405: Being From Another Planet

Zzzzzzz.... Snort! Huh? What? Oh, sorry, drifted off there.

While I don't agree with Joel and the Bots that this is the worst film they'd done to that point (it doesn't approach the sheer awfulness as Santa Claus Conquers the Martians or the utter goofiness of Cave Dwellers), it sure as heck does tie with Castle of Fu-Manchu as the dullest film they'd done. Man. At what point did the film-makers believe the audience would care what was going on? Zzzzzz...

I love the Bill Mumy tribute, though.

• Prologue - Movie slogan 20 Questions
• Host Segment 1 - Tragic Moments and Jack Palance
• Movie Act 1
• Host Segment 2 - Bill Mumy, Renaissance Man
• Movie Act 2
• Host Segment 3 - High School Haunted House
• Movie Act 3
• Host Segment 4 - Joel's Rainy Day Fun Sketch!
• Movie Act 4
• Epilogue - The TV's Frank Shopping Network

Prologue - Movie slogan 20 Questions

• Most of the movie slogans guessed are not true slogans but are likely to have been used a thousand times in promotional material and favourable reviews for tons of films. The specific, "official" slogans I've been able to pinpoint are:
  • "Be afraid. Be very afraid." - This was used as the tagline for the 1986 version of The Fly, about a scientist (Jeff Goldblum) who accidentally merged himself with a fly during a teleporation experiment. A variation ("Be Very, Very Afraid.") was used for its 1989 sequel The Fly II. The original line has been used for a number of other movies, usually tongue-in-cheek, for example, Bean (1997) used "Be afraid, be very afraid. Mr. Bean has a passport."
  • "The most exciting undersea odyssey ever filmed." - Close. Joel is probably means "The most fantastic undersea odyssey ever filmed," the tagline for the minor 1973 SF suspense film, The Neptune Factor, in which a mini-submarine tries to rescue the stranded crew of an underwater lab.
  • "100% Pure Adrenaline." - This is the promotional line for the goofily bad action-thriller Point Break (1991), starring Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze as an F.B.I. agent and the bank robber he's trying to capture.
  • "It's Not His Nose That Grows!" - Naughty Crow mangles it a bit, but he obviously means this tagline from The Erotic Adventures of Pinocchio (1971). And I'm stopping this now. You can work it out for yourselves.
  • "This time... It's personal." - This one's been used a couple of times. It first popped up promoting 1987's Jaws: The Revenge, the fourth film in the Jaws series. The titular great white shark single-mindedly pursues a woman (Lorraine Gary) and her son (Lance Guest), making it, indeed, personal. The phrase was used again in 1995 for Die Hard: With a Vengeance, the third in that series of films. A terrorist (Jeremy Irons) plays a deadly game with tough-guy cop John McClane (Bruce Willis), as payback for killing his terrorist brother in the first film. So, again with the personal.
• "Do we watch Dudley Moore juggle two women in an attempt to save his sanity?" - The diminutive Dudley Moore (1935-2002) was a popular comedic performer for decades, spending the early 1960s as part of Britian's "Beyond the Fringe" comedy troupe. It was here that he met fellow comedian Peter Cook. The two became a team all on their own (affectionately known as Pete and Dud), featuring in movies like The Wrong Box (1966) and Bedazzled (1967), as well as their own sketch comedy program, "Not Only... But Also" (1965-70). On his own, Moore appeared in such films as 10 (1979) and Arthur (1981), his two biggest motion picture successes. Later, he ended up in a bunch of typical 1980s silly romantic comedies like, well, 1983's Romantic Comedy and 1987's Unfaithfully Yours (this is most likely the kind of film that Tom's referring to). Moore was also an accomplished pianist (often using his piano playing in his comedy) and composer, scoring a number of the films he was in.

Host Segment 1 - Tragic Moments and Jack Palance

• Stop! Or Guess Who'll Shoot My Momma's Babysitter and Throw Her From the Train - Crow has smushed together the names of three films whose titles refer to mothers.
  • Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot (1992) was a colossal bomb for star Sylvester Stallone. He starred as police Sergant Joe Bomowski who is visited by his overbearing mother Tutti (played by Estelle Getty). Stallone himself considers this attempt at comedy to be his worst film.
  • Don' Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead (1991) is another not-so-funny comedy. A group of siblings are left in the care of an elderly babysitter (Eda Reiss Merin) for the summer. The sitter, however, passes away (isn't the death of a senior hilarious?) and the kids must fend for themselves.
  • Throw Momma from the Train (1987), a dark comedy, is actually kinda funny. Writer Larry Donner (Billy Crystal) is approached by writing student Owen (Danny DeVito), who proposes they trade murders. Larry has an ex-wife (Kate Mulgrew) he hates and Owen is sick and tired of looking after his overbearing mother (Anne Ramsey). Larry doesn't take the offer seriously, but, when his ex seemingly dies under mysterious circumstances, he finds Owen still expects him to hold up his end of the "deal."
• "Hardhat and Legs are calling." - The romantic comedy Hardhat and Legs was a 1980 TV movie starring Kevin Dobson as a construction worker and Sharon Gless as a glamourous socialite who fall in love. I'm guessing you can figure which is which.
• "As the brilliant essayist and secret bigot H.L. Mencken once said, 'No one ever went broke underestimating the... rumours of my death have been greatly exagerrated.'"
  • Editor, reporter and essayist H.L. (Henry Louis) Mencken (1880-1956) did most of his writing for a variety of papers in the Baltimore, Maryland, area. He seemed a rather bitter, angry writer, holding nothing but utter contempt for his fellow American. (For example, the quote Frank is going for is: "No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.") As for him being a "secret bigot," Mencken was very anti-Semitic, but in this he was hardly alone for the time and, to be honest, he seems to have hated everyone.
  • The second half of this mangled quote comes from American writer Mark Twain. In 1897, an obituary of Twain was accidentally printed in the New York Journal. Twain responded, "The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated," which, over the years, has been generally misquoted as "The rumous of my death have been greatly exaggerated." Twain did not pass away until 1910.
• Precious/Tragic Moments figurines - The Mads' truly reprehensible invention is based on the Precious Moments series of collectible figurines. These ceramic dolls feature a bevy of cloyingly cute, teardrop-eyed children involved in a series of cloyingly cute vignettes. The dolls are the brain-child of artist Samuel Butcher, who originally drew the kids for his family and friends. In 1974, he and business partner Bill Biel started a greeting card business based on the characters. In 1981, they tried introducing the tykes in figurine format in, of all places, the Philippines, finally foisting them upon the American public in 1986.
• Prof. Clayton "Stonewall" Forrester - Dr. F seems to have adopted the nickname of Civil War Confederate General Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson. Jackson earned the nickname from his stubborn defense; he and his command were said to stand "like a stone wall."
• The Jack Palance impersonator kit - Yes, actor Jack Palance (1919- ; born Vladimir Palanuik) does speak with a spooky, breathy voice like Joel and the Bots do here. Palance's voice and his rugged, menacing looks have served him well, keeping him regularly employed in motion pictures for much of his adult life. His first film appearance was in 1950's Panic in the Streets and he went on to appear in movies including Shane (1953), The Professionals (1966), Che! (1969; as... Fidel Castro!), Bagdad Cafe (1988), Batman (1989), City Slickers (1991) and the 1999 TV version of Treasure Island. He also hosted (as mentioned by Crow) "Ripley's Believe It or Not!" (1982-6), in which he introduced dramatisations of odd but true happenings. Palance will probably always be remembered for his acceptance for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for City Slickers; completely unprepared, he drew a blank on a speech and instead did a series of one-handed push-ups. He will also be known to MiSTies for his appearances in Outlaw of Gor (1989; seen in experiment #519) and Angels Revenge (1979; experiment #622).
• "...a cinematic tranqulizer starring Ben Murphy..." - Actor Ben Murphy (1942- ), the star of our feature, has had a steady, if unremarkable, career in film and television. Mostly television, really. A lot of TV movies and quite a few short-lived series, including the western comedy "Alias Smith and Jones" (see below), "Gemini Man" (1976), "The Chisholms" (1980), "The Winds of War" (1983 mini-series) and "Dirty Dozen: The Series" (1988).

