (but, ironically, received the 1973 Nobel Peace Prize for his role in a Vietnam ceasefire). Kissinger's reputation has suffered over the years with revelations that he was involved in covert CIA operations in other countries, including bombings and assassinations. It's gotten to the point where some consider Kissinger a war criminal.
  • "Merry Christmas" may refer specifically the "Christmas bombings" of December 1972, near the end of the Vietnam War. Says Helper Keith Palmer: "To force the North Vietnamese back to the negotiating table and allow the United States to get out of the war, Richard Nixon ordered heavy bombing of North Vietnam. Although there was actually a one-day halt to the bombing on Christmas Day, the intensity of it and the idea of bombing during the holiday season to bring peace made it one of the controversial things associated with Kissinger." The 11-day bombing campaign has been compared to the atomic bombing of Hiroshima; although the death rate was much smaller, the bomb tonnage dropped on the area was greater than the atomic bomb used during the Second World War.
• "Here's one from my old pal, Melvin Ladd!" - I don't know if this is what the guys had in mind, or if it's just a made up name and this is an amazing co-incidence, but Private First Class Gary Melvin Ladd was a casualty of the Vietnam War. Born in 1946, Ladd hailed from Cottage Grove, Oregon, and died in 1967 in Pleiku, South Vietnam, after serving for only one year. Another possibility, brought to my attention by Helper Fred Sloan, is Melvin Laird. Laird was Secretary of Defense for Richard Nixon. As Fred points out, this would fit very nicely with the Kissinger reference just before this.
• "My God, they hit Charlie McCarthy!" - Charlie McCarthy was one of several dummies operated by ventriloquist Edgar Bergen. Based loosely on a Chicago newsboy Bergen knew, Charlie was a top-hat and cape wearing girl-crazy young man, who often made sarcastic comments to all those around him. (This included Bergen himself, who was not a very skilled ventriloquist. Charlie often teased him about his lips moving.) Oddly enough, Bergen and McCarthy had their biggest success on radio, with a weekly program that ran for years.
• "Oh, I love this! This is gonna be my regular Saturday night thing." - From the classic bad bad bad Patrick Swayze film Road House (1989). Swayze plays zen bouncer Dalton, who utters such immortal lines as "Pain don't hurt" and "You're going to be my regular Saturday night thing."
• "Call me Atra. And I don't come with a comfort strip!" - Atra is a brand of men's razor produced by Gillette. It does feature a "comfort strip," basically an extra layer on top of its twin blades (twin blades... like Ator... see?) to give you a smoother, easier shave. The strip was first introduced in 1985 with the Atra Plus.
• "So, the mighty long-haired John Saxon needs two swords to fight." - See above.
• "Hey, look, the Desiderata's on the wall over there. The original!" - The "Desiderata" is an inspirational essay written in 1927 by Max Ehrmann. ("Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.") Some folks claim that it was "found" at Old St. Paul's Church in Baltimore and is as old as 1692, but Ehrmann actually wrote it himself and copyrighted it in 1927. "Desiderata" was parodied as "Deteriorata" on National Lampoon's 1972 album Radio Dinner. Read both here and here.
• "What is this, 'B.C. Law'?" - The Steven Bochco created series "L.A. Law" (1986-94) portrayed the work and daily lives of the staff of the Los Angeles law firm of McKenzie-Brackman. This popular series led to a 2002 reunion TV movie.
• "What are you, Lucas Tanner all of a sudden?" - David Hartman starred as the titular character in the short-lived drama series "Lucas Tanner" (1974-5). Tanner was a former baseball player and sports writer who took a job teaching high school after the death of his wife. The show tried to deal with serious issues of the day and Tanner generally made a big, preachy speech at some point in each episode.