Movie Act 1

• "As Isis, the god of love." - Not truly a cultural reference, but Tom doesn't quite get a chance to correct Crow, so I will. Isis is not the Egyptian god of love, but the goddess (being female) of fertility, as well as the sister and wife (gods are always a kinky bunch) of Osiris, head of the Egyptian pantheon.
• "This is just like the beginning of Mannequin! One of my favourite films." - The 1987 comedy Mannequin told the story of Jonathan (Andrew McCarthy), a man who falls in love with a mannequin he puts together for the store he works at. But, wait, it gets stranger! The mannequin comes to life, possessed by the spirit of Emmy (Kim Cattrall), an ancient Egyptian princess. And she changes back whenever anyone else shows up, which, I'm sure, leads to hilarity. Having managed to avoid this film so far, I have relied on Helper Jeremy Rabus to decribe it for me: "...at the beginning of the film, there's a huge earthquake as the gods turn Emmy into a statue. The credit sequence is a poorly animated cartoon that shows Emmy resurfacing as a statue, or with Columbus on his ship, and other historical settings of note, and finally the movie begins. This sequence really is kooky!" The film was inexplicably followed by a 1991 sequel, Mannequin 2: On the Move.
• "Hey, could you introduce me to Shari Belafonte-Harper?" - Actress Shari Belafonte (1954- ) is the daughter of famed singer Harry Belafonte and has had a pretty mediocre film and TV career. Her films include If You Could See What I Hear (1982), Speed Zone! (1989), Murder By Numbers (1990) and the 1998 "Babylon 5" TV movie Thirdspace. Notable TV series include "Hotel" (1983-8) and the rather lame supernatural series "Beyond Reality" (1991-3). She is sometimes credited as Shari Belafonte-Harper during the period she was married to one Robert Harper.
• "Number nine? Number nine? We are standing still." - The strange mix of voice and noise heard on the soundtrack inspire Crow to utter a couple of lines from the Beatles song "Revolution 9," which first appeared on their ultra-famous White Album (1968). It's not so much a song per se, as a collection of completely random bits of music, dialogue and other sounds. Clocking in at almost eight and a half minutes long, the most prominent sound bite is a voice repeating over and over, "Number nine... number nine... number nine..." Later in the song, someone also says, "They [not we] are standing still."
• "This sounds exactly like Jerry Garcia's first album." - Jerry Garcia (1942-95) is best known for his membership in the band The Grateful Dead. The Dead was one of the first bands to play "psychedelic" music, and was involved in the San Francisco hippie movement and the use of LSD. Garcia did make a number of solo albums (especially during the period the Dead had broken up). The first album that can probably called his was his 1972 effort, titled simply Garcia. I can't vouch for how much it sounds like the score of BFAP, but considering the psychedelic nature of the Grateful Dead's music, it's probably pretty strange.
• "Oh, it's the Shroud of Turin." - The Shroud of Turin is a length of linen long purported to be the burial garment of Jesus Christ. The idea was that when Christ came back from the dead, his image was imprinted on the garment. And the Shroud does have an image on it of a man who looks like he's suffered through a crucifixtion. The Shroud's earilest known historical mention goes back to 1354; since 1578, it has been housed at the Cathedral of San Giovanni Battista in Turin, Italy. At some point, it underwent carbon dating which placed its age far short from what people had hoped; the Shroud was created sometime between 1260 and 1390. Its true origins still remain a mystery, although I'm sure theories abound.
• "Tom Kennedy! 'By the end of this decade, you will host a game show.'"
  • Tom Kennedy (1927- ; born Jim Narz) was indeed a game show host, for quite a few programs, starting with The Big Game (1958). Others include the 1971-2 season of It's Your Bet (1969-73), the 1980-2 seasons of Password Plus (1979-82), the 1985-6 syndicated version of The Price is Right (1972- ), two incarnations of Name That Tune (1974 and 1977) and Wordplay (1986-7).
  • Tom Servo also makes a reference to another Kennedy, this time the late U.S. President John F. Kennedy. In a September 1962 speech, Kennedy promised that his administration would have a man on the Moon "before the end of this decade." Tom also pokes fun at Kennedy's strong Boston accent, pronouncing "decade" as "d'cade."
• "I'm okay! You're okay!" - I'm OK - You're OK was a best-selling 1967 pop psychology book by Thomas A. Harris. It dealt with the fact that, supposedly, we are all by the age of three locked into the idea that we are "not OK" and how "transactional analysis" can help. Sure.
• "Last tomb on the left." - The film Last House on the Left (1972) was an early effort for horrormeister Wes Craven. It told the harrowing tale of a group of rapists and killers who find themselves trapped in the home of one of their victims parents, who exact grisly revenge.
• "Thong?" - Thong (Chen Wong) was the faithful, never-speaking sidekick to the beefy Ator (Miles O'Keefe) in the 1984 prehistoric epic shown in episode 301 as Cave Dwellers. Caves, see? They're in a tomb here. Dark and creepy. Get it?!
• "Indy! Throw me the whip!" "Throw me the idol." - From the 1981 adventure film Raiders of the Lost Ark. In the middle of a collapsing temple, archaeologist extraordinaire Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) is seperated from one of his native bearers, Satipo (Alfred Molina), by a huge pit. The only way across is to swing over using Indy's whip, which Satipo holds. Indy demands, "Throw me the whip!" Satipo demands that Indy first throw across the valuable idol retrieved from deep in the temple. "Throw me the idol, I'll throw you the whip!" Indy complies and Satipo, of course, drops the whip instead and runs with the idol. It's okay though; he gets run through by a bunch of spears, the jerk.
• "Norton! You in here?" - I guess the tomb reminds the boys of a sewer. The character of Ed Norton (Art Carney) from the classic sit-com "The Honeymooners" (1955-6) was a sewer worker.
• "This a Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew mystery?" - Teenaged literary detectives Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys were created by the Stratemeyer Publishing Syndicate. The boys (Joe and Frank) were introduced in 1927, with Nancy following three years later. Their series of adventures continue to be published to this day and the characters have also appeared in a number of television series. I believe the flashlight work here is reminding the fellas of the style of "The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries" (1977-9), starring Shaun Cassidy and Parker Stevenson as Joe and Frank and Pamela Sue Martin as Nancy (Janet Julian also played Nancy during a salary dispute with Martin).
• "Ladies and gentlemen, the Mirage Hotel proudly presents Seigfried and Roy!" - The flamboyant German-born magician duo of Seigfried Fischbacher (1939- ) and Roy Uwe Ludwig (1944- ) first met in 1959, forming a partnership that would lead them to be voted "Magicians of the Century" in 2000 (presumably by other magicians). Their extravagant magic shows, featuring their beloved pet white tigers, went on in Las Vegas for 39, count 'em, 39 years, many of them at the Mirage Hotel. Unfortunately, during a performance in 2003, an audience member spooked one of the tigers, causing him to maul Roy. Although Roy survived, he was badly injured, pretty much putting an end to the duo's ongoing show.
• "Scooby?" - This, of course, refers to the spooky adventures of animated pooch Scooby-Doo (voiced by Don Messick), who first appeared in the series "Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?" (1969-72). Scoob and his gang of human friends travelled around in their funky van and crept around scary mansions, caves and other locations, exposing fake monsters and hauntings. Scooby and friends have continued to appear over the years in a number of TV series; they even got their a couple of live-action movies (with the dog in CGI) in 2002 and 2004.
• "It's 'Alias Smith and Jones.'" "Oh, there's Pete Duel." "Hey..."- Our film's star, Ben Murphy, starred in the comedy/western series "Alias Smith and Jones" (1971-3). The series told the misadventures of outlaws Hannibal Hayes (Pete Duel) and Jed "Kid" Curry (Ben Murphy). The fellas, despite their outlaw ways, are popular with the public, so, rather than lock them up, the powers that be secretly offer them amnesty... on the condition that they stay out of trouble for a year. To help them stay on the up and up, the duo take on the aliases of Joshua Smith and Thaddeus Jones. Not surprisingly, wackiness ensues.  Roger Davis later played Hayes/Smith, after Duel commited suicide (which would be why the Bots find Joel's gag to be in poor taste).
• "I'm Leonard Nimoy, in search of... my career." - Leonard Nimoy (1931- ). You know 'im. You love 'im. Best known for his portrayal of alien science officer Mr. Spock on the classic "Star Trek" (1966-9), Nimoy has had a long, successful career in stage and screen, too long to go into much detail here. Specifically being referred to here is Nimoy's stint hosting "In Search Of..." (1976-82), a series in which some supposedly mysterious phenomena is examined in detail, like Bigfoot, ghosts or some historical mystery like the fate of Amelia Earhart. And, for the record, I don't think Leonard has anything to worry about career-wise. At the very least, he can always fall back on his well-received photography skills.
• "It's the Wayne Newton insignia." - Entertainer Wayne Newton (1942- ) is known as Mr. Las Vegas due to his enormously successful and long-lasting Vegas stage show. I'm vaguely aware that during his show there is a large insignia featured behind him, but I haven't been able to find out anything about it. Help!
• Note that, while the flashlight beams swoop around, the guys are making noises like light sabers, the weapon of choice of Jedi warriors in the epic Star Wars series of films (1977, 1980, 1983, 1999, 2002, 2005).
• "Did ancient astronauts leave this rock? Read the book." - The phrases "Did ancient astronauts...?" and "Read the book!" featured in ads for the Time-Life series of books on the "supernatural" and "unexplained." The "ancient astronauts" nonsense refers to the theory that aliens visited Earth in ancient times and were responsible for historical monuments like the Pyramids, the Sphinx or the huge geoglyphs at Nazca. This is a largely racist theory, implying that these poor, primitive, non-white, non-European peoples couldn't possibly have had the intelligence or imagination to create these achievments themselves.
• "'Lovejoy,' on A&E." - More mystery TV. Based on a series of books by Jonathan Gash, the British series "Lovejoy" (1986-94) featured Ian McShane as the titular Lovejoy, a roguish antiques dealer who finds himself caught up in mystery after mystery. When shown in the United States, the show was carried on A&E, the "Arts and Entertainment" network.
• "Hi, I'm Martha Raye! The big mouth!" - Performer Martha Raye (1916-94; born Margaret Reed) was a singer and vaudeville star who hit it relatively big in motion pictures during the 1930s and '40s. She was also a big hit with the boys overseas as she entertained the troops during World War II. Raye did indeed have a very wide mouth and was nicknamed "the Big Mouth." In later years, she did a series of commercials for Super Polydent denture grip in which she happily introduced herself by her old nickname.
• "My boss, Mr. Hart." - "Hart to Hart" (1979-84) featured the globe-trotting crime-fighting adventures of super-rich couple Jonathan (Robert Wagner) and Jennifer Hart (Stephanie Powers). Their manservant/butler was the amiably gruff Max (Lionel Stander), who also narrated during the opening credits. ("That's my boss, Mister Hart.") The opening featured a number of scenes from the show, as well as shots to help reinforce the Harts' jet-setting lifestyle. Like, oh, a jet taking off.
• "...on a jet plane..." - I can't make out if Tom is singing the correct words at first, but he is definitely singing the super mellow song "Leaving On a Jet Plane," composed by singer John Denver. It was first a 1967 hit for Peter, Paul & Mary, then later for Denver himself, appearing on his 1969 debut album Rhymes and Reasons.
• "'Bracken's World'!" - The short-lived "Bracken's World" (1969-70) showed us the behind the scenes action at the fictional Century Studios in Hollywood. John Bracken (Warren Stevens) himself was never seen, giving orders only off-screen. Presumably, the show featured aerial shots of the movie studio, which this shot resembles.
• "It's Elly May up there." - Joel seems to think the blonde here resembles Elly May Clampett (Donna Douglas), the daughter on the classic urban/rural clash sit-com, "The Beverly Hillbillies" (1962-71).
• "Hey, Scott Baio! Bay-ay-ay-ayo!"
  • Another of the students definitely resembles actor Scott Baio (1961- ). Baio was quite the heartthrob during the 1970s and '80s. He first came to real notice when he played the pint-sized title character in the  1976 all-kiddie cast gangster film Bugsy Malone. He became a household name when he started to appear as Chachi Arcola, young cousin to the Fonz (Henry Winkler) on "Happy Days" (1974-84). The character was so popular that Baio, with fellow "Days" actor Erin Moran, got his own, short-lived spin-off, "Joanie Loves Chachi" (1982-3). Around this time, Baio got saddled with the bad teen sex-romp movie Zapped! (1982). The only thing that might considered good to come out of that film is Baio using his chemistry with co-star Willie Aames in his next successful sit-com "Charles in Charge" (1984-90). Baio still turns up, although in less popular films like the action thriller Detonator (1998) and (yikes!) Baby Genuises 2 (2003).
  • Crow then ties in Baio's name to Shari Belafonte's presense through Shari's father, singer Harry Belanfonte. One of Harry's all-time biggest hits was the song "Banana Boat (Day-O)," which begins with him calling out "Day-o! Day-ay-ay-ay-o!" First appearing on his 1956 album Calypso, the song's popularity never seems to fade, as evidenced by its use during the memorable haunting scene in the 1988 dark comedy Beetle Juice.
• The shot where the camera pans up the building and zooms towards one particular area is similar to establishing shots on "The Bob Newhart Show" (1972-82) when the action of an episode switched between the apartment and office of psychologist Dr. Bob Hartley (Bob Newhart), so the guys enthusiastically sing the show's theme song.
• "Looks like ABBA in college." "That's the name of the game." - Swedish supergroup ABBA (whose name came from the initials of the four band members first names: Agnetha Faltskog, Benny Andersson, Bjorn Ulvaeus and Anni-Frid Lyngstad) first came to international notice when they won the 1974 Eurovision song contest with their entry of "Ring, Ring." Countless hits followed for the group including S.O.S (1975), Knowing Me, Knowing You (1977) and, as Tom mentions, The Name of the Game (1978). ABBA was a favourite of mine in high school, which got me no small amount of ribbing from classmates who were all listening to big-hair rockers like Van Halen and Whitesnake. ABBA broke up in 1982, but their popularity lingers on, as evidenced by the Australian ABBA sound-alike group Bjorn Again and the success of the 1999 Broadway hit musical Mamma Mia!, featuring many of the band's songs.
• "You are about to enter the field of forensic medicine." - From the opening credits of the forensic drama Quincy (1976-82), which featured the adventures of coroner Quincy (Jack Klugman). A scene shot for the opening has a group of young police officers gather around a table in the coroner's office. Quincy enters and says, "Gentlemen, you are about to witness the most fascinating aspect of police work: the world of forensic medicine." Quincy then proceeds with an autopsy as the cops, one by one, either pass out or run out of the room to be sick. It's really kinda funny.
• "Operation!" - The classic board-game Operation! is produced by Milton Bradley Games (currently a division of Hasbro Toys). The board is a "patient" named Cavity Sam lying on an operating table. Using tweezers, players try to remove certain unhealthy (and humourously shaped) body parts from the electric playing surface without setting off a buzzer, including a broken heart, a charlie horse and a wrenched ankle (which looks like a wrench, you see? See?! It's funny!).
• "No, Joan van Ark." - Actress Joan van Ark (1943- ) is best known for her role on the first four seasons of the prime-time soap opera "Dallas" (1978-91) and its spin-off "Knots Landing" (1979-1993). She has also done countless TV movies and provided the voice for the heroine in the cartoon "Spider-Woman" (1979).
• "It's Shelly Long and Henry Winkler in Get Goofy!"
  • Shelly Long (1949- ) is most famous for her many years on the popular sit-com "Cheers" (1982-92). Film roles include The Money Pit (1986), Troop Beverly Hills (1989) and The Brady Bunch Movie (1995), in which she does a scarily good impression of Florence Henderson as Carol Brady.
  • Like Long, Henry Winkler is primarily known for one sit-com role, that of Arthur "The Fonz" Fonzarelli on "Happy Days" (1974-84). While he continues to make the occasional film appearance (including, more recently, The Waterboy (1998) and Holes (2003)), Winkler primarily focuses on his production company, which has been responsible for many TV series over the years, such as "MacGyver" (1985-92).
  • And, while its title is not Get Goofy, Long and Winkler did appear in a screwball comedy. 1982's Night Shift featured Winkler and Michael Keaton (talk about your all-star cast!) as a couple of goofs in charge of the night shift at a morgue. Bored, they decide to liven thinks up a little by turning the morgue... into a brothel! Sure, seems the logical choice.
• "The Alan Parsons Project's Tales of Mystery and Imagination." - A mummy features of the cover of the Alan Parsons Project's 1975 album Tales of Mystery and Imagination. The entire album is based on the works of poet Edgar Allen Poe.
• "Hey, check it out, Wayne Gretzky." - Often called the Great One, Wayne Gretzky (1961- ) is one of the most famous hockey players of all time. He began playing the game at the age of six, when he joined the Brantford (Ontario) Novice All-Star team. Eventually turning pro in 1978, he joined the Edmonton Oilers, using jersey number 99, the number he would retain throughout his career. In 1988, he joined the Los Angeles Kings and, until his retirement in 1999, also played for the St. Louis Blues and the New York Rangers. During his time, he set 61 National Hockey League scoring records and played in 18 All-Star games. Married to actress Janet Jones, he has a cameo as himself in the 1994 film D2: The Might Ducks.
• "Rubbermaid or Tupperware?" - Two competing brands of plastic storage devices.
  • The Rubbermaid company got its first patent in 1933, for a rubber dustpan. Since then, they have introduced America to countless rubber based storage, kitchen and bath products.
  • In the 1930s, American inventor Earl Tupper found a way to turn the by-product of oil refining into a plastic material that was durable, flexible, odourless, non-toxic and lightweight. He turned this into Tupperware, a line of air-tight plastic food containers that protected food from the drying air of fridges. When the line was introduced to department and hardware stores in 1946, it didn't quite catch on; people were unsure how to use it. Then, in the late 1940s, a number of direct sellers with Stanley Home Products began demonstrating Tupperware at home parties and sales took off. Today, Tupperware is a multinational company worth over a billion dollars and a Tupperware party is held somewhere in the world every 2.2 seconds.
• "Now, mix me up a pitcher of gin gibsons." - A gin gibson (or gibson gin) is a combination of gin and dry vermouth garnished with cocktail onions. Bleh.
• "And now, 'Trapper John, M.D.'" "Trapper John, M.D. lives right next door to Medical Center." - The building in this film all look a lot like those appearing as hospitals in many 1970s and '80s medical dramas.
  • "Trapper John, M.D." (1979-86) spun off from the 1970 film MASH (but not the series "M*A*S*H*" (1972-83), considered a seperate entity according to a court ruling... they needed a court ruling on this?) and followed Dr. John "Trapper" McIntyre (Pernell Roberts) as he went about his duties as chief of surgery at a San Francisco hospital.
  • Medical Center (1969-76) showed us the work lives of a group of doctors and nurses at an unnamed hospital complex in Los Angeles.
• "Dear Aunt Nefertiti, thanks for the socks?!" - Little is known about the 14th century BC Egyptian princess Nefertiti. She may, in fact, have been an Asian princess originally from the ancient kingdom of Mitanni.
• "Ladies and gentlemen, the Aladdin proudly presents Kirby Van Burch!" - Dubbed "The Prince of Magic" by a princess of Thailand, magician Kirby Van Burch was a headliner at the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas for seven years, after which, in 1992, he moved his act to the family-friendly tourist mecca of Branson, Missouri. Van Burch uses a variety of jungle cats in his act, including a white Bengal Tiger and a panther. His signature illusion is causing a 35 ft. Bell Jet Ranger helicopter to appear from nowhere in about 4 seconds.
• "This ZZ Top poster's gonna look boss in here." - The Southern blues-rock band ZZ Top was formed in 1970 in Houston, Texas. The trio (made up of Frank Beard, Billy Gibbons and Dusty Hill) were first noticed nationally with their third album, Tres Hombres (1973), which gave them their first Top Ten hit, "La Grange." With their distinctive appearance (cool shades and really long beards), they became even more popular with the advent of music video. Among their hits are "Gimme All Your Lovin'" (1984), "Legs" (1984), "Sleeping Bag" (1985) and "Rough Boy" (1986).
• "Victor Buono!" - Portly actor Victor Buono (1938-82; born Charles Victor Buono) made several TV guest appearances before coming to wider public notice in his motion picture debut, What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962). Buono continued to get regular motion picture work throughout the rest of his life, but he will probably always be best remembered as the recurring villain King Tut on the campy super-hero series, "Batman" (1966-8).
• "Finally, the Warren Commission files." - On November 22, 1963, United States President John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas, by one Lee Harvey Oswald. Two days later, Oswald himself was shot and killed by one Jack Ruby. To help make sense of the whole mess (and also because rumours of a conspiracy to kill Kennedy started up almost immediately after his death), new President Lyndon B. Johnson appointed the President's Commission on the Assassination of President Kennedy to investigate the events. The chairman of the committee was Chief Justice Earl Warren, lending the shortened name "the Warren Commission" to the group. As you can read for yourself in the text of report, the Commission concluded that neither Oswald or Ruby were part of any conspiracy, a fact disputed by many reality-challanged people to this day.
• "An ACE award, what's that doin' in there?" - Short for Award for Cable Excellence, the ACE Cable TV Awards were started in 1978 by the National Cable Television Association to honour cable programming which, at the time, was not eligible for the Emmy Awards. Once cable became eligible for Emmys in 1988, the ACE Awards continued as a separate entity, until the final awards were given out in 1997. The award itself looked like a large crystal playing card-style spade. ACE of spades? Get it? MST3K itself was nominated over a dozen times for ACE Awards, but never won. Gyp!
• "Hmm, Travel Yahtzee." - The classic dice game Yahtzee was first produced by game company Milton Bradley (now owned by Hasbro) in 1956. The game, which involves trying to produce specific patterns of dice rolls, does indeed come in a travel format. Which is a little odd. Cause it's dice.
• "It's Tim Matheson and he loves the ladies." - The actor here has a bit of resemblance to actor Tim Matheson (1947- ) in his younger days. Matheson is probably best remembered for his portrayal of Eric "Otter" Stratton, the ladies' man of the Delta House Fraternity in the 1978 comedy Animal House. His other film roles include 1941 (1979) and Van Wilder (2002) and he appeared for several years on the critically acclaimed drama "The West Wing" (1999- ).      Matheson was also the voice of the young hero on the original "Jonny Quest" (1964-5).
• "Mmmm, what has it gots in its pocketses? Gollum, Gollum!" - In J.R.R. Tolkien's classic 1937 fantasy novel The Hobbit, our hero, the hobbit Bilbo Baggins, find himself lost in a cave with the strangely-speaking creature Gollum, who wishes to eat Bilbo. However, they strike a deal and get into a riddle contest. If Bilbo wins, Gollum will show him the way out, but if Gollum wins, he will eat Bilbo. After several rounds, Bilbo stumps Gollum with "What have I got in my pocket?" Gollum rants at the unfairness of this question (and he's sort of got a point) with the above line. Helper Paul Andinach adds: "Tolkien points out somewhere that Gollum could have refused to answer the question in the first place, but didn't, and only complains about how unfair it is after he loses. And he's got a point, too." Points all around then.
• "Time for a Razzle. Candy or gum?" - The deal with Razzles is that you start off thinking it's candy but it turns out to be gum! Incredible! If you're easily amused, anyway.
• "Gold doubloons and pieces of eight! Pieces of eight!" - Obviously a pirate song reference, one I didn't specifically recognize. However, Helper Paul Andinach (yup, again) discovered that the phrase "Gold doubloons and pieces of eight, pieces of eight, pieces of eight," appears in the theme song of "Treasure Tower," an adventure story segment on the original "The Mickey Mouse Club" TV series (1955-9).
• "Ladies and gentlemen, Jet Productions is proud to present the Black Moses of Soul!" -  Super-cool soul performer Isaac Hayes is often referred to as the "Black Moses of Soul" after his 1973 album of the same name. I think Jet Productions is probably made up.
• "I'm walking! Yes, indeed, I'm talking..." - The song "I'm Walkin'" was originally a hit for Fats Domino in 1957, composed by Domino and Dave Bartholomew. It went on to be recorded by many others.
• As the character walks down the hallway, the guys sing the theme (composed by Irving Szathmary) to the spy-spoof series "Get Smart" (1965-70).  The opening sequence of the program showed secret agent Maxwell Smart (Don Adams) making his way into his organization's secret HQ, including a long walk down a hallway.
• "Lou Diamond Philips in The Fifth Power." - Actor Lou Diamond Phillips (1962- ; born Louis Upchurch) is probably best known for his portrayal of singer Richie Valens in the 1987 biopic La Bamba, with other notable roles including the 1988 western Young Guns (as well as its 1990 sequel) and the TV series "Wolf Lake" (2001-2). In 1990, Phillips did appear in a supernatural thriller named The First Power (not Fifth) in which he played a cop hunting down the spirit of an executed series killer (Jeff Kober).
• "Dark Movie. A QM Production." - QM is Quinn Martin, as in Quinn Martin Productions. This production company pretty much dominated the action/adventure genre on 1960s and '70s American television with such programs as "The Untouchables" (1959-63), "The Fugitive" (1963-7), "The Invaders" (1967-8), "Cannon" (1971-6) and "Barnaby Jones" (1973-80), as well as a number of TV movies (but nothing called Dark Movie). One trademark of QM series was the dramatic speaking of the show's title, followed by, "A Quinn Martin Production!"
• "Trumpy, you can do magic things!" (Crow does goofy noises/music) - In the less that stellar 1983 film Los Nuevos extraterrestres (show as Pod People in episode 303), a family is visited by an alien dubbed "Trumpy" by the annoying child Tommy (Óscar Martín). When Trumpy exhibits extraordinary abilities (usually accompanied by some glowing on his part and a soundtrack of goofy music like Crow sings here), Tommy enthuses, "Trumpy, you can do magic things!"
• "Oedipus, nooo!" - In Greek mythology, Oedipus became King of Thebes after unknowingly killing his own father and marrying his mother. After discovering these facts, Oedipus freaks out and pokes out his eyes. The story of Oedipus was made most famous throught the trilogy of plays by 5th century B.C. playwright Sophocles, Antigone, Oedipus the King and Oedipus at Colonus (yep, they had trilogies all the way back then).
• ABC Movie of the Week. -
• "You smell like Cheetos." - Cheetos are a line of cheese-flavoured snacks made by Frito-Lay.