• "Is 'Charles in Charge' over? Thanks for helpin' out." - "Charles in Charge" (1984-80) was a surprisingly successful sit-com starring Scott Baio as Charles, a college student working as a family's combination housekeeper/baby-sitter, often with the "help" of his annoying idiot friend, Buddy (Willie Aames). The show may have been popular with young women due to the presence of Baio. Then again, maybe not.
• "Miles O'Keefe will be back in Where Angels Go, Trouble Follows!" - Crow is poking fun at the tag line that appears at the end of the closing credits for most (if not all) James Bond films, where it is pointed out that "James Bond will return in" whatever the next film in the franchise is to be called. Where Angels Go, Trouble Follows (1968) is a real film, however. A sequel to 1966's The Trouble With Angels, this comedy told the story of a group of nuns taking a group of Catholic school girls on a cross-country road trip to California. Wacky nun-related shenanigans ensue, including encounters with speeding trains, surly bikers, and western movie crews.
• "Actually, Mrs. O'Leary's cow kicked it over." - The Great Chicago Fire destroyed most of that city during October 8-10, 1871. When the cause of the fire was investigated, it was discovered to have started in or near the farm owned by Patrick and Kate O'Leary and a popular myth arose that one of the O'Leary's cows kicked over a lantern, starting the blaze. While possible, it was more than likely just the wind that knocked over the lamp.
• "Could throw in a little Oppenheimer here..." - Physicist and government advisor J. Robert Oppenheimer (1904-67) helped directed the Manhanttan Project, the U.S.'s World War II development of the first atomic bomb in Los Alamos, New Mexico. Oppenheimer's contributions to theoretical physics include work on quantum theory, neutron stars and the theory of relativity. He was also for a time the chairman for the Atomic Energy Commission.
• "Hey, it's the New Kids in the Cave." - The singing group New Kids on the Block was put together in 1986 by record producer Maurice Starr and featured five boys, the oldest of whom was barely 16 at the time. Probably the original modern-day "boy band," NKOTB (as they called themselves late in their career) had a number of hits in the 1980s, including "You Got It (The Right Stuff)" and "Hangin' Tough" (both 1988). They broke up (amicably) in 1994 and a few of them went of to relatively successful acting careers.
• "This looks like the Jefferson Junior High production of Godspell."
  • Although there's bunches of high school across the States named Jefferson Junior, Joel's probably referring to the one in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
  • The musical Godspell, penned by Stephen Schwartz and John-Michael Tebelak opened off-off-Broadway in 1971. The play is a rock-opera interpretation of the Bible's Gospel according to St. Matthew. Only, instead of the Biblical disciples, Jesus gathers a group of young New Yorkers who perform Christ's parable through song and dance and (yikes!) mime. Godspell eventually bacame a hit on Broadway and totalled more than 2600 performances on and off Broadway. It is a popular high school drama class production.
• "Walk like an Egyptian..." - The music does kinda sorta vaguely have a beat similar to that of the Bangles' hit "Walk Like an Egyptian" (see above). Sorta.
• "Papillon. I need some money." - The 1973 film Papillon tells the true story of Henri "Papillon" Charriere (portrayed by Steve McQueen), a man wrongly convicted of murder and determined to escape the infamous Devil's Island prison in Guyana, where he has been imprisoned for life. This scene in the closing credits (whatever movie it might be from) seems to be taking place in a prison and possibly Papillon features shots of dirty, shirtless convicts.
• "I think he's looking for James Franciscus and Charlton Heston." - More dirty, shirtless guys in caves. Franciscus (1934-91; other films include The Greek Tycoon (1978), Butterfly (1982) and episode 401's Space Travelers (1969)) and Heston (1924- ; other films include Ben-Hur (1959), Soylent Green (1973) and... oh, you know who he is) appeared together in the second of the Planet of the Apes films, Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970). As in most of the Apes films, most human beings are more like animals and wear very little clothing.