Host Segment 2 - Bill Mumy, Renaissance Man

• Bill Mumy (1954- ; and, yes, it is pronounced Moo-me, not Mum-me) is an actor, musician, writer, you name it. Despite Crow's contempt, Mumy is an accomplished artist in a number of fields. I'll mention a few more after we cover what Joel and Tom specifically bring up.
  • Mumy's most famous acting role is easily that of Will Robinson on the cult science-fiction series "Lost in Space" (1965-8), produced by Irwin Allen (1916-91) (who was also responsible for several other SF series at the time like "Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea" (1964-8), "The Time Tunnel" (1966-7) and "Land of the Giants" (1968-70)). The series followed the adventures of the Robinson family stranded out in space. Lost, if you will. Will Robinson was the young, plucky son who, naturally, had more on the ball than the rest of the family. The show was adapted into a 1998 motion picture.
  • Dear Brigitte: This 1965 film starred James Stewart as Prof. Robert Leaf, poet and lover of the fine arts. Mumy played his 9-year old, tone-dear, colour-blind son, unable to appreciate the arts his father adores, but a mathematical genius. (This must be the unremembered film Joel refers to a few lines later.) The younger Leaf does, indeed, have a crush on sexy french actress Brigitte Bardot (as, I'm sure, many 9-year old boys at the time did).
  • Mumy's second most famous role is probably from the 1961 episode of "The Twilight Zone" (1959-64), "It's a Good Life." Mumy played youngster Anthony Fremont, a boy with incredible supernatural powers, which he uses to terrify the inhabitants of the town he has cut off from the rest of the world. Whatever he wills, becomes reality. When someone does something that displeases him, Anthony does horrible things to them, sometimes sending them into the corn-field on the edge of town, from which they never return. Years later, the episode had a sequel, "It's Still a Good Life" on the 2002-3 version of "The Twilight Zone." Now grown up, Anthony still rules over his little kingdom, but his daughter, Audrey (played by Mumy's real-life daughter Liliana), is beginning to manifest powers of her own...
  • Rascal (1969): Based on the 1963 book of the same name, this film stars Mumy as a young Sterling North (author of the book), who gets into a mess of humourous trouble when he befriends a raccoon. Pretty standard Disney fare for the time.
  • Bless the Beasts & Children (1971): Based on a 1970 book of the same name by Glendon Swarthout, Mumy plays one of a group of misfits youngsters who run away from summer camp. On the way, they take up a crusade to save a herd of penned-in buffalo from slaughter.
  • "The Merv Griffin Show" (1962-86) was an extremely popular daytime talk-show, hosted by, big surprise, Merv Griffin. I haven't been able to find anything about Mumy's appearances on the program, with or without electric guitar, but there's no reason to doubt it happened.
  • On the kinda sorta game-show "The Dating Game" (1965-86) a man or woman would ask (usually racy) questions to three hidden "bachelors" or "bachelorettes" and then pick which one they'd most like to date. (You see, this reality TV crap has been around longer than you think.)  The show was hosted, as mentioned, by Jim Lange (1933- ), who hosted a variety of other game-shows, including "Bullseye" (1980-2) and "$100,000 Name That Tune" (1984-5). I haven't been able to confirm Mumy appearing on the show, but it wouldn't surprise me; several other famous folks popped up (although usually before they gained fame), including Bill Murray!
  • The game-show "Family Feud" (1976-85) was hosted by Richard Dawson in its original incarnation. Two competing families would each try to outguess each other over the results of a survey. The show often featured reunions of TV "families," so it’s entirely possible that Mumy and his "Lost in Space" co-stars did appear at some point.
  • Despite Crow's vile pun, Bill Mumy has not been involved with European mime troop Mummenshanz. Formed in 1972, the group uses brightly coloured masks and other forms while dressed in black in front of a black background, making the performers invisible.
  • Haven't found anything about these "space plays" that Tom makes mention of. Help!
  • Mumy has done quite a bit of comic book writing, including, as mentioned here, a stint during the early 1990s on the "Lost in Space" comic, for now-defunct publisher Innovation Comics. It seems he is currently working an updated collection of that run, weighing in at more than 300 pages! For Marvel Comics, he has written for such characters as Spider-Man and the Hulk (as well as creating his own series, "Comet Man") and for DC Comics has penned adventures for the likes of the Spectre, Aquaman and the "Star Trek" crew.
  • In 1970, Mumy and musician Robert Haimer first teamed up as the comedic musical duo Barnes & Barnes, chiefly a novelty act. They gained national attention when they produced a video (directed by actor Bill Paxton!) for their song "Fish Heads," which extolled the vitures of, yes, fish heads. "Fish heads fish heads/Roly poly fish heads/Fish heads fish heads/Eat them up, yum." They continue to release the occasional album.
  • Sunshine Christmas: Mumy appeared as a character simply named Weaver in the 1973 TV movie Sunshine about a widower (Cliff De Young) trying to make a life for himself in Vancouver, British Columbia, with his daughter (Elizabeth Chesire). The movie led to a short-lived series, "Sunshine" (1975), which in turn led to a second TV movie, Sunshine Christmas in 1977.
  • Yes, Mumy had a brief cameo in 1983's Twilight Zone: The Movie. The third segment of the film (directed by Joe Dante) was a remake of Mumy's classic "It's a Good Life" episode described above. Mumy plays a Tim, a diner patron.
  And that's just some of what he's done. Mumy has an ongoing music career of his own, with a half-dozen solo albums and is also part of a band, the Jenerators. He does quite a bit of voice-over work (both cartoon and documentary). He was a regular on the popular SF series "Babylon 5" (1994-8). The list just doesn't end.
• Butch Patrick (1953- ; born Patrick Ala Lilley) was also a TV child star around the same time as Bill Mumy, but with less susequent claims to fame as Mumy. His biggest role was that of Eddie Munster, the off-spring of movie monster parents Herman and Lily Munster (Fred Gwynne and Yvonne De Carlo) on the sitcom "The Munsters" (1964-6). Oddly enough, Mumy originally tried out for the part of Eddie, but his parents were concerned about the make-up required, so he pulled out. Like Mumy, later on in life Patrick tried his hand at a music career, putting together a group called Eddie and the Monsters, who had a single hit, 1983's "What Ever Happened to Eddie?" Specific references made about Patrick:
  • The Phantom Tollbooth: Originally a 1961 children's novel by Norton Juster, this 1970 film followed Patrick as Milo, a young boy bored with life who one day finds a tollbooth in his room. Entering the tollbooth, Milo is swept away into an animated world of adventures (animated by no less than Warner Brothers giant Chuck Jones).
  • "Lidsville" (1971-3): Whoa. This weird trip of a TV series had Patrick as Mark, a boy who falls into a giant magician's hat and finds himself in Lidsville, a world were everyone... is a hat. Performers walked around wearing giant hat costumes. No, really. And the evil magician (Charles Nelson Reilly) tries every week to get his hands on Mark. From the (presumably) drug-addled minds of the Kroft Brothers, who also brought us "H.R. Pufnstuf" (1969).

Movie Act 2

• "I don't read Hustler!" - Well... good! Girlie magazine. Rather raunchy. Published by Larry Flynt. And I'm not going into any more detail.
• "I'm gonna find those strawberries..." - Several people have pointed out that this comes from the classic Humphrey Bogart film The Caine Mutiny (1954) (based on the 1951 Herman Wouk novel of the same name). Bogart stars as new captain of the World War II naval vessel
• "Sky rockets in flight, afternoo--huh?" - This lyric is from "Afternoon Delight," the 1976 hit (well, let's be honest... only hit) for the Starland Vocal Band. The phrase "afternoon delight" is clearly a euphamism for nookie. "Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight/Gonna grab some afternoon delight."
• "Badfinger!" "I'll say." "If you want it, come and get it." - Originally named the Iveys, U.K. band Badfinger gained that name with their second album, 1970's Magic Christian Music, which was much more successful that their first album. This was probably partly to do with the single "Come and Get It," written and produced by the Beatles' Paul "Music Machine" McCartney.
• "George Plimpton? What's that jerk doing here?" - I don't see anybody Plimpton-esque in this scene. However... George Plimpton (1927-2003) was a respected journalist and occasional actor. He co-founded The Paris Review magazine in 1953 and was a frequent contributor. Plimpton was also possibly the first "participatory journalist," a journalist who puts himself into other people's shoes to better understand and, therefore, write about them. He tried his hand at boxing trapezing and quarterbacking for the Detriot Lions. Plimpton popped up in motion pictures from time to time, including films like Reds (1981) and Good Will Hunting (1997).
• "Like Fauntleroy, here." - "Fauntleroy" is a (usually derogatory) term for an excessively polite and well-dressed boy. The term is taken from the title of the novel Little Lord Fauntleroy (1886) by Frances Hodgson Burnett. Bunett modelled the look of the book's hero after Oscar Wilde-like dress and her own son's blonde curls.
• "Cheetah, get away from that!" - Throughout Johnny Weissmuller's tenure as the motion picture Tarzan, he was often accompanied by mischievous chimpanzee sidekick, Cheetah, beginning with 1932's Tarzan the Ape Man. Cheetah (played by a chimp named Cheetah in real life) was completely an invention of the movies and did not appear in any of the Edgar Rice Burroughs books about the King of the Jungle.
• "Hey, Jim Fixx!" - Runner Jim Fixx (1932-84) was responsible for popularizing running as a sport and his 1977 bestseller The Complete Book of Running helped start the fitness revolution that plagues the Earth even to this day. He died of a heart attack while running. Oh, the irony.
• "Where's Geraldo?" - TV journalist Geraldo Rivera (1943- ) has had his up and down during his career, but people tend to remember the downs. In particular, his pioneering of tabloid television through his daytime talkshow "Geraldo" (1987-98). Referred to here, however, is certainly his 1986 embarassment of a TV special, The Mystery of Al Capone's Vaults. Rivera and his crew reported live from the about-to-be-demolished Lexington Hotel in Chicago and, after much hype, in front of 30 million viewers, opened infamous mob leader Al Capone's previously sealed vaults. What would it contain? Important, scandlous documents? A secret weapons stash? Bodies? Nope. We got... a broken whiskey bottle. Gee... wow.
• "A quart of Everclear and a beer bong." - Everclear grain alcohol, from the David Sherman Corporation, is pretty strong stuff. Stupid strong. It comes in two varieties: 151 proof (that's 75.5% alcohol) and 190 proof (that's 95.5%!).
• "I was at hair club for men." - Founded in 1976, the Hair Club for Men was just that. An organization that specialized in hair growing or replacement techniques (hair transplants and whatnot). Over the years, it became simply the Hair Club, lending its services to hair-challenged individuals of both genders.
• "This is a sinus headache." - This, of course, is typical of statements made on sinus/flu/cold medication ads, usually accompanied by a large drawing of icky sinuses. Don't know if it's from a specific medication ad, however.
• "I think it's Coppola's expresso machine!" - Presumably, this refers to famed film director and producer Francis Ford Coppola (1939- ). Overcoming the severe handicap of training as an assistant with director Roger Corman, Coppola's impressive career really began with directing his first feature film, 1963's Dementia 13. He got into producing films when he and George Lucas formed the American Zeotrope production company. Coppola went on to produce and/or direct many, many films (often also writing) including the Godfather trilogy (1972, 1974, 1990), Apocalypse Now (1979), Peggy Sue Got Married (1986) and the 1992 movie version of Dracula. I'm guessing he likes his expresso.
• "We need to close the beaches!" - This is the deperate cry of Martin Brody (Roy Scheider), police chief of the island resort town of Amity in the 1975 film Jaws. Brody pleads with Amity town council to close their tourist infested beaches, as he believes a huge Great White Shark has set up shop in the nearby waters. Naturally, he is right, the council is wrong, things go poorly.
• "Wallace Shawn?" - The janitor resembles (in a fuzzy sort of way) the great character actor Wallace Shawn (1943- ). Shawn can be seen in films such as All That Jazz (1979), The Hotel New Hampshire (1984), Radio Days (1987) and Clueless (1995), but his best remembered screen appearances are probably 1981's My Dinner With Andre (see below) and his memorable turn as not-quite-as-smart-as-he-thinks-he-is Vizzini in 1987's The Princess Bride. Shawn has also done extensive voice work (including both Toy Story movies (1992, 1999), the series "Teacher's Pet" (2000-2) and 2004's The Incredibles) and had more individual TV episode guest roles that you can shake a large-ish stick at.
• "I pity the dirt that gets in my way!" - Possibly a reference to wrestler/actor/all-around-big-scary-dude Mister T's catch phrase, "I pity the fool!"
• "I'm having dinner with Andre later." - Referring again to the janitor's resemblance to actor Wallace Shawn, we hear mention of the 1981 film My Dinner With Andre. Shawn and friend and fellow actor Andre Gregory appear as, more or less, themselves, even using their real names in the film. The duo meet at a restaurant and, over dinner, talk about their lives and have something of a philosophical debate.
• "Sounds kind of like John Cage is back there." - John Cage (1972-92), experimental composer. His most infamous work is the composition 4'33", for which a musician or group of musicians sit with their instruments in silence for 4 minutes and 33 seconds. Cage also invented the "prepared piano," a piano with objects like screws, bolts and rubber bands placed inside to produce a variety of sounds when played.
• "Find that mummy!" "Sounds like an Abbot and Costello movie." - It does indeed. The comedy team of Bud Abbot and Lou Costello had a number of wacky adventures in the motion pictures, often involving encounters with movie monsters, like Dracula, the Mummy and the Wolfman. The phrase "Find that mummy!" is also reminiscent of the title of their 1941 film Hold That Ghost.
• "Hey, scrubbing bubbles." - Scrubbing Bubbles cleaning products do feature cute little cartoon scrubbing bubbles in their advertising.
• "And I still haven't figured out how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie centre!" - Tootsie Roll candy produces a "Tootsie Pop," essentially a lollipop with a chocolate candy centre. In the 1970s, the company began its "How Many Licks?" campaign, the tag line for which was "How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?" The gag was that nobody could make it to the centre without actually biting their way in.
• While the trio of extremely 1970s-looking people walk down the hallway, the guys start singing the theme to "The Mod Squad" (1968-73), an extremely 1970s drama. Three hip youngsters act as undercover agents for the police (probably referring to those police as "the Man" or somesuch), ferreting out bad guys who preyed on kids. Note that Crow dramatically calls out the names of our heroes, Pete (Michael Cole), Linc (Clarence Williams) and Julie (Peggy Lipton). The series was remade as a feature film in 1999.
• "Bad movie, you're soaking in it!" - Refers to a series of ads from the 1970s and 80s for Palmolive dishwashing liquid. The ads featured Madge the Manicurist, who would secretly have her customers put their hands in bowls of Palmolive. These same customers would, coincidentally, complain about their dish detergent's effect on their hands. Madge would suggest they try Palmolive and reveal "You're soaking in it." Then Madge and customer would have a laugh over this deceit.
• "It's Murray the cop!" "Which one, Earl Holliman or Alan Molinaro?" - The character of Murray the cop (full name Murray Greshler) appears in the various incarnations of The Odd Couple: Neil Simon's original 1965 stage play, the 1968 film, in which he was played by Herb Edelman, and the 1970-5 television series, in which he was portrayed by Al Molinaro (1919- ) (also well known for playing diner owner Al Delvecchio on "Happy Days" (1974-84)). Murray was never played by Earl Holliman (1928- ), but Holliman did play a policeman, Lt. Bill Crowley, on "Police Woman" (1974-8).
• "Hello, Winchell's? Send a policeman over, pronto!" - Founded in 1948 by Verne Winchell, Winchell's is the "Home of the Warm 'n Fresh Donut," serving more than 70 varieties of the policeman's favourite snacks in outlets in the United States, Guam, New Zealand and, of all places, Saudia Arabia.
• "Here's the Banana Boat song by a guy I like to call 'Dad.'" - See above.
• ...I got Hardbodies and Mannequin 2. - Two über-cheezey films.
  • Hardbodies (1984) told the tale of three middle-aged bachelors who moved to California for some good times. When the chicks mysteriously fail to roll in, they hire student Scotty (Grant Cramer) to help them out. Hijinks. Shennanigans. The usual. Followed by a sequel in 1986.
  • 1991's Mannequin 2 (or, more accurately, Mannequin: On the Move) is the totally unneccesary sequel to the 1987 Kim Cattrall vehicle, Mannequin. Instead of Cattrall, this one features Kristy Swanson as Jessie, a farmer's daughter who is cursed to a thousand years of statue-like paralysis when she falls for a prince. She is discovered and revived by Jason (William Ragsdale), who bears a surprising resemblance to that prince.
• "'Starsky and Hutch,' the lost episodes on USA Network." - The classic 1970s show "Starsky and Hutch" (1975-9) starred Paul Michael Glover and David Soul as streewise police Detectives Dave Starsky and Ken "Hutch" Hutchison. In the course of fighting crime, the pair spent a lot of time in their memorable red and white Ford Torino. Remade into a surprisingly funny motion picture in 2004. May have aired on the USA Network at some point; as well as much original programming, they do carry the occasional older program.
• "So, tell me, seriously. What do you think of the Critique of Pure Reason, doll face?" - Kritik der reinen Vernunft (1781; translated numerous times as Critique of Pure Reason) is consider the most important work by 18th century Prussian philosopher Immanuel Kant (who my wife's family may, in fact, be related to). In it, he discusses the relationship between knowledge based on reason and knowledge based on experience. You can read it for yourself here. Although it may make your head hurt.
• "They're eating at Aunt Bee's." - On "The Andy Griffith Show" (1960-8), widower Sherrif Andy Taylor (Andy Griffith) and his son Opie (Ron Howard) lived with Andy's Aunt Beatrice, or "Aunt Bee" as everyone called her. The lacy curtains on the front door of the restaurant could have come straight from her place.
• "Robert Shaw?" - It does sound like one of the character calls our (snicker) "hero" Robert Shaw. Actor Shaw (1927-78) is best remembered for work in films like From Russia With Love (1963), A Man for All Seasons (1966), The Sting (1973), The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974) and, most of all, 1975's Jaws, where he played the borderline insane shark-hunter Quint.
• "Denny's is a big thing around here..." - The Denny's chain of resaurants (which started out as Danny's Donuts in 1953) is often mocked for its low standards of food and atmosphere.
• "Quasar!" "By Motorola." - Television ads for Motorola's old Quasar brand TVs featured a pulsing light, accompanied by the spoken words the guys use here.
• "Mork calling Orson! Mork calling Orson!" - At the end of every episode of the science-fiction sitcom "Mork & Mindy" (1978-82), alien visitor Mork (Robin Williams) would mentally make contact with his always unseen superior, Orson (voiced by Ralph James), back on his home planet, in order to report on what he had learned of Earth culture that week (really "the moral of the story"). When Mork made contact, the scene change was accompanied by a etheral sound like we hear on the soundtrack. Nanu.
• "She has a certain Susan Saint James quality." - Actress Susan Saint James (1946- ) appeared in some films (like 1977's Outlaw Blues and 1979's Love at First Bite) but is probably better known for her somewhat ditzy character parts during the 1960s and 70s on the shows "The Name of the Game" (1968-71) and "McMillan and Wife" (1971-6) (she was "wife"). She later played a somewhat less dizty woman on the sitcom "Kate & Allie" (1984-9).
• Hey, I didn't know you liked B.J. Thomas. - Musician B.J. Thomas (1942- ) had a dozen or so top 40 hits in the "easy listening" genre, including the original "Hooked on a Feeling" (1968), "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head" (from the 1969 film Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid) and (deep breath here) "(Hey Won't You Play) Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song" (1975). So, really, the man's responsible for some truly annoying tunes.
• "It's the hand that rocks the cradle down there..." - The phrase "the hand that rocks the cradle" comes from a quote by 13th century Scottish patriot Sir William Wallace: "mighty power and stronger. Man from his throne has hurled, for the hand that rocks the cradle, is the hand that rules the world." The phrase was used as the title of a cheezy 1992 movie thriller.
• "Nice radio." "Ball and Chain by Panasonic." - Panasonic is the name used by Matshshito Electric Devices Manufacturing (founded in 1918 Japan) for the marketing and distribution of its many, many electronic products. You've probably got a Panasonic device somewhere around your place.
• "Horton hears a Who." - Children's author Doctor Seuss' 1954 classic Horton Hears a Who! was a follow-up to an earlier Horton book, 1940's Horton Hatches the Egg. In this second tale, an elephant named Horton discovers the existence of a race of tiny people, the Whos, living in a dandelion. Horton and one inhabitant of Whoville each try to convince the rest of their people that a whole other world exists, but have a hard time of it.
• "Ricky Schroeder? No!" - Actor Richard "Ricky" Schroeder (1970- ) is largely famous for his early roles as cute, blonde kids, most notable in the 1979 film The Champ and the popular sit-com "Silver Spoons" (1982-7). (Hey, look! He also played Little Lord Fauntleroy (see above) in a 1980 adaptation of the book!) He later found some success in grown-up role, including three seasons on the gritty crime drama "NYPD Blue" (1993-2005).
• "Jim Henson's Baby Babies." - "Jim Henson's Muppet Babies" (1984-91) was a popular Saturday morning cartoon featuring a group of classic Muppet characters (including Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy and Gonzo) as young toddlers and their imaginary adventures as they stayed at a nursery together. It wasn't a bad little show, but led to a spate of less stellar "babyfication" cartoons, like "The Flintstone Kids" (1986-8) and "A Pup Named Scooby-Doo" (1988-91).
• "Meanwhile, in Friday the 13th." - The original Friday the 13th film came out in 1980; the slasher flick led to interminable sequels which continue sporadically pretty much to this day. The films often show the somewhat distorted point of view (reminiscent of the weird shot here) of the series' usual killer, Jason Voorhees, he of the famed hockey mask.
• "Now listen, I'm gonna break out of here, see, and nobody's gonna stop me!" - The same shot of the house looks a little like the Florida Keys hotel which was the setting of the classic 1948 movie Key Largo. The film featured Edward G. Robinson as criminal Johnny Rocco (hence the Robinson impression).
• "Be scared. Be very a-scared."/"Don't tell mom the babysitter's hot." - These were both mentioned during the opening segment (see above).
• "Can you treat her?" "Like a lady." - Could refer to any number of songs with similar lyrics, including songs actually titled "Treat Her Like a Lady" by, for example, the Cornelius Brothers & Sister Rose in 1972 and Jimmy Buffet in 1979.
• "Oh, Richie Cunningham, sure, I know him." - Most North American television viewers know Richie Cunningham, portrayed by actor Ron Howard on the popular 1950s-set sit-com "Happy Days" (1974-84). The often naive and optimistic redheaded lad was essentially the program's main character for its first six years. Then, Howard decided to leave the show and pursue a directing career (I gather he did pretty well for himself) and Richie was written out by joining the army.