Epilogue - Continuity errors

• "...a prehistoric caveman can be clearly seen wearing Ray-Bans. Who's that behind the FosterGrants? It's Og!" - References to two major brands of sunglasses.
  • Ray-Bans were introduced in 1937. Partly to cash in on the aviator craze at the time, they were to be called "Anti-Glare" Avaitor style glasses. But "anti-glare" is lame, so this was adjusted to "Ray-Bans."
  • FosterGrant was founded in 1919 by Sam Foster. Originally, the company carried ladies' hair accessories and didn't introduce its famous FosterGrants sunglasses until 1929. During the 1960s, the company ran a highly successful series of print ads featuring the tag line "Who's that behind those FosterGrants?" and a celebrity like Woody Allen, Raquel Welch or Peter Sellers posing in the glasses. The ad campaign was revived in 1999 with super-model Cindy Crawford as the first subject.
• "Yeah, and what about Scarecrow's brain?" - Another Wizard of Oz reference. When Dorothy discovers that the Wizard is a fraud and does not have magical powers, she is incensed that her travelling companions will not get what they wished for, particularly the Scarecrow (Ray Bolger) whom she is especially fond of. She angrily demands, "And what about Scarecrow's brain?"

MST Hour Host Segments

For those who never saw the syndicated hour-long version of MST3K, here are transcripts of the Host introductions and wrap-ups from the "Mystery Science Theater Hour." Each is followed by cultural references if any appear.

• Part 1 opening: [The Host holds a pair of Dr. Forrester's green glasses and Frank's spit-curl.] Ah, the green glasses and, of course, the spit-curl, and you find yourself beguilled by the wonderfully mad and delightfully zany world of Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank. Greetings, my friends. I'm thrilled you've joined me for yet another marvelous cinematic excursion with our friends Joel, Crow T. Robot and Tom Servo. Now today, we encounter Cave Dwellers, a charming, magical, prehistoric romp with a sinewy Miles O'Keefe. Look forward to wizards, swords and sorcerers, and plenty of well-oiled muscles. And, of course, that famous Miles O'Keefe loin-cloth! Hahaha! Which, with my physique, I would not be caught dead in. But Miles looks fantastic. So sit back, put your feet up and let's all curl up with the "Mystery Science Theater Hour." Oh, and save some popcorn for me. Hahaha!
• Part 1 closing: [The Host stands next to a pedestal on which sits some veggies and a big, plastic human heart.] We owe our friends thanks for a most provocative message on the awesome power of terminology. As we leave them in the middle of Movie Sign, we're left to wonder if we'll see more of [picks up heart] this kind of thing [puts heart back down]. We're also left wondering if Ator can aid Mila in saving her father from the somewhat vague threat posed to him by our mustachioed villain. The human heart... Hahaha! Of course, I prefer vegetarian fare. [picks up a cucumber slice] Buh-bye! [Credits roll. The Host picks up the rest of the veggies and the heart and begins to juggle them. Although he doesn't do too badly, he eventually drops then and starts over again... and again... This continues as we fade out.]
• Part 2 opening: [The Host wears a goofy helmet similar to the one wore by the villain in the film. He also wields a rather sad-looking scimitar.] En garde, my friends! Silly, isn't it? Welcome to another "MST Hour," where we review the charmingly devious experiments of Dr. Forrester and his impish sidekick, TV's Frank. Tonight's film: Cave Dwellers. Here's what happened in Part One. [Clips from part one roll]. A delightfully addlepated old wizard inexplicably creates a device with unlimited powers but no apparent purpose. Instantly, a pack of marauding conquerors, headed by the fiendish Veero [Viro?], storm the castle and take him hostage. His daughter, the effervescent Mila, escapes and walks briskly to the ends of the Earth to seek the help of a wise and beefy Ator and his personal trainer, Thong. The threesome battle scattered fog and invisible thugs before finding themselves in the lair of the Cave Dwellers! [Clips end.] And now, Part Two of the Miles O'Keefe opus, Cave Dwellers!
• Part 2 closing: [The Host has a fake snake coiled around his shoulders.] Believe it or not, this movie was shot in a mere fourteen days. Half of the crew spoke English; the other half spoke nothing but Italian. Ingenue Lisa Foster had no idea who her character was or what she was even doing in the film. Yet, despite all this, the elements eventually came together to produce the film that will always be remembered as Cave Dwellers... or Ator, the Fighting Eagle, depending on which super-station you happen to see it on. Join us again for another exciting edition of the "Mystery Science Theater Hour." Buh-bye! [As the credits roll, the Host uncoils the fake snake, lays it on the platform and begins to pet it. A stage-hand walks by, sweeping up. The Host tries to get the stage-hand to take care of the snake, but the man walks away quickly. The Host then picks up the snake and wanders aimlessly around the set before finally ambling off camera.]
  • "...ingenue Lisa Foster..." - Lisa Foster (1964- ) ended up doing pretty well for herself after Cave Dwellers. Her acting career was never much to brag about but she seems to have found a niche in the more technical side of movie making. Foster has worked as a digital artists on several films (including Cliffhanger (1993) and Die Hard 3 (1997)), technical director for James and the Giant Peach (1996) and was part of the team that digitally restored Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (1939). She has also done some CG supervisory work on a number of video games.
  • "...the film that will always be remembered as Cave Dwellers... or Ator, the Fighting Eagle, depending on which super-station you happen to see it on." - As mentioned above, Cave Dwellers was released by Film Ventures International after the film's original copyrights expired. Along with the new credit sequences, FVI renamed the film. It was originally called... The Blade Master. You see, the Host has goofed a little bit. Ator, the Fighting Eagle was really the alternate English title for the first Ator film, Ator l'invicible (1983). Confusing, isn't it?

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