Host Segment 3 - High School Haunted House

• Throughout this sketch, Crow keeps doing his best Boris Karloff voice. Although he gained immense popularity in a dialogue-light role as the Monster in Frankenstein (1931), his distinctive voice became synonymous with spookiness. He narrated the 1966 animated TV adaptation of Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas and he is mimicked to good effect by Bobby "Boris" Pickett in the novelty hit "The Monster Mash."
• Tom also briefly does a creepy voice, that of Peter Lorre (for the line about approaching bats). The Hungarian-born Lorre often played less savory movie characters, like the child killer in M (1931) and a sychophantic toady in The Maltese Falcon (1941) and Casablanca (1943). He also cropped up in a number of horror films, like Tales of Terror (1962) The Raven (1963).

Movie Act 3

• "I had Jell-O today..." - Ah, Jell-O! The soft, easy to eat dessert of choice among the old and sick. Jell-O was invented in 1897 by Pearl B. Wait of LeRoy, New York, when he developed a fruit-flavoured gelatin. His wife, May Davis Wait, came up with the name. Distributed by Kraft Foods, it comes in tons of flavours, from Raspberry to Watermelon to odd combinations like Strawberry Kiwi. Although it can (and is) enjoyed by every kind of person, it's usually foist upon hospital patients and those who stay in retirement homes. As their ads say, "There's always room for Jell-O!"
• "He looks like he just saw 'Blansky's Beauties.'" - The very short-lived sit-com "Blansky's Beauties" (1977) starred Nancy Walker as Nancy Blansky, den mother to a bevy of beautiful Las Vegas show girls with names like Bambi and Sunshine. It also featured Scott Baio (of "Happy Days" and "Charles in Charge" fame) as the 12-year old choreographer's son who lusted after the girls.
• "Michael Goldstein, Michael Goldstein, what a beautiful name!" - Help!
• "It looks like Richie Cunningham's bedroom." - See above.
• "It's Intellivision! Intelligent television!" - The Intellivision, introduced by Mattel in 1980, was an early popular video game system. It was the first 16-bit system and, although crude by today's standards, was acclaimed at the time for its more realistic sounds and 3D-ish graphics (someone came up with the brilliant idea to put the images on the screen at an angle!). Like many systems, though, it suffered badly through the videogame crash (yes, there was one) and Mattel closed its electronics division in 1984. You can still get some of those old games re-tooled for today's video game systems, like the Playstation and the Xbox.
• "It's the Michelangelo virus." - Named for Renaissance artist Michelangelo Buonarroti, the Michelangelo computer virus was one of the first to capture widespread public attention, party due to an over-reacting media. Programmed to erase hard drives every March 6th (the artist Michelangelo's birthday), the virus turned out to be present in 500 personal computers accidentally shipped by a leading manufacturer in 1992. The media predicted that the virus would spread and eventually take out 5 million computers at levels from personal to international. The real numbers ended up being between 10 and 20 thousand. Mike's probably still out there somewhere, but has zero chance of causing any damage in this day and age of anti-virus software.
• "You guys, there's nothing to be afraid of, it's just 'This Old House,' okay?" - "This Old House" has been a mainstay of the PBS network since 1979. Possibly the original home reno program, every week the show follows a group of carpenters and other home professionals as they do renovation work on someone's old home. The program spawned the otherwise unlikely careers of former host Bob Vila (who was removed for the horrible sin of actually trying to make money off his own fame - gasp!) and "master carpenter" Norm Abram.
• "That's a Curly alarm!" "Woo woo woo woo!" - Curly (born Jerome Horwitz) was part of the classic comedy team of the Three Stooges. One of his trademarks was the "Woo woo woo woo!" noise he would make (usually indicating distress of some kind).
• "Yeah, daylight comes and you wanna go home, right?" - "Daylight come and he wanna go home" is a lyric from "The Banana Boat Song", explained above.
• "'In heaven there is no beer, that's why we drink--' Huh?" - "In heaven there is no beer/That's we why drink it here" is a lyrics in an old polka standard. The song goes on to point out that heaven is also lacking in wine, fear, drugs, sex and wars.
• "Hello, Mr. Simpson, you've got two weeks to live." - On the long-lived animated series "The Simpsons" (1989- ), one recurring character is that of the Simpsons' African-American family doctor, Dr. Julius Hibbert (voiced by Harry Shearer), a man who often chuckles at inappropriate moments. This line refers to a particular episode, "One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish," in which Homer Simpson (voice of Dan Castellaneta) is poisoned when he eats improperly prepared fugu fish at a sushi restaurant. Dr. Hibbert tells Homer that he has only 22 hours to live (rather than two weeks).
• "Moses supposes his toses were roses." - From an old Mother Goose nursery rhyme/tongue twister:

  Moses supposes his toeses were roses
  But Moses supposes erroneously
  For nobody's toses are posies of roses
  As Moses supposes his toses to be.

• "I hate Evans and Novak!" - Rowland Evans (1921-2001) and Robert Novak (9131- ) were a team of conserative American political columnists, whose column, "Inside Report" ran for decades. They were often unpopular with the more liberal, who dubbed them "Errors and No-Facts." Since Evans retirement in 1993, Novak's career continued, with more columns, frequent appearances on the political debate program "Crossfire" (1982-2005), and more dislike from the left (garnering himself nicknames like "The Prince of Darkness" and "The Douchebag of Liberty"). Novak also found himself in trouble for revealed the identity of an undercover CIA operative in one of his columns.
• "Lawrence, would you put that down, please!" - Crow is doing his impression of Del Moore as Arthur Duval in the not very funny goofball comedy Catalina Caper (1967), shown in episode 204. Duval often berated his sidekick/manservant Larry (Jim Begg) for doing boneheaded things.
• "Look at his hand! He needs Porcelana." - Porcelana produces a number of over-the-counter skin care products.
• "Stuffing instead of potatoes?" - From ads campaigns for Stove Top brand stuffing. People, when served the Stove Top with dinner, cry out in amazement, "Stuffing instead of potatoes?" This is apparently a huge shock to some people.
• "'Two scoops of raisins' my ass..." - Kellogg's Raisin Bran cereal brags in its ads that each box contains "two scoops of raisins." The phrase is even part of their usual jingle.
• "He just invented Shake-a-Pudding." - Shake-A-Pudding was basically instant Jell-O brand pudding that came with a plastic cup. Add the powdered pudding and some milk in the cup and shake like crazy. Easily amused children went nuts.
• "Time to x-ray Helen/Ellen Winters!" - Help!
• "Ew. Carrie isn't very..." - The girl in the film being a mess reminds the guys of the climax of the 1976 film Carrie, based on Stephen King's 1974 horror novel of the same name. Near the end of the story, poor, emotionally scarred and powerfully psychic Carrie White (Sissy Spacek) is humiliated at the high school prom dance when a group of classmates dump a bucket of pig's blood over her. Of course, Carrie goes telekinetic all over their behinds.
• "It's the CBS Mystery Movie!" "There was no CBS Mystery Movie." "I know but you won't let us say NBC Mystery..." - "The NBC Mystery Movie" (1971-7) was a popular series of rotating mysteries, featuring the likes of Columbo, McCloud and McMilland and Wife. The opening titles of the show featured a very dark outdoor scene with bright flashlight beams piercing the dark. As mentioned, Joel got sick and tired of the Bots using this gag every time a flashlight scene appeared in a film and in the previous episode tried to use behaviour modification to prevent them from doing it anymore.
• "There's a string section down here." "And George Winston's with them." - Grammy-winning American pianist George Winston (1949- ) was New Age before New Age was big. He was considered very progressive during the 1970s, beginning with his first album Ballads and Blues 1972 (1972... well, duh). Other notable releases include a trilogy of albums during the 1980s (Autumn (1980), December (1982) and Winter Into Spring (1982)) and a number of tribute albums, including Linus & Lucy: The Music of Vince Guaraldi (1996) and Night Divides: The Music of the Doors (2002).
• "Willard! No!" "Tear 'em up!" - The 1971 thriller Willard starred Bruce Davison as Willard Stiles, a social misfit with no friends who is seriously mistreated by his co-workers. Willard eventually befriends a small army of rats, who he sets upon those who have tormented him, encouraging them to "Tear 'em up!" The film was followed by a sequel in 1972, Ben, and a 2003 remake, featuring the always creepy Crispin Glover as Willard.
• "Did he make you mean mad?!" - Help!
• Help! I can't make out what is said with the line "Let's give him a hand!"
• And, again, help! Now, I can't make out what is said when the party-goer dressed as a shiek comes into view. (I suspect I need a better copy of this episode.)
• "Wayne Gretzky, what are you doing here?" - Covered. See above.
• "It looks like that sculpture by Rodin." - Refers to French sculptor Auguste Rodin (1840-1917), best know for his work, Le Penseur (The Thinker), part of his overall project La Porte de l'enfer (The Gates of Hell), which Rodin worked on from 1880 until his death. I believe the specific sculpture Joel means is also a part of Gates, one called Le Baiser (The Kiss).
• "Meanwhile, at the Kennedy compound." - The Kennedy compound is composed of six acres of prime waterfront property in Nantucket Sound, Massachusetts. The area is well know for being the home of several generations of the American political family of the Kennedys. Members of the clan are often accused of... less than savoury activities and people like to assume that wild parties take place on the compound on a regular basis.
• "Hey, hey, we're the Mummies..." "People say we mummy around..." - Take on the lyrics to the opening theme of "The Monkees" (1966-8), featuring the antics of a young, hip group of musicians. "Hey, hey, we're the Monkees/People say we monkey around..."
• "Sarah?" "This is Abraham, hast thou seen Isaac?" - Biblical reference, so prepare for a little actual education. The book of Genesis, the opening book of the Bible, features a couple by the names of Sarah and Abraham. Although they desperately want a child, Sarah seems unable to conceive. Suddenly, one day, God tells Abraham that Sarah will be finally be having a child, which she did. The child was named Isaac. Sarah was ninety years old at the time. But, hey, she lived to be 127, so I guess she was still pretty spry.
• "Who dresses you? John Fogerty?" - He does look like John Fogerty (1945- ) circa the 1970s. Fogerty is best known as a founding member of the Southern rock band Creedence Clearwater Revival, although he has had success with a number of solo albums, including a self-titled 1975 release, Eye of the Zombie (1986), Blue Moon Swamp (1997) and Deja Vu (All Over Again) (2004).
• "Sarah!" [Can't make it out; help!] "Bill!" "Keane!" "Jeff!" "Altman!"
  • Cartoonist Bil (not Bill) Keane (1922- ) is best known for his daily panel comic "The Family Circus," which began in 1960 and continues to spread its cuteness to this day.
  • Jeff Altman (1951- ); stand-up comedian and actor. Altman has appeared in films like Easy Money (1983) and Highlander II (1991) and done a fair amount of cartoon voice work in such series as "Tiny Toon Adventures" (1990-2) and "Slimer! And the Real Ghostbusters" (1988-90). He was also featured in the very short lived comedy/variety program "Pink Lady and Jeff" (1980), possibly the worst variety TV show ever; his career was never quite the same.
• "Well, figure it out, you look like Bea Arthur!" - Actress Beatrice Arthur (1923- ) is best know for two sitcoms in particular: "Maude" (1972-8) and "The Golden Girls" (1985-92). She also showed up in 1978's infamous The Star Wars Holiday Special
• "Hey, the Flying Nun." - Sally Field starred as Sister Bertrille, the title character on the sitcom, "The Flying Nun" (1967-70). Sister Bertrille was a slip of a lass and, when the wind was just right, it would lift her by her large headgear and allow her to fly. She used this unlikely ability to help those in need. And this was on the air for three years.
• "Ripkin slides one off the center wall, that'll be extra bases!" - There are two famous Ripkins in the world of baseball. Calvin "Cal" Ripkin Sr. (1936-99) and his son, "Cal" Ripkin Jr. (1960- ). Both had impressive careers in the game. Sr. spent 36 years with the Baltimore Orioles in positions from player to manager. Jr. was nicknamed "the iron man of baseball," playing 2632 straight games (with a variety of teams, including the Orioles). (Also, I get the feeling that Tom is doing an impression of a specific baseball announcer. Can anyone help! there?)
• "And the winner is Geechy Guy! Haw!" - Tom is doing his impression of Ed McMahon, long time host of the talent search program "Star Search" (1983-95). The needle on the measuring device here looks like it could be an applause meter. Michael "Geechy Guy" Cathers was a frequent guest on the program in the stand-up comedy competition, appearing a record ten times. He also holds the world record for most jokes told in an hour: 676. Short jokes, I guess.
• "Lock the door and keep it locked." "Don't let a good boy go bad." - I get the feeeling this is a song lyric but can't track it down. Help!
• "Looks like Tron." - "Special effects can't possibly get better than this!" That's what we all thought when the super-cool Disney film Tron was released in 1982. Yeah, we were seriously wrong, but it's still super-cool. Tron told the story of computer programmer Kevin Flynn (Jeff Bridges) who finds himself zapped into the world that exists inside computers. He helps the program Tron (Bruce Boxleitner) in his struggle again the Master Control Program (voiced by David Warner). The film was notable for its lengthy (for the time) computer generated sequences (although much of the film's look was achieved using existing optical effects - that note from Helper Paul Andinach again) and spawned many arcade and home video games. In fact, early in the 21st century several games revived the world of the film, using the umbrella title, Tron 2.0. And, looking at it... special effects can't possibly get better than this!
• "Here at DeVry, you can work on computers from 1978." - Founded by Herman A. DeVry in 1931, DeVry is a chain of career colleges across the Unites States (although it's now beginning to creep into Canada), specializing in business and computer technology courses.
• "Would you like to play a game?" - More '80s computer movie, this time WarGames (1983). Matthew Broderick stars as David Lightman, a brillant young hacker who, without realizing it, gains access to Joshua, the artificial intelligence which controls the U.S. Defense Department's tactical computer at NORAD. The inherently playful Joshua asks David (in the computerized voice of James Ackerman), "Would you like to play a game?" David decides he wants to play "Thermonuclear War" instead of Joshua's favourite, chess. Big mistake, Dave.
• "Nice Mac Davis outfit." "Yeah, he's gonna stop and smell the boilers." "Baby, I'm-a want you." "That was Bread."
  • Singer/songwriter Mac Davis (1942- ) penned song for such acts as Kenny Rogers and the King himself, Elvis Presley (notable songs like Elvis hits "A Little More Conversation" (1968) and "In the Ghetto" (1969)). He later gained fame as a singer in his own right, mostly country tunes, including the hits "I Believe in Music" (1972), "Baby, Don't Get Hooked on Me" (1972), "Stop and Smell the Roses" (1974) and the tongue-in-cheek "It's Hard to Be Humble" (1980). Davis also did a smattering of acting, including the 1979 film North Dallas Forty and his own variety show, "The Mac Davis Show" (1974-6). He often wore suits like the one we see here, but, hey, it was the '70s. Everyone wore them.
  • As Joel points out, Tom is confusing Davis for the group Bread. Which is odd, considering they have nothing in common, expect possibly that they both hit the height of their success during the '70s. Bread was a popular pop group of the time, with the hits "If" (1971), "Diary" (1972) and the grammatically odd "Baby I'm-a Want You" (1972).
• "Ah, One-Adam-12..." - The police drama "Adam-12" (1968-75) was co-created by Jack Webb, who also created and starred in another police drama, "Dragnet" (1952-9). "Adam-12" stressed realism and authenticity, with the main characters, Officers Pete Maloy (Martin Milner) and Jim Reed (Kent McCord), responding to several different calls over the course of each episode. Headquarters always give their unit's ID code of "One-Adam-12" when radioing Maloy and Reed. A short-lived revival aired 1989-90.
• "It's the original Broadway cast of Pippin." - The successful Broadway musical Pippin opened in 1972, telling the story of Pippin, son of the 8th and 9th century king of the Franks (who would eventually become the peoples of France and Germany). The play featured a troupe in costume from several different time periods.
• "Let the sunshine! Let the..." "Yeah, yeah, give me a head with hair." - Spazzing all over the place in their raggedy costumes reminds the guys of a scene from the 1967 musical about hippies, Hair (later made into a 1979 film). So, they give us a couple of lines from songs it featured, "Let The Sunshine In" and the opening song, simply referred to as "Intro."
• "Bill?" "I got the wedding bell blues!" - The song "Wedding Bell Blues" (in which someone named Bill does feature) was originally recorded by its composer Laura Nyro in 1967 before becoming a hit for the 5th Dimension in 1969.
• "And stay away from the red acid." - The time: August 1969. The place: Bethel, New York. The event: The famed Woodstock music festival, considered by many to epitomize the hippy era of the 1960s. As you might expect, copious amounts of recreational drugs were consumed at the festival, including the ever popular LSD or "acid." One batch of acid, which was coloured brown (not red), was bad and several people had bad reactions to it. As a result, an announcement was between acts, warning everyone to "stay away from the brown acid, man!"
• "Twas beauty killed the geek." - In the climax of the classic monster movie, King Kong (1933), the giant ape Kong, infatuated with the lovely Ann Darrow (Fay Wray), grabs Darrow and climbs the Empire State Building in New York City, after which he is shot down by airplanes and plummets to his death. A passing policman remarks to Carl Denham (Robert Armstrong), "Well, Denham, the airplanes got him." Dehnam responds, "Oh, it wasn't the airplanes. It was beauty killed the beast."
• "Tonight on the USA Network: Swamp Thing vs. The Honeymooners!" "Ah, you're not bringing your evil in here... To the moon!"
  • The comic book character of the Swamp Thing started off as a one-shot horror story by Len Wein and Berni Wrightson in 1971. The story was very popular, so the character was retooled and given his own series in 1971. The Swamp Thing was originally scientist Alec Holland, who was working on a formula in the Louisiana swamps that would turn barren deserts in lush forests. His lab was destroyed in an explosion and, covered with his experimental chemical, Holland falls into the swamp and is transformed into the plant-man, the Swamp Thing. (Actually, it was later revealed that Holland did die in the explosion and the formula brought to life some plant-life that only believed it was Holland. It was quite a shocker.) Swamp Thing has been adapted to the screen a few times, including a short-lived live-action series (1990) on the USA Network. Dick Durock starred, appearing in a kind of dodgy Swamp Thing outfit.
  • "The Honeymooners" (1955-6) is, of course, the classic black-and-white sitcom about loud-mouthed bus driver Ralph Kramden (Jackie Gleason), his wife Alice (Audrey Meadows) and their friends Ed and Trixie Norton (Art Carney and Joyce Randolph). The show's opening graphic featured a very prominent full moon and "To the moon" was a frequent (empty) threat Ralph gave to Alice.
• "Dali's Last Supper." - Over the centuries, many artists have tried their hand at depicted that last fateful dinner of Jesus Christ. One of those artists was Salvador Dali. Dali (1904-89) was one of the pioneers of art's surrealist movement. His most recognizable work is his 1931 painting The Persistence of Memory (you know, the one with the melting clocks and watches). His important works are too numerous to name them all here, but they include The Enigma of William Tell and Average Atmospherocephalic Bureaucrat in the Act of Milking a Cranial Harp (both 1933), the 1936 sculpture Lobster Telephone and the surrealist film Un chien andalou (1929). In 1955, he produced The Sacrament of the Last Supper, which featured the standard set-up for Last Supper paintings with Jesus in the middle, surrounded by his 12 apostles. In Dali's version, the apostles have their heads bowed and the background features some funky dodecagon (12-sided) windows.
• "I know it can't be proved..." "But I'm Patti Page." - Patti Page (1927- ; born Clara Ann Fowler) was probably the 1950s best-selling female American vocalist, with hits like "I Went to Your Wedding" (1952) and "The Doggie in the Window" (1953).
• "It's like Tofutti, only better." - Toffuti is a line of dairy-free soy desserts, so, yeah, it'd have to be better, wouldn't it? Tofutti is also known for being kosher.
• "Yeah, Rocky the Flying Squirrel." "Again?" - Rocket J. Squirrel (Rocky to his friends) was an animated squirrel (voiced by June Foray) co-starring with his best friend Bullwinkle J. Moose (voice of Bill Scott) on the iconic cartoon series "Rocky and His Friends" (1959-64; later changed to "The Bullwinkle Show"). He was a friendly, if naive, fellow, who could indeed fly when needed and even wore pilot's goggles, just in case. "Again?" refers to a repeated interstitial bit on the show where Bullwinkle would hold out a top hat and claim he would pull a rabbit out of it. Rocky's response was always, "Again? But that trick never works." Sure enough, Bullwinkle would flub the trick, pulling out something different, and often dangerous, every time, like a lion.
• "Whatever it is--" "I'm against it!" - Tom sings a snippet from the song "Whatever It Is, I'm Against It!" from the 1932 Marx Brothers film Horse Feathers. The song is performed by Groucho Marx as a very contrary college dean.
• "It's not easy seeing green!" - The song "It's Not Easy Being Green" (or, more properly, just "Bein' Green") was first performed by the Muppet character of Kermit the Frog (Muppet creator Jim Henson himself) on a 1972 episode of the children's program "Sesame Street" (1969- ). Kermit sings of the dullness of being coloured green before realizing all the wonderful in the world that are green. It became Kermit's signature tune and has been covered by many others, including Frank Sinatra, Van Morrison and Ray Charles.
• "Cover thine eyes!" - I'm not sure that this is a specific reference to anything. It sounds like a biblical quote, but I can only find the phrase in the 1605 classic (some say first) novel, Miguel de Cervantes' Don Quixote de la Mancha. "Cover thine eyes, Sancho, and mount..." Of course, the original was in Spanish, so there are probably different translations.
• "Ladies and gentlemen, the Black Moses of Soul!" - Did this gag already. See above.
• "Did I make you dress up like Lucie Arnaz last night?" - I don't see any particular resemblance to actress Lucie Arnaz' (1951- ) clothing. It's probably another "popular during the 1970s" thing. Arnaz is best known for her parentage. She is the daughter of comedienne Lucille Ball and her husband, Cuban big band leader Desi Arnaz. Lucie appeared as a regular on one of her mom's shows, "Here's Lucy" (1968-74), as well as films like the 1980 remake of The Jazz Singer and a slew of TV movies. She also had her own short-lived program, "The Lucie Arnaz Show" (1985).
• "Joshua light show." - During the 1960s, Joshua White and Gary Panter developed the Joshua Light Show, which used light projection as "instruments." They produced a stream of psychedelic images which were projected against a wall behind such acts as Janis Joplin, Frank Zappa, Jimi Hendrix and the Allman Brothers Band. The Show mostly "played" at the Fillmore East theatre in New York City, but did sometimes tour.
• "Where did you get this bracelet?" "Crack Jacks."- Cracker Jack, the classic American snack made up of caramel coated popcorn and peanuts, was first commercially available in 1896 and, since 1912, has promised "A Prize In Every Box", a promise they've kept by including a toy or collectible in every package sold since that time. Everything from sports cards and whistle to little games and jewelry.
• "Your brother Marconi?" - Italian engineer Guglielmo Marconi (1874-1937) is credited with developing a practical wireless telegraph system, better known as radio. Marconi was given the patent for radio in 1896, although two other contemporary inventors argued this and claimed the honour was righfully theirs, Russian physicist Alexander Popov and super-genius Nikola Tesla.
• "Parker Lewis can't lose." - It only lasted three seasons but, at the time, the TV sitcom "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" was pretty popular. Clearly inspired by the '80s classic film Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986), the program followed the adventures of young Parker Lewis (Corin Nemec) and his friends as they dealt with high school, parents and other teen threats. The show was quirky and oft-times surreal, with Parker breaking the "fourth wall" and speaking to the audience (much like Matthew Broderick does in FBDO).
• Help! Around here, Joel sings something about a projector or maybe protector, but I can't make it out.
• "Brett Sommers?" - Actress Brett Sommers (1924- ) guest appeared in a slew of TV shows through the '60s and '70s, from "Ben Casey" (1961-6) to the original "Battlestar Galactica" (1978-9). However, she is best remembered as one of the regular celebrity panel members of the game show "Match Game" (1973-82), especially as a foil for fellow regular Charles Nelson Reilly. Someone in the film uses the word "blank". The way "Match Game" worked was that the celebrity panel were given a "humourous" sentence using the word "blank" (for example, "Mary Mary Quite Contrary couldn't make her garden grow with water, so she used blank instead."). The panel members each wrote down something to replace the blank and contestants would try to guess what answer came up the most. Hilarity ensued... occasionally.
• "Hey, somebody painted the Kennedy Center green." - Named for the late United States President, the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, usually simply called the Kennedy Center, was opened in Washington, DC, in 1971. Featuring numerous theatres, it does look a little like the building in the film.
• "It's an orangey skyway with some other guy!" - "It's an orangey sky/Always it's some other guy/It's just a broken lullabye" are chorus lyrics from the song "Bye Bye Love" featured on the Cars 1978 self-titled album.
• "Gee, pop, use some Primatine!" - Primatine is a brand of asthma medication, available in pill form and as a mist.

Host segment 4 - Joel's Rainy Day Fun Sketch!

• No pop cultures references here. Only holo-clowns. And an empty feeling.

Movie Act 4

• Joel and the Bots start rattling off a series of imaginary titles based on those of books written by Robert Ludlum (1927-2001). Ludlum wrote 29 spy novels over the years (several adapted to film), most (but not quite all) of which had titles following the pattern The Something Something, with the first Something often being a proper name. For example, his books include The Osterman Weekend (1972), The Bourne Identity (1980), The Parsifal Mosiac (1982) and The Holcroft Covenant (1989). A couple of the guys' made-up titles have addition refs.
  • The Horshack Conspiracy - Arnold Horshack (portrayed by Ron Palillo) was one of the "Sweathogs" on the popular sit-com "Welcome Back, Kotter" (1975-9). The "Sweathogs" were a group of difficult to teach students at a Brooklyn high school, with Horshack as the class clown, known for his over-enthusiasm ("Ooo! Ooo! Pick me!!") and his wheezing laugh.
  • The Forbin Conundrum - This could refer to the title of the 1970 science fiction film Colossus: The Forbin Project, in which Dr. Chales Forbin (Eric Braeden) creates Colossus (voice by Paul Frees), a computer that decides to take over the world.
  After concluding the list with a particular tongue-twister of a title (The Kriskrack Krakrakra or somethin'), Tom jokingly adds, "We're glad there's always Tourette's!" Tourette's Syndrome is a neurological disorder which causes sufferers to have rapid, involutary tics, of both a physical and verbal nature. The symptom most likely to produce the mishmash of a title is palilalia, the urge to repeat one's spoken words or sounds. Don't say I never taught you anything.
• "Turn on your heartlight!" - Inspired by the glowing heart of the lovable alien in Steven Spielberg's film E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982), singer/songwriter Neil Diamond penned the song "Heartlight" and performed it himself on his 1982 album of the same name. "Turn on your heartlight" is part of the chorus.
• When Tom starts going "Oo! Big! Mummy! Yee!", I think he may be doing a slight impression of comedian Lou Costello of Abbot & Costello fame. Uttering single words and whimpering little sounds while scared out of his wits was a frequent schtick used by Costello in films.
• "Bright lights, big mummy." - Take on the title of the 1984 Jay McInerney novel Bright Lights, Big City about a Kansas kid who gets a job at a big New York City magazine and ends up declining into copious drinking and drug use. The novel was noted for employing the little-used second-person narration, referring to the main character only as "you." McInerney wrote the screenplay for the 1988 movie adaptation of his novel. Michael J. Fox starred as the now named protagonist, Jamie Conway.
• The guys reprise the "Mod Squad" theme at this point (see above), with Tom adding "The Mod Squad! In... lime green!" Also, in the early days of colour television, when a lot of people still had black-and-white sets, it was common for the pronouncement "In colour!" to follow the name of a show, to let people know what they were missing and encourage them to buy new, colour TVs.
• "Suzy Creamcheese, what's got into you?" - Suzy Creamcheese was a fictional singer used as a surreal running gag on albums by Frank Zappa and his band, the Mothers of Invention. She was "played" by a number of female vocalist over the years, beginning with Jeannie Vassoir for Suzy's first appearance on the 1966 album Freak Out!. A snippet of dialogue on that album has a man telling Suzy that he is the "voice of your conscience, baby" and asks, "Suzy Creamcheese, honey, what's got into you?" Yeah, I don't really get it either.
• "Shaft!" "Elevator shaft!" - The guys are performing bits of the hit "Theme from Shaft" by Isaac Hayes (including the background "wocka-chicka"). This was, well, the theme from Shaft (1971), the classic blaxploitation film about John Shaft (Richard Roundtree), an African-American cop who kicked serious butt. The theme reappeared in the 2000 follow-up film, also titled Shaft.
• "School's out!" "Forever." - "School's out for summer! School's out forever!" celebrates heavy metal rocker Alice Cooper in his hit single "School's Out" from the 1972 album of the same name.
• "Jan Brady like you've never seen her before!" - The styles in this film are very 1970s and you can't talk about '70s style without talking about "The Brady Bunch" (1969-74). The sitcom featured a household including three sons and three daughters, with Jan Brady (Eve Plumb) being the mildly neutoric middle daughter and looking a lot like Susie. Plumb resumed the role for later "Brady" spin-offs, including "The Brady Brides" (1981). An even more neurotic Jan was played by Jennifer Elise Cox in the 1995 and 1996 tongue-in-cheek "Brady Bunch" movies.
• "Calvin Coolidge Jeans!" - Fashion designer Calvin Klein first started selling a very popular line of jeans in the 1970s, a line that continued to be popular for decades to come. In fact, the alias "Calvin Klein" is used by Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox) in the time-travel comedy Back to the Future (1985), when it is believed by folks from the 1950s that Marty has simply sewed his own name onto his pants. Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933) on the other hand, was the 30th President of the United States (1923-9).
• "This is like the 'Dick van Dyke' episode where Laura got stuck in the elevator with Dick." "So, the mummy would be the Don Rickles part." - The classic sitcom "The Dick Van Dyke Show" (1961-6) starred Dick Van Dyke (big suprise) as TV writer Rob Petrie and Mary Tyler Moore as his wife Laura. In a season 4 episode titled "4-1/2", Rob and a heavily pregnant Laura find themselves trapped between floor in a stuck elevator, along with a hold-up man played by insult comic Don Rickles (1926- ).
• "Liquid metal." - From the very successful SF action film Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) about killer robots from the future attempting to change history to their advantage. The good Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger) uses the term to describe the bad Terminator's (Robert Patrick), or T-1000's, construction. The T-1000 does take on a flowing metallic form at points during the film, especially when about to shape-change. It is also fond of punching through walls, doors and what-have-you.
• "Look, all I want is Ben Murphy's autograph; I already got [???]". - Help! What's Joel say here?
• "Did you check out Ludlum's..." - Ludlum (see above) is finally mentioned by name.
• "You can tell by the way we use our walk, we're women's men, no time to talk..." - The original lyric is: "Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk/I'm a woman's man, no time to talk." It comes from the disco mega-hit "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees, appearing on the soundtrack for the 1977 disco-infested film Saturday Night Fever. Shots of the Bee Gees from the time often showed then walking in unison down a street or alley.
• "And here's Suzy Louganis off the 10-meter!" - American Greg Louganis (1960- ) has won 1 silver and 4 Olympic gold medals for his diving. He made a bit of a splash (hah! get it? "splash"? diver? it's funny!) at the 1988 Olympics in Seoul, South Korea, when he hit his head on a board during a dive, but still going on to win a medal.
• "Oh, triple word score!" - Of course, any player of the popular word-making board game Scrabble will be aware that a number of squares (8, to be exact) can be used to triple the score of your word.
• "THX!" - The 1976 movie THX 1138 was director George Lucas' first full-length film. Robert Duval plays citizen THX 1138 (called "Thex" by others), a brainwashed drone living in an oppressive, dystopian underground future. Thex eventually breaks his life-long conditioning and, during the final third of the film, he makes a break for freedom, leading to a lengthy tunnel chase.
• "Cars across America..." - In May 1986, the Hands Across America event was organized in an effort to raise money for the homeless and poor. For 15 minutes, 5 million people held hands in a huge chain reaching across the United States from New York City to Long Beach, California. The chain meandered a bit to allow it to reach several major cities and there were a few gaps but, hey, it's the thought that counts.
• "...do you know if there's any more of those crystals?" "Yeah, at Shirley MacLaine's house." - Actress Shirley MacLaine (1934- ) has had a long, varied and successful film career (including The Trouble With Harry (1955), The Apartment (1960), Sweet Charity (1969), Terms of Endearment (1984) and Steel Magnolias (1989)). However, she is almost as famous for her flakey new age beliefs as her acting. One concept often present in new age beliefs is the idea that crystals impart certain healing powers.
• "What crystals?" "Flavor Crystals!" - Cinnaburst brand chewing gum proudly proclaims on its packaging that it contains "Flavor Crystals." I wonder where you mine for those.
• "Can I go back to my game, I was up to the third level of Metroid." - The original Metroid video game was produced by Nintendo in 1986 for its NES system. The player controlled the cybernetic-suit-clad female bounty hunter Samus Aran in her bid to take down the evil "Mother Brain" and her band of space pirates. (It's just a 1980s video game; what did you expect, Shakespeare?) The game became one of Nintendo's major franchises, with further adventures produced for almost every Nintendo system devised to date, from Game Boy through Game Cube to the upcoming Revolution.
• "I just don't want to look like Jackson Browne anymore!" - American singer/songwriter Jackson Browne (1948- ) started his recording career as a member of the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band before moving on to a successful solo career. A prime example of the mellow California folk/rock performer of the 1970s, Browne's hits include "Doctor My Eyes" (1979), "Running on Empty" (1977) and "Somebody's Baby" (1982).
• One of the guys sings about water during the shower scene, I think. Can't make it out. Help!
• "No, not the Mr. Bubble!" - Manufactued by Platex, Mr. Bubble is a brand of bath soap, made especially to produce massive amounts of suds in an effort to make bathing for fun for kids. The pink, happy Mr. Bubble character who appears on all the product's packaging has become an advertising icon.
• "Jenny!" "His wife!" - Help!
• "I am the Great and Powerful Oz! Pay no attention to man behind the boiler!" - Almost a line from the 1939 film The Wizard of Oz. Lost in the magical land of Oz, Dorothy Gale (Judy Garland) and her companions seek out the help of the mysterious Wizard of Oz. When finally in his throne room, a disembodied voice booms to them, "I am the Great and Powerful Oz!" Later, Dorothy's dog Toto begins to yank a nearby curtain aside and the voice calls out, "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!" The curtain is pulled aside, revealing a regular, distinctly non-magical man (played by Frank Morgan), the true "Wizard." These lines are not actually from L. Frank Baum's original children's book, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (1900).
• "They can't run? This guy walks slower than Miss Jane Pittman!" "The prime of Miss Jane Pittman..."
  • The 1971 novel The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman by Ernest J. Gaines featured the life story of 110-year old Miss Jane Pittman, a black woman born a slave shortly before the American Civil War who went on to witness every important event in African-American history. Cicely Tyson played Pittman in the 1974 TV movie adaptation.
  • Tom then plays with the title of the 1962 novel The Prime of Miss Jean Brody by Muriel Spark. This book features Jean Brody, a teacher at a girls' school in 1930s Scotland. She is a charismatic, likeable figure, popular with her students; however, she turns out to be manipulative and a fascist, supporting the likes of Benito Mussolini. Brody was played by Maggie Smith in the acclaimed 1969 movie adaptation.
• "It's just Dave Lennox; he's there to change the filter." - Inventor Dave Lennox built the first riveted-steel furnace/air conditioner in 1895. This led to a lucrative, long-lasting company which continues to supply a variety of air conditioners to this day.
• After Tom's enthusiastic introduction of Ms. Belafonte-Harper, Joel sings the theme song to the game show "The Price is Right" (1972- ), which features host Bob Barker coming out on stage through a sliding door at the beginning of each episode. And, mysteriously, the crowd goes wild.
• "Four to beam up." - "Beaming" is a term used in the various "Star Trek" series to describe the transportation process that disassembles a traveller into their component atoms, "beams" them across space and reassembles them at their destination. Crew members would often gather dramatically, all facing the camera, while telling the transporter chief, "[However many] to beam [down or up]."
• "Someone's got there finger on a DX7 here." - The DX7 keyboard was produced by the Yamaha Corporation from 1983-6. It was the first commercially successful digital synthesizer.
• "It's a Fremen." - The Fremen first appeared in the 1965 science fiction novel Dune by Frank Herbert and continued to appear throughout later books in the Dune series. They were inhabitants of the planet Arrakis, a desert world with harsh conditions, who would wrap themselves completely in cloth when outside to protect themselves from the almost constant sandstorms.
• "He's got an electric dance belt on!" "Was Robert Redford in that?" - No, he wasn't. However, actor Robert Redford (1937- ) (better known for films like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969), The Sting (1973), Out of Africa (1985) and The Horse Whisperer (1998)) did appear in a 1979 film called The Electric Horseman. Redford played Norman "Sonny" Steele, a former world-class rodeo rider turned stage cowboy. His latest gig is to appear in Las Vegas wearing a cowboy suit covered in lights. However, when he discovers the racehorse he is to ride is constantly drugged, he takes the horse and rides away with him. Jane Fonda also appears as a reporter chasing Steele to discover his motives behind all this.
• "...I recall reading Video Watchdog that this sequence set the film $50 over budget." - Video Watchdog is a popular and well-respected film magazine, founded in 1990 by publisher/editor Tim Lucas. It's primary focus is genre film, like horror and science fiction, sometimes branching out into areas such as anime and Honk Kong action movies.
• "Shoot it down. Shoot to kill." - From the way Tom says this, I get the impression it's a quote from a film or TV show. Help!
• "Communion. Whitley Streiber... Jimmy Smitts..."
  • Once upon a time, American writer Whitley Strieber (1945- ) was best known for a couple of his horror novels, The Wolfen (1978) and The Hunter (1981), which were adapted into relatively popular films. Then, in 1987, he published Communion (1987), the account of Strieber's own supposed abduction by mysterious entities (which he never actually calls aliens, but...). Two years later, Strieber wrote the screeplay for the movie adaptation of that book (with Christopher Walken as Strieber - oh, look, he's playing a nut again). The abductors in the film are much more clearly alien, of the "big grey bald head with big black eyes" sort. Strieber wrote several follow-up books to Communion and was also co-author of The Coming Global Superstorm (1999), the inspiration for the 2004 disaster film The Day After Tomorrow (so now you know who to blame).
  • Then, inspired by the format of his own line ("Title. Name."), Tom then brings up actor Jimmy Smits (1955- ), best known for his work on a number of TV series, including "L.A. Law" (1986-94), a season of "NYPD Blue" (1993-2005) and "The West Wing" (1999- ). Smits is infamous, however, for an aspect of his 1991 comedy film Switch. He insisted that his name appear immediately following the film's title on all promotional material. "Switch. Jimmy Smits." Not "Switch, with Jimmy Smits." Not "Switch, starring Jimmy Smits." It had to be "Switch. Jimmy Smits."
• "Did ancient astronauts wear Lee Press-On Nails?" - We've already covered the astronauts above. Lee Press-On Nails are produces by Lee Pharmaceuticals and are what you'd think. Fake, immaculate fingernails that one presses onto one's fingers to make them stick.
• "Kid power!" - This may refer to an old Saturday morning cartoon by the name of "Kid Power" (1972). Based on the comic strip "Wee Pals" by Morrie Turner, it featured the "Peanuts"-like adventures of a group of kids calling themselves the "Rainbow Club," due to their multi-ethnicity. If someone could confirm this, I'd appreciate the help!
• "Crystal Gayle!" - Crystal Gayle (1951- ; born Brenda Gail Webb) is one of country music's all-time most popular female vocalists. Noted for her all-real floor-length hair, this Grammy winner has had 17 number one hits over her career, including her signature tune, "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue" (1977).
• "They're not supposed to melt in your hand." - M&M's, the famous candy-coated bite-size chocolate treat, was introduced in the 1940s, a time when air-conditioning was not as wide-spread as it is today. This made M&M's candy-coatedness a big deal, as it prevented the goodies from melting on store shelves, in your car and so on. By 1954, M&M's producer, Mars Incorporated, had copywritten the saying, "The milk chocolate melts in your mouth, not in your hands" for its advertising.
• "The Claw!" - Well, this could be from any number of things. Help! Any ideas?
• Now the guys proceed to list every single movie they've done to date, claiming that this one is worse in comparison. (Tom seems to go into Johnny Carson mode every once in a while, exaggerting his "Oh, worse!" in a similar way to Carson during some sketches on "The Tonight Show.") I'm only going to very briefly summarize each film, including its release year and what episode it was featured on.
  • The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy (1958, episode 102): A mad doctor's robot tries to steal treasure from, well, an Aztec mummy.
  • The Sidehackers (1969, ep 202): Motorcyclist revenge film.
  • Cave Dwellers (1984, ep 301): Prehistoric sword and sorcery film starring buff-guy Miles O'Keefe.
  • Catalina Caper (1967, ep 204): Less than funny comedy about swingin' teens foiling a robbery.
  • Pod People (1983, ep 303): Crummy E.T. rip-off... except the alien's a killing machine.
  • The Hellcats (1967, ep 209): Motorcyclist revenge film. Hey, hold on...
  • Daddy-O (1958, ep 307): Rather old hipster finds himself drug running, then fighting the drug runners.
  • Rocket Attack, U.S.A. (1961, ep 205): Cold-war propaganda film in which a nuclear attack is launched on the United States.
  • Earth Vs the Spider (1958, ep 313): Giant spider rampages through a town.
  • Ring of Terror (1962, ep 206): Overage med students in a fraternity hazing gone bad.
  • It Conquered the World (1956, ep 311): Roger Corman epic involving a giant pickle from Venus invading Earth.
  • Lost Continent (1951, ep 208): Painfully slow "lost world" film. Lots of rock climbing. Lots.
  • Moon Zero Two (1969, ep 111): Space "western" involving land claims on the Moon. Features a yummy Catherine Schell.
  • Women of the Prehistoric Planet (1966, ep 104): Ship crashes on an alien world, survivor falls in love with woman from later ship, they become Adam and Eve.
  • Time of the Apes (1987, ep 306 - also shown in ep 17 of KTMA years): Planet of the Apes rip-off, with frozen humans awakening to a world ruled by apes.
  • The Wild Rebels (1967, ep 207): Race driver goes undercover to infiltrate a motorcycle gang.
  • Stranded in Space (1973, ep 305): Unsuccessful TV pilot featuring an astronaut landing on Terra, Earth's opposite on the other side of the Sun, ruled by the oppressive "Perfect Order."
  • King Dinosaur (1955, ep 210): A planet populated by prehistoric beasts wanders into the solar system.
  • Mighty Jack (1968, ep 314 and KTMA ep 14): Incomprehensible film edited from episodes of a Japanese TV series about espionage team Might Jack.
  • Rocketship X-M (1950, ep 201): Rocketship heading for the Moon ends up on Mars instead. Good driving, there.
  • Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964, ep 321) Loathsomely bad Christmas movie where Santa is abducted by Martians.
  • The Unearthly (1957, ep 320): Standard mad scientist jazz. Evil doc tries to develop longevity and instead creates zombies.
  • Teenage Cave Man (1958, ep 315): Roger Corman classic about a young caveman who wants to discover what lies beyond the surrounding jungle, despite his tribe's laws to the contrary.
  • First Spaceship on Venus (1960, ep 211): German film in which an artifact from Venus is found, prompting an expedition to that world.
  • Space Travelers (1969, ep 401): Gregory Peck! David Janssen! Gene Hackman! Probably the best cast ever featured in an MST film star in this film about a ship stranded in orbit around the Earth.
  • The Giant Gila Monster (1959, ep 402): A town is terrorized by... well, guess.
  • The Manchingo Coniglium: we're going all Ludlum again.
  • Teenagers from Outer Space (1959, ep 404): A town is invaded by... well, again, guess.
  • City Limits (1985, ep 403): Post-apocalyptic teenage motorcycle gangs unite again an evil corporation.
  • War of the Colossal Beast (1958, ep 319): Sequel to the next film mentioned...
  • Amazing Colossal Man (1957, ep 309): Solider is exposed to radiation, grows to 50 feet in height and loses it.
  • Fugitive Alien (ep 310 and KTMA12) and Star Force Fugitive Alien II (ep 318 and KTMA03): Two movies edited together from episode of the 1986 Japanese TV space adventure series "Sutâurufu."
  • Master Ninja (episode 322): Another film made of TV episodes, this time from the mostly harmless 1984 series "The Master" featuring Lee Van Cleef as a ninja (with sidekick Timothy Van Patten) travelling America and beating the tar out of bad guys. Joel and the Bots also watched Master Ninja 2 in episode 324.
  • Gamera (1965, ep 302 and KTMA05): The first in the Japanese series of films about the adventures of the giant mutant flying turtle Gamera. In this one he's more of a villain than later films, sort of like Godzilla in his films.
  • Godzilla vs. Sea Monster (1966, ep 213): Part of the Godzilla series of films in which the giant mutant fire-breathing lizard fights a monster... from the sea...
  • Gamera vs. Zigra (1971, ep 316 and KTMA07): Gamera battles a foe from space.
  • Gamera vs. Baragon (1966, ep 304 and KTMA04): Gamera fights... what is that, some kind of demon dog?
  • Gamera vs. Guiron (1969, ep 312 and KTMA08): This time, the turtle does battle against a monster from Earth's sister planet on the opposite side of the sun.
  • Castle of Fu Manchu (1969, ep 323): Exceedingly dull German film about an attempt by master criminal Fu Manchu to take over the world.

Epilogue - The TV's Frank Shopping Network

• The TV's Frank Shopping Network - The first television "shopping network" was a small regional cable offering in 1982 called the "Home Shopping Club." This grew into what is now the Home Shopping Network, fine purveyors of all sort of merchandise (from electronics, clothing and toys to the most useless nicknacks, bric-a-brac and gewgaws you've ever seen), all available for purchase by just phoning in. The HSN now has networks in the United Kingdom, Germany and Japan, and competitors, like QVC.
• The Craftmatic Adjustable Bed is, indeed, an adjustable bed. It comes with a controller that adjusts the angle at which the bed (and you) rests. Craftmatic is known for its rather cheesey television campaigns, featuring unaccountably excited bed users raving about the disappearance of their lower back pain.
• For several years, Deal-A-Meal Cards were heavily promoted by exercise guru and evil imp Richard Simmons. These cards were designed to help you plan your meals for the day and prevent you from over-indulging. A look through Simmons' website however now shows no sign of the cards. Fame is fleeting.
• Tom refers to Frank as something like "Mrs. Preskie" but I don't get the ref. Help!
• That is a Thighmaster that Dr. F wraps around Frank's head. This exercise device was invented by Joshua Reynold, the same man who gave the world Mood Rings. The Thighmaster is placed between your knees, which you then squeeze together repeatedly, in an almost pornographic manner; this supposedly leads to better thighs. The TM is known for its numerous TV infomercials featuring former "Three's Company" (1977-84) star Suzanne Somers. "I may not have been born with great thighs, but now I can look like I was!"

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